Sean here. Things have been wacko around my computer, so it was a bit of a struggle, just like Ran's writing of this chapter.
I think he's mad at me for taking credit for his work, heh.
Anyway, this chapter is one of his dreams, which is triggered by the rain. This is an important chapter, he told me to tell you that.
Chapter 13 The Rain, The Light, The Darkness
I didn't force a dream anymore, but the natural elements around me thought otherwise. From outside the tower's walls, I could hear the rain. Its beating on the shingles. I loved it.
My mind.....started flashing images of a certain dream. I thought it was showing me that crushing day I had had.
But no.....it was better. Memories, fragments of a dream. One I have seen only once before....when I lived with my brother.
It....was faint....and...blurry. But I could see a decent amount of it. My eye's squinted in my physical form in the tower. I tried to make it go away, fearing the dream would only bring more hurt to me.......at least that's what I had thought.
But it stayed. Guess I had to see it again I guess.
The vision.....was white at first. Faint sounds. A....almost bellowing beeping sound. Then.....a blurred image. One thing came almost too clearly. In the background of the vision came a window. A glass window set up against a wall. Then, on the floor in front of it....came the image of a bed. The place must be a room. I...couldn't see anything well.....but I could tell something or someone was laying on top of it. There was too much light....I tried to remember what I saw.
A sheet....no....a white...cloth blanket. Two hands....similar to mine almost....wrapped around a spiral piece of the blanket. Something was wrapped around it. Then I saw......
Being wrapped by the cloth and carefully embraced by someone's reptilian hands....was a hatchling monster.
The hatchling seemed tired....almost....as if just born or something. All I could see then was that the body was purple....indigo...or blue here and there. I could see hints that it had scales. The young one's eyes were closed with its mouth opened slightly....Its small fronds straight.
I knew who it was........Me.
Then, distracting me at first, were voices, echo-like in fact. My attention returned to the young me. This was...a very old memory. How could I remember?
My vision gave a glare to the window. It.....heh....was raining outside. Not so strong....not violent....just enough to let you know its there.....
The young me yawned and opened his eyes slightly. I never could figure that I was that...heh well...precious.
The vision calmed me pleasantly. Someone, or maybe a couple....were comforting me....I...liked it. I felt safe....secure. I....made the logical guess that....my....parents were in the room.
Dang those blasted lights! I couldn't see them!......At...least I know some things. My mother....clutching me with her arms.....my father sitting in a chair beside her, a hand on her shoulder. My brother on his lap, heh....a grateful smile on his face.....
This dream is the only thing I have that comes even close to my parents. The only memory I seemed to have of them.
I suddenly found myself in the dream, standing in front of the young me. He and the rain outside seemed to be the only things moving. I....didn't understand.....was I confronting myself in my dream?
I turned my head side to side, only finding the dark. There was no vision of my parents. I turned back to the only one there....me.
"....Hello" was all I thought to say. He seemed...happy to see me. His eyes looking at me. He gestured with his hands for me to pick him up.
For some reason....I was reminded of the kid. Not every part of the incident, just her. I remembered....her in my arm. That kid seemed like me. Afraid. But....the one in front me....wasn't afraid. Why?
Looking at him.....why is he so happy? Doesn't he know that I am what he will become? I stood here now...looking at this young innocent child....the young me.
I looked still as he looked as best he can at him. "Don't....you know who I am?" I asked. Probably stupid to ask a newborn....but...this was a dream.
Still, he said nothing. I tilted my head to the side. He should be angry me. Being the failure I am....
I turned back....This child doesn't understand yet. I was so innocent and young that I could not grasp the road ahead. For some reason....I became mad. My mind was brining hurtful visions just to break me. I...glared at me.
"Look at you.....so oblivious to what you'll become....a...failure...and outcast...a hated monster" I said. The vision giggled. Was he mocking me? My anger came again. Why.....why wasn't I still him....why does he feel so happy while I'm miserable. Why?
"Why were you born!" I yelled.
From an instant, I leaped at the vision. As soon as I came in contact, the vision vanished into smoke.........
I hit the floor of the dream, not wanting to get up. I shouldn't have felt pain, but I did. My eyes opened and I rose the top part of my body. I have then realized my mistake. I was just angry...that I...was stolen of my loved ones and make a mistake to end up where I am. That child was what I wanted. I wanted to keep what he had had....what was....taken from me.
I realized now....sympathy and guilt for what I just did. That child was me....soon to have everything taken from him. I breathed heavily and swiftly rose to my feet. Still breathing, I looked around, only finding a dark void.
When I could take it no longer, I looked down at my hands....bringing them close. Worry and fear crossed my face.
"What have I done...." I said. I quickly turned back. I looked in every possible direction, trying to find the vision again.
"I'm sorry!" I yelled in the distant void. Nothing. I ran forward only to find more darkness. "Come back! I'm sorry!" I yelled again. I stopped and turned back the other way.
"Please come back! Don't leave!" I yelled. Then...I halted. Nothing. The comfort and protection I had felt was gone. I couldn't believe it.
My face became bombarded with negative emotion as I collapsed to the ground. I laid flat....my top hands covering my face. I didn't know why at first, but....I started to cry.
"Don't leave me....I'm sorry.....please....I don't wanna be alone..." I snuffled. "He...didn't know what life was....going to be like......he didn't know how cruel life would be!" I said, seeming only to myself. After a moment....I lifted my hands away to support my upper body. Tear stains in my eyes. I turned my head from side to side.
"Mom....?". Nothing. I looked the opposite way. "Dad....?". Nothing.........I.....was alone.
I brought my top hands to the sides of my face and closed my eyes. "I don't wanna go yet...I don't want to be alone anymore..." I said. Then I yelled off into the black sky.
"COME BACK!"
*
I was alone. I didn't want to be.
Everything was like this. My dreams only wanted to hurt me...or confuse me. Leaving me with more hurt. But...heh....that was just the start. The visions weren't the only thing that came to harm me.
I had already fallen, my hands down on the black abyss. I was breathing hard. It was silent for now. All I could hear was my breathing.
"....ehh....ehh......ehh.....".
It seemed that I lost all my energy in that final saying. I thought I could finally leave.......but no. I still had something to confront.
I heard it. That.....creepy laugh again.
"AHHAHAHAHAHA!".
I looked left and right, but couldn't find it. It continued to laugh at stalk me. The laugh echoed inside my head, causing me to hear it from every possible direction. I couldn't deal with it now. Not at this time anyway. Then.......it spoke.....
".....Look at you now....". That stalking voice with its agitated tone. I knew all too well who it was. In fact......
"Seems like you cant escape even in your own dreams......".
"...Endless as it is......pain is but a bitter wine to you......" he mocked me.
"Heh....mom and dad left you to fend for yourself......and for years.....you have been doing just that......." he said.
I lifted my head up and rose to my feet. "Get away now!" I yelled, my energy back. Yet he still mocked me.
"Hehehe....just like you....always yelling.....why?" he asked. "Just go away!" I yelled again, looking anywhere for him.
"You know I can never leave......you just have to admit.....you've failed.....you always will...." he said. I stopped trying to usher him away, so I just had to know.....
"What are you talking about!" I yelled.
"......Hehehe.....Poor you....always wanting everything to be perfect.....".
I looked above me. The dark sky I had cursed was swirling into a circle. But I ignored it. A dream couldn't kill me.
"I didn't want everything to be perfect! I just.....I just.......I...." I started. It felt as if the swirling mass above me was sucking away my anger at him.
"....I....just....wanted my family back......." I said. A moment of silence. All heard was the small swirling vortex above me. Then.....
"Hehehe.....face it Randall....you'll never see them again.....they're gone for eternity....leaving you alone forever...." he said.
"No.....they....didn't...." I said.
"Oh did they?........You mother and father left you so young.....that you could not even remember what they looked like......your brother? Hehehe......guess we know who he was really looking out for...." he said.
"...No....that's not true....your wrong...." I said, the vortex getting closer.
"Am I?.....Or are you not willing to admit it!".
Suddenly, the dark ground shattered into pieces like a fallen mirror. The vortex sucked me in along with the pieces of darkness. I didn't flinch, nor feel any worry. This was my dream, not his.
*
My eyes were soon darkened, but then bubbles of light started to appear. My vision slowly came. I was somewhere else. I knew it well.
My vision came. I could see it now. All of it. My feet touched the wooden foundation of the room. To my left was a bed, several actually. All plain with white sheets. I couldn't see anymore ahead. For....it was shattered. It was if.....I was seeing only part......of the first orphanage I was in.
"Remember this place?".
I turned around. A single.....window was there. Seeming like the only thing dominating the room with difference. I stood looking out. A single road leading off to where the sky and ground became one. The grassy plain beside it.
".....I do...." I said.
"This window?".
"Yes....".
"......This....".
Suddenly, the voice became a form. Materializing, and sitting, on the window ceil......was me. Or at least....it looked like me. It was dark. Black. Its ends seem to have swirling darkness around it. As if it were the darkness in my mind that had been giving a form so I could meet it face to face. It was a dark version of me. Its limbs, tail, fronds....all seeming to leak darkness that was carried for a few seconds....then disappeared. Its eyes were noticeable, but still dark. It talked the words in almost an echo.
"You stayed here for as long as I can remember....You looked out there...." he gestured his hand out into the place outside.
".....Wanting to see your parents to come and take you back......but.....did they?" he asked. I guess I had to answer.
".....No.......they....didn't...." I said, feeling hurt in my soul. But....he sensed it.
"Yes.......see.....they left a scar right in your heart....your soul...." he said, getting up onto his four swirling feet.
"Hehe.....thanks to that.....I was born...." he said. He came closer. Stopping right ahead of me. I looked down, not wanting to see the face.
"You still carry that in you.....along with others...." he said, turning to the window. ".....Maybe they're dead you asked me?...Perhaps....." he said.
".....No.....I...." I started. "But no......you still carried on, wanting someday to find them......" he said, back to me.
"No matter how far you went.....you were always pushed back....." he said. "Perhaps.....we should see more now shouldn't we?".
"No....".
*
He didn't listen. As I looked, the wooden planks beneath my feet morphed into a carpet-like floor. I lifted my head. The room was now a living room. Its various details were stripped away, leaving only the largest of items in the room there, along with the room itself.
I knew where I was. So did he, who was still in front of me, showing the room.
"No..." I said.
"Yes....remember this place? An old apartment.....of the Snake Eyes hotel....." he said, turning to me. "The one of which you and your brother spent happy days in....." he said. I tried not to listen, but he continued, laying a dark hand on the drawer that held the phone on it.
"You sat in this room hour after hour....as long as you could....wanting to hear your brothers voice...." he said.
"Stop it now...." I asked, trying not to listen to him. But he urged on. "What was that.....last thing he said to you?" he said.
For some reason, even through I did not hear, I suddenly was forced to. I couldn't control it.
"Was it...." he started.
"Don't worry Randall.....I'm sorry.....I'm going to fix everything....I promise.....I'm going to find our parents someday.....then we can all be a family again....and you'll finally get what you deserved....." he spoke, mimicking my brothers words......even in his exact voice.
"I promise.....one day we'll be happy.....away from all the problems......Everything will be alright you'll see.....we can find them.......we...will find them...." he said, still mimicking.
I don't know how, but I spoke.
"You.....promise?" I asked. After saying that, I regained control of my voice. "I promise...." he ended, ending the mimic.
I was silent. Seemed like he just tore out my heart and slashed it. But he wasn't done yet.
"That wasn't all....I may have skipped a few things.....but you need to wake up soon enough...." he said. Just as suddenly, the place morphed again. Darkness was first to be seen, me and him still standing. Then, the door vault appeared.
I didn't want to see this again, but he seemed in control at the time. "Look down there...." he said, his normal voice, pointing over the rail of the vision. I looked down over the rail from where I was standing. There, laying on the ground......was me. Plain and simple, it was me. Dead......
The dark swirling version stepping beside me.
"Hehehe.....a piece of you was killed that day....." he said. "You had failed.....the chance....the only....chance to find your family was gone....." he added.
I placed my hands on the rails, looking down. He wasn't moving down there.
"You worked hard your whole life....only to come to that..." he pointed down at me down there. "That creature down there represents that work......all to only fall and die......" he said.
A tear was forming down my eye.....only for that creature......down there....
"....Strange how those who work so hard end up to die in the end.....its and endless spiral Randall....a little piece of you tears away from these memories........mom....dad....brother....." he told me.
"The rest of your life will be like that.......soon enough.....every piece of you will split.....fall.....and die...." he told.
I kept starring, the tear in my eye refusing to fall. I couldn't take this from him. Not now.
"Just.....just go away...." I said. He seemed to smile out of the corner of his eye. "....Very well Randall.....but remember....your failed at your last chance....and you know its the truth..." he said.
I turned back and yelled.
"Leave me alone Rendell!" I yelled.
*
"Ah!"
I burst awake. My eyes scanned for where I was. I...was back in tower...out of the dream. I settled back down, placing my head on top of my hands. My dream had hurt me. Not physically, but mentally. My body felt as if it was shattered into a thousand pieces. As if my bones had all cracked. But no, they were not. Dark had taken me to destroy that dream, because it reminds me of what I have lost. But I wanted to keep the dream because of the same reason........
I was so confused. Did I hate.....or should love....what I have lost? Should I hate remembering something I would......maybe never see again? Or cherish it.....for it is something to strive for and hope to obtain back again. I was so close.....why did I lose? Why did it have to be? Why was that child deprived of everything......then pushed aside while Hope was busy with the rest of the world.
My shoulders started shuffling. Anyone that could see could tell I was crying. I do have dignity. But I felt it was ok to cry now......this dream either enraged me.....or comforted me......losing either would hurt me. My mother and father might have been so close. My hand reached out to their shadows, only to find the empty void in my dream.......
It was not right, not after I had promised my friend that I would return to my world. But at the point, my parents were the only ones on my mind.
Don't you.....don't you know what it feels like? Having everyone you knew who loved you.....taken away. First it was my parents........then my adopter.....and.....even.....ehh. I had no one to lean onto. Anyone who offered me kindness was only getting in some sort of mix up that would only hurt me more. Isn't twenty two years long enough? How long must I wait till I see them again.......
Or.....was I born to live alone and lose everything.......was......was "he" right?
I said the only thing that seemed right.....
"Mom....dad....brother....I'm sorry.....I failed you....". I started burying my head deeper into my hands. I may have failed....but I'm not giving up.....at least....not yet. I needed to get back home....I didn't want to be alone...I wanted to find them.....no.....I had to.