~~~**~~~

Chapter 40: To Change

November 27th

9:06 AM

The Loft

"I don't think there's any worse feeling in the world than finding out a guy only wants you for sex," Maureen said miserably, banging an egg brutally against the bowl she was holding. The shell immediately cracked into a multitude of fragments and spilled onto the counter instead of into the bowl. "Shit."

Mimi tossed a towel over to Maureen and sighed. The men had gone out in search of an early Christmas tree on Collins' insistence. Mark and Aimee were back in town again, although Roger was still refusing to acknowledge their presence. There was no sign of Joanne, and Jason had been missing since the end of the previous night's show despite the fact that he'd promised Maureen to accompany her to the annual Thanksgiving dinner.

"Maureen," said Aimee carefully, "you haven't even talked to him in three days. How can you know that that's what this is about?"

Maureen huffed loudly and demolished another egg. This time however, both the shell and the egg white ended up in the bowl.

"Great," Maureen moaned, "Just great. I think I must be cursed." She sighed melodramatically and went over to sit on the couch. It made a loud groaning noise, and a spring popped through the cushion next to her.

Mimi and Aimee exchanged an exasperated look, then went over to Maureen.

"Maureen," Mimi tried, "Don't take this the wrong way but…Were you sure about this guy?"

Maureen buried her face in her hands and shook her head.

"No…no, of course not. I'm never fucking sure of anything! Why do you think my life's such a wreck?!"

"Well…if you weren't sure…then why did you leave Joanne?"

"Because I'm a stupid fuck up who can't ever say no to anyone!" Maureen screamed.

Mimi sighed in exasperation. At this rate, everyone would kill each other before the Thanksgiving dinner was even cooked. She took a deep breath and told herself that getting angry at Maureen never helped anything…though it always happened.

"Calm down, Maureen," said Aimee, sitting down beside her on the couch. "Talk to me rationally."

"It's not possible," Maureen sobbed, "I don't think I know the meaning of the word."

"Then….just talk to me. At a normal volume. You know, use your indoor voice."

Maureen glared at Aimee.

"I'm not in preschool, you know."

"Could've fooled me," Mimi muttered under her breath.

"What?!" Maureen shrieked.

"Nothing," Mimi said quickly.

"Just think about this, Maureen," Aimee tried again, "were you really happy with either one of them?"

Maureen sighed again, but she sat up a little and wiped her face with the back of her hand, leaving dark streaks of eye makeup on her cheeks.

"No…but…I'm not happy alone either. But I'm not ever happy with anyone. But…I don't like being lonely."

"Okay…so…why aren't you happy with anyone?"

"Because…I don't know. I guess…I get bored too fast. And then I end up hurting them." She started to cry again. "I don't want to hurt anyone…I never mean to. It just…happens. It's like an addiction. I do things and say things without thinking…no, I do think, I just can't help it. And then I wish I could take it back and of course I can't. Everyone thinks I'm some kind of manipulative scheming bitch…I'm not! I swear to God I'm not. I just…don't know what to do…"  Maureen trailed off and started to sob.

Mimi climbed up onto the couch beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Maureen, I believe you but…if that's true…then I think you need to tell everyone that. Especially Joanne."

"She won't believe me," Maureen said miserably.

Mimi shrugged.

"Maybe not. But at least it's a start."

"But if she doesn't believe me…it doesn't make any difference if I tell her."

"Yes it does," said Aimee, "because at least then you'll have admitted it to yourself."

Maureen sniffed loudly and blinked at Aimee.

"You know…you should be a psychiatrist."

~~~**~~~

6:17 PM

Roger attacked a piece of blackened turkey with the ferocity of a wild animal tearing up a carcass. He was all too aware of Mark staring at him from across the table, and Collins watching them both. The dinner was less-than spectacular. The turkey had ended up overcooked due to the distraction of Maureen's emotional meltdown, and there was a noticeable lack of eggs in the stuffing.

"So," said Mark carefully, choking a little on an undercooked carrot. "How are things here? It's been awhile since we last visited."

"Got that right," Roger muttered under his breath.

Mark sighed loudly and put his fork down with a loud "clank."

"Roger…if you've got something to say to me, just *say* it."

"I don't have anything to say to you, Mark. That's the thing. You don't belong here."

"Roger, you're being ridiculous. I realize you were upset when I left, but I had no idea you were going to take it to such a ridiculous extreme! For the last time, get it out of your head that I did this as a personal motion against you. Everything's not about you, Roger! For God's sake, I did this for myself. Now if that's such a crime in you mind, you need to rethink the laws of your universe because the only friend you'll have at the end of your life is yourself."

Mimi slammed her hand down on the table, making everyone jump. Mark and Roger both turned and glared at her.

"Can we ever just have a peaceful dinner here anymore? Is there even a *point* to trying to do things as a group? Every time we're all together we degenerate into a bunch of gibbering fighting…animals! What's happened to us?"

"Mimi…" Roger said, sounding embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start a fight."

"That's not enough, Roger."

"I said I was sorry!"

"It's not enough to be sorry every time! It still *always* happens. Until you're willing to stop this from happening, being sorry can't help anything."

Roger stood up, pushing back his chair with a loud scrape on the linoleum floor.

"Fine. Then I'm leaving. Wouldn't want to interfere with anyone else's good time."

He turned and walked away. From the other room they could hear the sound of angry guitar chords.

Mimi sighed.

"I didn't mean for him to leave like that…I just wish…he'd grow up."

Mark nodded slowly, then cleared his throat.

"Well what I was going to tell you is that I've decided to film my documentary here in the city. That means I'll be back here for the next month and a half. I'll try to talk to him."

Mimi offered him a weak smile.

"Thanks."

Collins cleared his throat loudly and raised a glass of cheap red wine.

"Happy Thanksgiving. To change."

Everyone echoed Collins as they clinked their glasses together.

~~~**~~~

Review please! Two chapters to go…