Note: This chapter is... well, never mind. No one reads this, anyway. If you by chance venture into this apparently forbidden land of my AU, welcome!
Effusive thanks to Margit Ritzka, as always and more.
Chapter Two: Decisions
A sunray wrung a spark of brilliance from the snow he had absently tugged with his right foot. His eyes were closed for a moment out of instinct, then his lips slowly curved in a wry grin.
He didn´t like the snow.
Sometimes, he wondered how something so pure, so innocent of the pain and betrayal of the people who tread quickly over it could provoke such feelings inside him in certain occassions. He supposed everybody had to find in their lives something to hate, but to his righteous mind such an arbitrary damnation on the most harmless element of that terrible winter scenario looked somewhat…unsettling.
Well, he told himself, resuming his quick stride down the mountain. He could hear voices already, probably of children who were throwing snow at each other outside the village. Since when have I been sane?
It had been a short trip, for he had deliberatedly tried to be quicker to prevent the possibility of arriving too late, but he couldn´t help feeling strangely lax. In his way, he had found himself praying a lot of times not to have a confrontation when those people arrived, not to be discovered and taken away from the only life worth of protection that he had ever had. If that happened, he wouldn't ever forgive himself… and yet, on the other hand, he wouldn´t forgive himself either if something happened to his village. Even if Hata-san had just entrusted him with the document, he felt responsible for everything that would happen from then on. After all, in the past, from the moment when Himura Kenshin was given a paper he knew a mission had begun, had it not?
Trust him to compare both situations.
"Ow! You will see, you bastard!" a boy cried among giggles, some metres away from where he was. Out of instinct, he turned his body when he heard the whistle of the air, and dodged a ball of snow that came flying towards him.
"Hey! Be careful, children!" he admonished them with a slight smile. Of course they wouldn´t have heard him come, he thought.
"Himura-san!" All the boys were immediately turned towards him with surprised faces. "You appeared again!"
The slight smile turned at once into an amused chuckle at the word. "Appeared", indeed… A redhaired creature that came now and then with nobody noticing, directly from that menacing mountain enveloped with black clouds, he was.
"Let´s say I came, right? I bring remedies for winter colds like the one you´re going to get soon if you keep throwing snow at each other."
Murmurations of all kinds followed those words of his, and Kenshin lifted his eyes in resignation. Children…
If he had had a son, would he have needed to learn to throw snowballs with a smile?"I´m going to tell the people!"
"No, I´ll go!"
"Go if you want, but I´ll arrive before you do!"
"No fair, I said it first!"
The red-haired man watched how the running little points were lost against the background of snow, and bit his lip as the vertigo of the all-swallowing whitenesss threatened to overcome him once more.
Definitely, he thought, he didn´t like the snow.
* * * * *
As he arrived to the village at last, Kenshin was greeted by the somewhat disturbing sight of many people silently standing in the main street. At first, he thought that it was because they had learned of his arrival with the document, but soon he learned that there was also a much less peregrine reason. Winter fever had caused great havoc that year, and he couldn´t have arrived at a most appropriate moment.
"I knew you would come, Himura-san." an old woman smiled in happiness, handing him a basket of dried fruit. "Will you go to see my husband first?"
"Your husband isn´t as ill as my son, so wait your turn!" a man replied to her while he arrived with a small rice bag. "He´s as pale as washed rice."
"Please, give me something for my brother." a young girl cried.
Kenshin´s hands fidgeted distractedly with the fruits basket. With some skill and dexterity, he managed to get away from them without having to push anyone aside and, turning back, he bowed.
"I will see to all of them today, I promise. But before, I have to visit Eguchi-san."
"I don´t know if he will see you." The man of the rice bag shook his head in what seemed to Kenshin a sign of heavy worry. "Things have happened since you came here last."
Many people nodded in sombre assentment, to corroborate his words.
"The Meiji government is blaming us of something we haven´t done." the old woman informed timidly.
"As if we didn´t have already with our own troubles!"
Kenshin sighed to himself, then swallowed as he walked away from them once more. Things would never be easy for him, as always.
"He will see me." he assured them.
* * * * *
Since he had started to come to the village, and to the other two ones that were still farther to his home, Kenshin hadn´t broken the ritual of visiting Eguchi-san at least once. He had felt at ease with that old man, who in spite of having some of Hata-san´s calculating and authoritary behaviour was more easy-going and of pleasant conversation, having lived in a Buddhist temple for his childhood and in a city during his youth. Of all the people who lived there, he was by far the one who had seen more of the world Kenshin had lived in, and though he had been there for too long as for to have taken part in the Bakumatsu, it was nonetheless rumoured he had taken part in some long-forgotten battle of the old era. Whether this was true or just people´s imagination, though, the ex-hitokiri had been surprisingly unable to tell by simply studying him.
Maybe that was the reason why this time he was so uneasy at the cold steel hidden under his haori, he thought, repressing a grimace as he sat on his feet in front of him and lowered his head in a bow.
"Eguchi-san." he greeted him with deep courtesy. Before the old man could even answer, he took both the document and the reverse-blade sword from their hiding place and displayed them in front of him, ignoring the beatings of his heart. "I come to deliver something to you from the part of Hata-san. He sends his respect and friendship to you, and wishes you the best."
The chief of that village and head of the other three ones widened his eyes in recognition, and extended a hand. Kenshin had to hold his own in place with some effort, accustomed as he was to avoid at all costs that someone, anyone, could get at his weapon, but this wasn´t the thing that Eguchi-san was intending to pick up. Silently, he acknowledged his greeting with a bow and took the old paper, unfolding it with care.
"Thank you." he said, in a low tone. "Thank you very much, Himura-san." He gave a sideways glance at the sword, and smiled in approval. "True samurai serve those in need, the rest forces those people to serve them, isn´t it? This recent revolution was meant to end with the latter, though too much do I fear that they had just changed of name and office and kept doing the same. Oh, well…By the way, why a reversed blade?"
"Uh?" Taken somewhat aback by the man´s words, Kenshin shifted position uncomfortably. Too many people were having too much information of late, and he didn´t know whether he liked it.
"Your secret is safe with me, I swear." the man placated him. "I know swords have been forbidden, but I´m a real gravestone when I want to!"
You´d better want to, then! Kenshin thought in a mental show of grumpiness.
"Well…" he started at last, in a careful tone. He might as well make a concession now and then." It´s not a great story, really. I´ve seen blood, I´ve seen death in those dark times, and now I don´t want to see them anywhere anymore, that´s all. This reverse-blade sword cannot kill, and that´s why I use it I the opportunity arives. Not that it arrives too often, though…"
"I see…" Bright enough as to quickly notice Kenshin´s uncomfortableness at talking about himself, Eguchi-san opted by changing subject. "Did Hata tell you everything related with this piece of paper?"
"Most things. "Kenshin´s stance didn´t become less stiff. "Enough, I think."
"Even the fact that maybe it´s not an error?"
For a while, after that question, a deep, deadly silence reigned in the house. Kenshin lowered his face, closing his eyes for a moment to steel himself before facing the man again. Oh, how he hated this. How he really, truly, virulently hated this.
"I considered that on my own." he confessed. I´ve seen too many forgotten treaties, trampled alliances, and trusts broken by the holy needs of a group not to have done so. he thought also, but kept it to his own heart.
"But I´m sure it isn´t." he resumed his speech, for a moment´s ardent impulse even forgetting about his selfish wish of peace and quiet. "And even if it is, I will see to it, believe me."
"Really?" Eguchi-san gave him a sidelong glance, surprised. "Do you think you could?"
Could he?Oh, in the past he could.
Kenshin lost his eyes on the fleeting void behind the chief´s face. This looked so familiar that he couldn´t help remembering things. Things he fully knew he would need at least ten lifetimes to atone, if this were possible.
"They don´t agree."
"Kill half of them and then we´ll ask again to the other half. The rest of the feud will follow suit"
"Himura-san.."
"Uh…forgive me." The red-haired young man snapped out of his sinister musings, and made an effort to return to reality. "I will stay here and try to help you as I may. But now, if you will excuse me, I have serious duties as a healer to attend as well."
Eguchi-san didn´t seem surprised at his brusque answer, not even when he stood up. If all, Kenshin could have even said he was looking at him..compassionately.
"Keep your sword here. Please, trust me. You can sleep here too, if you want."
Trust…"I trust you, Eguchi-san."Kenshin said slowly. "Trust you indeed."
It´s the least I can do after you trust me. he mused to himself, as he put his haori over his shoulders and slid the shoji open to leave.
* * * * *
"Boil some water, quick!"
Kenshin watched with the corner of his eye how the young mother ran to fulfill his request, and belatedly scolded himself for being so brusque. Sometimes, he was angry at his total unability to issue directions without making the rest of the people believe that it was a matter of life or death.
"Is he grave?"
"Not too much." Guiltily, he brushed the boy´s warm forehead with his hand, and turned back to meet the worried father´s eyes. "I apologise for frightening you. I have…many things in my head of late."
The man looked rather calmed with those words. Getting closer, he sat next to Kenshin at the side of his son´s bed, and made a dismissing gesture with his right hand.
"We all have." he muttered sadly. The tiny lamp he was holding in his left projected a weak light over the child´s pale features, eliciting a whimper and a startle from him.
"That light is too close." Kenshin warned. As the father drew back in renewed concern, he got up and went to dip the piece of fabric for the boy´s forehead in the basin of fresh water. "I will leave you adequate quantities of that medicine I´m going to give him now, enough to aid to his complete recovery. And, as for the other side of the struggle, he´s strong and he can do it. Don´t have a doubt about that."
"Thank you very much. Really." The man watched him put the wet cloth on the child´s forehead with great care, and smiled. "He´s my main concern right now. If I know he´s well, I can even die."
"Die?" Kenshin´s hand froze in the middle of his task. "I suppose you´re figuratively speaking, aren´t you?"
The villager turned back to him and let the lamp down. Both he and his wife, who had just arrived and was standing at the doorstep, gave him a long look, and the red-haired man could easily perceive all the doubt and fear in those eyes.
"Maybe."
And this he couldn´t stand.
"How, maybe? Are you going to let yourself be killed and leaving a son and a wife behind?" Not able to keep all his anger deep inside, he got up, and perceived they were eyeing him in shock now. Of course, he thought ruefully, his temper must have always been the most constant thing they knew.
"But you don´t understand! "the man snapped in turn, recovering somewhat. "Maybe you can, but we can´t pay that fine! It´s winter, and if we give them what we have we´ll die of hunger. We´ll have to fight, and maybe if I´m dead…"A shocked gasp from his wife made him stop, and he left the sentence in the air. Turning towards her, he shook his head repeatedly, and let out a deep breath. "Is the water boiling, Yori?"
The woman nodded without saying anything, and before Kenshin could say anything she disappeared with a quick stride. Her husband sat down once more, and lowered his head.
"Father?" a tiny, shaky voice asked from the momentarily forgotten couch. "Why…why are you shouting?"
In fractions of second, the ex-assassin was already at the child´s side, feeling his temperature and calming him. Oh, please, kami, let him not have heard…
"Nothing is the matter, little one." he muttered. "Your father was worried because…"
"Don´t call me little one!" the boy cried in a weak attempt of a protest. "I´m six already!"
For a moment, even Kenshin had to forget his heart´s oppression and smile at this sally. It was astounding, how he had grown unaccustomed to boys so soon.
"I´m sorry." he apologised with a conciliating tone. "I don´t have sons, just a little daughter, and I´m used to her."
"I don´t look like a girl!" The child´s outrage got even bigger, and this brought a small spark to his father´s forlorn eyes. "Will I get well soon?"
"Yes." Kenshin nodded, "if you´re good and take your medicine." As he saw the boy´s grimace, he shook his head exaggeratedly. "Your friends are having great fun playing with the snow outside. Wouldn´t you want to get well and play with them?"
This seemed to produce the intended effect in his target´s mind, and left him in a ponderative silence for a while. Oh, that was much better.
"The water." The woman put the cup in his hands, staring at him with an unreadable face. Kenshin took it in silence, and mixed the herbs with it with practiced moves.
"Take it, litt…Eichi-kun." he rectified in time. The boy shrugged his nose in disgust.
"It stinks!"
"It will make you better." he answered quickly, leveling his almost weightless body with one of his arms and pressing the cup to his lips. As its content gradually disappeared through them, he stared at an empty corner again, lost into his thoughts once more.
How thankful he was, that Tomoe had been left apart of all this time and was blissfully ignorant to the despair of that people. That despair...it made him mad. A part of him rebelled against it, they had no right to feel like that after he had done so much so that they were in peace!
"Yori-san, can you stay with your son while we talk?" he asked somewhat abruptly. The woman nodded at once, and Kenshin could have sworn he had seen some hope in her eyes.
Yet another person relying on him…
"Eizo-san, please, come with me." he said, in a display of authority he seldom used. As if he had been electrified into motion, the man got up and followed, and Kenshin closed the shoji behind them.
"What...do you want, Himura-san?" he asked in a gruff voice, as soon as they were both alone. "If you´re going to tell me that I shouldn´t defend my family…"
"Your family?" Kenshin gave a long intake of breath." What your family needs is you to provide for them, not to die in a senseless riot."
"But you still don´t understand at all!" Eizo exploded, evidently full of the pent-up tension. "Most think the same here. If we do not fight we will die of hunger, and our families too."
"It´s an error that´s going to be rectified with a document." Kenshin pointed.
"Why should we believe them? They betrayed the shogun!"
The red-haired man repressed a very, very heavy sigh.
"They will act as they should."
"What if they just need the money?"
Kenshin dug his nails into his arms, and pressed, pressed harder, until he drew blood. If they did that…If they only did that, when he had sold his soul for them….
"No. They won´t do that. Trust me and take good care of your family."
Feeling the man´s astonished eyes burning holes in his back, the ex-assassin got up and slid the shoji open. They could discover him, track him and destroy his life, but he simply had no right to pull back yet.
If they only did that…
If they only did that, the Bakumatsu would not have ended.
"Now go to the other room, Eizo-san. Your son is calling for you." he muttered as he left, his head lowered in determination.
(to be continued)