Chapter 32: No Day But Today

June 27th

4:32 PM

LaGuardia International Airport

The airport was large and crowded and blessedly cool. People were crowding around the gate, filling the few cracked false-leather seats and standing in a long snaky line in front of the closed boarding terminal. Nearby, a young couple was trying to feed a fussy infant.

Mimi forced herself not to look, concentrating instead on the blurred hands of her watch, trying to comprehend their position. Her mind remained blank, all logical thought drowned out by the torrent of emotions that were struggling to break loose.

"Hey."

A tap on the shoulder made her jump slightly. She turned to see Roger standing behind her, an equally ratty duffel bag slung over his shoulder and their pair of boarding passes clasped in his outstretched hand.

"Hi."

Roger laughed nervously and handed her her boarding pass as the line suddenly started to move.

"You look. . ." Roger trailed off.

"Stressed? Tired? Awful?" Mimi suggested.

Roger snorted.

"I was thinking more along the lines of. . .breathtaking? Gorgeous? Sexy as hell?"

"Don't try to flatter me."

Roger took her bag from her as they boarded the plane.

Their seats were far from premium. They were in the very back of the plane with backs that didn't recline and were squished between the window and a very large woman who had been lucky enough to procure the aisle seat. Although close quarters might have once been preferable, they made it rather hard for Roger and Mimi to continue ignoring one another.

Mimi claimed the window seat after Roger had refused to take it, saying that she had the right to enjoy the view. Roger grabbed one of the small, papery airline pillows and shoved it beneath his head. He attempted to lean back and ended up hitting his head on the back wall of the plane instead.

"Shit!" Roger exclaimed.

Mimi ignored him, pretending to be completely engrossed in an article about a robotic vacuum cleaner she'd found in one of the airline magazines.

Roger glared at her for a moment, then closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep.

"Don't' you think this would be really creepy?" Mimi asked after a few minutes.

"What?" Roger groaned, opening one eye a crack.

"A robot that cleans your house while you sleep."

Roger shrugged.

"I think we could use one," he cleared his throat awkwardly, "I mean, I could use one. I mean. . ." he sighed and gave up, figuring it was best to stop before she started shouting at him again.

"Yeah I know," she muttered.

"Mimi. . ." Roger started, "What's gonna—"

"Look," she cut him off, "Can we discuss this in private? Or are public fights more fun?"

Roger held up his hands in protest.

"No! I mean. . .of course we can. I just—"

"Roger, stop. Just stop. You're only making it worse."

Roger sighed and closed his eyes again. Mimi glanced out the window for a moment, then closed the thin white shade over it and leaned against it, shivering slightly. The dry, over processed air reminded her too much of a hospital.

The plane hit turbulence and bounced slightly and suddenly Mimi felt dizzy. She heard herself cry out and then felt the weight of Roger's hands on her back and the warmth of his breath on her neck.

"You okay?" Roger asked worriedly.

"Yeah," Mimi whispered, gasping for breath.

"What happened?"

"I-I don't know. Something. . ." she shrugged.

Roger pushed the armrest between them up and out of the way and tried to wrap his arms around her from behind but she pushed him away again.

"Mimi, what—"

"I'm fine," she snapped, "I don't need any fucking cuddling."

"What if I do?" Roger asked softly, unable to hide the hurt in his voice.

~~~**~~~

8:27 PM

Santa Fe

The remainder of the flight had gone downhill. An incredibly rough landing had left them both shaken and the heavy traffic on the drive to their hotel certainly hadn't done anything to calm their nerves.

"You hungry?" Roger asked, coming up behind Mimi who was sitting on the bed writing something in a blue notebook.

She shook her head.

"Good. Because I don't think I could eat right now," Roger grimaced slightly, "I don't think my stomach liked that plane food very much."

Mimi looked up at him in disgust.

"That was something I definitely did not need to know."

Roger shrugged.

"Just trying to be honest."

Mimi rolled her eyes at him.

"What's with this hotel room, anyway?"

"What?" Roger asked innocently.

Mimi pointed to the single king-sized bed.

"Oh that. It was cheaper."

"Right."

"And I'd hoped we might have things worked out in time to—"

"Stop, Roger. Just stop right there."

"Come on," Roger persisted, "You know you were thinking the same thing or you wouldn't've brought it up."

"Okay. So maybe I was. That doesn't fix anything."

Roger sighed and sat down beside her on the bed, trying to resolve the battling emotions that were tying his stomach in knots.

"Look, Mimi, I've been as patient as I can but I can't take this anymore. It's killing me. If we're going to talk about this, it's now or never."

She looked up at the tiled ceiling for a moment as though gathering strength from it.

"Roger. . .You're not going to like what I have to say."

"I know. I could say the same to you. I'll listen if you will. Or. . .I'll try."

"I know. Roger. . .I realize now I was stupid to try to—do what I tried to do. But. . .what you said really hurt. God, roger, I wanted to die. I know you think I did it to hurt you but I wanted to die." She started to cry silently, turning away from him.

Roger sat beside her, trying to figure out what he could say.

"Mimi, I know you think that I didn't want the baby." She flinched at his words, sending a sharp pang through Roger's chest. "It wasn't that. I just. . .I was so afraid. . ." Roger swallowed hard, "God Mimi I need you so bad. And I hate. . .knowing that I can be hurt. I hate getting hurt. I hate it so much that I'd rather hurt someone else first." Hot tears stung his eyes and Roger stopped fighting them, figuring it was all or nothing. "I never realized it until now."

Mimi turned back to him, looking at him thoughtfully.

"I know," she said softly, "I've always known. I just didn't know if you did."

"Mimi. . .I want to try again but. . .I don't want it to be the same as before. And I don't know if I can change the way I am."

She smiled weakly at him.

"I think. . .you already have."

Roger swallowed hard and wiped his face with the back of one hand.

"God, I'm a mess."

o

Mimi wrapped an arm around his shoulders, then leaned in and kissed him, long and hard. Roger pulled her into a crushing embrace, starting to cry again.

"You taste all salty," she said softly, pulling the comforter off the bed. She laid back against the pillows and pulled Roger with her, hugging him again as he started to cry harder.

"I'm so sorry," Roger sobbed, "I know. . .it was my fault."

"Roger. . ."

Mimi tightened her arms around him, burying her face in his tousled blond hair.

"Love me?" he asked after a few minutes.

"You know I do."

"Good."

Roger laughed weakly and shifted so he was lying beside her.

"Feel better?" Mimi asked, running her hand over the soft skin of his forehead.

"A little. Yeah." Roger murmured, kissing her neck.

"Good."

"Missed you," Roger said softly, his fingers searching for the buttons on her shirt, "God I missed you."

"Roger."

She took hold of his wrist, stopping him.

"Yeah?"

"Are we okay now?"

Roger sighed.

"I don't know. I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

"God, the story of my life."

"Hey, no day but today, right?"

"Right," she answered, curling up against him and closing her eyes. "Roger?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad Collins made us come here."

~~~**~~~