I'm Gonna Fly
Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.
Rating: R for mature themes and language.
Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room. Song is by Sydney Forest.
Chapter 7
Feel the wind blow through my hair.
A startled look passed between the two life long friends. The same thought went through their heads at the same time. A thought that knotted their stomach's with fear and froze the blood in their veins. James was the first to gain enough composure to speak. "How long have you been up?" He asked, not exactly knowing how to respond to her question so he didn't.
The girls eyes were taking in the room now, impassive, not really caring about the boys who stood in front of her expectantly. In Lily's mind she was a caged creature. Trapped, tortured, and already dying. "Long enough," she said devoid of emotion. She knew that this wasn't the answer they wanted and it was very cliched at that but she was beyond the point of caring. What did it matter anymore?
"So…What's your name?" asked Sirius, flustered. It was the first thing that popped into his head and so he said it. And in his mind it was as good a place to start as any. Besides where the heck did you start a conversation in situations like this?
"It's of no importance," she stated for the second time in that very long evening. "And it's pointless I won't be here past this evening." Her empty hollow eyes burrowed into those of Sirius. He couldn't help it he shuddered at the lack of emotion and feeling there. It was inhuman. It was one of those looks that you saw in your deepest darkest nightmares. The look threw Sirius' judgement through a loop and he said the first thing that popped into his head.
"Oh, are you going somewhere?" As soon as it left his lips he regretted it. How the hell could I be so fucking stupid! She seems the point beyond suicidal if there ever was that stage.
James hissed at his friend in a low voice, "Man, are you really that dense!" James' eyes burned with a furry that they seldom held, but Sirius had to agree this time he deserved it. He was flirting with death, this girls life was pretty much in his and James' hands. And he wasn't sure he liked that idea.
Sirius wasn't about to let James know that though. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Smart Ass! I must not have been paying attention the day we went over how to deal with suicidal people in Defense Against the Dark Arts!" Sirius growled back sarcastically, practically throwing those words at James.
"Sirius," James countered under his breath, "As much as you must be enjoying this, It's not a joke so don't treat it like one!" James was mad that his friend wasn't taking this seriously. If ever there was someone who needed to know when to grow up it was James' friend.
A quiet response startled both of them, yanking them painfully back into the present. "Just to inform you, When one is suicidal, it doesn't mean that they suddenly become idiotic, blind, and deaf, contrary to what you two may believe." It was said in a completely dead-pan voice which reminded both fourteen year old males that they had something bigger to worry bout then their maturity, or lack of any.
"Er…Sorry," said James. "Sirius is just being a big prat. He's not usually like this, just so you know." James didn't know why he was telling her this. He was just opening his mouth and words were coming out. He talked so he could block out this information. She knew. They hadn't been animagi for even two months yet and they were caught.
"I know," was her simple reply the girls eyes had stopped going around the room she now seemed to be tracing some sort of circle on her forearm. He couldn't see what it was. Her robes, which hung limply off her small frame, blocked it from view. She seemed to be lost in thought.
"What do you mean 'I know'? How the hell would you know how I act?" Sirius snapped. He was slightly agitated now. James was treating him like some little child who couldn't take responsibility for his actions or comprehend what was going on around him. And now this girl. She seemed to think she was some kind of pocket mystic. Like she could understand things that were beyond the rest of the world's comprehension level. It was really starting to rub him wrong.
The girl looked up. This time focused on the window. "I see things. I hear people. I live the life that people think doesn't exist here at Hogwarts. The one that the teachers say doesn't exist; the life of a wallflower. Those who walk around and see and hear and feel things that other people don't. But it really doesn't make the slightest bit of a difference cause you don't see them. You don't hear them. They aren't there to people like you. I watched you guys play pranks since the first year. I've been there in ever one of your classes but I bet you can't tell me my name. Can you?" She stared at them for a moment as she sat up putting her back against the wall. She then pushed herself up, leaning heavily on the old plaster for support.
The two Marauders were quite at a loss for words. Not only had they never noticed her but the girl who had been sitting there quietly and just kind of taking everything in passively without even blinking had just put them in there place. They were stunned speechless. "What?" James asked hoarsely.
The girl was making her way over to the window, slowly with painstaking effort putting one foot in front of the other. "I said tell me my name?" By the time she had finished that sentence, she was at the window. Her hand was pressed into a fist behind her in the small of her back. As she waited for them to answer her seemingly simple question, small fingers uncurled, and shaking slightly closed in on the latch and grasped it tightly in a white-knuckled grip. A smile that didn't reach her eyes spread across her face. "Take a blind stab," she said.
"Carrie," said Sirius. Desperately trying to remember names from the sorting ceremony. He had been so focused on where he and his three friends had ended up he hadn't really paid attention to any one else. For all he knew, she could have sat right next to him at the feast that year.
A small hand made an almost imperceptible motion as the small girl lifted the latch and leaned back on the window. The eerie smile on her face became a little sadder and therefore more haunting. "Point proven," the young girl said as she leaned back on the shudders. And ear-piercing heart-stopping howl came from right behind the blockaded door, taking the boys attention off her for a split second.
Which was just enough time for Lily to fall through the shudders the gap in the window that she had just opened. She felt the air close in around her back, through her hair and pushing her cloaking closer to her back. The boys turned back to her just in time to see gravity take it's inevitable hold.
Yeah I know! Not another cliffie but there fun aren't they and I would like to try something as thrilled as I am at 50 reviews, (YAY!!!), I am gonna be mean and request 10 reviews before I post the next chapter. That way I don't sit there going well is there gonna be anymore for this chapter or is this it. Now to thank you all for reviewing. And another thing. I am looking for a plot checker. I run idea's by someone for plot and they can help me out of plot holes if any of you guys have MSN and are interested add me to your contacts. i_b_dolly@hotmail.com is my email address.
starborn—I'm not the biggest eminem fan but I do find some of his songs amusing that is one of them. J I know. I know I'm evil. But if you lock me up for it you'll never get to see what happens. And believe me it's gonna get good.
CrazieBabieMeg—This chapter was kind of a challenge I think I made Sirius seem a bit dense… what do you think?
River Goddess—Interesting that you should bring that up… hehehehe…
Lamina Court—See Neila and I talk in backwards a lot. We find it funny and no on understands. Maybe I should write a chapter like that and see how many of you guys get it…lol j/k!
Amelia—We're all suckers in our own little ways I, my friends, am a Watermelon blow pop!
Alriadne—I'm glad half the time I'm like I'm wonder if this is really coming across as angst and everyones getting how much pain Lily is in.
The Infallible Teller—Just for you an alternative version.
Sirius: Because You're a virgin. And virgins never die. Check out some horror movie sometime.
James: mutters I could change that…
Lily: Smack Why you lil—It's people like you that make suicide appealing!
EuGIeBeAr--twilight zone music Possessed dolls…like at Walmart…I swear half there dolls are on something!
Neila Nuruodo the Chiss—Hey! Who here is the author. Patience, Patience! LOL!
Cessa—I'm glad you think I have good reader relations. I know that it drives some of my friends nuts that I talk to my reviewers. They treat it like talking to voices in your head or something… And I'm glad you reviewed does little yes hand sign thing…