Chapter 3 – Thinking of You
Harry thought of the day's occurrences, but he could not keep his focus on anything other than Sirius or Draco Malfoy. Sirius was too painful to thing about, so his mind came to rest on the topic of Draco Malfoy. Harry didn't think anything of this train of thought, seeing as he always thought about his nemesis, or at least the boy who once was. Over the years Harry's thinking had changed. In his first year Harry only felt hatred towards Malfoy because of all the horrible things Malfoy had done to him and his friends. Harry had even secretly planned revenge but he knew that he could never carry out any of the plans he made in his mind.
Harry's hatred and anger continued through his second year and even through his third. But after learning that he had a godfather, a family, Harry had forgotten to hate Malfoy. It became something he had to remind himself to do, afraid that people would ask questions about the lack of animosity between him and Malfoy.
During Harry's fourth year he started to pity Malfoy. Harry knew that Malfoy was lonely and he knew the way that felt. Harry wished that he could do something for him. Up until Harry's name came out of the Goblet of Fire, Malfoy had been decent to Harry and Harry had thought that a truce between them would be possible. But when Harry was chosen Malfoy went back to his old self. With that, all of Harry's thoughts of a truce were gone. Harry was too distracted by the Tournament to notice that Malfoy was laying off the harsh exchanges but when he looked back on it, he could see it. And Harry never noticed how nervous Malfoy looked whenever Harry was up to complete a task.
After seeing Voldemort come back in the graveyard and seeing Malfoy's father as a Death Eater, Harry wondered about Draco (yes, he began thinking of the Slytherin of Draco instead of Malfoy) all through the summer and during his fifth year. He wondered what sort of horrible things Draco had been subjected to. He wondered if Draco had ever used an Unforgivable Curse, if he had received the Dark Mark, if he wanted to follow in his father's footsteps. Everything Draco did made it seem that he would follow his father but Harry had a strange feeling that it was all an act.
Over the first few weeks of the summer, when he wasn't thinking about Sirius, Harry found himself thinking about Draco. Harry first only thought about which side of the war Draco would fight on. Then he started wondering about Draco's childhood and what his life was like now. Harry began wondering how different things would have been, would now be, if he had accepted Draco's friendship that first day at Hogwarts. Sometimes Harry found himself whishing that he and Draco had become friends and resolved that he would attempt a friendship with Draco that following year. Maybe, under that hard and virtually impenetrable exterior, Draco Malfoy was a real person, sensitive and caring, with real emotions. Harry had never shared any of this with anyone, not even Hermione. Something in Harry was telling him that there was more to his constant thinking of Draco than simple and innocent curiosity. Harry tried to ignore that something, afraid of his own emotions and feelings.
Harry snapped back to reality. He hated thinking about Draco in any way that would suggest that he wanted anything more from Draco than friendship. Harry knew he was gay but he was afraid what other people's reactions would be. He could just see the headlines: Harry Potter, Savior of the Wizarding World, Gay! He knew that, in the Muggle world, being gay wasn't completely accepted and he worried that it was the same in the Wizarding World. Harry sighed heavily and stood up, trying to push his thoughts about Draco to the back of his mind. Harry headed to bed, only to dream of Draco Malfoy.
As soon as Draco arrived at the Slytherin common room, he sat down in his favorite chair in front of the fire and sighed. 'Well that didn't go at all like you had planned. Way to make conversation. Way to blow a chance at friendship.'
At one in the morning Draco was still sitting there. He hadn't been sleeping well lately but he didn't mind it all that much, since it gave him time to think about a certain someone.
Draco had been infatuated with Harry Potter since the first time he had met him, that day in Diagon Alley. He hadn't known who Harry was right away since he couldn't recognize him. Draco had always thought that Harry would be like him, dressed in fabulous clothes and, though Draco would never outwardly admit that he was this way himself, a stuck up and spoiled brat. Why wouldn't Harry have fabulous clothes and be snobby? Harry was, after all, the savior of the wizarding world. But Harry turned out to be the complete opposite. Harry was modest, quiet, and very unaware of his importance. Draco found him as adorable as any eleven-year-old boy could be.
Even then, Draco knew that he liked boys. He made a point to find Harry on his first day of school in hopes that they could be friends. Draco never expected Harry to refuse his offer of friendship and his words had come out quite differently than he had planned. He had his father and Ron Weasley to blame for that. Weasley had been a distraction since Draco's father had told him that Weasleys were to be hated, though Draco had no idea why. He had lost his graceful and easy speech, completely out of Malfoy form.
Draco had hated both Weasley and his father after that. He hated Weasley because Harry chose the red-head over him and he hated his father for causing him to lose a friend because of all the lies the man had fed him. Since that day, Draco became obsessed with Harry, but he didn't want anyone to know that his feelings for Harry went any deeper than hatred. They were, in fact, the complete opposite.
Draco kept up the hatred act for years, partly out of fear of being rejected by Harry again but mostly out of fear of his father's reaction. But Draco was done with that now. He would no longer let his father rule his life. Draco was no longer hiding his sexuality; he didn't want to marry some cousin of his in France just for money and to produce and heir. He didn't want to receive the Dark Mark and he definitely didn't want to follow in his father's footsteps and worship that...that thing. Draco found Voldemort disgusting and didn't think he deserved to be murdered by a wizard like Harry. Voldemort wasn't good enough for that.
Draco wanted Harry to know that he loved him and that he wanted to be at Harry's side through everything. In the past Draco had promised himself that he wouldn't tell anyone about his feelings for Harry, but he was going to break that promise. He was tired of wondering if Harry returned his feelings and he knew if Harry did, them being together would put Harry in no more danger than he was already in. Draco hoped it would make Harry even stronger. Draco was ready to confront the boy who had stolen his heart. He was ready to tell the world that he, Draco Lucius Malfoy, was in love with Harry James Potter. As the fire burned down to glowing embers, Draco went to bed, his dreams filled with images of the boy he loved.