Chapter 3
The morning sunlight streamed through the manor windows and the house was cast into the warmth of a golden glow, Jason quietly, cleared up the mess, of the broken glass and picked up the pictures putting them on the side. That's when he hared something across the room, he looked up to she the middle Haliwell standing at the bottom of the stairs, she stood looking at Phoebe who was now lying on the sofa, sleeping, peacefully.
Piper looked over at Jason, who in turn looked at her, no words were spoken only a look that was reflected in each others eyes, pain, anger and upset. Not towards each other, but towards the drugs. "Is...is she..." Piper began,
"She just went to sleep about an hour ago." He explained before walking towards the bin where he through the remains of the photo frames away, "Look, about last night, don't take what she says to heart. Just...understand that she isn't herself at the moment." Piper looked at him, "She's my sister and I have no idea what's going on!" she explained, "What she said last night was the truth we just abandoned her." Piper walked over and looked at him, "I don't know...I just thought she would be with grams...I thought they would be fine."
"Grams hasn't been her for months...I mean, she rings up and tells Phoebe she'll be back and it's always, soon or tomorrow but there's always another sick friend, another place she has to be...Phoebe has been by herself for about six months now...and it's killing her literally."
"What happened? Here last night what was that?" she asked, Jason looked at her, "Last night..." he said quietly, he didn't reply he looked over at Phoebe and then walked through to the kitchen, Piper followed.
He walked over to the table and lent against it, "Last night your sister lost it big time. She broke...I have made sure that, what you saw happen last night didn't. And in only a few hours you two managed to break her. After last time I promised that I wouldn't let it happen again..."
"What happened last time?" Piper asked, Jason looked up, "Last time Phoebe lost it, she nearly kill mark, she nearly killed him, like she would have killed you two..."
"No, that isn't who she is!" Piper slipped into denial, Jason stood forward, from the table and although keeping his voice low so not to wake Phoebe the anger was evident, "Wake up Piper! Does that look like the Phoebe that you remember in there...did it look like her last night? She has been through more shit than you can imagine." Piper looked at him not backing down, "So why don't you talk to me straight...what is it that she has been through?"
It was then they heard a noise at the door, Jason looked up to se Phoebe standing there, she looked at Jason first, and then into the eyes of the middle sister, "Time to set the record straight..." she said quietly, Piper was actually scared after what Jason had said and the way she acted last night she was scared. "Time...to...set...it...straight..." Again she said quietly, not really talking to anyone, "Do you think big sis will want to hear this?" she asked again in a tone barely audible, it was then that Prue appeared round the other entrance to that side of Phoebe, "Do I want to hear what?" she asked making her way over to Piper, keeping a watch out to make sure Phoebe didn't jump for her again.
"Oh look Jason, she wants to know. They all want to know. Hay big sis, been a while, you know since we all sat and ate together, but then again it's been a while since you gave a damn." A tone that started of sarcastically turned to that of anger. She looked at Jason, his sympathetic eyes told volumes to how much love he held for the youngest, he started walking towards her, "You don't have to do this" he said quietly, Phoebe shook her head, "I don't have to do this!" she repeated, "but I want them to understand, I want them to feel pain, if only a fraction of what I'm feeling." Phoebe looked at them, they were now people who were stood before her they were not truly her sisters, not in Phoebe's heart.
Phoebe turned her back and walked into the living room, Jason watched, the turned to see the oldest two sisters looking at him, he didn't say anything he just followed Phoebe, and in turn they followed him.
Lost alone death is close – part 6
"It was my fault...he said it wasn't but...it was. They all got into that car, all of them and I drove, thinking back I remember Dan telling them to buckle up, 'cause... Phoebe's driving' he joked" Phoebe was becoming chocked up as she relived the events of the past months that she had spent alone, she was lent against the window frame as she looked out into the peaceful morning air, tears silently rolled down her face.
Piper and Prue were sat on the sofa looking at every action, every movement the youngest made. Jason was stood not that far from Phoebe but knew to give her space as she continued and he was ready for what ever came his way. If Phoebe lost it he was there to hold her back and if she fell he would catch her.
"They won the game, we were all going to get something to eat to celebrate, I was in the drivers' seat, Dan and Mark next to me, in the back, Jason, Hannah and Jo. They all put there trust in my, and I let them down." Phoebe looked at the floor in front of her now, as she forced herself to continue, "The music was on and the sound of all in the car made me smile, then! But not now when I think back I only feel death, anger, hatred." Phoebe stopped for a second and then after a while she spoke as if no one was around her, she spoke as if to herself, "I didn't see the other car, or maybe I did and just didn't react fast enough...I came down the road and as the traffic lights changed to green, I continued but at the cross section the drunk driver came flying towards me..." it seemed like forever, I was frozen in time for ages as each second seemed like hours. The car collided into mine... then all I can remember is blood all over me, then I turned and I saw him, Dan was dead, he was flopped forward, and eyes froze open with fear." Phoebe stopped and closed her eyes, "I remember, it all, they told me it would pass, but it never dose, it never goes away...never. I see it, every time I close my eyes, Dan's face and white shirt, a mass of red, the window screen splatter with blood. His skull was totally shattered, I knew then he was dead, and I just...looked at him. Then I looked at Mark, he was also covered in blood but I could see his chest rising, slowly but it was some thing to hold on to." Phoebe let the tears fall and cascade down her face to the floor, "I turned around, and Jo and Hannah, looked much like Dan, and I looked at Jason, I didn't know if her was dead or alive..."
She looked up to Jason who was also crying, because he was also reliving that awful day "I prayed, for days I prayed, but there is no god...there can't be not for him to do this to kill them. Why would he let this happen? Why?" Phoebe looked then at Prue and Piper and the sadness in her voice was replaced with anger, "So you two want to know why I'm like this? Because I killed three of my closest friends, me! I did it because I was the one behind the wheel, I killed them." Piper and Prue said nothing, it was so unlike them, but there was nothing they could say, gilt and pain overwhelmed them, how could we have been so selfish, they wondered.
"You weren't here to help, but the drugs were, they helped more than you would ever think, sure they helped then, but look at what they have made me, look at what they did. I hurt the people that I love and care about, I hurt mark when he tried to help and I hurt Jason all the time. Why? Because this is what I am now, this is what the drugs have made me. Don't think that you know what I feel, because you don't. None of you killed you're friends, but I did."
Prue watched as her sister said this, she felt as though she needed to say something, do something, but what? She stood up "Phoebe it..." she began but Phoebe cut her of, "Not now Prue! Now is too late, I am telling you this not because I want your support but so you know when I do...kick your heads in, that's why, because I went through that with out your support and love and I want you to pay."
"You wouldn't..." Prue said almost Dearing her to, "Prue the hero!" Phoebe said, she looked at Jason, "Remind you of any on Jas?" she asked, Jason pulled himself together and stepped closer, "Phoebe, Don't do this..."
Prue saw it in her eyes, the hate; it was the fear in Jason's voice that ultimately told her she shouldn't have said what she did. Phoebe walked a step forward, as Piper saw this she jumped up from the sofa and stood next to Prue. Phoebe smiled, she looked into the eye's of the oldest, "Back up" she said, Prue didn't move but Phoebe stepped forward again, "I said BACK UP!" Jason walked to Phoebe and stood between her and her sisters, "Leave Prue alone Phoebe!" He ordered.
"What is this, you have seen everything they put me through and you're taking their sides, I'm beginning to think that you are going out with the wrong sister."
"I'm not taking there side but I can't stand back and watch you nearly kill people that you love, you already do this before remember Mark..."
"Difference is I love Mark, but I feel nothing but hate for them..." Phoebe shot back the anger and determination evident...
"Phoebe don't be stupid...we're your sisters." Piper shouted, Phoebe looked at Jason, "Did she really just say that?" she looked past Jason to meet Piper, "You rally don't believe that I am close to killing you do you? And you keep pushing and pushing...don't ever call me you're sister, I'm nothing, I just stand here and be...I don't feel anymore Piper!" she shouted,
"Well I do and I love you, you're my sister...I'm sorry that you went through..."
Phoebe turned her back on Jason and started to walk away as she heard Piper's voice, 'sorry' Phoebe couldn't believe that she had just said sorry, she swung back around and spoke not in a shout, just loud enough for them to hear, "Don't be sorry Piper, be saddened, sickened, be guilty, be confused..." she lost it again, "But don't ever be sorry. EVER!" she screamed, and then she looked at Jason, "Look you stay and see if there is anything else you can do to make the easier...on my sisters. Tell them everything..." she started sarcastically before starting to walk to wards the stairs but before she walked up them she stopped an evil grin forming on her face, she shouted, "Just remember...my boyfriend won't always be there to protect you."
Jason stood there for a moment and when Phoebe had gone, he turned to Piper and Prue, "You two, are you stupid? She was close to killing you." Piper jumped in "I'm not stupid, I just want my old sister back!"
"Well, the best thing you can do is shut the hell up, you have no idea what she is capable of...she wouldn't think twice before turning on you two or me...and when she losses it, she losses it. I wouldn't be able to stop her, so Prue next time you feel the need to test her, to push her I am telling you now don't...because she will kill you." Prue was in shock, she didn't know what to do, say or how to react.
"What happened?" the question eventually slipped her mouth, "When?" Jason asked,
"Before, with Mark?" she finished, looking at Jason he began, "A couple of months ago Phoebe lost it again, all you need to know is that he questioned her much like you just did today and she took him down, she lost it so bad she smashed a vase over his head, she nearly killed him so next time you feel the need to test her...don't because I can't stop her."
Upstairs Phoebe walked into her room and fell down on her bed, and she cried, for the friends she lost and the pain of the addiction ripping through her. She sat like this for a while not knowing what to do. About an hour and a half had past and the tears had stopped she just sat staring at the ceiling then she decided something, she decided to change everything.
Phoebe stood up from her bed and walked over to the mirror in her room, as she looked at the reflection she realized that she know longer knew who she was, her eyes didn't display the spark she no longer felt, but it wasn't right, she was still angry at her sisters, more than angry in fact, but this wasn't the way to get back at them because she was hurting Jason in the process and that wasn't something that she wanted.
Half an hour later Jason was sat in the living room alone, he hadn't gotten to sleep all night and was finding it hard to keep his cool with the older sisters he really didn't want to blow up at them but every second that passed the more stressed he became, He wondered if there was anything that he could have done differently. As he sat in his own thoughts he hared a noise behind him, he turned around to see Phoebe coming down the stairs, she had changed into a pair of blue jeans and a light grey hooded sweat shit. He stood up from the sofa, and turned to her. Phoebe walked over to him and strait into his arms, he wrapped them protectively around her, "I love you." He whispered, Phoebe pulled back from the hug, "I love you too. I want to talk to you...can we get out the manor?"
The morning sunlight streamed through the manor windows and the house was cast into the warmth of a golden glow, Jason quietly, cleared up the mess, of the broken glass and picked up the pictures putting them on the side. That's when he hared something across the room, he looked up to she the middle Haliwell standing at the bottom of the stairs, she stood looking at Phoebe who was now lying on the sofa, sleeping, peacefully.
Piper looked over at Jason, who in turn looked at her, no words were spoken only a look that was reflected in each others eyes, pain, anger and upset. Not towards each other, but towards the drugs. "Is...is she..." Piper began,
"She just went to sleep about an hour ago." He explained before walking towards the bin where he through the remains of the photo frames away, "Look, about last night, don't take what she says to heart. Just...understand that she isn't herself at the moment." Piper looked at him, "She's my sister and I have no idea what's going on!" she explained, "What she said last night was the truth we just abandoned her." Piper walked over and looked at him, "I don't know...I just thought she would be with grams...I thought they would be fine."
"Grams hasn't been her for months...I mean, she rings up and tells Phoebe she'll be back and it's always, soon or tomorrow but there's always another sick friend, another place she has to be...Phoebe has been by herself for about six months now...and it's killing her literally."
"What happened? Here last night what was that?" she asked, Jason looked at her, "Last night..." he said quietly, he didn't reply he looked over at Phoebe and then walked through to the kitchen, Piper followed.
He walked over to the table and lent against it, "Last night your sister lost it big time. She broke...I have made sure that, what you saw happen last night didn't. And in only a few hours you two managed to break her. After last time I promised that I wouldn't let it happen again..."
"What happened last time?" Piper asked, Jason looked up, "Last time Phoebe lost it, she nearly kill mark, she nearly killed him, like she would have killed you two..."
"No, that isn't who she is!" Piper slipped into denial, Jason stood forward, from the table and although keeping his voice low so not to wake Phoebe the anger was evident, "Wake up Piper! Does that look like the Phoebe that you remember in there...did it look like her last night? She has been through more shit than you can imagine." Piper looked at him not backing down, "So why don't you talk to me straight...what is it that she has been through?"
It was then they heard a noise at the door, Jason looked up to se Phoebe standing there, she looked at Jason first, and then into the eyes of the middle sister, "Time to set the record straight..." she said quietly, Piper was actually scared after what Jason had said and the way she acted last night she was scared. "Time...to...set...it...straight..." Again she said quietly, not really talking to anyone, "Do you think big sis will want to hear this?" she asked again in a tone barely audible, it was then that Prue appeared round the other entrance to that side of Phoebe, "Do I want to hear what?" she asked making her way over to Piper, keeping a watch out to make sure Phoebe didn't jump for her again.
"Oh look Jason, she wants to know. They all want to know. Hay big sis, been a while, you know since we all sat and ate together, but then again it's been a while since you gave a damn." A tone that started of sarcastically turned to that of anger. She looked at Jason, his sympathetic eyes told volumes to how much love he held for the youngest, he started walking towards her, "You don't have to do this" he said quietly, Phoebe shook her head, "I don't have to do this!" she repeated, "but I want them to understand, I want them to feel pain, if only a fraction of what I'm feeling." Phoebe looked at them, they were now people who were stood before her they were not truly her sisters, not in Phoebe's heart.
Phoebe turned her back and walked into the living room, Jason watched, the turned to see the oldest two sisters looking at him, he didn't say anything he just followed Phoebe, and in turn they followed him.
Lost alone death is close – part 6
"It was my fault...he said it wasn't but...it was. They all got into that car, all of them and I drove, thinking back I remember Dan telling them to buckle up, 'cause... Phoebe's driving' he joked" Phoebe was becoming chocked up as she relived the events of the past months that she had spent alone, she was lent against the window frame as she looked out into the peaceful morning air, tears silently rolled down her face.
Piper and Prue were sat on the sofa looking at every action, every movement the youngest made. Jason was stood not that far from Phoebe but knew to give her space as she continued and he was ready for what ever came his way. If Phoebe lost it he was there to hold her back and if she fell he would catch her.
"They won the game, we were all going to get something to eat to celebrate, I was in the drivers' seat, Dan and Mark next to me, in the back, Jason, Hannah and Jo. They all put there trust in my, and I let them down." Phoebe looked at the floor in front of her now, as she forced herself to continue, "The music was on and the sound of all in the car made me smile, then! But not now when I think back I only feel death, anger, hatred." Phoebe stopped for a second and then after a while she spoke as if no one was around her, she spoke as if to herself, "I didn't see the other car, or maybe I did and just didn't react fast enough...I came down the road and as the traffic lights changed to green, I continued but at the cross section the drunk driver came flying towards me..." it seemed like forever, I was frozen in time for ages as each second seemed like hours. The car collided into mine... then all I can remember is blood all over me, then I turned and I saw him, Dan was dead, he was flopped forward, and eyes froze open with fear." Phoebe stopped and closed her eyes, "I remember, it all, they told me it would pass, but it never dose, it never goes away...never. I see it, every time I close my eyes, Dan's face and white shirt, a mass of red, the window screen splatter with blood. His skull was totally shattered, I knew then he was dead, and I just...looked at him. Then I looked at Mark, he was also covered in blood but I could see his chest rising, slowly but it was some thing to hold on to." Phoebe let the tears fall and cascade down her face to the floor, "I turned around, and Jo and Hannah, looked much like Dan, and I looked at Jason, I didn't know if her was dead or alive..."
She looked up to Jason who was also crying, because he was also reliving that awful day "I prayed, for days I prayed, but there is no god...there can't be not for him to do this to kill them. Why would he let this happen? Why?" Phoebe looked then at Prue and Piper and the sadness in her voice was replaced with anger, "So you two want to know why I'm like this? Because I killed three of my closest friends, me! I did it because I was the one behind the wheel, I killed them." Piper and Prue said nothing, it was so unlike them, but there was nothing they could say, gilt and pain overwhelmed them, how could we have been so selfish, they wondered.
"You weren't here to help, but the drugs were, they helped more than you would ever think, sure they helped then, but look at what they have made me, look at what they did. I hurt the people that I love and care about, I hurt mark when he tried to help and I hurt Jason all the time. Why? Because this is what I am now, this is what the drugs have made me. Don't think that you know what I feel, because you don't. None of you killed you're friends, but I did."
Prue watched as her sister said this, she felt as though she needed to say something, do something, but what? She stood up "Phoebe it..." she began but Phoebe cut her of, "Not now Prue! Now is too late, I am telling you this not because I want your support but so you know when I do...kick your heads in, that's why, because I went through that with out your support and love and I want you to pay."
"You wouldn't..." Prue said almost Dearing her to, "Prue the hero!" Phoebe said, she looked at Jason, "Remind you of any on Jas?" she asked, Jason pulled himself together and stepped closer, "Phoebe, Don't do this..."
Prue saw it in her eyes, the hate; it was the fear in Jason's voice that ultimately told her she shouldn't have said what she did. Phoebe walked a step forward, as Piper saw this she jumped up from the sofa and stood next to Prue. Phoebe smiled, she looked into the eye's of the oldest, "Back up" she said, Prue didn't move but Phoebe stepped forward again, "I said BACK UP!" Jason walked to Phoebe and stood between her and her sisters, "Leave Prue alone Phoebe!" He ordered.
"What is this, you have seen everything they put me through and you're taking their sides, I'm beginning to think that you are going out with the wrong sister."
"I'm not taking there side but I can't stand back and watch you nearly kill people that you love, you already do this before remember Mark..."
"Difference is I love Mark, but I feel nothing but hate for them..." Phoebe shot back the anger and determination evident...
"Phoebe don't be stupid...we're your sisters." Piper shouted, Phoebe looked at Jason, "Did she really just say that?" she looked past Jason to meet Piper, "You rally don't believe that I am close to killing you do you? And you keep pushing and pushing...don't ever call me you're sister, I'm nothing, I just stand here and be...I don't feel anymore Piper!" she shouted,
"Well I do and I love you, you're my sister...I'm sorry that you went through..."
Phoebe turned her back on Jason and started to walk away as she heard Piper's voice, 'sorry' Phoebe couldn't believe that she had just said sorry, she swung back around and spoke not in a shout, just loud enough for them to hear, "Don't be sorry Piper, be saddened, sickened, be guilty, be confused..." she lost it again, "But don't ever be sorry. EVER!" she screamed, and then she looked at Jason, "Look you stay and see if there is anything else you can do to make the easier...on my sisters. Tell them everything..." she started sarcastically before starting to walk to wards the stairs but before she walked up them she stopped an evil grin forming on her face, she shouted, "Just remember...my boyfriend won't always be there to protect you."
Jason stood there for a moment and when Phoebe had gone, he turned to Piper and Prue, "You two, are you stupid? She was close to killing you." Piper jumped in "I'm not stupid, I just want my old sister back!"
"Well, the best thing you can do is shut the hell up, you have no idea what she is capable of...she wouldn't think twice before turning on you two or me...and when she losses it, she losses it. I wouldn't be able to stop her, so Prue next time you feel the need to test her, to push her I am telling you now don't...because she will kill you." Prue was in shock, she didn't know what to do, say or how to react.
"What happened?" the question eventually slipped her mouth, "When?" Jason asked,
"Before, with Mark?" she finished, looking at Jason he began, "A couple of months ago Phoebe lost it again, all you need to know is that he questioned her much like you just did today and she took him down, she lost it so bad she smashed a vase over his head, she nearly killed him so next time you feel the need to test her...don't because I can't stop her."
Upstairs Phoebe walked into her room and fell down on her bed, and she cried, for the friends she lost and the pain of the addiction ripping through her. She sat like this for a while not knowing what to do. About an hour and a half had past and the tears had stopped she just sat staring at the ceiling then she decided something, she decided to change everything.
Phoebe stood up from her bed and walked over to the mirror in her room, as she looked at the reflection she realized that she know longer knew who she was, her eyes didn't display the spark she no longer felt, but it wasn't right, she was still angry at her sisters, more than angry in fact, but this wasn't the way to get back at them because she was hurting Jason in the process and that wasn't something that she wanted.
Half an hour later Jason was sat in the living room alone, he hadn't gotten to sleep all night and was finding it hard to keep his cool with the older sisters he really didn't want to blow up at them but every second that passed the more stressed he became, He wondered if there was anything that he could have done differently. As he sat in his own thoughts he hared a noise behind him, he turned around to see Phoebe coming down the stairs, she had changed into a pair of blue jeans and a light grey hooded sweat shit. He stood up from the sofa, and turned to her. Phoebe walked over to him and strait into his arms, he wrapped them protectively around her, "I love you." He whispered, Phoebe pulled back from the hug, "I love you too. I want to talk to you...can we get out the manor?"