A/N: Thanks again for the reviews! This is Vaughn's POV.
Second Chance
It was her last day, the last day that I would see her in months - maybe more, the last day of palpable tension at the office - the air was so thick with it sometimes, it was a wonder that we weren't smothered in it. It was the last day that I had to be in the presence of the woman I wanted but couldn't have, the woman who was granted to me and who filled the void in my life, the woman who was snatched from my grasp and who haunted my dreams. Sydney was leaving, and I had to stop her.
I was tied up in endless briefings today, briefings to which Sydney need not have been privy since she was moving in a few hours, briefings that kept me from pleading my case to her for a second time. My body was stuck in work, but my mind constantly wandered to Sydney. *'How could she possibly leave now? This is where she belongs - here with her friends, with her father, with...me.'* The thoughts bombarded me, bringing images of her along with them. There were so many versions of her - innumerable costumes and disguises, personalities ranging from the girl next door to the tough kick-ass spy with attitude enough to knock any man off of his feet to just Sydney, the combination of the two that I fell in love with, that I still love. It seems, though, that the only time she allows herself to be just Sydney, truly Sydney, is when she is at home...with me. If she leaves, will the Sydney I love vanish, and will her various ungenuine personalities morph into a Sydney without me, without our history? Is *that* what she is trying to escape? Her past with me?
*'I can't live in the past anymore, no matter how much I want to.'* Her words come back to me, but it feels like I am hearing them for the first time, and they sting like the pain that I became accustomed to during her two-year absence, the pain that I tried to dull with alcohol. Drinking did a lousy job of that - the pain merely renewed itself every morning; Lauren was a much better remedy. She was more than a remedy; she not only kept the pain at bay, but she brought happiness and love back into my life - two emotions that I never would have thought would return to me. She gave me a reason to not drink myself into oblivion; she saved me - without her, I would be dead.
How am I supposed to choose between the two women who have brought me more joy than I had ever known? Sydney was my first guide down love's path, and Lauren pointed the way back to it when I had strayed. Sydney and I share a bond that is stronger than death - I know because I can still feel its threads wrapped around my heart keeping it hostage, but Lauren has wound herself into my being as well. Even if I can't choose right now, I can't just let one of the most important people in my life walk away from me. I have to stop Sydney from leaving. I have to do *something* because this time I can, unlike last time...
* * * *
The night was becoming darker by the second, heavy clouds crowding their way into the previously clear, star-lit sky. It was like the instant that Sydney had gotten out of my car, the world became that much gloomier because she was not with me. I suddenly had a newfound hatred for late-night debriefings. *'I hope this weather doesn't spoil our weekend in Santa Barbra,'* I thought, looking up at the clouded sky through my windshield. *'Although, no weekend could possibly be spoiled with Sydney by my side,'* I reassured myself. Suddenly a pang of fear gripped my stomach and made me nauseous. I tried to push the feeling away; I was only going to be at work for a few more hours, and then Sydney and I would be on our way to a care-free weekend. The fear, however, evaded my attempts to make it subside, most likely because I had no idea what had caused it to spring up inside of me and grab every shred of my attention. The nauseousness continued to build, and just as I started to feel my heartrate increase and sweat break upon my forehead, my cell phone rang. And then the rain fell.
Drops that seemed as big as melons pounded my car, trying to burst their way in and drown me. I was oblivious to their ceaseless hammering, causing everything around me to shudder under their attack. The only thing that I felt was Sydney's soothing touch cooling my heated skin. The only thing that I heard was Sydney's voice echoing in my mind, the sweet melody causing my soul to sing to hers in response. The only thing that I saw was Sydney's face, her radient smile and dimples digging channels straight to my heart. I would not allow myself to think of anything but her, not at a time like this. I raced through the wet night back to her house not having any idea how fast I was going, not caring. The shock was still settling in as I finally pulled up to her place...or what was left of it. I sat motionless in my car for a few moments, mere seconds that were longer than any I had ever experienced, just staring, captivated. Apparently, my body then switched itself into autopilot because I found myself mechanically getting out of the car, somehow putting one foot in front of the other, and making my way to the dismal lot that had been her home.
*'Find Sydney...Find Sydney...'* my mind screamed, my jumbled and raging emotions having stolen my voice. A few people investigating the site tried to keep me back, but I unknowingly showed them my badge and shoved them away, completely unaware of anything except the sound of her voice coming from somewhere out of the rubble. *'Vaughn...Vaughn I need you,'* she called to me pleadingly. *'Vaughn...'* I could still feel her, hear her, see her; it was like she was standing before me, wrapped in my arms, whispering my name into my ear. Without warning, her touch melted away from my skin, her voice faded into the wet air, her image dissolved in the pouring rain, leaving me there barely able to stand without her support, alone. My voice made its reappearance as my spinning mind tried to make sense of what was happening.
"Syd," I whispered experimentally. No answer. "Sydney," I tried louder. Nothing. The glue that Shock had been using to keep me together finally liquefied, and I fell to pieces. "Sydney!" I screamed. "Sydney! Don't leave me! Don't you leave me!" I yelled until I was hoarse, shaking. Unable to hold myself upright any longer, I sank to the charred ground, anguished beyond reason. And then my tears fell.
* * * *
That rainy night was all I could think about as I sped my way to Sydney's house once again. Fear had gripped my stomach anew, only this time, I knew its cause and what I had to do to extinguish it. I followed her home, keeping a careful distance lest she would take off for the airport if she saw me. And here I am again, sitting in front of her place just staring, captivated. This is my second chance, and there is no way in hell I am going to squander it. Sydney is leaving, but I am going to stop her, no matter what it costs me.
Second Chance
It was her last day, the last day that I would see her in months - maybe more, the last day of palpable tension at the office - the air was so thick with it sometimes, it was a wonder that we weren't smothered in it. It was the last day that I had to be in the presence of the woman I wanted but couldn't have, the woman who was granted to me and who filled the void in my life, the woman who was snatched from my grasp and who haunted my dreams. Sydney was leaving, and I had to stop her.
I was tied up in endless briefings today, briefings to which Sydney need not have been privy since she was moving in a few hours, briefings that kept me from pleading my case to her for a second time. My body was stuck in work, but my mind constantly wandered to Sydney. *'How could she possibly leave now? This is where she belongs - here with her friends, with her father, with...me.'* The thoughts bombarded me, bringing images of her along with them. There were so many versions of her - innumerable costumes and disguises, personalities ranging from the girl next door to the tough kick-ass spy with attitude enough to knock any man off of his feet to just Sydney, the combination of the two that I fell in love with, that I still love. It seems, though, that the only time she allows herself to be just Sydney, truly Sydney, is when she is at home...with me. If she leaves, will the Sydney I love vanish, and will her various ungenuine personalities morph into a Sydney without me, without our history? Is *that* what she is trying to escape? Her past with me?
*'I can't live in the past anymore, no matter how much I want to.'* Her words come back to me, but it feels like I am hearing them for the first time, and they sting like the pain that I became accustomed to during her two-year absence, the pain that I tried to dull with alcohol. Drinking did a lousy job of that - the pain merely renewed itself every morning; Lauren was a much better remedy. She was more than a remedy; she not only kept the pain at bay, but she brought happiness and love back into my life - two emotions that I never would have thought would return to me. She gave me a reason to not drink myself into oblivion; she saved me - without her, I would be dead.
How am I supposed to choose between the two women who have brought me more joy than I had ever known? Sydney was my first guide down love's path, and Lauren pointed the way back to it when I had strayed. Sydney and I share a bond that is stronger than death - I know because I can still feel its threads wrapped around my heart keeping it hostage, but Lauren has wound herself into my being as well. Even if I can't choose right now, I can't just let one of the most important people in my life walk away from me. I have to stop Sydney from leaving. I have to do *something* because this time I can, unlike last time...
* * * *
The night was becoming darker by the second, heavy clouds crowding their way into the previously clear, star-lit sky. It was like the instant that Sydney had gotten out of my car, the world became that much gloomier because she was not with me. I suddenly had a newfound hatred for late-night debriefings. *'I hope this weather doesn't spoil our weekend in Santa Barbra,'* I thought, looking up at the clouded sky through my windshield. *'Although, no weekend could possibly be spoiled with Sydney by my side,'* I reassured myself. Suddenly a pang of fear gripped my stomach and made me nauseous. I tried to push the feeling away; I was only going to be at work for a few more hours, and then Sydney and I would be on our way to a care-free weekend. The fear, however, evaded my attempts to make it subside, most likely because I had no idea what had caused it to spring up inside of me and grab every shred of my attention. The nauseousness continued to build, and just as I started to feel my heartrate increase and sweat break upon my forehead, my cell phone rang. And then the rain fell.
Drops that seemed as big as melons pounded my car, trying to burst their way in and drown me. I was oblivious to their ceaseless hammering, causing everything around me to shudder under their attack. The only thing that I felt was Sydney's soothing touch cooling my heated skin. The only thing that I heard was Sydney's voice echoing in my mind, the sweet melody causing my soul to sing to hers in response. The only thing that I saw was Sydney's face, her radient smile and dimples digging channels straight to my heart. I would not allow myself to think of anything but her, not at a time like this. I raced through the wet night back to her house not having any idea how fast I was going, not caring. The shock was still settling in as I finally pulled up to her place...or what was left of it. I sat motionless in my car for a few moments, mere seconds that were longer than any I had ever experienced, just staring, captivated. Apparently, my body then switched itself into autopilot because I found myself mechanically getting out of the car, somehow putting one foot in front of the other, and making my way to the dismal lot that had been her home.
*'Find Sydney...Find Sydney...'* my mind screamed, my jumbled and raging emotions having stolen my voice. A few people investigating the site tried to keep me back, but I unknowingly showed them my badge and shoved them away, completely unaware of anything except the sound of her voice coming from somewhere out of the rubble. *'Vaughn...Vaughn I need you,'* she called to me pleadingly. *'Vaughn...'* I could still feel her, hear her, see her; it was like she was standing before me, wrapped in my arms, whispering my name into my ear. Without warning, her touch melted away from my skin, her voice faded into the wet air, her image dissolved in the pouring rain, leaving me there barely able to stand without her support, alone. My voice made its reappearance as my spinning mind tried to make sense of what was happening.
"Syd," I whispered experimentally. No answer. "Sydney," I tried louder. Nothing. The glue that Shock had been using to keep me together finally liquefied, and I fell to pieces. "Sydney!" I screamed. "Sydney! Don't leave me! Don't you leave me!" I yelled until I was hoarse, shaking. Unable to hold myself upright any longer, I sank to the charred ground, anguished beyond reason. And then my tears fell.
* * * *
That rainy night was all I could think about as I sped my way to Sydney's house once again. Fear had gripped my stomach anew, only this time, I knew its cause and what I had to do to extinguish it. I followed her home, keeping a careful distance lest she would take off for the airport if she saw me. And here I am again, sitting in front of her place just staring, captivated. This is my second chance, and there is no way in hell I am going to squander it. Sydney is leaving, but I am going to stop her, no matter what it costs me.