I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room. Song is by Sydney Forest.

Dear everyone: You are now officially reading the last chapter with a suicidal Lily…well at least for a while. Yay! Aren't you all so happy yeah so read then review and tell me about it.

Chapter 8

Feel the Sun dance with the Moon.

It was the greatest feeling Lily had felt in a while for some reason, she felt free. She closed her eyes and relished in the feeling, blocking from her mind the impending end. That was sweet in it's own right. It was about the end. She was gonna end it. She wouldn't sit in class and cry and her classmates wouldn't notice or if they did they would just stare. She wouldn't cry herself to sleep ever night. She wouldn't live in fear of the next break. She would be free and nothing more than that mattered in that split time of a half second.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And it was in that half second that everything caught itself in James' mind. He fought so hard to save this girl's life. He had fought against one of his best friends. He had put himself in mortal peril, in more danger than most people would have to think twice before plunging into for a friend. But he had done it for a total stranger. He couldn't figure out why either. But his answer, whatever it may happen to be, just plunged headlong out a second story window. And he did the only thing that occurred to him in that moment of time. James put a hand against the window ledge and looked down. I guess I've fallen further off my broom…maybe…And with that thought the fourteen-year-old closed his eyes and took a deep shaky breath. And followed his fellow Griffyndor into a plunge that could very well mean him harm if this didn't work out right.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was freedom in it's simplest and most blessed form. She was there free without the ground under her feet, without the walls closing in, without the threat of not being able to escape, of being helpless. And Lily was completely in love with it. She was totally immersed in the darkness of the night, held by the air, with her eyes closed and trust in nothing more then the end. That was when it happened. It came unbidden into her mind. The faces of the two boys, the desperation that had been there. Not for themselves, but for a girl they had never known. The girl they would never know.

It was in that moment that it touched Lily. They had cared, maybe not for more then that moment, but they had. Some one had cared! Maybe not a lot, but it had been there. Some one had given a shit what would happen to her. And she had been to stupid to see it. For a moment, she thought about killing herself just because she was that dense. People that stupid didn't deserve to live.

But then a new thought occurred to her. What if they really cared? More then just a moment of conscious, but really would worry about her if she had stayed. Maybe she would have someone to stay with during the summer, someone to sit next in class who would pass her notes, someone to tell about her feelings so that it wouldn't get this bad. Maybe, just maybe, they would be her friend. It was a dream, and a slim one at that. But for a girl who had had no hope, no dreams, no light in the darkness she was lost, set adrift in alone and unloved, it was enough. Lily aimed the charm at herself and muttered two simple words. She knew they wouldn't be enough to stop her or keep her in the air but they should slow her down. "Wingardium Leviosa," She whispered, pointing her wand at herself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James Potter, of course, was totally startled when he saw the girl stop and hover mid-air that he made the detrimental mistake of stopping to think about. It the ground rushed up and met him as he landed awkwardly on his right side pinning his arm under him as he slammed hard into the earth and twisting his suddenly weight-bearing ankle at an angle it was never meant to be bent at.

A sizzle of electricity, white-hot energy, coursed through him. It was pain. Searing, mind-blowing, all encompassing. It was almost too much. But suddenly, inexplicably, it was gone. Completely. He opened his eyes, which had but moments before been squinted shut in an attempt to block out the pain. Blue eyes locked with green and a myriad of emotions swirled between the two. Confusion, desperation, acceptance, and concern were exchanged in that one simple short little glance and they could do was wonder what the other was thinking.

"What did you do?" James said, looking at his ankle and wrist. Both felt miraculously better if this was a charm it was now at the top of his 'things to master' list. Yet somehow he got the feeling it wasn't it was something deeper than that.

The girl pretended not to hear his question. "You came after me. Why?" She said, simply in a dead-pan voice.

James was beginning to wonder if this girl was even capable of being understood. "Why wouldn't I? I mean nobody is that heartless." He stated. He couldn't believe that the fact that he had tried to stop her mystified her.

"I can name at least two off the top of my head." The girl responded cryptically.

"What?"

"Never mind. It's my problem not yours. And I can't expect you to understand. Especially, since you just seemed to prove to me that you don't approve of my solution." She gestured off-hand to the window that was now above their head. His eyes followed the gesture and he shuddered at how close to death they had both scraped.

As if on cue, a wolf hounded in the upper story room they had just departed from. Yeah, the boy stated mentally, much too close. It reminded him not only of how close they had been but how close they still where. "We should probably get you back."

"I'm not going back. And nothing you can say will change that. If you didn't figure it out from that, I am not going to continue this every day. I refuse to live that way. Being invisible, or if noticed made fun of." There was a fire in her eyes, a fierce determination. Yet also a desperation. It scared James for a moment till he remembered the empty hollowness that had seemed to hold permanent residence there before and he felt slightly better about it. But not much.

"Look, I'm sorry if that happened before. But it doesn't have to go on anymore. We can be friends," James tried to rationalize.

A cruel laugh emitted itself from the girl's lips. "I appreciate your some-what pathetic attempt at trying to make me feel better. But it has to sound hollow, even to you. In case you haven't noticed, you're a Marauder. Idolized by everyone at school. I would be impressed if any one at Hogwarts knows my name. And you don't even know my name so how can you even ask to be my friend?" she said. She acted tough and no one would have ever seen through the façade if she hadn't turned towards the moon slightly and the tears that rested on her slightly hollow pale cheeks.

The boy gave her one of his patented grins. "Your right. That's a great place to start. I'm James Potter. And you are?"

The girl stared at his hand for a moment before replying with. "Dying."

James looked at the girl with a mix of apathy and expectancy. "You seem intelligent enough so I'll make you a deal. Since your dying you give me a week of your time that you apparently don't have any plans or use for at this point. If I can't make your life worth living, I'll step out of your way and let you do to yourself as you will. Deal."

The fourteen-year-old female looked at the hand and appeared about to shake her head before her eyes went wide. James knew that she had seen. Things like that were just noticed by people who were in her situation and mindset. "As you can see I can more then understand your situation." He looked up and locked eyes with her again. This time there was only one thing prominently displayed. The knowledge that they shared a common bond.

The girl didn't even hesitate this time. She put her hand in his and shook it. "One week." She agreed solemnly with a nod. She started to drop his hand, but before it could fall limply to the side. He grasped it with his other hand and laced his fingers through hers. She would have pulled back if it didn't in some way feel right. Like she had finally found a port on this sea of darkness and she wasn't about to leave. At least not yet.

"Good," he said, with a small smile. "Now, lets get you back to Hogwarts and get you to the medical wing. I only have a week and I don't want you to be spending all of it suffering from residual effects of tonight." He glanced toward the east. The sun was starting to rise over the village of Hogsmede and the moon was giving way to the sun in the dance that had begun at the dawn of time and would continue until the end. It was one of the few constants of this world and the dance would never ever change. With it the howls inside the house became screams and then subsided into moans. But the two stood their for a long moment just watching taking it all in. And then, almost as one they began their trip back to the castle in which they resided during most of the year.

It was a long walk and Lily was light headed for most of it because of the loss of blood and the terrible amount of things she had endured that night. And for a moment, looking back over the course of the evening, she thought maybe this was a mistake. Maybe she should have let herself die. But then she would feel the scarred inside of James' wrist gently brush hers and she felt like maybe she wasn't alone and with a small smile. She stopped and turned to him.

James turned instantly afraid of what she might say or do. But upon seeing her smile and the tiny shred of hope in her eyes that fear receded slightly. "Something wrong?" he asked.

"Lily," she said. At seeing the surprised look on his face, she added. "You wanted to know my name. It's Lily."

James smiled reassuringly at her. Taking in the girl's features in the soft glowing light of the sunrise. "It fits," he said. And with a shared smile, Lily leaned slightly on the taller boy for support as they headed off to face whatever challenges would await them at their school.

Wahoo! I like that chapter…I could end it there but it's no where near over yet! MUWAHAHAHAHA! Suffer oh well it's not a cliffie. Be happy. Now the 10 review thing worked well now let's see if we can do it again. And I have another chapter dedication Challenge. If you can get your friends to review and say so and so told me to read this I will give you a lil brownie point. The person who has the most friends told about this story gets to have the next chapter dedicated to them! Fun! But now on to thanking those who reviewed. I got A long one be proud of me I'm a good lil girl!

Neila Nuruodo the Chiss—Thanx for reviewing.

River Goddess—Don't we all at some point.

Cessa—Yep! She's done…for now.

ladybird2223—Thanx Callie

EuGIeBeAr—Thanx I love cliffies. If you guys enjoy them too maybe I should reinstate them…hehehe

Lamina Court—Thanx Lamina Your getting to be one of those ones that I'm kinda concerned If I have a new chapter out and they haven't reviewed yet. J

CrazieBabieMeg—There they should be slightly more in character! Thanx again for everything Meg.

Sayo—Oooo a new reviewer! Welcome to my cult!

Alriadne—Tanxie

starborn—No! I'll be depraved on account of I'll be deprived!