I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room. And the indifference part is actually from a speech by Elie Visel. I know I know I spelled it wrong but that's ok.

Yet Another Warning: I am not only screwing over there the age that Snape became a death eater, I am wrecking time line. I know that the Marauders didn't become animagi till they're fifth year and they didn't start on the map till after that but you can bite me cause I'm changing that.

Chapter Three

And carry me away as light as a feather.

All Lily could do was sit there. She was beyond tears. Someone who had been through all the shit she had didn't cry. It was like she had developed immunity to pain. Sure it was there, but you didn't feel it. You endured pain up until the breaking point and then there was no more need for tears. You couldn't make them come if you tried.

Snape had been gone for about an hour. He had just got up, got dressed, and left. Without a glance at her, without a word, he had headed into the woods in the direction she assumed was the castle. Lily just sat there not putting on her cloak just wrapping it around her, like a blanket. The strange thing was that she didn't hate him. She should. She should loathe his very existence. But she didn't. She couldn't feel and hatred was an emotion.

Indifference. That was what she felt. Indifference is probably the worst human emotion as it elicits no response. Joy, anger, passion, pain all can produce something. Some one is in great pain and they write a symphony and it's beautiful. People who are angry try to change their situation and so it brings about reform. But indifference has never produced anything, and it never will.

She slowly stood up and put her clothes back on. And with no expression what so ever, she went into the forest in the opposite way that the Slytherin student had departed with only one thing on her mind, I'm gonna fly.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

If she had been in her right mind at the time and had stopped to think about it, it would have only made sense that she would end up back in Hogsmede. But now that she was there, where did she go? She didn't want to have to deal with anyone. People only would try to stop her. Also, after what she had been through she really wasn't in the mood to be social.

Lily desperately wanted to be alone. But where do you go? It was then that the most pained sound reached her ears. She looked up and it didn't take her more than a moment to realize where it was coming from. The Shrieking Shack. You would have to be deaf to have gone to Hogwarts for three years and not have heard the ghost stories that went around. But that's exactly what they were some stories made up to tell at sleepovers…but then again, how did you explain the noise?

So she did the only logical, if someone in her condition could be logical, thing. She was going to go check it out, something that took either a lot of courage or a near suicidal drive; both of which Lily possessed. Slowly, in the trance-like way that had become perpetually present for her, she walked up to the gate. It was a disconcerting sight that was for sure. At two stories high, with at least six windows showing on the side facing the dirt road that led past it, it had a very foreboding air about it.

But someone in a mental state of Lily is one who just observes, sees but takes no heed of the things around them. They can't be stopped or reasoned with. They just do, not believing that their actions are affecting anyone. After all they do not plan on being here much longer. Why bother? Why care? Why try? Why not…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The door creaked as Lily opened it but she barely noticed it. She was too busy taking in her surroundings. Everything was shattered or tore at and blood stained the floor. That alone would have been enough to send any sane person running, but not Lily. What did she have to lose? Her life, that was all. And she was willing to give that up.

She slowly entered and closed the door behind her. She didn't want anyone to know she was here. They would only try to stop her. I wonder if I died right here, would anyone find my body? Probably not. But the issue is: Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Lily was so lost in this philosophical debate of mortality, that she didn't here the sound of something moving overhead.

She glided further into the room, running her hand along the back of a shredded chair. She fingered the fabric, fiddling with the frayed edges of the slashes. Her eyes continued to roam around the room. There used to be a mirror on the wall it appeared to have been shattered. Fragments still lay suspended in the frame while others littered the floor.

She let her eyes drift to the pieces on the floor to the bloodstains on the carpet. She unconsciously moved over to them and knelt down. She ran her had along it, wondering how it had gotten there. And that is exactly how it found her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He could smell it. That was his first sign. But it wasn't the usual scent. It wasn't that of his companions. It was someone else. Someone had been stupid enough to wonder into his domain, his sanctuary. Well, whoever the hell that someone was, he thought savagely as he began to descend the stairs, they would pay dearly for the impudence.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Surprise, that was the first emotion to register on Lily's face then determination. She was going to go out and she was going to go out with courage and calm acceptance of her fate. She silently stood and faced the wolf that was panting in the doorway. It seemed momentarily put off by the absence of fear on it's victims face, her calm pacifistic view of the situation. But he got over it in less than a moment, lunged at her.

He barreled into her, knocking her off her feet. She looked up at him with empty, hollow eyes. The wolf growled and snapped it's head forward intent on biting her face. The last sound that reached Lily's ears was the sound of a vicious snap.

Muwahahaha! A dreaded Cliffhanger. Dun Dun Duunnnnnnn. LoL. Sorry bout that, but it's better this way. Now, for thanking my reviewers.

River Goddess — I'm sorry that it's not longer. But I do plan on having it be a decent length story and if I get a lot of reviews I'm going to do a sequel. I'm glad you liked Chapter Two. I thought it was a nice twist but that may be just me.

jacy — Thanx for supporting me on the death eater thing. Very few people seem to agree with me on that. Yeah fluffy ones are fun to read in between dark ones or else they start to get to you.

kitty — I know! Snape is such a creep. You can't help but hate people like him. And as much as I would like to leave him out I will need him later in the plot. Yes, Virginia, there is a plot.

starborn — I took your advice and am reading some of Ceso's fics. I am in love with Thing. LoL.

Jess S — Thank you. I'm glad you think I'm good at this. Only a couple of my friends can believe I write this stuff. They think I'm too "Peppy!" grimace

ladybird2223 — And the queen of angst herself! Thanx, Callie. If anyone here has seen second season digimon check out ladybird2223's stuff. She is the reason I can write like this. Love you like a sis, Callie! You rock.