Chapter Two
Jonathon's lips were as sweet as Alanna remembered, and his hands as gentle and loving. She felt the way he matched with her, how well he knew her, secrets that even George did not. He held her gently, protecting her completely from all the cruelties of the world, but never hiding them from her. In his arms she was safe, and for a while it felt like everything was alright. But then she remembered George, and Thom, Alan and Alianne, her family, and felt a rush of miserable guilt pass through her. What was she doing to them by being with Jonathon? Even if they knew nothing about it was a betrayal, every second it was allowed to continue.
Alanna began to cry silently, and felt hot tears run down her face in rivers. Jonathon tasted the tears, and opened his eyes to look at her. She began to sob. The king pulled her tighter against his body and lay his head on top of hers, murmuring soothingly.
They stood together for a long time, until with a fresh bout of sobbing Alanna wrenched her body away from Jon's, and turned away. Carefully Jon rotated her by the shoulders until she was looking at him again, and for the first time Alanna saw that he too had tears in his eyes. She inhaled sharply and tried again to hide her face.
"Why must you do that?" Jon asked her, sounding almost amused along with his misery. She shrugged and then took a deep breath.
"Pride maybe? Vanity. I don't want people to see me looking like this, when I'm upset. Some woman can cry and look beautiful. I can't," As she said it she remembered the young princess Thayet telling her that, as she sat in her room in an inn crying over the Shang warrior Liam Ironman. That had been during the expedition when Alanna had acquired the Dominion jewel, before Jonathon was king and Thayet was queen. As she remembered Thayet Alanna began to cry anew at the thought of her betrayal.
Jon held her tightly. "I'm sorry; I'm so sorry," he whispered through his tears.
Alanna sniffed, relaxed, and then broke down again as she thought of their hopeless situation. "What are we going to do Jon?" she asked.
"I don't know," he replied. "I don't know anything right now, except that I love you,"
She cried again. "Stop saying it Jon. Please stop,"
Jonathon stared at her and then gripped her arms fiercely. "I love you," he repeated. "That's the truth Alanna; I always will love you. And denying it is what got us here in the first place,"
"Why did you try to send George to me?" she asked him.
"I wanted you to love him, and forget about us," he replied. "I didn't want this to happen,"
Alanna laughed. "And I have spent far too many hours telling myself to forget us," she announced. "All in vain. I don't think it is possible for me to stop loving you,"
Jonathon's voice was thick with emotion. "Forever, my lady Knight," he whispered. "No matter what, I'll love you always, and never let you forget it."
At this statement, the tears that Alanna had begun to control streamed out again. Jonathon laughed. "What is it that makes the Lioness cry?"
Alanna swatted at him through her tears. Then she became serious again. "Jon…" she asked. "What's going to happen now?"
The king kissed her forehead one last time. "I don't know," he admitted. "I shall be king, and Thayet shall be my queen, and you my vassal. And you will return to your Pirate's Swoop, your husband and your adventures. You and I… that I don't know. All I can say is I want you; I hope that's enough,"
"Alright," Alanna replied. "We'll figure it out together someday,"
Jon nodded. "Will you stay a while?" he asked her.
She nodded. "I'd like to see Kalasin again, and Kel's here too. I might even train with the Riders for a while,"
Jonathon grimaced. "I pity them greatly," he remarked cheekily. Alanna gave him a quick slap for his cheekiness, and then disentangled herself from his arms and made for the door.
"I'll let you get back to your work Sire," she announced. Jonathon, who had already taken his seat, gave a wry smile.
"Well from the looks of things I'll be here till Erastide, so until then…" Alanna left the room smiling, and made her way down the stairs to the palace, searching for Keladry.
She found the young knight on the practise courts, watching squires at their fencing. Kel's face was set to a scowl, and as she joined her, Alanna inquired as to why. Kel gestured towards the stands on the other side of the court, and, following her eyes, Alanna found the Royal children, Kalasin, Crown Prince Roald, and the younger Princes, Liam and Jasson, and Princess Lianne.
All of these later three were younger than their elder brother and sister by at least five years, which separated them from Kally and Roald greatly. But the difference also meant that the eldest two had had a part in raising their younger siblings, and as a result, the younger ones, especially Lianne, adored them.
Lianne was at that moment showing Roald something in a book she carried with her, while Liam and Jasson bickered for Kalasin's attention.
Alanna saw that Roald, while paying infinite attention to Lianne, had one eye permanently fixed on Kalisin, as if ready to jump up and protect her in an instant. That made Alanna smile; she was glad that neither time nor seas nor marriage could weaken Roald and Kally's bond, which was probably closer than that of Alanna's own twins.
She couldn't see what troubled Kel about the scene, and turned back to her young friend with a puzzled look on her face. "I don't see the problem," she admitted.
Kel snorted derisively. "They shouldn't be having a family gathering out here," she told Alanna. 'Even if they are Royal. It could distract the fighters."
Alanna looked at her sceptically. Kel wasn't the sort of person who she would expect to complain about something like that. "Are you sure that's the problem?" she asked.
Kel shrugged. "It's just, look at her," she burst out suddenly, though mercifully fairly quietly. "Taking all his time, when he should be paying attention to Shinko. She's his wife after all, and she's pregnant," Alanna realised that Kelardry was talking about Kalasin, and obviously didn't know that the Catharki Empress was pregnant too, if not as dramatically as Princess Shinkokami. She decided not to inform Kel; if the king and queen hadn't told their court yet, then it was not Alanna's place to do so. She didn't need Jonathon yelling at her for spreading gossip, though she doubted he would.
She turned her attention back to the royal children, and discovered that Liam had taken to the practise courts, being in his first year as a page, and Jasson had clambered down the benches to watch his brother, while Lianne had jumped up in her seat, and was cheering furiously. Roald and Kalasin were watching too, smiling the polite smiles that they had been taught to use in public when they were very young. Their attention was clearly elsewhere, and Alanna suspected that they were using what was commonly referred to as "twinspeak', communication with thought rather than out loud, so as to catch up privately with out offending their enthusiastic siblings. Alanna could vaguely understand why the closeness of brother and sister would offend Kel, who had known Roald and Shinkokami for quite some time, was close with the Yanami princess and had in fact played a large role in helping Roald and Shinko to build their relationship, but had never even met Kalasin.
"Where is the princess?" she asked Kel.
"In her room, feeling like a beached whale," the younger knight told her. Alanna sighed. She could see that Kel had firmly decided that Kalasin was an enemy, and was not likely to get over it, much like her dislike for the king, which was slightly more justified.
"Why don't you go and see her then?" she suggested. "I'm sure you could make her feel better,"
"Not as much as her husband could," Kel retorted, and left.
Alanna made her way over to Roald and Kalasin, alone now; for the excitable Lianne had finally given up on her maidenly dignity and gone down to join her brother, screaming hoarsely to cheer for Liam. Alanna sidestepped them as she climbed the stands to reach Roald and Kalasin, who both smiled at her in greeting.
"What's wrong with Kel?" Roald asked.
"I don't think you'd care to know," Alanna replied. Kalasin's face twitched in and out of a smile.
"So how long will you be staying, Lady Alanna?" she asked innocently, as if they had not spoken earlier. Alanna privately thanked the Goddess that Roald and Kalasin did not share everything. No matter how close they were, the prince and princess were very different people, and Roald was not nearly as liberal as his sister.
"Well I think I should stay and see the heir born," she replied, smiling at Roald, who promptly blushed deep red. Another way the two were not similar; Roald was terribly shy, compared to Kalasin's practical, almost blunt acceptance.
"I'm sure everyone would appreciate that," the princess noted. Her brother nodded.
"I think Shinko would like it if you were to visit her sometime," he commented. "She's terribly frightened, and no matter how many court ladies tell her that it's not so bad…" here he blushed again, "she still doesn't believe them. Maybe if you were to tell her…" he trailed off.
Alanna smiled. "I'll talk to her if you think it will help," Roald brightened.
"I don't like this," he confessed. "There are always all these woman folk around, and every time I speak they act as if I'm a dog. I can't even speak to Shin'," his eyes became downcast and Kalasin reached out to put an arm around him.
"You have as much right to be with her as all the women do," she informed her brother. "Just stand up for yourself; I'll help," She rested her head on Roald's chest and smiled at him. "Don't worry,"
Alanna glanced towards the horizon. The early afternoon sun was not enough to warm her properly, and she shivered. With goodbyes to Roald and Kally, she made her way down the stands and went of to look for her father.
She found Myles in his study, poring over a coded map. Alanna stood at the door watching him until he glanced up from his and saw her. A smile spread across his face.
"Alanna!" he exclaimed. "What brings you here?" He got to his feet and walked quickly over to her, holding out his arms. Alanna hugged her father and then settled down in the chair he offered her.
"Just thought I'd stop by on my way home," she told him. "But things seem to want me to stay longer,"
"Things?" Myles inquired, knowing of his daughter's involvement with the Gods.
"Well I'd like to see Roald's baby born," she expained, "And I haven't trained with the riders in a long time."
"What about your home?" Myles asked. "And George?"
"I'll have plenty of time left for that later," Alanna replied crossly. "Please don't try to make me relax Myles; I'm fine." She got to her feet and walked from the room.
"Fine?" Myles asked after she was gone. "That didn't seem fine to me,"
"Are you alright Kally?" Roald asked his sister. She smiled.
"I'm fine Roald. Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself."
"But you don't, and anyway, it's not just you that you have to take care of now," His cheeks were scarlet. Kalasin laughed.
"For Goddess sake Roald, we're both adults. There's nothing to be embarrassed about,"
"But you're my sister…" the prince protested.
"And you're my brother," she replied seriously, looking up at his through her lashes. They were alone now; after the squires had finished fencing Liam and Jasson had run off with their friends, and Lianne had gone with her friends to watch them. Kalasin had been invited to go with them, but she had declined, saying there were things she needed to attend to.
There were, important discussions to be had with her mother, father, and the Catharki Ambassador, but they would wait. For now she enjoyed being with her brother again, though the innocent play of their childhood was no more. Roald was the only thing Kalasin missed when she was in Cathark, with a fierce pain that refused to go away. Her sense told her that the agony would dull over time, but still she was anguished every time she remembered that her fate and Roald's were separated by hundred of miles.
She let some of that anguish go now, allowing tears to flow from her eyes and down her cheeks. They would never fix the wound inside her, but it was nice to cry without having to worry about millions of courtiers descending on you in a panic.
Roald only caught some of the emotions she was feeling. "Is something wrong?" he asked as he moved to comfort her. "Are you having problems with Kaddar?"
Kalisin smiled. She knew Roald didn't trust her husband, who he'd only met once, at Kalasin's wedding. He didn't want a stranger looking after of his beloved sister, to whom he had always been soul guard.
"No," Kalasin told her brother. "I'm having no more problems with Kaddar than you are with Shinko,"
"Then what is it?" Roald asked. "Are you upset that you were married by politics?"
Kalasin shook her head once more. "No," she replied. "I knew I was going to marry for Tortall when I was still a girl, just like you were, and like Papa was, and all our family before that,"
Roald stuttered over the response he wanted to make, and Kalasin smiled, pleased that she could still flap her unflappable brother.
"You know what I said is true Roald, without political marriages you and I wouldn't even be here,"
Roald closed his mouth, because he did know what she meant, in spite of what they had always been told.
"So what's he matter?" he asked her.
"I just miss you," Kalasin replied. "I know the ocean isn't really that wide, but it feels like we're separated by forever."
Roald hugged his sister closely. "I know," he replied silently. "But I promise it'll get better someday,"