***Chapter 21***
Shane collected his thoughts and stood up while Paul paced around the room…running his hands over his go-tee and mustache…Shane could see the wheels turning in his mind trying to figure some crazy shit out…Shane said, "Paul, I'm sorry…I never meant to lie to you bro…I want to make this up to you in some way…" Paul said, "Shane unless you can figure out how I can be with Michelle and have it not bother you, then by all means jump in anytime…I should kick your ass for lying to me, but there's no point, cause there hasn't been a time when I haven't lied about something in some way, shape, or form…" Shane said, "I honestly don't know what to tell you…if you're actually willing to not be with her, because of our friendship…then you need to be with her…" Paul said, "No, I couldn't do that to you…" Stuck in a dilemma, Paul just gave himself the rest of the week to think about what to say to me…
At the next Monday Night Raw, Paul waited in his dressing room to talk with me…he wasn't even wrestling later, but hw knew I wouldn't answer my cell phone, but knew I'd be at Raw tonight…I was in my dressing room when my cell-phone rang and decided to go ahead and answer it…it was Paul…surprise, surprise…I said, "Hello." Paul said, "Hey Chelle…Can you come down to my dressing room, I need to talk with you…it's important." I said, "Sure, I'll be there in about 15 minutes…I have a match first, and after I change I'll be there…" He said, "Okay."
We hung up, about that time Shane walked in Paul's dressing room and asked if he could fill in for Chris Jericho, he wasn't able to make it tonight because of personal reasons…Paul said yea and since the match wasn't until later, he sat and watched me on the monitor as I wrestled Trish…Her and I always had fun wrestling each other…of course we had to watch and make sure we didn't laugh at each other…otherwise there'd be hell to pay for breaking character.
After the match I went back, took a quick 3 minute shower enough to get clean got dressed and went down to Paul's room with my stuff, with Raw being 5 hours away from Connecticut, I drove over, and was going to leave to go home and get a fresh suitcase of clothes…
I knocked on the door and Paul said, "C'mon in Chelle." I walked in and said, "How'd you know it was me?" He said, "You always knock the same way…soft and 2 knocks…" I smiled and said, "So what's up?" Paul said, "Sit down please." I walked over and sat next to him…
Paul said, "I'm sorry about the way I behaved a couple of weeks ago, I shouldn't have been that way…I was an ass…Shane told me everything, and also confessed a few of his thoughts about us…I don't think he told you…he said he didn't know if he could bare us dating or getting married and being married around him, knowing his marriage with you had failed cause he was such a prick to you…and I have to tell you right now, I've known Shane longer then I've known you, and I have to go with my gut instinct and that's to end what we have right now on a light note…I can't stay with you anymore Michelle…it hurts Shane to see us together…me and him have been friends longer then I have been with anyone else in the company, and I have to respect him…I actually don't have to…but I will because of our friendship…"
I stood up and said, "Let me see if I got this straight…you can't be with me anymore because you're friends with my ex-husband…you sat there and let me fall in love with you…and let me get more and more drawn into you for 4 years, and now you can't be with me because it would hurt my ex-husband…I see…oh I can see where that's rational on your part and his…" I rolled my eyes, and Paul said, "I thought about this since last Monday…I didn't know how to tell you or approach you about it…I figure forward and truthful would work…" I said, "Oh yea, I see how you ached and pined over this decision…You will forgive me if I think this is such a load of bullshit, you catering to my ex-husbands feelings, and not your own…"
Paul stood up and said, "Well, I am, and it's just because he's one of my best friends…" I said, "Yea well best friend or not, you look me in the eye right now and tell me you don't love me…tell me you don't love me as much as I love you…tell me you're willing to give me up for someone who lied to you about me for 4 years…tell me you want me out of your life as fast as I came in…" Paul stood there and looked deep in my eyes and cringing at what he was about to say next…he said, "I don't love you anymore…I want you out…out of my house, out of my mind and out of my life…I just want you out…"
A couple of tears slid down my cheeks and Paul went to touch me and I jerked away, I walked over and pulled the handle up on my suitcase and walked over to the door…I opened it and paused for a second and said, "You know something Paul…I could see myself loving you forever…getting married, having some really great kids…but you're more hell bent on making your friends happy then yourself…and I think once you start living for you, there's no one that you will ever find who will love you like I do…by the way…you're a really bad liar…but I guess if this is what you're giving me, then I'll have to accept it…I'll have my stuff out of the house by the end of the week." I walked out and closed the door behind me…
I was walking down to the parking garage and ran into Shane, he said, "Hey Michelle." I said, "Go to hell…" Paul was standing in the hallway and he could hear me and Shane talking…Shane said, "I know what Paul told you, I told him he should be with you, and it was his decision totally…"
I said, "Shane, I've loved two men in my life since I was 14…you and Paul…I was hurt by you, but it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would, only because Paul was there next to me, helping me through ever aspect of the pain…he was my best friend and then the love of my life…same as you were…I never expect much from him, but got a whole lot more then I bargained for…I got love, understanding, caring, respect and some other things I could never put into words…I always thought I'd be with you forever, and then I thought I would be with him forever…I think my problem is I fall in love way to easy…that or I let you men in my heart way to fast without asking for some credentials…I'm going to go home, soak in a tub full of warm water and bubbles and cry for the next three days, because I deserve to cry…and I'll see you at Smackdown on Thursday."
Shane said, "I'm sorry, Michelle, I didn't make him decide like that…I know he loves you…" I said, "It's okay, I know he loves me to…I also know he's a better friend to you, then you deserve, but then again, everyone deserves a friend like Paul…Bye Shane." He said, "Bye Chelle."
I left and was driving down a long dark back road cause I knew I'd get home faster…rather then taking the freeway…