Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing

- The rest of the story was written a long time ago but this part was just written today, and I must say I'm prouder of it than the rest of the story, rightfully so I hope. ;)

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Just Like Me

Chapter 6 'A smile like yours'

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            She woke while he was away.  He'd headed for the cafeteria with a little prompting from Noin.  Milliardo had stayed to watch over her.  It had been hours since he'd first arrived but it felt like years he'd spent watching her lifeless face.  He'd run his hand over her stomach countless times confused about the baby and what it would mean, that is if it, no she, if she survived.  He'd been told that Relena would probably be okay.  Probably was what chaffed him, probably was not a certainty, and certainty was the only thing that made him comfortable.

            "You want something to eat, or just coffee?"  Noin shifted her son, Max, onto her other hip as she scanned the cafeteria. 

            The thought of food made his stomach turn.  "Coffee," he told her still unsure of why he was down here instead of upstairs holding Relena's hand.  "I really should get back." 

            Noin turned around her saddened gaze falling on him for a moment.  "We'll head back up in a second; just let me get the coffee.  I'm sure Milliardo wants some as well."  She looked at Max for a moment and then back at Heero.  "Could you hold him for me?" 

            Heero hated the way his eyes widened in surprise but it was too late to mask it.  Noin was laughing at him.  Heero shook his head; "I don't…" he trailed off looking very much like a deer in headlights, "I don't know how." 

            "It's not hard Noin promised, besides I don't want to risk spilling anything on him."  She stretched her arms out holding the one year old at arms length, expecting Heero to take him. 

            "I'll get the coffee."  He offered quickly and started toward the line, but Noin stepped in front of him stopping his retreat.  "You're going to be a father soon, just hold him for a minute." 

            Heero thought of Relena, of their daughter.  Of their own accord his arms stretched out taking the small child.  He was scared and from the way Noin was smirking at him, he looked it.  Carefully he tried to imitate her hold on Max placing him on his hip and supporting him with an arm around his back.  "Hurry up." 

            Noin nearly laughed out loud but nodded and headed in the direction of the coffee.  There was a short line and he cursed it inwardly for leaving him with the child.  He really shouldn't be doing this; he should be with Relena, waiting for her to wake up.  Anything but hold Noin's baby and getting coffee.  Max whined. 

            Heero looked to his hip to find Max's expression had changed.  His nose had wrinkled upward his eyes had begun to water and his little fists were clenched tightly.  Heero knew the signs, Max was going to cry.  Panic seized him immediately.  He didn't know what to do.  He looked for Noin but she was lost in the crowd, somewhere in the back of the ever growing line of people addicted to caffeine.  He was alone.  The first cry was soft, almost like a whimper, but the silence didn't last long and Max opened his small mouth and wailed.

            He didn't know what to do.  People turned to look at him, sending him dirty looks, sympathetic ones, ones he couldn't read and yet the baby continued to cry.  He couldn't shake him, afraid the force would probably break him, or worse yet make him cry worse.  Shaking wasn't an option, what was somebody like him supposed to do?  He didn't have the training, or experience to do this, in the past he'd ended crying with a bullet to the enemies head.  The wails were getting louder and Noin was no where in sight.  He was going to have to deal with this himself. 

            Carefully, Heero removed Max from the position on his hip and laid the wailing child on his stomach, the boys head on his shoulder and his small body against his chest.  He'd seen people rock their children and he wasn't really sure why, but maybe it would help.  He shifted from foot to foot trying to pick out a slow soothing rhythm.  It was helping, he thought the cries were quieter, but Max was still crying.  He'd soothed Relena when she cried.  She liked her back rubbed.  Instinctually he let his hand rub small circles into the child's back a 'shh' escaping his lips.  He stepped from foot to foot rubbing Max's back trying to sooth him until suddenly the crying stopped.  He was afraid to stop moving, afraid the boy would start up again. 

            "Guess I didn't have to worry." 

            Heero looked up still moving to see Noin staring at him, a smile on his face, coffee in her hands.  "I heard him crying, but I thought you could handle it." 

            Heero frowned, "You're wrong I don't know anything about kids." 

            "Yet, you got him to stop crying, that's something isn't it."  Noin winked at him and walked past still holding the coffee.  Heero could do nothing but follow, still pondering Noin's words and his ability to stop the tears. 

            When he got back to the room Relena was awake.  He could see her talking quietly to a nurse repressed emotion in her eyes.  She was about to cry, they must have told her about the baby.  Heero carefully handed Max over to Milliardo ignoring the look the man shot his wife and stepped to Relena's side.  She wouldn't look at him, even when the nurse left and Noin pulled Milliardo from the room her eyes remained on the sheets. 

            "Look at me," he whispered the emotion building in his throat and threatening to spill.  He'd thought she was going to die; he'd been worried about her, about… His gaze traveled to her stomach for a moment before his hand went to his pocket and he felt the crumpled photo. 

            "I can't," she whispered the tears he knew she'd been repressing cascading down her cheeks. 

            "You can," he told her and lifted her chin.  The sight of her swollen red eyes made his eyes moisten.  "You lied to me." 

            Relena choked, "I'm sorry, I didn't lie, I just…" she trailed off.  "Are you leaving me?" 

            Heero felt the fear.  He would never leave her, but he had let her think he would.  "I'd never leave you Relena, I love you."  He grabbed her hand pulling it to his lips kissing her knuckles before leaning forward and kissing her forehead.  "I can't live without you."

            "I, I know you didn't want children and I'm sorry, I didn't try to, I just…"  She trailed off and was silent before continuing.  "When you told me you didn't want children I just couldn't tell you I was pregnant.  I thought you would leave me, that you would hate me, and our daughter." 

            The words stung.  "I could never hate you." 

            "It's not just me though, she's here too," Relena sniffled, "or I hope she will be, God Heero I'm so scared."  Her voice was barely a whisper. 

            "I wish you'd told me."  Heero answered and squeezed her hand.  "I would have still been scared.  I'm scared now."  He thought about Max and how he'd quieted the baby, about what Noin had said.  Maybe it was a good thing that he'd gone to get coffee.  "I made Max cry."  He blurted. 

            Relena grimaced, confused, "what?" 

            "I made Max cry, when Noin asked me to hold him.  Then Noin was gone and I had to stop it.  I thought of a lot of things," He paused, "things I'm sure normal people wouldn't consider, but I stopped his crying, and then he was fine." 

            Relena was still confused.  "I don't understand…"

            "That was the first time I'd ever held a baby, a child, and I didn't kill him.  I fixed his problem.  It wasn't as hopeless as I thought it would be."  Heero watched her watering eyes and put his hand on her stomach caressing it lightly.  He felt her shiver under his touch.  "Maybe this won't be as bad, and maybe what I am what hurt her." 

            "Heero I was never afraid you'd…"

            He cut her off his eyes going from her stomach to her face.  "I was... I am afraid of what I was.  I don't want to be that again, I don't want to be that monster."  His voice cracked.  "I'll tell you everything Relena, everything about me, but don't hate me for it please, and if you still want me for a father.  I'll try.  For you, for her, and for me." 

            Heero knew the conversation was going to have to wait for later.  He didn't want to tell her now, in a hospital when their child's life was in danger it could wait.  He held her hand while more tests were run and kissed her cheeks when she was afraid.  He was strong for her and through it all he felt his attachment to the baby growing in his wife's stomach form.  She was part of him and God he didn't want to give her up.

~~~~~~~~~~``  Two days later 

            Relena was sick of being in bed, sick of romance novels, and soap operas on television.  She was actually sick of getting breakfast in bed.  Well maybe it wasn't the breakfast in bed that rubbed her the wrong way, but the lunch, dinner, and snack in bed that followed.  He carried her to the bathroom, carried her back to bed.  It was ridiculous and she was sick of it.  She'd spent her entire life on her feet working, and staying still wasn't something she knew how to do.  After the first day she'd nearly pulled her hair out.  She had to tell herself it was for the baby.  It was doctor's orders at least for a week, and then they'd see.  She didn't think she'd be able to spend the next four months in bed. 

            "Are you hungry?"  Heero asked walking into the room and setting the tray across her lap.  She stomach wasn't that large, but Heero was angry with himself for missing the definite bulge.  He had always had an eye for everything, and he'd missed the physical change of his own wife. 

            Relena rolled her eyes, but nodded.  If there was anything her baby liked it was eating.  She was constantly hungry and her daughter was always kicking in anticipation of breakfast, lunch, dinner, and especially snacks.  Heero poured the bottled water into a glass filled with ice and cut her ham sandwich in two. 

            "Heero, really, I can cut my own sandwich."  Relena swatted his hand and took the knife away before he could finish and did the job herself.  "See and no trauma."  Relena ignored the look on his face and looked at her tray.  At first glanced she'd over looked the other sandwich.  "Are you eating with me today?" 

            Heero nodded, "Yeah, I thought we could talk today." 

            Relena bit into he sandwich and nodded, "sounds good, I'm sick of day time television." 

            Heero smiled slightly and poked at his food for a moment before beginning.  "There's not a lot I remember, like I mentioned before.  I don't know where I came from, nothing at least until I met Odin Lowe.  He taught me a lot.  He taught me how to fire my first gun, when I was four.  He taught me how to kill a man with my bare hands.  He taught me that when ever you're fighting for somebody in trouble it's worth while.  He taught me so much, but it wasn't enough to save him.  He was killed on the first mission he took me on.  I watched him die." 

            Heero swallowed hard feeling the familiar, once foreign, tightness in his chest and throat.  He didn't want to cry, had never cried about it before, but suddenly it felt so real.  He remembered the blood, the smell, Odin carefree smile.  He'd never cried over Odin's body, he hadn't even said goodbye.  Relena had his hand intertwined in hers.  He gathered strength from her touch and continued. 

            "After Odin Lowe I met Dr. J.  A lot of my time with him was spent training.  I never felt a bond with him, not like with Odin but fighting was all I'd ever known.  One day I was free, at least for the afternoon and I went for a run threw the park.  While I was there I met a girl in a floppy pink hat walking her dog…" 

            Heero talked for a long time blocking out everything but his story.  He told her things that had haunted him his entire life, about the girl he'd killed, the innocents he'd shot.  He told her about the bloody things he'd done on the battlefield the lives he'd taken.  He told her all of it in brutal detail leaving nothing out.  To his surprise her hand never left his.  He knew because she squeezed his hand when he told a particularly painful part.  She didn't say a thing and even when he finished and fell against her consumed by tears and upsetting the try she just held him.  He didn't ever remember crying like this.  He'd never thought of the events that happened as being as painful as they were.  Everything boiled out of him at once drenching his face and soul with anguish.  When it was over he could already tell the sun was low in the sky.

            He lay against his wife his head pillowed on her chest her hands running threw his hair comfortingly.  He nuzzled closer annoyed by the way his cheeks felt stiff and immobile from crying.  He'd never felt so vulnerable under her gaze, even if he couldn't see her face. 

            "Heero?" 

            He stiffened, it had been a long time since either one of them had spoken.  "Yes," he whispered afraid to look at her. 

            "Lift up."  She told him and obediently he lifted his head and looked at her.  "I love you."  She smiled.

            Heero couldn't help it her smile was infectious and he returned it, and for once didn't feel strange doing it.  Relena grinned wider and laughed, making Heero's smile fade. 

            "What's so funny?"  He asked still defensive. 

            "Nothing," Relena said seriously, "nothing at all.  I was looking at you Heero and at the smile.  I don't think I've ever seen it before.  She raised her hand and brushed him over his lips.  "You know what I wish?" 

            "What?" Heero asked his voice barely loud enough to hear. 

            "That when she's born, your daughter, she has a smile just like yours."  The words brought the smile back to Heero's face and Relena kissed his lips.  "Now how about we pick up all the food we spilled and you carry me to the kitchen.  I feel like spaghetti." 

            Heero was all business as he scooped her up.  "We'll clean up later and I'm sure, our daughter is hungry too." 

            "We really need to think of a name for her.  I'm sick of calling her it, and child, and daughter, she needs a name."  Relena snuggled against his chest feeling her eyes droop as she found comfort in his arms.

            "How about Zero?"  Heero asked. 

            Heero Relena said completely straight faced, "we are not naming our daughter after your Gundam! No way no how." 

That's the end of the story, but I can't help but want a little more so I'll probably write an epilogue with you guys want me too.  Okay so I've just reread my work and I'm definitely going to write and epilogue.  There are just a few things I need to cap off, but the story is mostly done except for that, so expect the epilogue. Much love Peanutbutter.