Qui-Gon and Damien had spent a good two hours discussing what was to become of him now that he was put out of the prep school. Jinn promised him he would comm Mace the next day. Damien knew Mace and liked him. He also knew if there was anyone who would and could help his uncle it would be Mace Windu.
Qui-Gon opted to send Damien out to tell Obi-Wan last-meal was ready. Jinn earlier had been convinced he would not allow the boy to share the meal with him. How ever all afternoon his thoughts would be interrupted by the memory of what the boy said. What was worse than anything Jinn thought Obi had hit it correctly. He blamed Obi for the mistakes he and Kaylin had made.
//Mace is right he didn't ask to be born. But I had a right to know he existed. I feel things would definitely been different had she let me give him a name so he would not be branded illegitimate. Now look at the mess she and he have created.//
Jinn never included himself as one of the guilty parties to have created this problem overload he had right now. He thought only of Kaylin's failing in not telling him.
####
"I think I have gotten my point a crossed to him. He will present no more problems."
His mother piped in from the kitchen.
"I hope so. This has been a tiring day. I hope there will peace and quiet in this house tonight."
Jinn nodded his agreement as he went to the dining room to help his mother put the food on the table. He did not look up to see the little one, his son go to the fresher to wash up. Once seated Jinn finally dared a glimpse of his son.
Obi had not done a very good job of getting the tear streaked dirt off his face. His eyes red and puffy and his cheeks had a flush to them from the excessive rubbing of them and just all around stress.
Jinn felt something different this time. Where before he could feel Obi exuberate defiance, now it was quiet degradation and submissiveness. Has this done the trick, thought Jinn.
//Has the boy resolved that he indeed is the one at fault here and has brought so much hurt to my little family. //
Last-meal was eaten in relative silence. Everyone seemed to want it over and Obi-Wan sent to his room so they as a family, the three of them could enjoy the balance of the evening.
Obi-Wan sat closest to his grandmother. Of course in private she had instructed the boy never to call her that, Grandmother. Qui-Gon wondered, unknowing of the truth, why Obi refused to call his mother, Grandmother. He thought it was because Obi didn't want to be part of the family. That was one of the reasons to fuel the fire to object to this one deserving a place in his life. Obi-Wan had not seemed to take an interest in becoming a part of the family.
Obi reached for a piece of piping hot bread. His little sleeve brushed his glass of milk and he spilled it.
In a very small voice, the words almost unheard.
"Please forgive me. I am sorry."
Myra who had been able to control her hatred for this child at least in front of her son, let all her pent of anger of him come out. Damien being thrown out of school had caused her to become in a rage when she saw what Obi had done to her new lace table cloth.
Obi-Wan cowered in fear. He did not believe anyone at the table cared an ounce for him. He felt alone and right now scared. He wondered if his father would punish him for this accident. He had punished him earlier for doing nothing wrong. He was assumed guilty.
"Well a fine mess you have made on my new table cloth."
Jinn looked up and did not seem to a take interest in it. Damien and even he had been guilty of spilling things at the table. He thought his mother would just spew one of her infamous lectures on not being so careless. But with the sound of a chair being pushed back and then his mother go into a rage he knew he was wrong.
"How dare you, you little brat. You come here and ruin everyone's life and you can't even eat right. Didn't your mother of yours teach you any table manners?"
There it was, the anger Obi tried to hold in burst out in a rage equal to his grandmother's.
"Don't you say anything about my mom. She was good to me. Better than any of you."
Jinn knew his mom was making too much of this. He tried to calm them both.
"Mother I think it was an accident and Obi-Wan I think you should hold you tongue unless you are asked to say something."
He did not to mean to sound so sharp but his headache now felt like a sledgehammer striking the inside of his skull.
"Why do you do this Qui-Gon? Even the child knows you don't want him, don't want him period. Can't you just except that you do not plan to be a father to him and have done with it. Find some school or something. I know you looked into the Agricorps."
Jinn had not wanted his son to know he had actually searched in vain as he threatened in a conversation with them. He was without success in finding a place to put him so he would not have to live with them.
Pain as if real shot through the boy. His father had already tried to find a place to pawn him off on. He knew his father had said he would but he didn't honestly believe a parent would just throw their own child away. While he knew his dad had a hard time dealing with him, Obi-Wan had a deep down secret wish that Qui-Gon would learn to love him. With his mom now gone, he just had one person to love him even if it was just half as much as she had.
Jinn watched as the little boy held his head in shame although Qui-Gon could not fathom why he felt shame. Then it hit. Obi knew now, he truly was not wanted and he was ashamed to face those who should be his family, should give him the love and support yet all three of them, him included denied him that feeling of being wanted, for not one of them wanted him there.
Then without any warning his mother swung Obi-Wan around to face her and slapped him as hard as she could on his left check. By the time Jinn could see the child's cheek, a pink handprint started to form. He had no time to stop the blow even if he had to the courage to go up against his mother.
The child never even flinched. Jinn could see tears rolling down his face. For just a moment Qui-Gon had an urge to brush the tears along with all his hurt away, but his strong-willed determination not to love this boy came back to squash his natural father instinct.
"Mother I don't think…"
Jinn had gotten up to have the boy go to his room but he didn't have too.,
Myra Jinn jerked Obi-Wan out of his seat and with his right arm literally pulled him all the way to his room and slammed the door.
She came back out of breath, but satisfied that he was out of their way and for now the three could pretend to be the happy little family they once were. Only Jinn did not think they had been all that happy before Obi came; he just intensified the unhappiness.
Myra cleaned the milk up.
"Now my two handsome men, we can have a quiet and happy family last-meal together. Our "problem" is more than likely in his room crying his little heart out."
Damien could not help but ask for he truly was curious.
"Grandmother isn't Obi your grandson as equally as I am?"
Jinn very much wanted to hear what his mother said. Was it because the child belonged to Kaylin and she never approved of her or was it because Obi-Wan was his son?
"No Damien do not ever put Obi-Wan in the same station in life. He was born from a vicious mother with no proper family up bringing. You are different. Your father was a diplomat and your mother had a station in life. Her father was an Earl of Delrey. Obi-wan has been raised with no proper upbringing. Nothing good will ever come from him. He has caused you to lose your place in school . No one here excepts a child out of wedlock. It just proves his mother had no scruples."
Jinn wondered what that proved about him for he was in part to blame for Obi's birth. Was he of no scruples too. .
Damien had perked up that evening with the promise from his uncle Qui-Gon to speak with Mace first thing Monday morning. Grandmother had made his favorite dessert and even Qui-Gon played a couple of computer games with his nephew.
It was hard for the big former Jedi to keep his mind on the game though. It kept going back to what his mother said and the look the little boy had on his face.
//I bet that was the first time in his life he has ever had a switch used on him let alone a hand print to his face.//
Jinn would not admit it to his mother, but he had become a little angry with her for the extremely hard and cruel slap to his son, on his face. His bottom with his baby fat was different. It would never have occurred to Jinn to land such a harsh blow on one so little, directly to his face.
Everyone went to bed and Jinn sat in his favorite chair and nursed a night cap. It was unusual for him to drink at a party let alone by himself. That is why he waited till his mother went to bed. He was almost fifty, if he wanted a drink he did not need to be questioned for it.
Finished with his drink Qui-Gon yawned stretched his long legs out to get rid of the kinks in them from sitting with his knees bent so long. He turned off the lights checked to see if the door was locked after he let Sassy, their cat in for the evening. He passed Obi-Wan's door. Jinn stopped, then started to continue to his room when he heard mumblings in the child's bedroom. He couldn't imagine, with what Obi-Wan had been through today that the boy was awake. He mentally used that as an excuse to himself to go in and see.
There in a very rumbled bed lay Obi-Wan tossing and turning in his sleep.
Jinn only made out one word "momma" and Obi turned again. His covers landed half on the floor and the other half pinned under one leg which was bent up and trapped the cover. He had short sleep pants on and it was the first time Jinn saw his little thin leg with no pants covering it.
//He is so small, his leg should break under the pressure of carrying him. What did the boy's mother do, not feed him? //
The guilt stabbed the man's heart.
//Maybe she couldn't afford to feed him as he should have been fed. Not that she didn't want to, that she couldn't afford it. //
Guilt swelled in the master's very soul. He felt guilty for never having been there to insure his son had enough food his fill his stomach. He had stood by and let his mother land a blow that from the looks of the boy's face, now had caused an almost hand print bruise on it.
//Well I am just as guilty as my mother. I never even asked the boy what happened. I was so hell-bent on punishing him, that I did not care if I punished him for anything other than for being my son. The child was right. I punished him only for existing//.
Jinn reached down and moved the tiny little leg to untangle the covers. He threw them back over Obi-Wan. Then with the force, he encircled the boy's mind and willed Obi-Wan's nightmares away.
//For one night I can do this for him. Give him some peace for tomorrow is another day and the way my mother feels about him and me not giving him any kind of chance at all to be loved, the child is in for a very long weekend and even longer life with us.//
It had been two days since the outburst between his son and mother. Jinn stood on the front of the porch which wrapped around to the back. Some might think it too cold to just stand out side. The morning had brought with it the promise of the oncoming winter. Along with the promise came a hint of its beauty. The snow would occasionally pepper the cloud laden skies.
Qui-Gon wrapped the old Jedi robe tightly around him. It was the one thing he kept that brought any remembrance of the Jedi. Its warmth afforded the big man that could not be duplicated by other outerwear. The deep luscious folds, hood, and all-round tight weaving of the wool left no threads not tightly woven together. The strong mountain wind could not penetrate it. Qui-Gon walked the length of the porch and ended up in back of the house. From there one could get a better view of the mountains rising in the majestic skies. Those mountains trapped the cold wind like skyscrapers did in the city of Coruscant. That made for an even brisker colder winter in their home nestled between the mountains.
Damien had claimed it was too cold and would not come out and enjoy the fresh air as Jinn had hoped he would be. Obi-Wan had been in the barn doing, Jinn supposed, extra chores leveled on him by his grandmother, for Qui-Gon had not seen him all morning. Well till now. He looked over the wide expanse of their back yard and there stood the little one doing back flips in the middle of the yard.
A swipe to his nose made Jinn suspect Obi-Wan's sleeve was his hanky again.
//I am going to have to speak to him about that.//
He was mesmerized by the intensity at which Obi continued with the flips and aerial moves. Like the aerial katas at the temple they were beautiful and well performed. Although Obi-Wan possessed no training in katas, Qui-Gon could not help but notice how his moves mimicked them, at least with finesse at which Obi-Wan did them.
For a moment Jinn let his mind slip and thought the boy would be a natural with aerial katas and the flips used in saber practice.
He could not help but notice the boy should have been cold and assumed he took his coat off to do the mid-air flips and called to Obi-Wan to put it back on once he was not in the middle of an aerial move..
Obi-Wan turned to his father on the porch. He had not known he had an observer and blushed at the thought of being watched even if this was his father. He turned his head questionably for he had no coat and did not know what the man referred too.
Jinn misunderstood the boy's actions and thought he had not heard him. He got off the porch and walked to where Obi-Wan had been exercising.
"I suppose with the wind you didn't here me. I said you should put your coat on. It's cold."
"I heard you alright."
"Then is it that you just don't plan to do anything I ask you even if it's for your own good?"
"No "father" its not that. I don't have one."
"What do you mean?"
Every child had a coat or he assumed.
"Just which one of those four words. "I don't have one, " don't you understand father?"
There it was those smart remarks instead of answers and always laced with the venom of anger he had for his father.
"A smart remark is not needed. You mean to tell me the Jedi did not provide you with a coat or robe?"
"I was there for less than a week. It is usually the responsibility of a parent to supply a coat and clothing for their children."
It was then Jinn took a really long look at his son from head to toe. His spiked hair was growing out of its cut.
//His mother probably had it cut that way for some kind of mockery of the Jedi mimicking a padawan. //
The boy's clothes were too small on him. His boot was split letting the cold and wetness in. Nothing he had on was in really a decent shape to wear in public. Jinn was a Jedi and Jedi did not concern themselves with anything but cleanliness. This child couldn't look clean because of his stained clothing.
"Very well I will have your grandmother see if she can rifle through Damien's old things and find some clothes for you. I don't have the credits to but new ones."
"Yes sir."
Obi-Wan just wanted to get back to his work for fear his grandmother would get onto him again.
"May I go now? I was allowed to take a break. I have to finish my work ."
"You are not finished in the barn yet? Damien has been in for hours."
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrow and crossed his arms in that defiant stand of his.
"Oh I suppose Grandmother had you do extra chores for getting trouble in school."
"I didn't do extra chores, I did all the chores. Damien was not in the barn today. Another thing father, for future reference, your mother has requested that I not call her grandmother."
Obi-Wan started to walk away and then he came back.
"Oh and father you don't have to lie to me."
Jinn got a perplexed look on his face.. He had not lied to the child.
"I know your mother did not load up work for punishment for what I did at school. Just as you, it is because I am me. I am here and I know no one likes it, you included."
Obi-Wan walked away leaving a father and former Jedi master realizing the boy had spoken the truth.
He was not sure he would ever want his little bag of trouble hanging on to him especially if he ever hoped to go back to the Jedi.
Later as they had their meal all Damien could talk about was Mace coming the next day. He did not even have to attend the little rundown school until Mace was spoken with to see if he had a solution. Obi-Wan, on the hand would have to go there.
Jinn kept looking over at his son and noticed his delicate little face features, small little hands hardly big enough to complete the work in the barn and the sad unhappy look evident all over his face. He seemed to just pick at his food. Jinn thought he needed to eat more and said so.. But the master did not know how to talk to a little one to make it sound like he was trying to be nice. His words came out gruff and harsh.
"Quit playing with your food Obi-Wan and eat it. I would think as busy as you have been you would have worked up an appetite."
What was concern for the child not eating enough for clearly he was too small, turned into a condemnation from his mother.
"Oh he will eat it all of it or he will be sitting there all night. I do not plan to waste credits on him and him throw the food away.'
She hesitated before starting again.
"Oh and Qui-Gon I thought while you were with Mace tomorrow I might go to town and get a few new clothing items for Damien. Boost his spirits and all that."
"Well I thought Obi-Wan could do with some other clothing. He looks like little bum."
"Yes well his mother must have not supplied very many clothing. He has maybe two outfits he could wear to school. Too bad I just sent Damien's old clothes to the orphanage, a couple of days ago."
Jinn could not believe what his mother said. They were short on credits and she was evidently aware of how meager Obi-Wan's wardrobe was, yet she sent very expensive clothes to the orphanage, some that would have fit his son. And now she wanted additional credits for Damien to have even more clothes.
She spoils that boy.
"Well if you sent his clothes off what do you plan for me to do about clothes for the little one there?"
"I suppose he will just have to wear what he has and be careful not to ruin them further. Maybe by spring when the taxes are paid, there will be enough for him to get a few things. Now could I go shopping tomorrow for Damien? I have put back a few credits of my own if you don't wish to supply any."
"Of course I will mother. Damien does have to look his best. But I must insist we find a coat for the child. It's almost winter and he has none."
Jinn had noticed the boy seemed to perk up when he heard he might get new clothing but then when he found out he wouldn't, he slumped back in his chair and tried valiantly to hide his disappointment. Jinn could not only see it but feel it through the force.
"I can stop by the thrift store in town. I heard they have very good bargains. If I have time I will pick him up one tomorrow."
Jinn could not imagine his mother sounding so harsh about supplying his son with a few clothing items in front of the boy. Surely she understood the need for a coat. What would the school say about sending the boy freezing in this weather with no coat?
//Damien is dressed like a millionaire's son instead of a lowly framers ward. Yet Obi-Wan is being denied a coat. Why is it because Kaylin's son or because he is mine. //
That question kept coming back to his mind. He wanted to understand why there was so much hatred for an eight-year old. Then again he thought he could say that about himself. Just what was he accomplishing by being overly cruel and indifferent to the boy.
//I have seen strangers I have been nicer too. Had I been a Jedi would I have acted this way toward him still? I know I am not acting in any way like a father, I feel badly about it at times and then again I can not let him interfere with my life. I have to do what my brother wanted for his son. I am, after all the reason he is dead now. It was Sidious' way of punishing me.//
Jinn meditated. Meditation was a instinctive Jedi reaction to a Jedi problem and although he was not an active Jedi, he realized if he ever hoped to be one again he should start following the Jedi code once again.
For right now he seemed like a sith-spawned father to Obi-Wan, not someone who before followed the Jedi mantra judicially and had compassion for those all around him.
Qui-Gon, Mace, and Damien sat in the main living room for the warmth the fireplace thad to offer. They discussed Damien's plight for about an hour.
"You know Qui if I had any credits they would be yours willingly. But you know how much the Jedi are given for their service in the order.
"Yes hopefully three meals a day and a roof over our heads."
"Well I do have an offer for you, an offer suggested and approved by the high council."
Jinn's mother came in and went quietly in the kitchen and started to make some lunch for them. She however kept the door ajar so she could here what was said. She was aware that she had walked in on a pinnacle phase of their conversation, for Mace was just about to suggest a solution.
"I have talked to the council and there may be a way for the Damien to get a very good education. So good in fact there would be no university to turn him down once he has gone to this school. And my friend you can easily afford it, it's absolutely free!"
"When we move?"
"NOT so fast Jinn. You haven't heard my offer and when you do I don't think you will be so quick to except it."
"What is it Mace?"
"Well Master Yoda has convinced the council to allow you to take over the temple right here on Fargus. It's about five hundred miles from here. If you did that, Damien can be trained in the Jedi school and no one would deny him entrance to any university. We are noted for the best in schools there are. We usually have our children at least two years in advance over children of even the best of the best private schools."
Jinn had already crunched his face in a frown. He got up, walked to the fireplace, and rested his arm on the mantle.
"Mace you know I can't do that. I have Damien to care for, not a bunch of untrained force-sensitives hanging on my robe. I am aware of the temple though. It sits on the other side of the mountains near the town of Norden. I have been there a handful of times. It would be close to the farm and my horses to visit them."
"Don't you see Qui-Gon that's the best part. You can be guaranteed that you will not have to leave the temple for at least four years on a mission. By that time, Damien will have finished school and in college. It's perfect."
"What about the farm, my horse? Everything I own is here? Who would care for them?"
"Let someone rent the property in order to care for it. You can still make payments. And it will be yours when you retire or if your mother wants to return here. Like you said it is not that far from the temple that you can't very frequently visit it. I can arrange that."
"That's another thing. What about mother?"
"This temple is small. You know that. Not more than five masters with padawans. They need like a den mother. Someone to oversee the cooking and cleaning. She will not do it all, she will oversee it. She can remain with you and more importantly with her grandsons."
Mace included both of the boys since he assumed Jinn's mother welcomed Obi-Wan into their life. Qui-Gon had not told him of the problems and Jinn was not sure he would either.
"I don't know Mace. You seemed to have it worked out to where it sounds easy but… Oh another thing what about Obi-Wan. I get a feeling that there is a catch."
"You know the council Qui-Gon. There is always condition when the council seemingly does something out of the goodness of their hearts.. The council wants you to take Obi-Wan under your wing like an initiate, you know braid and everything."
"Wow…….. wait a minute Mace, initiates don't wear braids. Now I know the "condition" " and I will have nothing to do with it. They really want me to take him as my apprentice."
"NO Qui-Gon you don't understand . You instruct Obi-Wan as if he were a padawan, but since he is young he will do just initiate things at the temple. After four years if you think he can do it you can form a lasting training bond and officially make him an apprentice, if not, he can be chosen by someone else."
"I said no Mace. I don't want Damien around the Jedi and I don't want my son to be a Jedi. Why the big interest in Obi-Wan by the council anyway?"
"Well they kinda found out we altered the midichlorian count."
"Just high is his count Mace?"
"Well it truly is not that high. There are actually a couple of older padawans with a count equal to his, The council feels that since he is your son he will not only have a higher count but be in touch more with the living force. They want him mainly because he is your son not because of the count, although it is impressive. However, like I said, there are others equal to his. Think about it Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon's mother could not hold it in. She didn't want Damien there where he would be less than a Jedi padawan's equal. That would also put Obi-Wan right in the middle of Qui-Gon's life over Damien she thought and she would have none of that. Her son must stay focused on the grandson that mattered, Damien.
"Qui-Gon you can't be serious. You can't do this. "
"Mother I didn't suggest it, Mace did. So I really don't know what to be serious about or what I will or will not do."
"Damien would not do well around the Jedi. You know… Well he just can't. He wouldn't fit in where as Obi-Wan would."
//That's it isn't it mother? Obi can't be close to being Damien's equal to me or to the people around him. Damien must always be the important one.//
"We must consider it Mother. Even you said how you would like to live in the city and… Damien what do you think of I?."
"I think it would be great. Why don't you like it Grandmother? My uncle running an entire temple, He'd be the boss."
Jinn smiled and Mace laughed out loud.
"I see he didn't get any of that Jedi reserve … He is certainly proud of you Qui-Gon."
"Of course he is. Qui is like a father to him since Amos died. I don't know what we have done if Qui-Gon hadn't stepped and became a surrogate father to him."
"Fatherhood must become you Qui-Gon. Now that you have two boys to care for."
Jinn's mother carried the tea and Damien brought out a heaping plate of hot sandwiches and sweet breads.
"Mace don't bring that horrid little boy into the conversation. He has been nothing but problems since he arrived. Has Qui-Gon not told you of him using the force against an innocent child? We had to pay the boy's medical bills. Like we had the extra credits to be paying for the damages done. The principle even said he would prosecute Obi-Wan for assault if he did it again."
"Mother, Obi-Wan said he was innocent; that he didn't do it."
"Uncle Qui-Gon how could he have pushed a boy almost twice his size if he didn't use that force of his. I mean really, he looks like a little skeleton."
Mid-day was eaten and Mace managed to convince Jinn's mother to at least think on the offer. That had almost a month before a new High master for the little temple was needed. Myra Jinn had to agree it would be a great educational advantage for Damien to go to a Jedi school, but the pressures of not being a Jedi was what she worried about.
Jinn took Mace out to the barn to visit with Raven. They decided to saddle up and ride around the farm. Jinn wanted to show his place off to Mace. It was the first time he had been there.
They rode quietly through the fields without speaking for a while and Mace finally broke the silence.
"So things are not going all that well with your son and you, Qui-Gon?"
"Well I do think Mother exaggerates the trouble he causes. I mean yes, we did have that little episode at school, but other than that, the boy does what he is told. I watched him practice summersaults and Mace he was unbelievable. He looked like an advanced padawan doing katas, aerial katas with no training right in the back yard."
Mace literally drawn into the exuberant excitement from the enthusiasm coming from Qui-Gon as he told him of Obi's abilities. Mace thought he detected fatherly pride in that voice. He also thought he noticed something else but through the force. Mace thought he could feel a bond between the two, father and son.
Nevertheless Jinn caught himself and stopped immediately the praise he had been lavishing on his son..
He had gotten so wrapped in telling Mace how impressive the boy's moves was he forgot he was no longer a working Jedi master and that Obi-Wan was not an apprentice to him. It felt very much like a natural feeling of connection associated with a training bond and Jinn tried desperately to suppress that feeling.
Mace only smiled. He stopped his horse and leaned back in the saddle. Qui-Gon halted Raven. He swung his long muscular leg over the horn of the saddle and swiftly slid his lithe and lean body down the side of Raven's leather saddle. Mace dismounted, but not quite as gracefully as Qui-Gon had. He was not really into horses and had only ridden them a few times. Then it was always with his dearest friend, Master Jinn.
"Seems like a little of that Jedi mastering you are so good at, has shown itself. That is until you abruptly stopped yourself to keep from bragging about him. Have you rethought the suggestion of Obi-Wan becoming an apprentice to you?"
"I don't want him to be a Jedi and certainly not my apprentice. No, he will just have to learn to live with the force and not strengthened it."
"I know your mother thinks if you have to train Obi-Wan that you won't have time for Damien. I can do this for you. Since you seem to be having problems with him, I can arrange to have another master at the small temple take on Obi-Wan. That is if the council agrees. There is a master I have in mind."
"I don't want him to be a Jedi. Can't you respect my wishes for my own son? I'm not one of those parents you can pump their heads up with good things about becoming an apprentice in the Jedi order. I know what a hard road it is to travel on the path to reach knighthood and then become master."
"Look Jinn we can't all have what we want. Do you want that schooling for Damien? Master Tyrell is available for a padawan."
"Mace you can't be serious? He is of the old school. Obi-Wan would not last a month with that man. He would be worse than my mother."
"Are you saying your mother is as equally cruel to Obi-Wan as Master Tyrell could be if Obi became his padawan? I know the man has been censured more than once before the council for being overly…. how should I say it?"
"Cruel. The man is down right cruel and you know it Qui."
"I was going to say headstrong, but hey if you want to say he is cruel then go right ahead."
//Maybe he is no more cruel to his padawans than I have been to my son. What in sith's hell is wrong with me anymore?//
"See even you know that the man is too harsh to have a padawan. The last three dropped out on him."
"Now you are going overbroad Qui-Gon. He has only had one padawan drop out of his apprenticeship."
"If I take the job I will have to keep Obi-Wan as my apprentice or initiate or whatever. I would attempt to train him. But let me warn you Mace, I am to keep my guardianship of Obi and if I decide that in the four years he can not remain a Jedi he walks with me. Is that understood? I may stay a Jedi but that does not mean Obi-Wan will be one. I am not sure where I would put him, but I know for now that I will not allow Master Tyrell to train him and I will not relinquish my custody of Obi-Wan to the Jedi.."
Mace turned his horse around and started back to the barn.
"I know you don't like me to know it Qui-Gon, but I have a feeling you are developing a little soft spot somewhere in that old heart of yours for that boy."
"Don't kid yourself my friend. We just don't connect Mace and I don't think we ever will. I am as much a thorn in Obi-Wan's side as he is in mine"………………………..
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Qui-Gon opted to send Damien out to tell Obi-Wan last-meal was ready. Jinn earlier had been convinced he would not allow the boy to share the meal with him. How ever all afternoon his thoughts would be interrupted by the memory of what the boy said. What was worse than anything Jinn thought Obi had hit it correctly. He blamed Obi for the mistakes he and Kaylin had made.
//Mace is right he didn't ask to be born. But I had a right to know he existed. I feel things would definitely been different had she let me give him a name so he would not be branded illegitimate. Now look at the mess she and he have created.//
Jinn never included himself as one of the guilty parties to have created this problem overload he had right now. He thought only of Kaylin's failing in not telling him.
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"I think I have gotten my point a crossed to him. He will present no more problems."
His mother piped in from the kitchen.
"I hope so. This has been a tiring day. I hope there will peace and quiet in this house tonight."
Jinn nodded his agreement as he went to the dining room to help his mother put the food on the table. He did not look up to see the little one, his son go to the fresher to wash up. Once seated Jinn finally dared a glimpse of his son.
Obi had not done a very good job of getting the tear streaked dirt off his face. His eyes red and puffy and his cheeks had a flush to them from the excessive rubbing of them and just all around stress.
Jinn felt something different this time. Where before he could feel Obi exuberate defiance, now it was quiet degradation and submissiveness. Has this done the trick, thought Jinn.
//Has the boy resolved that he indeed is the one at fault here and has brought so much hurt to my little family. //
Last-meal was eaten in relative silence. Everyone seemed to want it over and Obi-Wan sent to his room so they as a family, the three of them could enjoy the balance of the evening.
Obi-Wan sat closest to his grandmother. Of course in private she had instructed the boy never to call her that, Grandmother. Qui-Gon wondered, unknowing of the truth, why Obi refused to call his mother, Grandmother. He thought it was because Obi didn't want to be part of the family. That was one of the reasons to fuel the fire to object to this one deserving a place in his life. Obi-Wan had not seemed to take an interest in becoming a part of the family.
Obi reached for a piece of piping hot bread. His little sleeve brushed his glass of milk and he spilled it.
In a very small voice, the words almost unheard.
"Please forgive me. I am sorry."
Myra who had been able to control her hatred for this child at least in front of her son, let all her pent of anger of him come out. Damien being thrown out of school had caused her to become in a rage when she saw what Obi had done to her new lace table cloth.
Obi-Wan cowered in fear. He did not believe anyone at the table cared an ounce for him. He felt alone and right now scared. He wondered if his father would punish him for this accident. He had punished him earlier for doing nothing wrong. He was assumed guilty.
"Well a fine mess you have made on my new table cloth."
Jinn looked up and did not seem to a take interest in it. Damien and even he had been guilty of spilling things at the table. He thought his mother would just spew one of her infamous lectures on not being so careless. But with the sound of a chair being pushed back and then his mother go into a rage he knew he was wrong.
"How dare you, you little brat. You come here and ruin everyone's life and you can't even eat right. Didn't your mother of yours teach you any table manners?"
There it was, the anger Obi tried to hold in burst out in a rage equal to his grandmother's.
"Don't you say anything about my mom. She was good to me. Better than any of you."
Jinn knew his mom was making too much of this. He tried to calm them both.
"Mother I think it was an accident and Obi-Wan I think you should hold you tongue unless you are asked to say something."
He did not to mean to sound so sharp but his headache now felt like a sledgehammer striking the inside of his skull.
"Why do you do this Qui-Gon? Even the child knows you don't want him, don't want him period. Can't you just except that you do not plan to be a father to him and have done with it. Find some school or something. I know you looked into the Agricorps."
Jinn had not wanted his son to know he had actually searched in vain as he threatened in a conversation with them. He was without success in finding a place to put him so he would not have to live with them.
Pain as if real shot through the boy. His father had already tried to find a place to pawn him off on. He knew his father had said he would but he didn't honestly believe a parent would just throw their own child away. While he knew his dad had a hard time dealing with him, Obi-Wan had a deep down secret wish that Qui-Gon would learn to love him. With his mom now gone, he just had one person to love him even if it was just half as much as she had.
Jinn watched as the little boy held his head in shame although Qui-Gon could not fathom why he felt shame. Then it hit. Obi knew now, he truly was not wanted and he was ashamed to face those who should be his family, should give him the love and support yet all three of them, him included denied him that feeling of being wanted, for not one of them wanted him there.
Then without any warning his mother swung Obi-Wan around to face her and slapped him as hard as she could on his left check. By the time Jinn could see the child's cheek, a pink handprint started to form. He had no time to stop the blow even if he had to the courage to go up against his mother.
The child never even flinched. Jinn could see tears rolling down his face. For just a moment Qui-Gon had an urge to brush the tears along with all his hurt away, but his strong-willed determination not to love this boy came back to squash his natural father instinct.
"Mother I don't think…"
Jinn had gotten up to have the boy go to his room but he didn't have too.,
Myra Jinn jerked Obi-Wan out of his seat and with his right arm literally pulled him all the way to his room and slammed the door.
She came back out of breath, but satisfied that he was out of their way and for now the three could pretend to be the happy little family they once were. Only Jinn did not think they had been all that happy before Obi came; he just intensified the unhappiness.
Myra cleaned the milk up.
"Now my two handsome men, we can have a quiet and happy family last-meal together. Our "problem" is more than likely in his room crying his little heart out."
Damien could not help but ask for he truly was curious.
"Grandmother isn't Obi your grandson as equally as I am?"
Jinn very much wanted to hear what his mother said. Was it because the child belonged to Kaylin and she never approved of her or was it because Obi-Wan was his son?
"No Damien do not ever put Obi-Wan in the same station in life. He was born from a vicious mother with no proper family up bringing. You are different. Your father was a diplomat and your mother had a station in life. Her father was an Earl of Delrey. Obi-wan has been raised with no proper upbringing. Nothing good will ever come from him. He has caused you to lose your place in school . No one here excepts a child out of wedlock. It just proves his mother had no scruples."
Jinn wondered what that proved about him for he was in part to blame for Obi's birth. Was he of no scruples too. .
Damien had perked up that evening with the promise from his uncle Qui-Gon to speak with Mace first thing Monday morning. Grandmother had made his favorite dessert and even Qui-Gon played a couple of computer games with his nephew.
It was hard for the big former Jedi to keep his mind on the game though. It kept going back to what his mother said and the look the little boy had on his face.
//I bet that was the first time in his life he has ever had a switch used on him let alone a hand print to his face.//
Jinn would not admit it to his mother, but he had become a little angry with her for the extremely hard and cruel slap to his son, on his face. His bottom with his baby fat was different. It would never have occurred to Jinn to land such a harsh blow on one so little, directly to his face.
Everyone went to bed and Jinn sat in his favorite chair and nursed a night cap. It was unusual for him to drink at a party let alone by himself. That is why he waited till his mother went to bed. He was almost fifty, if he wanted a drink he did not need to be questioned for it.
Finished with his drink Qui-Gon yawned stretched his long legs out to get rid of the kinks in them from sitting with his knees bent so long. He turned off the lights checked to see if the door was locked after he let Sassy, their cat in for the evening. He passed Obi-Wan's door. Jinn stopped, then started to continue to his room when he heard mumblings in the child's bedroom. He couldn't imagine, with what Obi-Wan had been through today that the boy was awake. He mentally used that as an excuse to himself to go in and see.
There in a very rumbled bed lay Obi-Wan tossing and turning in his sleep.
Jinn only made out one word "momma" and Obi turned again. His covers landed half on the floor and the other half pinned under one leg which was bent up and trapped the cover. He had short sleep pants on and it was the first time Jinn saw his little thin leg with no pants covering it.
//He is so small, his leg should break under the pressure of carrying him. What did the boy's mother do, not feed him? //
The guilt stabbed the man's heart.
//Maybe she couldn't afford to feed him as he should have been fed. Not that she didn't want to, that she couldn't afford it. //
Guilt swelled in the master's very soul. He felt guilty for never having been there to insure his son had enough food his fill his stomach. He had stood by and let his mother land a blow that from the looks of the boy's face, now had caused an almost hand print bruise on it.
//Well I am just as guilty as my mother. I never even asked the boy what happened. I was so hell-bent on punishing him, that I did not care if I punished him for anything other than for being my son. The child was right. I punished him only for existing//.
Jinn reached down and moved the tiny little leg to untangle the covers. He threw them back over Obi-Wan. Then with the force, he encircled the boy's mind and willed Obi-Wan's nightmares away.
//For one night I can do this for him. Give him some peace for tomorrow is another day and the way my mother feels about him and me not giving him any kind of chance at all to be loved, the child is in for a very long weekend and even longer life with us.//
It had been two days since the outburst between his son and mother. Jinn stood on the front of the porch which wrapped around to the back. Some might think it too cold to just stand out side. The morning had brought with it the promise of the oncoming winter. Along with the promise came a hint of its beauty. The snow would occasionally pepper the cloud laden skies.
Qui-Gon wrapped the old Jedi robe tightly around him. It was the one thing he kept that brought any remembrance of the Jedi. Its warmth afforded the big man that could not be duplicated by other outerwear. The deep luscious folds, hood, and all-round tight weaving of the wool left no threads not tightly woven together. The strong mountain wind could not penetrate it. Qui-Gon walked the length of the porch and ended up in back of the house. From there one could get a better view of the mountains rising in the majestic skies. Those mountains trapped the cold wind like skyscrapers did in the city of Coruscant. That made for an even brisker colder winter in their home nestled between the mountains.
Damien had claimed it was too cold and would not come out and enjoy the fresh air as Jinn had hoped he would be. Obi-Wan had been in the barn doing, Jinn supposed, extra chores leveled on him by his grandmother, for Qui-Gon had not seen him all morning. Well till now. He looked over the wide expanse of their back yard and there stood the little one doing back flips in the middle of the yard.
A swipe to his nose made Jinn suspect Obi-Wan's sleeve was his hanky again.
//I am going to have to speak to him about that.//
He was mesmerized by the intensity at which Obi continued with the flips and aerial moves. Like the aerial katas at the temple they were beautiful and well performed. Although Obi-Wan possessed no training in katas, Qui-Gon could not help but notice how his moves mimicked them, at least with finesse at which Obi-Wan did them.
For a moment Jinn let his mind slip and thought the boy would be a natural with aerial katas and the flips used in saber practice.
He could not help but notice the boy should have been cold and assumed he took his coat off to do the mid-air flips and called to Obi-Wan to put it back on once he was not in the middle of an aerial move..
Obi-Wan turned to his father on the porch. He had not known he had an observer and blushed at the thought of being watched even if this was his father. He turned his head questionably for he had no coat and did not know what the man referred too.
Jinn misunderstood the boy's actions and thought he had not heard him. He got off the porch and walked to where Obi-Wan had been exercising.
"I suppose with the wind you didn't here me. I said you should put your coat on. It's cold."
"I heard you alright."
"Then is it that you just don't plan to do anything I ask you even if it's for your own good?"
"No "father" its not that. I don't have one."
"What do you mean?"
Every child had a coat or he assumed.
"Just which one of those four words. "I don't have one, " don't you understand father?"
There it was those smart remarks instead of answers and always laced with the venom of anger he had for his father.
"A smart remark is not needed. You mean to tell me the Jedi did not provide you with a coat or robe?"
"I was there for less than a week. It is usually the responsibility of a parent to supply a coat and clothing for their children."
It was then Jinn took a really long look at his son from head to toe. His spiked hair was growing out of its cut.
//His mother probably had it cut that way for some kind of mockery of the Jedi mimicking a padawan. //
The boy's clothes were too small on him. His boot was split letting the cold and wetness in. Nothing he had on was in really a decent shape to wear in public. Jinn was a Jedi and Jedi did not concern themselves with anything but cleanliness. This child couldn't look clean because of his stained clothing.
"Very well I will have your grandmother see if she can rifle through Damien's old things and find some clothes for you. I don't have the credits to but new ones."
"Yes sir."
Obi-Wan just wanted to get back to his work for fear his grandmother would get onto him again.
"May I go now? I was allowed to take a break. I have to finish my work ."
"You are not finished in the barn yet? Damien has been in for hours."
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrow and crossed his arms in that defiant stand of his.
"Oh I suppose Grandmother had you do extra chores for getting trouble in school."
"I didn't do extra chores, I did all the chores. Damien was not in the barn today. Another thing father, for future reference, your mother has requested that I not call her grandmother."
Obi-Wan started to walk away and then he came back.
"Oh and father you don't have to lie to me."
Jinn got a perplexed look on his face.. He had not lied to the child.
"I know your mother did not load up work for punishment for what I did at school. Just as you, it is because I am me. I am here and I know no one likes it, you included."
Obi-Wan walked away leaving a father and former Jedi master realizing the boy had spoken the truth.
He was not sure he would ever want his little bag of trouble hanging on to him especially if he ever hoped to go back to the Jedi.
Later as they had their meal all Damien could talk about was Mace coming the next day. He did not even have to attend the little rundown school until Mace was spoken with to see if he had a solution. Obi-Wan, on the hand would have to go there.
Jinn kept looking over at his son and noticed his delicate little face features, small little hands hardly big enough to complete the work in the barn and the sad unhappy look evident all over his face. He seemed to just pick at his food. Jinn thought he needed to eat more and said so.. But the master did not know how to talk to a little one to make it sound like he was trying to be nice. His words came out gruff and harsh.
"Quit playing with your food Obi-Wan and eat it. I would think as busy as you have been you would have worked up an appetite."
What was concern for the child not eating enough for clearly he was too small, turned into a condemnation from his mother.
"Oh he will eat it all of it or he will be sitting there all night. I do not plan to waste credits on him and him throw the food away.'
She hesitated before starting again.
"Oh and Qui-Gon I thought while you were with Mace tomorrow I might go to town and get a few new clothing items for Damien. Boost his spirits and all that."
"Well I thought Obi-Wan could do with some other clothing. He looks like little bum."
"Yes well his mother must have not supplied very many clothing. He has maybe two outfits he could wear to school. Too bad I just sent Damien's old clothes to the orphanage, a couple of days ago."
Jinn could not believe what his mother said. They were short on credits and she was evidently aware of how meager Obi-Wan's wardrobe was, yet she sent very expensive clothes to the orphanage, some that would have fit his son. And now she wanted additional credits for Damien to have even more clothes.
She spoils that boy.
"Well if you sent his clothes off what do you plan for me to do about clothes for the little one there?"
"I suppose he will just have to wear what he has and be careful not to ruin them further. Maybe by spring when the taxes are paid, there will be enough for him to get a few things. Now could I go shopping tomorrow for Damien? I have put back a few credits of my own if you don't wish to supply any."
"Of course I will mother. Damien does have to look his best. But I must insist we find a coat for the child. It's almost winter and he has none."
Jinn had noticed the boy seemed to perk up when he heard he might get new clothing but then when he found out he wouldn't, he slumped back in his chair and tried valiantly to hide his disappointment. Jinn could not only see it but feel it through the force.
"I can stop by the thrift store in town. I heard they have very good bargains. If I have time I will pick him up one tomorrow."
Jinn could not imagine his mother sounding so harsh about supplying his son with a few clothing items in front of the boy. Surely she understood the need for a coat. What would the school say about sending the boy freezing in this weather with no coat?
//Damien is dressed like a millionaire's son instead of a lowly framers ward. Yet Obi-Wan is being denied a coat. Why is it because Kaylin's son or because he is mine. //
That question kept coming back to his mind. He wanted to understand why there was so much hatred for an eight-year old. Then again he thought he could say that about himself. Just what was he accomplishing by being overly cruel and indifferent to the boy.
//I have seen strangers I have been nicer too. Had I been a Jedi would I have acted this way toward him still? I know I am not acting in any way like a father, I feel badly about it at times and then again I can not let him interfere with my life. I have to do what my brother wanted for his son. I am, after all the reason he is dead now. It was Sidious' way of punishing me.//
Jinn meditated. Meditation was a instinctive Jedi reaction to a Jedi problem and although he was not an active Jedi, he realized if he ever hoped to be one again he should start following the Jedi code once again.
For right now he seemed like a sith-spawned father to Obi-Wan, not someone who before followed the Jedi mantra judicially and had compassion for those all around him.
Qui-Gon, Mace, and Damien sat in the main living room for the warmth the fireplace thad to offer. They discussed Damien's plight for about an hour.
"You know Qui if I had any credits they would be yours willingly. But you know how much the Jedi are given for their service in the order.
"Yes hopefully three meals a day and a roof over our heads."
"Well I do have an offer for you, an offer suggested and approved by the high council."
Jinn's mother came in and went quietly in the kitchen and started to make some lunch for them. She however kept the door ajar so she could here what was said. She was aware that she had walked in on a pinnacle phase of their conversation, for Mace was just about to suggest a solution.
"I have talked to the council and there may be a way for the Damien to get a very good education. So good in fact there would be no university to turn him down once he has gone to this school. And my friend you can easily afford it, it's absolutely free!"
"When we move?"
"NOT so fast Jinn. You haven't heard my offer and when you do I don't think you will be so quick to except it."
"What is it Mace?"
"Well Master Yoda has convinced the council to allow you to take over the temple right here on Fargus. It's about five hundred miles from here. If you did that, Damien can be trained in the Jedi school and no one would deny him entrance to any university. We are noted for the best in schools there are. We usually have our children at least two years in advance over children of even the best of the best private schools."
Jinn had already crunched his face in a frown. He got up, walked to the fireplace, and rested his arm on the mantle.
"Mace you know I can't do that. I have Damien to care for, not a bunch of untrained force-sensitives hanging on my robe. I am aware of the temple though. It sits on the other side of the mountains near the town of Norden. I have been there a handful of times. It would be close to the farm and my horses to visit them."
"Don't you see Qui-Gon that's the best part. You can be guaranteed that you will not have to leave the temple for at least four years on a mission. By that time, Damien will have finished school and in college. It's perfect."
"What about the farm, my horse? Everything I own is here? Who would care for them?"
"Let someone rent the property in order to care for it. You can still make payments. And it will be yours when you retire or if your mother wants to return here. Like you said it is not that far from the temple that you can't very frequently visit it. I can arrange that."
"That's another thing. What about mother?"
"This temple is small. You know that. Not more than five masters with padawans. They need like a den mother. Someone to oversee the cooking and cleaning. She will not do it all, she will oversee it. She can remain with you and more importantly with her grandsons."
Mace included both of the boys since he assumed Jinn's mother welcomed Obi-Wan into their life. Qui-Gon had not told him of the problems and Jinn was not sure he would either.
"I don't know Mace. You seemed to have it worked out to where it sounds easy but… Oh another thing what about Obi-Wan. I get a feeling that there is a catch."
"You know the council Qui-Gon. There is always condition when the council seemingly does something out of the goodness of their hearts.. The council wants you to take Obi-Wan under your wing like an initiate, you know braid and everything."
"Wow…….. wait a minute Mace, initiates don't wear braids. Now I know the "condition" " and I will have nothing to do with it. They really want me to take him as my apprentice."
"NO Qui-Gon you don't understand . You instruct Obi-Wan as if he were a padawan, but since he is young he will do just initiate things at the temple. After four years if you think he can do it you can form a lasting training bond and officially make him an apprentice, if not, he can be chosen by someone else."
"I said no Mace. I don't want Damien around the Jedi and I don't want my son to be a Jedi. Why the big interest in Obi-Wan by the council anyway?"
"Well they kinda found out we altered the midichlorian count."
"Just high is his count Mace?"
"Well it truly is not that high. There are actually a couple of older padawans with a count equal to his, The council feels that since he is your son he will not only have a higher count but be in touch more with the living force. They want him mainly because he is your son not because of the count, although it is impressive. However, like I said, there are others equal to his. Think about it Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon's mother could not hold it in. She didn't want Damien there where he would be less than a Jedi padawan's equal. That would also put Obi-Wan right in the middle of Qui-Gon's life over Damien she thought and she would have none of that. Her son must stay focused on the grandson that mattered, Damien.
"Qui-Gon you can't be serious. You can't do this. "
"Mother I didn't suggest it, Mace did. So I really don't know what to be serious about or what I will or will not do."
"Damien would not do well around the Jedi. You know… Well he just can't. He wouldn't fit in where as Obi-Wan would."
//That's it isn't it mother? Obi can't be close to being Damien's equal to me or to the people around him. Damien must always be the important one.//
"We must consider it Mother. Even you said how you would like to live in the city and… Damien what do you think of I?."
"I think it would be great. Why don't you like it Grandmother? My uncle running an entire temple, He'd be the boss."
Jinn smiled and Mace laughed out loud.
"I see he didn't get any of that Jedi reserve … He is certainly proud of you Qui-Gon."
"Of course he is. Qui is like a father to him since Amos died. I don't know what we have done if Qui-Gon hadn't stepped and became a surrogate father to him."
"Fatherhood must become you Qui-Gon. Now that you have two boys to care for."
Jinn's mother carried the tea and Damien brought out a heaping plate of hot sandwiches and sweet breads.
"Mace don't bring that horrid little boy into the conversation. He has been nothing but problems since he arrived. Has Qui-Gon not told you of him using the force against an innocent child? We had to pay the boy's medical bills. Like we had the extra credits to be paying for the damages done. The principle even said he would prosecute Obi-Wan for assault if he did it again."
"Mother, Obi-Wan said he was innocent; that he didn't do it."
"Uncle Qui-Gon how could he have pushed a boy almost twice his size if he didn't use that force of his. I mean really, he looks like a little skeleton."
Mid-day was eaten and Mace managed to convince Jinn's mother to at least think on the offer. That had almost a month before a new High master for the little temple was needed. Myra Jinn had to agree it would be a great educational advantage for Damien to go to a Jedi school, but the pressures of not being a Jedi was what she worried about.
Jinn took Mace out to the barn to visit with Raven. They decided to saddle up and ride around the farm. Jinn wanted to show his place off to Mace. It was the first time he had been there.
They rode quietly through the fields without speaking for a while and Mace finally broke the silence.
"So things are not going all that well with your son and you, Qui-Gon?"
"Well I do think Mother exaggerates the trouble he causes. I mean yes, we did have that little episode at school, but other than that, the boy does what he is told. I watched him practice summersaults and Mace he was unbelievable. He looked like an advanced padawan doing katas, aerial katas with no training right in the back yard."
Mace literally drawn into the exuberant excitement from the enthusiasm coming from Qui-Gon as he told him of Obi's abilities. Mace thought he detected fatherly pride in that voice. He also thought he noticed something else but through the force. Mace thought he could feel a bond between the two, father and son.
Nevertheless Jinn caught himself and stopped immediately the praise he had been lavishing on his son..
He had gotten so wrapped in telling Mace how impressive the boy's moves was he forgot he was no longer a working Jedi master and that Obi-Wan was not an apprentice to him. It felt very much like a natural feeling of connection associated with a training bond and Jinn tried desperately to suppress that feeling.
Mace only smiled. He stopped his horse and leaned back in the saddle. Qui-Gon halted Raven. He swung his long muscular leg over the horn of the saddle and swiftly slid his lithe and lean body down the side of Raven's leather saddle. Mace dismounted, but not quite as gracefully as Qui-Gon had. He was not really into horses and had only ridden them a few times. Then it was always with his dearest friend, Master Jinn.
"Seems like a little of that Jedi mastering you are so good at, has shown itself. That is until you abruptly stopped yourself to keep from bragging about him. Have you rethought the suggestion of Obi-Wan becoming an apprentice to you?"
"I don't want him to be a Jedi and certainly not my apprentice. No, he will just have to learn to live with the force and not strengthened it."
"I know your mother thinks if you have to train Obi-Wan that you won't have time for Damien. I can do this for you. Since you seem to be having problems with him, I can arrange to have another master at the small temple take on Obi-Wan. That is if the council agrees. There is a master I have in mind."
"I don't want him to be a Jedi. Can't you respect my wishes for my own son? I'm not one of those parents you can pump their heads up with good things about becoming an apprentice in the Jedi order. I know what a hard road it is to travel on the path to reach knighthood and then become master."
"Look Jinn we can't all have what we want. Do you want that schooling for Damien? Master Tyrell is available for a padawan."
"Mace you can't be serious? He is of the old school. Obi-Wan would not last a month with that man. He would be worse than my mother."
"Are you saying your mother is as equally cruel to Obi-Wan as Master Tyrell could be if Obi became his padawan? I know the man has been censured more than once before the council for being overly…. how should I say it?"
"Cruel. The man is down right cruel and you know it Qui."
"I was going to say headstrong, but hey if you want to say he is cruel then go right ahead."
//Maybe he is no more cruel to his padawans than I have been to my son. What in sith's hell is wrong with me anymore?//
"See even you know that the man is too harsh to have a padawan. The last three dropped out on him."
"Now you are going overbroad Qui-Gon. He has only had one padawan drop out of his apprenticeship."
"If I take the job I will have to keep Obi-Wan as my apprentice or initiate or whatever. I would attempt to train him. But let me warn you Mace, I am to keep my guardianship of Obi and if I decide that in the four years he can not remain a Jedi he walks with me. Is that understood? I may stay a Jedi but that does not mean Obi-Wan will be one. I am not sure where I would put him, but I know for now that I will not allow Master Tyrell to train him and I will not relinquish my custody of Obi-Wan to the Jedi.."
Mace turned his horse around and started back to the barn.
"I know you don't like me to know it Qui-Gon, but I have a feeling you are developing a little soft spot somewhere in that old heart of yours for that boy."
"Don't kid yourself my friend. We just don't connect Mace and I don't think we ever will. I am as much a thorn in Obi-Wan's side as he is in mine"………………………..
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