I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. And I don't own I'm Gonna Fly, Sydney Forest does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room.

Chapter Twelve

Don't wanna watch it all go by.

It was the kind of emptiness that you could drown in. That you would fall into and not no which way was up or down, no who was what and what was where. You wished it would go away but deep down, below it all you knew it wouldn't. And the worst place to see it was in your best friend's eyes. It was almost more than you could bear. Almost. James and Sirius held the painful stare of their friend. The look was too much for Peter, he glanced away before bringing his gaze back to meet Remus'.

Madam Pomfrey continued to drone on for a moment. Upon seeing that her audience was completely oblivious, she told them she had paperwork to take care of and stormed off in the opposite way of the door. Thus, leaving the empty bed of her young female patient completely unnoticed; for the time being. The four occupants of the area she just vacated began talking in hushed voices about unknown topics. And if she'd only known…

"I could have killed her," brown hair fell limply in front of clouded gray eyes.

Sirius, James, and Peter exchanged a look over their despondent friend's head. "But you didn't, Moony, and that's all that matters, right?" Sirius covered quickly. Though it may have gone unnoticed by Sirius, the quick flash of emotion that passed over Remus' face at the nickname didn't escape James.

"No!" All four seemed to flinch at volume and accusation of his voice. It appeared to startle even him. He continued quieter this time so as not to draw madam Pomfrey. And though he lowered the volume of his voice the self accusation and scorn were still there. "It's not all that matters. I could have killed her and I could have killed James. And ya know what? I couldn't of stopped myself. Prongs wouldn't be here."

"I could have stop—" Sirius began.

"We don't know that." Remus interjected. "You might have been able to but then again maybe you couldn't have. This was our first time trying it at Hogwarts, well not counting that first time at the very end of last year. But that's not the point. If we're endangering anyone, I don't think we should do this."

"We're not!" Peter assured him quickly. "I mean, it was a freak accident. I mean how often does a suicidal girl go wandering around the forbidden forest? Then on top of that wander into a supposedly haunted building and run into a werewolf? It was a freak accident, Remus. And you know it."

"And it's not like the outcome would have been any better than if we hadn't been there." The others turned and looked at James as he tried to convince his friend it was not solely his responsibility. "In fact, would you really like me to point out what would have happened if it was just you and Lily."

"That her name?" Remus asked, his eyes showing that he had withdrawn into his thoughts and was only half listening to them. His head dropped and he picked at the balls of material on the pilled blanket.

Sirius jumped in before James could reply. "Yeah, it is. And if we hadn't have been there, she would have been killed and we all know it. Isn't that enough proof that just having us around?"

Remus sighed exasperatedly. "So, you guys saved the day. I bet you think your huge hero's and it's all gonna be better now. Well it's not. My point is if it almost happened this time, how many more almost are we gonna have? And if the 'almost' aren't scary enough, what about the real thing? In case any of you have that thing that happens to me once a month. It's unbearable painful and controls your life and dominates your life. I can't be on quidditch. I feel like shit for days before and days after. I couldn't, no, I wouldn't live with myself if I passed that on to someone else." He bite that out as quickly as he could, not even seeming to stop for breath. He looked up and looked at them. The conviction in his gray eyes was almost unbearable making Peter take an involuntary step back and Sirius and James flinch.

"But we saved her--" Peter began.

"And we can save anyone else. I mean it's us." Sirius said gesturing to himself and the others with a quick thoughtless wave of his hand. And to anybody else that would have been enough explanation. They were the Marauders. But to the four members of their already infamous group, that was a reason to worry all in and of itself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Becoming conscious had never been this painless. At least not for Lily… It was usually accompanied with some broken bones, a split lip, an eye swollen shut, another wonderful bruise she would have to work to hide from the world; almost always courtesy of her sister and that wonderful boyfriend of hers. But this time it was just like when your dead tired and you doze of in the bathtub. You feel like your floating in warmness, deceptively safe and secure, but then you realize that you have to sit up. You have to breath…or at least, your supposed to. And you sit up and you feel cold and unprotected and vulnerable.

Lily started to sit up, ignoring the unwelcome side effects that had come with the loss of blood. She held her wrist up and the first thing that struck her was how clean it was. No dried blood, no brown-red of a hastily formed scab. A confused look settled upon delicate features as she held her wrist up and twisted it around in front of her face. It was sore, it always was the morning after. But it couldn't have cleaned itself. Probably those Marauder boys. But if it had been them she was surprised she didn't have the green hair to show for it.

She was about to continue her musing when an unexpected bang echoed behind her followed by frantic footsteps. Lily hurriedly climbed slightly shakily and albeit stiffly to her feet. She spun around hastily shoving her previously injured wrist behind her back defensively. And found herself bumped face to face with a girl with brown eyes, brown shoulder length hair and a Gryffindor uniform.

That's all for this chapter. But fear not I have the next one written. Well mostly…grimace but oh well that's better than normal. Plus, June 9 is my birthday so give me a present and review. Hehe. I'll post the next chapter at five reviews. Thanx.

arimel—I updated a lot quicker than last time…:P

unicornjewel—Thanx! I love when I get put on peeps favorite authors list.

EuGIeBeAr—You doubted I would continue…oh ho! Ye of lil faith…

CrazieBabieMeg—That was better than last time.

wAkE-mE-uP-iNsIdE—o. I'm glad.

I Still Have No Life—I love yours too.

KeeperOfTheMoon—thanx. PS my favorite quote of all time is from one of your stories.