Petra: Here it is... finally, the sequel to 'Chained to You'. Been waiting a while, ne?
Kati: Only FOREVER!!!
Petra: Oh, shut-up, you stupid muse!
Kati: Better than a stupid mortal!
Petra: *sticks tongue out*
Kati: Have you mentioned yet that they're going to hate the ending...?
Petra: SSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Kati: *evil grin* You guys are going to HATE, and I mean HATE, the ending!!!
Petra: *groan* I'm going to die. Between this story and 'I'm Glad I Didn't Tell You', I'm going to die!
Kati: Yep! Deader than a doornail!
Petra: *groan* *sigh* Well, enough with the dramatics. I would like to point out that, frankly, I did this mostly because of the fact that Heero-kun's often show as abusive, mentally and physically, and frankly I just can't see him doing that. To tell the truth, as much as I love Duo-kun, I can very much see him doing this... though, I'll admit... I think Heero-kun's a little OOC, but I don't think much. I can very much see him doing what he does.
Kati: Oh shut up and let them read the story already!
Petra: Okay! Okay! Jeez!
DEDICATED: For those of us who have done what we thought best... and learned too late that we were doomed anyway...
WARNING: Shonen-ai (duh!), violence, and self-mutilation.
DISCLAIMER: I... don't... own... *dies*
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Savage Hearts Arc ~ II ~ Hold Me
"Once, someone in the distant past said, if you break someone enough, they would never be able to put themselves back together. Broken once, the pieces would be found and glued back together, perhaps to near perfection. But broken over and over again, the pieces get lost, dulled, and too small to notice." -0083; One (GW)
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~(|)~ Hey / If we can't find a way out of these problems / Then maybe we don't need this / Standing face to face / Enemies at war we build defenses / And secret hiding places ~(|)~
Duo couldn't help but wince as he saw Wufei's fist fly forward and catch Heero right along the eye. He felt like calling out, telling them to stop, but something held him back; possibly the choking of tears in his throat but he pretended it was because Heero deserved the punch… Duo turned from the window, closing the curtains, not wanting to watch what else Wufei or Trowa might do.
He saw himself in the mirror and winced again, but this time it was from the sight of the vivid black and purplish bruise that covered the right side of his face, right by the eye. Duo pulled his knees up to his chest and tried not to think… It wasn't working. What made this feeling of guilt all the worse was that Heero hadn't even blocked the punch, hadn't even tried to duck… He'd taken it like he'd deserved it… Duo blinked back tears and laid his left cheek down on the top of his knees.
~(|)~ I might need you to hold me tonight / I might need you to say it's alright / I might need you to make the first stand / Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man ~(|)~
It had been his, Duo's, fault… Heero had come back late for a mission and Duo had been so worried; he hadn't wanted to be but he had been. He'd been, unsuccessfully, trying to sleep when Heero had slipped silently into their room and, suddenly, all the worry had transformed itself into anger and he'd attacked the Japanese boy. Heero had immediately caught Duo's fists, though, and no damage had been done to Wing's pilot but that had only served to enrage Duo further and he had proceeded to say the cruelest things he could think of even as he continued to try to hit the boy.
However, when Duo had swept Heero's feet out from under him, they'd both gone down and Duo, in his surprise at also falling on the floor, wasn't quick enough to avoid having the side of his face smack the board at the foot of the bed. For a minute, Duo had blacked out and come to with an extremely freaked out Heero leaning over him. The boy was babbling incoherently in Japanese and Duo suddenly felt like the biggest jackass as he saw that the other boy was close to tears. He'd sat up, despite the dizziness, and had wrapped his arms around the slightly smaller pilot. Heero had kept begging for Duo's forgiveness, even when the American had given it, and Duo had hugged the almost hysterical boy. He hadn't said that he was sorry, that it was his fault… He had stayed silent…
~(|)~ Hey / More than angry words I hate this silence / It's getting so loud / Well I want to scream ~(|)~
Heero came back upstairs half an hour later, soaking wet from the rain that had finally decided to drop from the sky, and shivering slightly. Duo immediately took Heero over and began to dry the boy off; it was as he was drying the boy's hair that he caught sight of the ugly bruise that was already forming on the other's fairer skin.
"Oh, Heero…" he whispered as he saw it.
Heero smiled and then gently pulled Duo into his arms as he said, "It's okay." He laughed softly. "Now we're twins." Gently, as though Heero were afraid to scare Deathscythe's pilot away, he kissed the other boy and Duo tasted blood. Apparently, Wufei and Trowa hadn't stopped with the simple punch upside the head. However, the boy's hands suddenly traveling lower caused Duo to arch his back and he heard a slow moan as he caught sight of the feral smile on the other boy's full lips. That's right, Duo thought, pushing the blanket off Heero's shoulders, he was in lust with Heero. Yes, it bothered him to see Heero hurt but it wasn't like it caused the American boy pain… and as they kissed Duo let himself drown in the feelings, ignoring the small cry of pain that echoed through his body as he once again tasted blood.
~(|)~ But bitterness has silenced these emotions / It's getting hard to breathe / So tell me isn't happiness / Worth more than a gold diamond ring? ~(|)~
Heero resisted the urge to scream out in frustration as, once again, Duo tried to push him past the breaking point. Duo was constantly doing small things such as going out and disappearing all night and then returning smelling of sex and perfume or, as right now, flirting shamelessly with Quatre… or any of the other pilots. However, Heero had found over a small amount of time that Duo went far deeper than anyone gave him credit and he had decided that Duo could push and pull him past the edge but he wouldn't give up on the hard-headed American.
However, it was becoming extremely difficult to stand the prodding since the morning two days ago when the other pilots' had seen Duo's bruise and had, correctly, assumed that he had done it. The other pilots now treated him with barely civilized hostility and, his one outlet of anger, sparring with Wufei, was now lost to him. Sometimes the anger, sadness, confusion; sometimes all the feelings just overwhelmed him and he would be forced to leave the room. Yesterday, when the pain had become too much to bear, he'd walked to a lake and sat and told the water every single one of his problems. With a groan he let his head fall into his arms that lay on the table and completely missed the worried looks Wufei and Trowa shared.
~(|)~ I'm willing to do anything / To calm the storm in my heart ~(|)~
Heero wasn't about to give up, though, not after it had taken so much soul-searching and energy to come to the conclusion that he loved the other boy. At that thought Heero remembered that, as of yet, neither boy had said those words but, Heero thought with a snort, it wasn't from his lack of trying. He closed his eyes tight in the safe recesses of his arms, because he wasn't going to cry in front of Wufei and Trowa, it was bad enough that he was... He stopped that thought right there and, almost violently, returned his mind to its original path...
Heero had figured out by now, after numerous attempts, that for some reason the long-haired boy was downright frightnened of Heero saying that he loved him but Heero didn't understand why. Then, despite the fact that Heero knew Duo wasn't a bad person, he kept trying to push Heero away, to make the Japanese pilot go past his limit. Heero sat up, determined, ignoring the other two pilots in the room and walked out of the room. Dammit, though, this is one love that Shinigami get rid of… if only Heero knew how much Duo wished that…
~(|)~ I've never been the praying kind / But lately I've been down upon my knees / Not looking for a miracle / Just a reason to believe ~(|)~
Duo ignored the guilt that coursed through him as Wufei stood up and walked out of the room as Heero sat down in a chair in the living room. Though he knew the other pilots didn't see it, he watched as Heero practically curled into himself. Duo knew what a great cost it had been to Heero for the other boy to admit that they were all friends and now, they were treating him coldly. Heero was unaware the other boy was watching him and Duo thought as he stood there. He should just leave, he knew he should but he couldn't make himself no matter how hard he'd tried. He couldn't even count the number of times that he'd packed up a bag, planning to leave Heero, only to see Heero sleeping and not be able to go through with it. Duo knew he should leave before he fell in love and, even as he went to sit with Heero, he ignored the tiny voice that laughed brokenly in the back of his head.
~(|)~ I might need you told hold me tonight / I might need you to say it's alright / I might need you to make the first stand / Because tonight I'm finding it hard to your man ~(|)~
Duo kept himself in self-denial for a long time until he discovered how Heero had been keeping himself from cracking under the pressure. Duo had slowly been slipping Heero's tank top off when the other boy had hissed in pain and suddenly frozen. Confused, Duo had lifted the tank top up more and had been confused when he'd seen five straight lines, in various stages of healing, above Heero's stomach but below the boy's ribs. Heero had quickly tried to get Duo distracted again but Duo couldn't help the sudden coil of horror that slowly started to curl in his stomach. He inspected them more closely, despite the fact that Heero kept trying to pull his shirt down, and noticed that also they got deeper as they went along.
~(|)~ Do you remember not long ago? When we used to live for the nighttime / Cherish each moment ~(|)~
Heero wanted to cry as Duo slowly looked up, anger brimming in his eyes. It had been a month since the other pilots had stopped talking to him and Heero didn't know what he would do if Duo stopped talking to him also. Heero was in love and he found that he hated it; it left him vulnerable and made him hurt worse than any of the torture that the good doctor had inflicted on him. He hadn't liked it but his sanity had become more and more unstable under the double attacks of both friends and lover…
~(|)~ Now we don't live we exist / We just run through our lives / So alone / That's why you've got to hold me ~(|)~
"Heero, these aren't from a mission, are they?" Heero stared blankly at Duo, fear vivid in his eyes. "Heero, tell me or I'll leave." Duo felt like crawling up in a dark corner as he saw the panicked look that entered Heero's eyes and as Heero's hands suddenly came up and took his wrists, a small broken cry escaping the Japanese boy's lips.
"No, they're not from a mission," he answered silently, looking down and letting go.
Using his finger, Duo used Heero's chin to make sure the other boy was looking at him as he asked, "Did one of the other pilots do this to you?" After a moment of hesitation Heero shook his head. Duo bit his bottom lip, not wanting to ask the next question but knowing that if he didn't, something awful would happen. "Did you do this?" Heero slowly nodded as his eyes looked at some point beyond Duo's head. "Why?" Duo choked out, feeling the pain and horror in his stomach rising to his throat and eyes.
~(|)~ Hey / If we can't find a way out of these problems / Then maybe we don't need this / Standing face to face / Enemies at war we build defenses / And secret hiding places ~(|)~
Duo watched as Heero searched for what to say, still not good at putting his emotions into words. Finally, he put his hand lightly on his chest, over his heart, and simply said, "It made me forget about the pain here."
Unable to hold himself any longer, he pulled Heero toward him and buried his face in the other's neck, letting the tears fall to drip on the other's skin. Duo was so scared of loving Heero; if one more person died because he loved them he knew that he would lose what was left of his sanity. He'd figured if he pushed Heero away he could forget that it was really his fault that the something wonderful they had hadn't worked out… He'd been sure that Heero would break soon and everything would go back to normal; Duo could get back to loving Heero from a distance, with no threat of harm to his lover, and Heero could start ignoring him again. However, Duo had slowly figured out that anything he'd ever wanted for himself, everything that he'd ever wanted in any person and in himself, was in Heero and so it had gotten harder to push him away. So Duo had upped the attempts, sure that Heero had a breaking point he hadn't reached. However, as Duo now saw, Heero had already reached his breaking point about two weeks back; the difference was that he'd broken quietly and all the harm that could be done had been done to himself alone.
~(|)~ I might need you told me tonight / I might you need you to say it's alright ~(|)~
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Duo slowly became aware that he silently chanting his remorse into Heero's shoulder. "I'm so, so, so sorry." And then, to his surprise, he said, "I love you so much and I'm so scared. Please don't ever leave me. Don't leave me. God, I'm a complete bastard. I don't deserve you. You're so sweet and so kind and… God, what did I do to deserve you?"
Heero rubbed Duo gently on the back and said, "I love you too, Duo, and you deserve me, trust me. It's okay, I didn't kill myself. It's all right. I won't ever leave you. I would die before leaving you."
And, even though Duo kept crying and murmuring, his mind caught that phrase and something deep within him trembled and then shattered. No…
~(|)~ I might need you to make the first stand ~(|)~
Late that night, as Heero slept on their bed, Duo carried his duffel bag and stood looking down on the Japanese boy, watching the silent rise and fall of Heero's chest. A silent tear fell from his eye and slid down his cheek, a badge of pain to show that the emotionless face really did have feelings behind the dead eyes. "I'm sorry, Heero," Duo said and watched as Heero's eyebrows drew together before smoothing out. "You'd gladly die for me but, the point is, that you would die… I'm so sorry, I love you…" Duo walked to the window, about to open it, when Heero whispered in his sleep, "Love you too." Heero sighed, his breathing deepening, and Duo wanted to curse every god he'd ever heard of; Heero even loved him in his sleep. Duo felt another tear course down his cheek as he left, leaving Heero and his heart behind. Heero was alive though, and that's all that mattered… Who really cared if Duo felt dead on the inside?
~(|)~ Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man ~(|)~
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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.
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Petra: A quick note before I get to my whining, some of you might think that Heero was incredibly out of character but I don't believe so.
Kati: Just think about it.
Petra: Heero, emotionally, is the equivalant of a child. Any emotional hurts he would get would hurt more because he's not used to, or even knows how to handle, that type of pain.
Kati: Heero is, especially, emotionally weak when it comes to Duo and the other pilots because he's permitted them, despite the fact that everything he is says he shouldn't, to get close.
Petra: That's why Heero is near tears some of this fic; he wouldn't know how to stop him. I mean, sure, he knows how to not cry over a dead enemy... but a dead friend... I don't think so.
Kati: Now, back to our regular author's babbles.
Petra: I am so dead... between all the fics... I have royally pissed a bunch of people off today... I am so fucking DEAD!!! *screams* But... um... you need to let me live! Sequel!
Kati: *walks out holding Petra's walkman and CDs* Oh? You're not dead yet?
Petra: *growl* No! *snatches things out of Kati's hands* And besides, I'm leaving these to Chris, so back off!
Kati: *growls* *pounces*
Petra: Ack! Anyways... thanks to:
MANDI2: Well... In case you still didn't quite get it, there's another once coming out so don't worry! It'll be explained there! ^_^ Thank you. I consider 'Chained to You' one of my favs, just becuase I believe that I got the characters down so well.
ELVISH LADY: *laugh* Well... it's taken a long time and I'm sure you don't remember 'Chained to You' anymore but... I did finally write a sequel... that counts for something... right?
KITAI: ^_^ Favorite list! *glomps* I love you! I love you! I love you! *dances around room* Um... is 7 months "forthcoming"...? -_-; I thought not... *sigh* Gomen nasai...
LEAF ZELINDOR: ^_^ It's continued... it just took 7 months... -_-; Sorry...
ANIMELOVER: 7 months is soon... right? Right? ... *sigh*
SHINI-GIRL KIT: Well... considering that originally 'Chained to You' was all there was... I consider this an accomplishment!
REBECCA: No updating soon... but I updated... That counts... ... ... ... It does too!
LITA: Continued... just took a LONG time.
NELIA: Yeah, Heero-kun's noticed. Don't worry. Heero-kun hasn't figured it out yet but... he's working on it... Give him a while. -_-; Update... soon... *sigh*
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."
-Rose Marie Ledam
~Petra Megami Assari~
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess*
Kati: Only FOREVER!!!
Petra: Oh, shut-up, you stupid muse!
Kati: Better than a stupid mortal!
Petra: *sticks tongue out*
Kati: Have you mentioned yet that they're going to hate the ending...?
Petra: SSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Kati: *evil grin* You guys are going to HATE, and I mean HATE, the ending!!!
Petra: *groan* I'm going to die. Between this story and 'I'm Glad I Didn't Tell You', I'm going to die!
Kati: Yep! Deader than a doornail!
Petra: *groan* *sigh* Well, enough with the dramatics. I would like to point out that, frankly, I did this mostly because of the fact that Heero-kun's often show as abusive, mentally and physically, and frankly I just can't see him doing that. To tell the truth, as much as I love Duo-kun, I can very much see him doing this... though, I'll admit... I think Heero-kun's a little OOC, but I don't think much. I can very much see him doing what he does.
Kati: Oh shut up and let them read the story already!
Petra: Okay! Okay! Jeez!
DEDICATED: For those of us who have done what we thought best... and learned too late that we were doomed anyway...
WARNING: Shonen-ai (duh!), violence, and self-mutilation.
DISCLAIMER: I... don't... own... *dies*
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Savage Hearts Arc ~ II ~ Hold Me
"Once, someone in the distant past said, if you break someone enough, they would never be able to put themselves back together. Broken once, the pieces would be found and glued back together, perhaps to near perfection. But broken over and over again, the pieces get lost, dulled, and too small to notice." -0083; One (GW)
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~(|)~ Hey / If we can't find a way out of these problems / Then maybe we don't need this / Standing face to face / Enemies at war we build defenses / And secret hiding places ~(|)~
Duo couldn't help but wince as he saw Wufei's fist fly forward and catch Heero right along the eye. He felt like calling out, telling them to stop, but something held him back; possibly the choking of tears in his throat but he pretended it was because Heero deserved the punch… Duo turned from the window, closing the curtains, not wanting to watch what else Wufei or Trowa might do.
He saw himself in the mirror and winced again, but this time it was from the sight of the vivid black and purplish bruise that covered the right side of his face, right by the eye. Duo pulled his knees up to his chest and tried not to think… It wasn't working. What made this feeling of guilt all the worse was that Heero hadn't even blocked the punch, hadn't even tried to duck… He'd taken it like he'd deserved it… Duo blinked back tears and laid his left cheek down on the top of his knees.
~(|)~ I might need you to hold me tonight / I might need you to say it's alright / I might need you to make the first stand / Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man ~(|)~
It had been his, Duo's, fault… Heero had come back late for a mission and Duo had been so worried; he hadn't wanted to be but he had been. He'd been, unsuccessfully, trying to sleep when Heero had slipped silently into their room and, suddenly, all the worry had transformed itself into anger and he'd attacked the Japanese boy. Heero had immediately caught Duo's fists, though, and no damage had been done to Wing's pilot but that had only served to enrage Duo further and he had proceeded to say the cruelest things he could think of even as he continued to try to hit the boy.
However, when Duo had swept Heero's feet out from under him, they'd both gone down and Duo, in his surprise at also falling on the floor, wasn't quick enough to avoid having the side of his face smack the board at the foot of the bed. For a minute, Duo had blacked out and come to with an extremely freaked out Heero leaning over him. The boy was babbling incoherently in Japanese and Duo suddenly felt like the biggest jackass as he saw that the other boy was close to tears. He'd sat up, despite the dizziness, and had wrapped his arms around the slightly smaller pilot. Heero had kept begging for Duo's forgiveness, even when the American had given it, and Duo had hugged the almost hysterical boy. He hadn't said that he was sorry, that it was his fault… He had stayed silent…
~(|)~ Hey / More than angry words I hate this silence / It's getting so loud / Well I want to scream ~(|)~
Heero came back upstairs half an hour later, soaking wet from the rain that had finally decided to drop from the sky, and shivering slightly. Duo immediately took Heero over and began to dry the boy off; it was as he was drying the boy's hair that he caught sight of the ugly bruise that was already forming on the other's fairer skin.
"Oh, Heero…" he whispered as he saw it.
Heero smiled and then gently pulled Duo into his arms as he said, "It's okay." He laughed softly. "Now we're twins." Gently, as though Heero were afraid to scare Deathscythe's pilot away, he kissed the other boy and Duo tasted blood. Apparently, Wufei and Trowa hadn't stopped with the simple punch upside the head. However, the boy's hands suddenly traveling lower caused Duo to arch his back and he heard a slow moan as he caught sight of the feral smile on the other boy's full lips. That's right, Duo thought, pushing the blanket off Heero's shoulders, he was in lust with Heero. Yes, it bothered him to see Heero hurt but it wasn't like it caused the American boy pain… and as they kissed Duo let himself drown in the feelings, ignoring the small cry of pain that echoed through his body as he once again tasted blood.
~(|)~ But bitterness has silenced these emotions / It's getting hard to breathe / So tell me isn't happiness / Worth more than a gold diamond ring? ~(|)~
Heero resisted the urge to scream out in frustration as, once again, Duo tried to push him past the breaking point. Duo was constantly doing small things such as going out and disappearing all night and then returning smelling of sex and perfume or, as right now, flirting shamelessly with Quatre… or any of the other pilots. However, Heero had found over a small amount of time that Duo went far deeper than anyone gave him credit and he had decided that Duo could push and pull him past the edge but he wouldn't give up on the hard-headed American.
However, it was becoming extremely difficult to stand the prodding since the morning two days ago when the other pilots' had seen Duo's bruise and had, correctly, assumed that he had done it. The other pilots now treated him with barely civilized hostility and, his one outlet of anger, sparring with Wufei, was now lost to him. Sometimes the anger, sadness, confusion; sometimes all the feelings just overwhelmed him and he would be forced to leave the room. Yesterday, when the pain had become too much to bear, he'd walked to a lake and sat and told the water every single one of his problems. With a groan he let his head fall into his arms that lay on the table and completely missed the worried looks Wufei and Trowa shared.
~(|)~ I'm willing to do anything / To calm the storm in my heart ~(|)~
Heero wasn't about to give up, though, not after it had taken so much soul-searching and energy to come to the conclusion that he loved the other boy. At that thought Heero remembered that, as of yet, neither boy had said those words but, Heero thought with a snort, it wasn't from his lack of trying. He closed his eyes tight in the safe recesses of his arms, because he wasn't going to cry in front of Wufei and Trowa, it was bad enough that he was... He stopped that thought right there and, almost violently, returned his mind to its original path...
Heero had figured out by now, after numerous attempts, that for some reason the long-haired boy was downright frightnened of Heero saying that he loved him but Heero didn't understand why. Then, despite the fact that Heero knew Duo wasn't a bad person, he kept trying to push Heero away, to make the Japanese pilot go past his limit. Heero sat up, determined, ignoring the other two pilots in the room and walked out of the room. Dammit, though, this is one love that Shinigami get rid of… if only Heero knew how much Duo wished that…
~(|)~ I've never been the praying kind / But lately I've been down upon my knees / Not looking for a miracle / Just a reason to believe ~(|)~
Duo ignored the guilt that coursed through him as Wufei stood up and walked out of the room as Heero sat down in a chair in the living room. Though he knew the other pilots didn't see it, he watched as Heero practically curled into himself. Duo knew what a great cost it had been to Heero for the other boy to admit that they were all friends and now, they were treating him coldly. Heero was unaware the other boy was watching him and Duo thought as he stood there. He should just leave, he knew he should but he couldn't make himself no matter how hard he'd tried. He couldn't even count the number of times that he'd packed up a bag, planning to leave Heero, only to see Heero sleeping and not be able to go through with it. Duo knew he should leave before he fell in love and, even as he went to sit with Heero, he ignored the tiny voice that laughed brokenly in the back of his head.
~(|)~ I might need you told hold me tonight / I might need you to say it's alright / I might need you to make the first stand / Because tonight I'm finding it hard to your man ~(|)~
Duo kept himself in self-denial for a long time until he discovered how Heero had been keeping himself from cracking under the pressure. Duo had slowly been slipping Heero's tank top off when the other boy had hissed in pain and suddenly frozen. Confused, Duo had lifted the tank top up more and had been confused when he'd seen five straight lines, in various stages of healing, above Heero's stomach but below the boy's ribs. Heero had quickly tried to get Duo distracted again but Duo couldn't help the sudden coil of horror that slowly started to curl in his stomach. He inspected them more closely, despite the fact that Heero kept trying to pull his shirt down, and noticed that also they got deeper as they went along.
~(|)~ Do you remember not long ago? When we used to live for the nighttime / Cherish each moment ~(|)~
Heero wanted to cry as Duo slowly looked up, anger brimming in his eyes. It had been a month since the other pilots had stopped talking to him and Heero didn't know what he would do if Duo stopped talking to him also. Heero was in love and he found that he hated it; it left him vulnerable and made him hurt worse than any of the torture that the good doctor had inflicted on him. He hadn't liked it but his sanity had become more and more unstable under the double attacks of both friends and lover…
~(|)~ Now we don't live we exist / We just run through our lives / So alone / That's why you've got to hold me ~(|)~
"Heero, these aren't from a mission, are they?" Heero stared blankly at Duo, fear vivid in his eyes. "Heero, tell me or I'll leave." Duo felt like crawling up in a dark corner as he saw the panicked look that entered Heero's eyes and as Heero's hands suddenly came up and took his wrists, a small broken cry escaping the Japanese boy's lips.
"No, they're not from a mission," he answered silently, looking down and letting go.
Using his finger, Duo used Heero's chin to make sure the other boy was looking at him as he asked, "Did one of the other pilots do this to you?" After a moment of hesitation Heero shook his head. Duo bit his bottom lip, not wanting to ask the next question but knowing that if he didn't, something awful would happen. "Did you do this?" Heero slowly nodded as his eyes looked at some point beyond Duo's head. "Why?" Duo choked out, feeling the pain and horror in his stomach rising to his throat and eyes.
~(|)~ Hey / If we can't find a way out of these problems / Then maybe we don't need this / Standing face to face / Enemies at war we build defenses / And secret hiding places ~(|)~
Duo watched as Heero searched for what to say, still not good at putting his emotions into words. Finally, he put his hand lightly on his chest, over his heart, and simply said, "It made me forget about the pain here."
Unable to hold himself any longer, he pulled Heero toward him and buried his face in the other's neck, letting the tears fall to drip on the other's skin. Duo was so scared of loving Heero; if one more person died because he loved them he knew that he would lose what was left of his sanity. He'd figured if he pushed Heero away he could forget that it was really his fault that the something wonderful they had hadn't worked out… He'd been sure that Heero would break soon and everything would go back to normal; Duo could get back to loving Heero from a distance, with no threat of harm to his lover, and Heero could start ignoring him again. However, Duo had slowly figured out that anything he'd ever wanted for himself, everything that he'd ever wanted in any person and in himself, was in Heero and so it had gotten harder to push him away. So Duo had upped the attempts, sure that Heero had a breaking point he hadn't reached. However, as Duo now saw, Heero had already reached his breaking point about two weeks back; the difference was that he'd broken quietly and all the harm that could be done had been done to himself alone.
~(|)~ I might need you told me tonight / I might you need you to say it's alright ~(|)~
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Duo slowly became aware that he silently chanting his remorse into Heero's shoulder. "I'm so, so, so sorry." And then, to his surprise, he said, "I love you so much and I'm so scared. Please don't ever leave me. Don't leave me. God, I'm a complete bastard. I don't deserve you. You're so sweet and so kind and… God, what did I do to deserve you?"
Heero rubbed Duo gently on the back and said, "I love you too, Duo, and you deserve me, trust me. It's okay, I didn't kill myself. It's all right. I won't ever leave you. I would die before leaving you."
And, even though Duo kept crying and murmuring, his mind caught that phrase and something deep within him trembled and then shattered. No…
~(|)~ I might need you to make the first stand ~(|)~
Late that night, as Heero slept on their bed, Duo carried his duffel bag and stood looking down on the Japanese boy, watching the silent rise and fall of Heero's chest. A silent tear fell from his eye and slid down his cheek, a badge of pain to show that the emotionless face really did have feelings behind the dead eyes. "I'm sorry, Heero," Duo said and watched as Heero's eyebrows drew together before smoothing out. "You'd gladly die for me but, the point is, that you would die… I'm so sorry, I love you…" Duo walked to the window, about to open it, when Heero whispered in his sleep, "Love you too." Heero sighed, his breathing deepening, and Duo wanted to curse every god he'd ever heard of; Heero even loved him in his sleep. Duo felt another tear course down his cheek as he left, leaving Heero and his heart behind. Heero was alive though, and that's all that mattered… Who really cared if Duo felt dead on the inside?
~(|)~ Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man ~(|)~
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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.
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Petra: A quick note before I get to my whining, some of you might think that Heero was incredibly out of character but I don't believe so.
Kati: Just think about it.
Petra: Heero, emotionally, is the equivalant of a child. Any emotional hurts he would get would hurt more because he's not used to, or even knows how to handle, that type of pain.
Kati: Heero is, especially, emotionally weak when it comes to Duo and the other pilots because he's permitted them, despite the fact that everything he is says he shouldn't, to get close.
Petra: That's why Heero is near tears some of this fic; he wouldn't know how to stop him. I mean, sure, he knows how to not cry over a dead enemy... but a dead friend... I don't think so.
Kati: Now, back to our regular author's babbles.
Petra: I am so dead... between all the fics... I have royally pissed a bunch of people off today... I am so fucking DEAD!!! *screams* But... um... you need to let me live! Sequel!
Kati: *walks out holding Petra's walkman and CDs* Oh? You're not dead yet?
Petra: *growl* No! *snatches things out of Kati's hands* And besides, I'm leaving these to Chris, so back off!
Kati: *growls* *pounces*
Petra: Ack! Anyways... thanks to:
MANDI2: Well... In case you still didn't quite get it, there's another once coming out so don't worry! It'll be explained there! ^_^ Thank you. I consider 'Chained to You' one of my favs, just becuase I believe that I got the characters down so well.
ELVISH LADY: *laugh* Well... it's taken a long time and I'm sure you don't remember 'Chained to You' anymore but... I did finally write a sequel... that counts for something... right?
KITAI: ^_^ Favorite list! *glomps* I love you! I love you! I love you! *dances around room* Um... is 7 months "forthcoming"...? -_-; I thought not... *sigh* Gomen nasai...
LEAF ZELINDOR: ^_^ It's continued... it just took 7 months... -_-; Sorry...
ANIMELOVER: 7 months is soon... right? Right? ... *sigh*
SHINI-GIRL KIT: Well... considering that originally 'Chained to You' was all there was... I consider this an accomplishment!
REBECCA: No updating soon... but I updated... That counts... ... ... ... It does too!
LITA: Continued... just took a LONG time.
NELIA: Yeah, Heero-kun's noticed. Don't worry. Heero-kun hasn't figured it out yet but... he's working on it... Give him a while. -_-; Update... soon... *sigh*
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."
-Rose Marie Ledam
~Petra Megami Assari~
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess*