A/N: This is all Syd's POV. I used a tiny bit of Dido's "White Flag."
Another Day
It's another day, another day that's not yesterday. As I lie awake in reality, I cannot think of any place that I would rather be than back in my fantasy. If I close my eyes and lie still, I can catch fragments remaining of my dreams that have not yet slipped into oblivion.
****
He is lying beside me, and I revel in the sound of his light breathing against the pillow we are sharing. We are wrapped in each other, hugged closely together, legs hopelessly tangled so that I cannot tell which are mine and which are his. I have never been more comfortable than I am now. We are two halves of a perfect whole, something seemingly divine connects us, we were made to fit together; it is as simple as that.
It is so simple, it is a wonder we let the complications of our lives keep us apart for so long. The ridiculous situations we were thrust into - me becoming a double agent, us not being able to even look at each other in public, having to meet in a dark warehouse where only boxes and dust were witnesses to our growing bond - all fade into trivial nothings now that he is next to me, touching me.
I take this quiet moment to study his dozing form. The pale moonlight streaks in from the dark window illuminating his body in a godly hue. He is perfection incarnate. He is everything I could ever want. Worry is absent from his features, and his gentle smile continues to soothe me. He is at peace with me, and I with him.
I reach up to stroke his hair, and he sighs contentedly as he unconsciously leans into my hand. As I continue, he gradually wakes and I lose myself in his endless green pools. They seem to reach a place deep inside me, deeper than I knew existed, as if they are trying to capture the center of my being, and they invite me to capture his. I do so willingly, and I feel a spark in my soul that radiates throughout my body.
"Do you feel that, Vaughn?" I ask quietly.
He answers without hesitation, without a question of what I mean.
"Yes, Sydney, I feel you."
I nod and smile as I close what little space remains between us and kiss him. I take his cheeks in my hands, needing to feel every part of him, needing to let him know how much I love him being a part of me.
We part for a momentary breath of air, but this moment is much too long, so we decide to breathe each other instead. Our eyes never close, because what fantasy could be better than this? What could be better than the sight of his eyes staring a path into my heart, the smell of his skin driving me wild, or the taste of his mouth leaving me breathless? Only a lifetime of more of the same and then an eternity together afterward could out-do this moment.
As we continue our explorations of each other, our faces locked together, his hands tangled in my hair, mine never leaving his cheeks, our centers of existance combining into one, I am hit with a startlingly natural realization: 'I am in love with Michael Vaughn and I always will be.'
****
I reluctantly open my eyes to another day of him not beside me, to another day when my only solace comes from memories of his arms around me. The harsh sunlight has banished the soothing darkness, the darkness where Vaughn can enter my dreams and chase away my fears of life without him. I have found comfort in the night when our bright souls join the heavenly bodies of the moon and stars to illuminate the world. The night eventually fades, but my dreams never will.
I can still feel his presence; my dreams have bled into my reality. They hurt me, mock me. They show me what I once had, what I will never have again. I do not allow myself to believe these thoughts for long, however. I bite my lip in determination to keep the tears at bay as I try to come to terms with what life has dealt me. While a part of me believes that I am in denial - the weary, beaten part of me that has had my heart ripped out of my chest and stomped to the ground, the other part - the part that has risen time and time again from momentary defeat only to grow stronger, more determined to survive - knows that Vaughn and I will return to each other again. It is only a matter of time before this truth is brought to light and I will not have to live in darkness any longer.
"We'll find each other. We always find each other," I whisper to him, for I know that his soul can hear mine cry out to it. I am still in love with Michael Vaughn and I always will be.
Another Day
It's another day, another day that's not yesterday. As I lie awake in reality, I cannot think of any place that I would rather be than back in my fantasy. If I close my eyes and lie still, I can catch fragments remaining of my dreams that have not yet slipped into oblivion.
****
He is lying beside me, and I revel in the sound of his light breathing against the pillow we are sharing. We are wrapped in each other, hugged closely together, legs hopelessly tangled so that I cannot tell which are mine and which are his. I have never been more comfortable than I am now. We are two halves of a perfect whole, something seemingly divine connects us, we were made to fit together; it is as simple as that.
It is so simple, it is a wonder we let the complications of our lives keep us apart for so long. The ridiculous situations we were thrust into - me becoming a double agent, us not being able to even look at each other in public, having to meet in a dark warehouse where only boxes and dust were witnesses to our growing bond - all fade into trivial nothings now that he is next to me, touching me.
I take this quiet moment to study his dozing form. The pale moonlight streaks in from the dark window illuminating his body in a godly hue. He is perfection incarnate. He is everything I could ever want. Worry is absent from his features, and his gentle smile continues to soothe me. He is at peace with me, and I with him.
I reach up to stroke his hair, and he sighs contentedly as he unconsciously leans into my hand. As I continue, he gradually wakes and I lose myself in his endless green pools. They seem to reach a place deep inside me, deeper than I knew existed, as if they are trying to capture the center of my being, and they invite me to capture his. I do so willingly, and I feel a spark in my soul that radiates throughout my body.
"Do you feel that, Vaughn?" I ask quietly.
He answers without hesitation, without a question of what I mean.
"Yes, Sydney, I feel you."
I nod and smile as I close what little space remains between us and kiss him. I take his cheeks in my hands, needing to feel every part of him, needing to let him know how much I love him being a part of me.
We part for a momentary breath of air, but this moment is much too long, so we decide to breathe each other instead. Our eyes never close, because what fantasy could be better than this? What could be better than the sight of his eyes staring a path into my heart, the smell of his skin driving me wild, or the taste of his mouth leaving me breathless? Only a lifetime of more of the same and then an eternity together afterward could out-do this moment.
As we continue our explorations of each other, our faces locked together, his hands tangled in my hair, mine never leaving his cheeks, our centers of existance combining into one, I am hit with a startlingly natural realization: 'I am in love with Michael Vaughn and I always will be.'
****
I reluctantly open my eyes to another day of him not beside me, to another day when my only solace comes from memories of his arms around me. The harsh sunlight has banished the soothing darkness, the darkness where Vaughn can enter my dreams and chase away my fears of life without him. I have found comfort in the night when our bright souls join the heavenly bodies of the moon and stars to illuminate the world. The night eventually fades, but my dreams never will.
I can still feel his presence; my dreams have bled into my reality. They hurt me, mock me. They show me what I once had, what I will never have again. I do not allow myself to believe these thoughts for long, however. I bite my lip in determination to keep the tears at bay as I try to come to terms with what life has dealt me. While a part of me believes that I am in denial - the weary, beaten part of me that has had my heart ripped out of my chest and stomped to the ground, the other part - the part that has risen time and time again from momentary defeat only to grow stronger, more determined to survive - knows that Vaughn and I will return to each other again. It is only a matter of time before this truth is brought to light and I will not have to live in darkness any longer.
"We'll find each other. We always find each other," I whisper to him, for I know that his soul can hear mine cry out to it. I am still in love with Michael Vaughn and I always will be.