A/N: As usual, Syd's POV.
Alone
* * * *
*'Why can't it always be like this?'* I wonder to myself as I prepare dinner. The normality of this night is simply comforting. There are no top secret meetings, no preparations for a clandestine mission, no stolen, longing glances, no cell phones or pagers to interrupt the quiet peace.
The boiling soup and simmering pasta on the stove fill the kitchen with a fragrance that says "home," as music drifts leisurely from the stereo. Vaughn is in his usual spot, leaning against the counter, eyes never leaving my form. I can feel his gaze pour into me, examining the true me for the first time. I allow him to do so with all of my defenses down, nothing keeping him from seeing who I really am. I have waited too long for this moment when I could feel as comfortable trusting another person as I would myself. It is the most wonderful feeling knowing that I am not alone.
"Dinner's almost ready," I announce as I set the table. He offered to help earlier, but I refused to allow him. It was his birthday, after all. I light a single candle in the center of the table. I frown slightly as wax already begins to drip, quickly tumbling down before dinner has even started.
"Don't worry, Syd," Vaughn says from his perch on the counter. "It will be all right."
"I know," I say, my eyes softening as they meet his.
I dish out a bowl of soup for each of us, and we sit at the table. A light breeze floats in from an open window, the air cooling the warm temperature of the kitchen, and making the candle light flicker.
"Happy birthday," I say, smiling as I raise my glass of wine.
"Thank you. It's the best one ever," he smiles back as we clink our glasses together.
We eat in comfortable silence for a few minutes until Vaughn says, "You're beautiful, Syd."
I look at him, somewhat surprised by his sudden declaration. "Thanks, Vaughn," I say blushing slightly.
Before I can say anything else, he continues, "I mean, everything about you, Syd. Your strength is amazing. Even after SD-6, and Sloane, and your mother, and everything else, you're still able to find a way to share a taste of happiness with another person, with me. Thank you for letting me see you, Syd, the real you."
Tears prick at my eyes as he finishes. I reach for his hand and clasp it tightly in mine. "You make me strong, Vaughn. I never would have gotten this far without you. I never want to go any further without you. I need you."
He reaches his other hand up to my face to brush away the tears as they trickle down.
"You have me. I am yours," he whispers.
Suddenly, a gust of wind bursts through the window, extinguishing the candle's flame in an instant, throwing us into a world of darkness - a world without hope as our light leading the way to each other, a world in which we must stumble our way around, going in endless circles, grasping blindly, desperately for our missing half.
"Syd...Syd..."
* * * *
"Syd!"
Startled, I look up from my desk to see Vaughn staring inquisitvely at me, looking like he has been trying to get my attention for several minutes.
"Are you all right?" he asks when I look at him, worry evident on his brow.
"Of course. I'm fine," I answer automatically. I can tell he doesn't buy it, but he doesn't press me further.
"We have a meeting in five minutes."
"Ok, I'll be right there." He nods and walks away.
*'OfcourseI'mfineOfcourseI'mfine.'* The words blur and don't make sense. They mean nothing. They meant nothing.
I am not fine, and he knows that. The defenses have been resurrected, walls so thick and high and long as to be impenetrable; the guards Coldness, Detachment, and Insincerity keeping wary watch for any cracks in compartmentalization. They keep Trust prisoner, locked away in the steadily growing darkness of my heart, preventing it from finding its home in Vaughn where it should be.
I am alone, and I can't let him know that. I will put on a smiling facade when necessary, be civil with him and his wife, and never say anything that will jeopardize his marriage. *'I will not be the other woman. Not ever.'*
Alone
* * * *
*'Why can't it always be like this?'* I wonder to myself as I prepare dinner. The normality of this night is simply comforting. There are no top secret meetings, no preparations for a clandestine mission, no stolen, longing glances, no cell phones or pagers to interrupt the quiet peace.
The boiling soup and simmering pasta on the stove fill the kitchen with a fragrance that says "home," as music drifts leisurely from the stereo. Vaughn is in his usual spot, leaning against the counter, eyes never leaving my form. I can feel his gaze pour into me, examining the true me for the first time. I allow him to do so with all of my defenses down, nothing keeping him from seeing who I really am. I have waited too long for this moment when I could feel as comfortable trusting another person as I would myself. It is the most wonderful feeling knowing that I am not alone.
"Dinner's almost ready," I announce as I set the table. He offered to help earlier, but I refused to allow him. It was his birthday, after all. I light a single candle in the center of the table. I frown slightly as wax already begins to drip, quickly tumbling down before dinner has even started.
"Don't worry, Syd," Vaughn says from his perch on the counter. "It will be all right."
"I know," I say, my eyes softening as they meet his.
I dish out a bowl of soup for each of us, and we sit at the table. A light breeze floats in from an open window, the air cooling the warm temperature of the kitchen, and making the candle light flicker.
"Happy birthday," I say, smiling as I raise my glass of wine.
"Thank you. It's the best one ever," he smiles back as we clink our glasses together.
We eat in comfortable silence for a few minutes until Vaughn says, "You're beautiful, Syd."
I look at him, somewhat surprised by his sudden declaration. "Thanks, Vaughn," I say blushing slightly.
Before I can say anything else, he continues, "I mean, everything about you, Syd. Your strength is amazing. Even after SD-6, and Sloane, and your mother, and everything else, you're still able to find a way to share a taste of happiness with another person, with me. Thank you for letting me see you, Syd, the real you."
Tears prick at my eyes as he finishes. I reach for his hand and clasp it tightly in mine. "You make me strong, Vaughn. I never would have gotten this far without you. I never want to go any further without you. I need you."
He reaches his other hand up to my face to brush away the tears as they trickle down.
"You have me. I am yours," he whispers.
Suddenly, a gust of wind bursts through the window, extinguishing the candle's flame in an instant, throwing us into a world of darkness - a world without hope as our light leading the way to each other, a world in which we must stumble our way around, going in endless circles, grasping blindly, desperately for our missing half.
"Syd...Syd..."
* * * *
"Syd!"
Startled, I look up from my desk to see Vaughn staring inquisitvely at me, looking like he has been trying to get my attention for several minutes.
"Are you all right?" he asks when I look at him, worry evident on his brow.
"Of course. I'm fine," I answer automatically. I can tell he doesn't buy it, but he doesn't press me further.
"We have a meeting in five minutes."
"Ok, I'll be right there." He nods and walks away.
*'OfcourseI'mfineOfcourseI'mfine.'* The words blur and don't make sense. They mean nothing. They meant nothing.
I am not fine, and he knows that. The defenses have been resurrected, walls so thick and high and long as to be impenetrable; the guards Coldness, Detachment, and Insincerity keeping wary watch for any cracks in compartmentalization. They keep Trust prisoner, locked away in the steadily growing darkness of my heart, preventing it from finding its home in Vaughn where it should be.
I am alone, and I can't let him know that. I will put on a smiling facade when necessary, be civil with him and his wife, and never say anything that will jeopardize his marriage. *'I will not be the other woman. Not ever.'*