"It's time to say
Thank God for You
I thank God for you
In each and every single way.
I know... I know...
It's time to let you know
Time to sit here and say...
I know
We are
We are the lucky ones."
--Bif Naked
"For When You Return"
Part One
"Look! It's a beautiful day!" Rinoa stretched her long arms out and danced in a merry little
circle atop of the sidewalk of Galbadia garden. It -was- a beautiful day, Squall noticed, but
it wasn't the cloudless sky that first caught his eyes. Rather, he took note of the
overpowering sight of the Garden itself, landed where it belonged and being repaired, set back
into its foundation as if nothing had ever happened. Like ants on the latticework that framed
the structure laborers moved about and wiped away scars of battle and wear.
And then what? Squall thought. There isn't a point anymore. The Garden has served its purpose.
It's all over - everything. SeeD. Even that... Wasn't its purpose to eliminate the sorceress...?
"Squall!" Gone was Rinoa's playfulness. She was facing him squarely, feet planted after what
must have been a firm stomp on the ground. Her arms were at her sides, and her eyebrow was
raised in a manner that was, although not cold, not exactly pleasant either.
"Huh?" With a blink and a stammer Squall lowered his head from where he had been looking to
cast her a quick glance - looking to the eyes, only the eyes. They were, after all, the opening
to a person's soul. However, his intent was not romantic, not at all. He simply wanted to read
her mood in attempt to recuperate, as if her gaze would tell him exactly what he had missed. No
such luck.
"Didn't you hear me?" She frowned. "I asked you twice."
Asked me what? Humph. What'd she expect, not telling him the specifics? Women. Squall, mind
whirring, struggled over the possibilities in order to compose a response. His mind was
actually quite quick, although he had no idea that Rinoa was watching him with full awareness
of his plight - she could see the wheels turning, and that shift on anger turned into vague
amusement, as she waited.
"It is a pretty day." Squall finally said.
"Mmm-hmm," Rinoa clasped her hands behind her back and rocked back and forth on her heels.
Expectantly. Damn her.
However, despite this, Squall felt a warm little twitter in his belly that he knew and
recognized to be affection - this woman was Rinoa, his Rinoa, despite the flaws and irritations
and...
...Constant, never-ending mind games.
"Umm...Well," Squall scratched at the side of his head and glanced over one shoulder, as if
expecting someone to be there to blissfully rescue him. Nothing. Of course. Stifling a grimace,
he turned to face Rinoa's soft--and yet piercing--brown eyes once more.
"Look, Squall... you could have just told me that you weren't paying attention."
"Oh, that would go over -wonderfully-," Squall muttered under his breath.
"There you go again," Rinoa said. Her hands had subconsciously gone to her hips, and she leaned
over to face him head-on a little in that way of hers. "Just say it out loud, Squall. I mean...
that's what normal people do. Talk. You know, I've seen you do it. What goes through that head
of yours?" She tapped a temple in accent, and straightened a little, before saying, just as he
opened his mouth:
"Whatever."
"I dunno." Squall said at the same time. It took him forever to do it, but he figured them all
out. The trademark line had been dropped from his vocabulary, and as Rinoa's smug knowingness
dropped into a tight-lipped little frown, he found himself matching it with a slow-spreading
grin that went from one side of his face to another.
"I'm learning," He said, as he set an arm across her shoulders and started walking her back
into the Garden. Rinoa balled her hands into fists and pounded them playfully into his side, and
he laughed in a way that he had been doing a lot more lately.
Who knew? Maybe he was learning something after all.
"Aaanggh! Aaagh! Aaangh-agngh!"
Quistis Trepe leaned up against the dorm room wall in that sleek and elegant way of hers,
looking down at her fingernails in a manner that seemed as calm as could be. Only someone who
knew her ways well would be able to tell that the gesture was impatient.
"Aaanngh! Aaag!"
"Zell, give the bag a break, okay?" Quistis said. "And no, not literally--Ah-ah! She -can-
crack a joke. Imagine that." Dull, flat, and as dry as it could be. The woman didn't even
look up from her nails.
Zell dropped his fists and looked over his shoulder at her in a cold and uncharacteristically
solemn way. And then, after that brief moment, he danced a little from foot to foot and planted
a firm punch to the worn and beaten bag in front of him. Dust flew, its supports groaned, and
Zell sent out another little sound from between his teeth. Quistis sighed.
"Look, Zell, Selphie sent me up here to talk this through--"
"You?" He said within a bitter laugh and a rounding kick at the pitiful-looking punching bag.
"What are -you- going to do? Read to me?"
Quistis crossed her arms over her chest. "I resent that."
Zell rolled his eyes and his body followed, turning to fully face her. He spread his arms out a
little, and then sighed and dropped them again in a manner that was very quite frustrated.
"Look, it's just tough, Quistis."
She offered no response. Obviously, the woman expected more than that.
"I mean, aren't you -bored- out of your freakin' -mind-?!" He exclaimed. Never one to stand
still for more than a millisecond, he began throwing out gestures left and right. "I haven't
beaten anything up in -months-!"
"Gee, that's civilized."
Zell ignored her. "I mean, it's great that peace is here and everything. But... Quistis, I've
been trained for my whole life to..." He waved his hands around in exasperation.
"...Fight?"
"Thank you."
"No problem."
"I've gone to the training center. It isn't the same. I'm just throwing punches. There's
nothing behind it, no reason. It's not like I want a world crisis, but... Look at me, look!"
He tapped his ratty t-shirt covered chest with both hands. "I'm still sleeping in my dorm room
at the Garden, damn it. Is this what my life is going to be from now on?"
"Not neces--"
"Game over, Quisty. Game -over-." He reached over knocked his hover-board onto the ground,
stepping onto it in the same motion. His feet locked into place, and with a twist of his back
heel the jets snapped and flared, sending him floating a few feet off the ground. He swayed
back and forth a little, with his jaw cocked and body shifting with his movements. In his eyes
was a defiant chill.
"You can't fly that in here."
"Why not," Zell said. "After all, I'm -graduated-." He lifted his hands and did a little
quote-quote motion with his fingers, as sarcastic as could be. Quistis shifted her hips and
ran her tongue along the sharper edges of her teeth. Unaffected.
"I think you've had a little too much time to think to yourself, Zell."
"That's the problem! Weren't you -listening-?!"
Quistis touched her fingertips to her forehead tiredly. They were cold, like ice. "Look, Zell...
when the Garden is back up..."
Rocking back and forth still, Zell watched her with exaggerated snakelike motions of the head.
Left, right, left, right. His eyes widened. Quistis resisted an urge to go for his throat and
clenched her arms across her chest -- this time in order to keep them from doing something that
they weren't supposed to do.
"When the Garden is back up," She went on, "We're all to be on the faculty."
"The -faculty-?!" Zell exclaimed. "After all that we did, they offer us positions on the
-faculty-?!"
Quistis cocked her head to one side and cast him a chilled look. "Gee, I guess you could always
sell your medal for world peace when you're starving and homeless..."
"Exactly! You say that as if it's a -bad- thing!"
She'd gotten the compulsion to slap her forehead a number of times that afternoon -- at that
response, she took a moment to do so. Accenting the gesture was an exasperated sigh. "I think
it's a good idea, Zell. We've experienced a lot, all of us... and a chance to teach what we've
learned is one that we should take."
"Heh. I thought you gave up on the whole instructor bit."
"That was a time of crisis," Quistis said haughtily, complete with an upward tilt of her chin.
"However, those times have passed... There are times to take up arms, and times to take up
pens--"
"Oh, Jeez." Zell groaned. "Pens? I passed the SeeD exam. I don't need to hear that kind of
stuff anymore." He twisted his feet and did a little spin on his still-raised hover-board,
flapping his arms and frowning childishly.
"That attitude is going to be the end of you, Zell."
"Yeah?" He wavered and came to a shaky halt. Steadying himself in the air, he managed to meet
her gaze and match it defiantly. "Tell me, Quistis -- do you still have your Guardian Force
junctioned?"
"Huh?" Quistis cocked an eyebrow at him.
"Well, do you? It's a simple question."
"Well..." Quistis shifted from side to side, in the manner of a proud bird ruffling its
feathers. "If you must know..."
"Ha!" Knowing full well what her answer was just by looking at her, he jabbed a finger in the
air--sending him shifting backwards on his board a little--with great and pointed triumph. "My
point -exactly-. You miss it as much as I do. You're just as aching to get into some action
as I am."
"Nonsense!" Quistis retorted indignantly. "You don't see -me- moping, do you?"
"I know you," Zell said. "Deep inside, you are. I bet you sneak into the parking lot at night
and send Quezacotl out after empty beer cans."
"Oh come -on-," Quistis said flatly.
"Come on? No. -Go- on, yes." Zell gave his heel another clockwise twist, and with a hiss he
jetted forward. "I'm outta here." As he passed he flashed her peace and winked in cold
amusement. "Later, toots."
Quistis rolled her eyes. "...And, if you must know, Guardian forces do more than just kill
things."
"Gee, a little defensive, there?"
"It's true," Her head subtly followed him as he crossed the room. "Health, dexterity,
intelligence... I can see that -you- haven't experimented much with that one."
"What's -that- supposed to mean?!" Zell cried, just as his head smacked into the top of the
doorway. With a resounding crack he was knocked back and off his hover-board, only to thud
painfully onto the tiled floor below. The board went zipping forward, and after a moment of
silence snapped into the other side of the hallway outside.
Quistis's lips went into a neat little circle, and she pointedly gave a low whistle and rolled
her eyes off to one side, before throwing a few false coughs into her fist.
"Oh, just shut up and help me twist my shoulder back into its socket."
Squall plucked a flower up from the earth in front of him and brought it to his eyes. In his
gloved fingers he turned it in a small circle. The thin white petals blurred and became a
single unit, and with a curious, almost animal-like narrow of his eyelashes he watched...
Mesmerized? Perhaps.
"Squall?"
The whirring came to a complete halt, and the petals individual digits. His silvery blue gaze
shifted and his focus went behind the flower -- Rinoa. She was sitting across from him, her
legs spread open as if she were preparing to stretch, although she had apparently opted to
relax instead. Around them was the grass, waving in rhythm to an undetectable beat, and beyond
that the edge of a forest and the Garden, glowing and radiant... and somewhat out of place in
this setting.
Her hands were lifted, level with her chest, and Squall noted that a flower just like his own
was intertwined within her fingers. At this recognition she cast him a small smile and said,
"Thanks for coming out here with me... I know you're busy and everything."
"Yeah." Squall replied absentmindedly. Naturally, he enjoyed their time together... but a lot
of things were on his mind, especially with the Garden being renovated. There was talk of him
becoming an instructor... or worse. It was hard enough being a 'leader.' At that, a little smirk
came onto his lips. Bitter.
Rinoa tipped her head slightly to one side, and she lowered her hands to the ground. "What are
you thinking about, Squall?"
"Nothing." He replied reflexively. However, he saw that Rinoa had wiltered a little at his
response. Quickly, he rushed to correct himself. "About the future, actually. I mean, what's
going to become of us, and the Garden... I mean, it's like turning to the last page of a book
and finding out that there are thousands of blank pages to fill, you know?"
"Yeah." Rinoa said. That undertone was still there. He'd answered her question, what more did
she want from him? And then Squall saw that her eyes weren't on him at all... Rather, they had
fallen into her lap. He felt his stomach draw tight, and there was a quiet click as his lips
parted... closed... parted...
"What's wrong?" He finally asked.
Rinoa's eyes flickered up to him. She looked guilty. "I just..."
How long had she been waiting to talk to him about... whatever it was? How many times had she
looked at him that way, only for him to get self-conscious and wonder what -he-had been doing
wrong, as opposed to thinking about what was going through -her- head. Rinoa had feelings, too.
But she never hid them. She always told him everything. Had he ever seen her eyes shielded from
him? Ever? Now, he wondered.
"...The Garden..." Rinoa was saying. "I mean, you have your rank and your friends and
classmates... You're a SeeD, Squall, and you'll always have that to go back to..."
She had paused to look him in the eyes. Squall matched her gaze, unaccustomed to the etiquette
of 'spilling one's emotions.' It took him a moment to realize that he was supposed to nod.
Funny, actually -- why -wouldn't- he be listening to her? There was no need to assure her.
Nevertheless...
....Rinoa was satisfied. "But it's all over for me. You did your job, Squall. You fulfilled
your contract--"
"Contract? I haven't heard that one in a while." Squall said.
Rinoa smiled a little. "And you'll never hear it again. It's over, Squall. But I don't know
what to do with myself, now. There's no reason to go back to Timber, and you know how me and
my father are..."
Squall straightened a little. "But... I thought we... I thought you'd decided to stay here?"
Did he look... frightened? Rinoa cocked her head at him a little, and was a little slow in
responding. "Well, I... I guess. But Squall, what am I going to do here? Wander the halls? I
didn't grow up here, like you did."
"You can take the exams, Rinoa. I mean, I'm sure they'll pull a few strings..."
Her jaw dropped and this strange look had come into her eyes. Squall met them, but in his
peripheral vision he saw the flower head in her first snap and drop from her suddenly increased
grip. "Are you serious, Squall? You really think... Squall, that's awful!"
"What?"
"I wouldn't want to 'pull a few strings' to get anywhere. Do you know how -terrible- that would
make me feel? I want to earn my way, and get what I deserve. How could you suggest something
like that...as if it actually seems -right- to you...?" She sounded stupefied, aghast.
"Well..." Squall, always a contrast to her, calmly shrugged. "Then do the training and take the
exams just like everyone else."
Rinoa blinked at this, unable to rant at him while he was so serene about it all. "I... well,
maybe. I don't know if it's right for me, though, Squall... I've said this already, I don't
like fighting, it's just not in my nature... and SeeD... Well..."
Squall put a hand on his forehead in a rare dramatic gesture. "Are you -ever- satisfied," He
said within a playful and exaggerated groan. Riona's jaw dropped, and from that she managed a
rather bewildered laugh.
"My goodness, Squall... was that a touch of...character?"
He laughed a little -- not merrily, of course, it was not his way. But still he laughed, and
shook his head a little. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
"Don't be," Rinoa had risen in that lithe way of hers -- funny, the way she moved could so
easily be clumsy, but yet it was not that way in the least. Somehow, she had gotten to her
hands and knees and crawled toward him, before flopping onto the shelf that his crossed-legs
made, folding her arms and resting her chin in their niche. In that fashion, she gazed up at
him.
She was so pretty. Squall shifted so that his hands were behind him on either side, and leaned
back a little. He watched her with a scrutinizing gaze, inspecting and observant... Like this,
they exchanged thoughts and words that conversation would never have covered with their
differences, and with the fur collar of his coat blowing against his chin, Squall thought:
"What is it?" Rinoa asked.
Squall thought, having forgotten that he had allowed Rinoa access into his head. He broke
their gaze and looked off into the distance, feeling her eyes on him like heat against his
jawline...
"You..." He started.
"Yes?" She urged him.
"You... care for me, Rinoa." He croaked. This was a very difficult thing for him to say -- it
was hard enough to admit his own feelings, much less openly announce someone else's...
especially concerning him. Riona's face warmed at the comment.
"...But everyone is always telling me to open up, to show my feelings, to show... well,
myself... And when I think about it, I wonder... What do you see in me, Rinoa? What made you
feel the way you do?"
This, actually, caught her a little by surprise. Squall watched her head sink into her arms a
little, her eyes shift off to one side -- was she thinking, he mused, or avoiding him? Across
her face came a strand of obsidian-hued hair, against her nose almost in the same position as
the scar that crossed Squall's own. He had a sudden compulsion to brush it away, but feared
that it would take her attention from the question at hand. It wasn't true that he had been
thinking of it a -lot- lately, but when it came to mind... It was suddenly very important to
him.
"It's frustrating, Squall, how you sometimes hide yourself from everybody. It really hurts me
sometimes." She finally said, honestly so, although she was looking at the necklace that hung
low on his chest rather than his face at this point. "At first, it really bothered me, you
know. I wanted to understand you so badly, wanted to know what was behind those eyes of yours...
but as things unfolded, I kinda realized... This -is- you, Squall. I mean, I was always trying
to look deeper than what was actually there, and never gave myself a chance to actually -see-
you, you know...
"I wanted you to be yourself, I guess. But then I realized...Who else can you be?"
Her eyes rose and flickered into his own. Squall's heart skipped a beat at the mere sight of it.
And, although he felt a sudden inner warmth at what she told him, he still knew... Rinoa had
yet to have answered his question. She knew this, however, could see it in his eye just as
clearly as she would have if he had told her straight out. Her gaze lowered, she nodded vaguely
against her arms, and her lips parted:
"I've actually thought about this for a long time. I've always -liked- you, Squall, for what
you've done for me. Annoyances and all, you were sent to be my hero... and that's what you did.
You've saved my life, you've saved so much for me. Whenever I was in trouble, you'd be there..."
An arm snaked out from where it was folded, and her white fingers tapped at the outside of his
thigh. "When I first came to the Garden, Squall... I was looking for Seifer. He did a lot for
me, too, and I was attracted to him for it."
Seifer. Squall felt his heart grow cold at the mention of the man's name -- and, of course, the
fact that Rinoa spoke of a favorable past with him. Holding his tongue and curbing his mind, he
wet his lips and looked off to one side.
"...When I'd heard that he'd thrown a fit over the fact that only three of you were sent to
help me... I felt so much for him for that, Squall. And when he came to Timber himself, just to
fight for me, to act as a knight for me... He did exactly what you did. He may have failed, but
he tried to be my hero."
"But Squall -- I don't -love- him, do you understand? I'd spent time with him, yes, but... It
just doesn't feel right. When I met you, I just was... comfortable, Squall. For the first time
since my childhood I was content, content in a way that made me want to stay with you... Not
just for a while, but... Forever, Squall. It just feels so right inside me, all the time. With
someone else, 'forever' would scare me. But with you... the thought of losing this is what is
terrifying. Sometimes it's frustrating, this relationship... but I don't regret it. I never
will."
...She'd said too much. Rinoa felt a twinge of worry at that, but as her nature decreed she
willed herself not to fret. It was how she felt, and she wasn't going to hold back, not unless
she had to. He'd asked, and she'd told. Watching his face, or rather his profile as he had cast
it off to the side, she waited for a reaction.
"...Does that answer your question?" She asked tentatively, when nothing came.
"Uh..." Squall's torso twisted a little as he eased his weight off one arm put his hand over
his mouth, drawing it downward. "Um, yeah..." At that came an uncomfortable little laugh,
lilting his words. Rinoa stared up at him, not sure what to think -- this was one shell that
she didn't want to crack. Bashfully, she shifted to rise up and away from him.
"Rinoa..." Impulsively, he took her wrist. It was gentle, yes, without a touch of force or
meaning behind it... nothing, of course, but an apology... If a simple touch could actually
express something like that. "You've said so many times, that I've saved you, that I've been
your your hero... But, Rinoa...Before I met you, I..." His hair shifted from side to side,
although his head barely moved -- shaking it, unable to express himself. He was, after all, not
gifted in that regard. "...Thank you. Thank you so much."
Her eyes crinkled, in a smile that was only slightly able to extend to the lips. She snaked her
wrist out of his hold and twined her fingers into his own. It was one of those moments again,
where they could understand each-other without words, where the air between them seemed to warm
and draw into itself, until they were face to face...
Rinoa's upper lip grazed his lower one, and at that sensation he drew back from her slightly,
enough for their mouths to warm just from the nearness, but not with touch. With a tiny, almost
playful grin he said in a teasingly normal tone of voice. "Why is it that people kiss, anyway?
What's so great about pressing two faces against one another?"
She rolled her eyes, let loose a heaving sigh, and plopped her cheek down onto his shoulder
with exaggerated and mock disdain. "Always the romantic." And her eyes closed as his hand
crinkled against the hair at the back of her head where he placed it. "It just feels good,
Squall. It just feels good."
The breeze blew the scents of the meadow across his face, and within it Rinoa intermingled,
pushing his tresses back from his eyes and cooling the flesh upon his face. His side relaxed
where she rested against him, and he felt the subtle movements of her body rising and falling,
inhaling, exhaling....
"It most certainly does," he said.
End Part 1/?
To be Continued.
Thank God for You
I thank God for you
In each and every single way.
I know... I know...
It's time to let you know
Time to sit here and say...
I know
We are
We are the lucky ones."
--Bif Naked
"For When You Return"
Part One
"Look! It's a beautiful day!" Rinoa stretched her long arms out and danced in a merry little
circle atop of the sidewalk of Galbadia garden. It -was- a beautiful day, Squall noticed, but
it wasn't the cloudless sky that first caught his eyes. Rather, he took note of the
overpowering sight of the Garden itself, landed where it belonged and being repaired, set back
into its foundation as if nothing had ever happened. Like ants on the latticework that framed
the structure laborers moved about and wiped away scars of battle and wear.
And then what? Squall thought. There isn't a point anymore. The Garden has served its purpose.
It's all over - everything. SeeD. Even that... Wasn't its purpose to eliminate the sorceress...?
"Squall!" Gone was Rinoa's playfulness. She was facing him squarely, feet planted after what
must have been a firm stomp on the ground. Her arms were at her sides, and her eyebrow was
raised in a manner that was, although not cold, not exactly pleasant either.
"Huh?" With a blink and a stammer Squall lowered his head from where he had been looking to
cast her a quick glance - looking to the eyes, only the eyes. They were, after all, the opening
to a person's soul. However, his intent was not romantic, not at all. He simply wanted to read
her mood in attempt to recuperate, as if her gaze would tell him exactly what he had missed. No
such luck.
"Didn't you hear me?" She frowned. "I asked you twice."
Asked me what? Humph. What'd she expect, not telling him the specifics? Women. Squall, mind
whirring, struggled over the possibilities in order to compose a response. His mind was
actually quite quick, although he had no idea that Rinoa was watching him with full awareness
of his plight - she could see the wheels turning, and that shift on anger turned into vague
amusement, as she waited.
"It is a pretty day." Squall finally said.
"Mmm-hmm," Rinoa clasped her hands behind her back and rocked back and forth on her heels.
Expectantly. Damn her.
However, despite this, Squall felt a warm little twitter in his belly that he knew and
recognized to be affection - this woman was Rinoa, his Rinoa, despite the flaws and irritations
and...
...Constant, never-ending mind games.
"Umm...Well," Squall scratched at the side of his head and glanced over one shoulder, as if
expecting someone to be there to blissfully rescue him. Nothing. Of course. Stifling a grimace,
he turned to face Rinoa's soft--and yet piercing--brown eyes once more.
"Look, Squall... you could have just told me that you weren't paying attention."
"Oh, that would go over -wonderfully-," Squall muttered under his breath.
"There you go again," Rinoa said. Her hands had subconsciously gone to her hips, and she leaned
over to face him head-on a little in that way of hers. "Just say it out loud, Squall. I mean...
that's what normal people do. Talk. You know, I've seen you do it. What goes through that head
of yours?" She tapped a temple in accent, and straightened a little, before saying, just as he
opened his mouth:
"Whatever."
"I dunno." Squall said at the same time. It took him forever to do it, but he figured them all
out. The trademark line had been dropped from his vocabulary, and as Rinoa's smug knowingness
dropped into a tight-lipped little frown, he found himself matching it with a slow-spreading
grin that went from one side of his face to another.
"I'm learning," He said, as he set an arm across her shoulders and started walking her back
into the Garden. Rinoa balled her hands into fists and pounded them playfully into his side, and
he laughed in a way that he had been doing a lot more lately.
Who knew? Maybe he was learning something after all.
"Aaanggh! Aaagh! Aaangh-agngh!"
Quistis Trepe leaned up against the dorm room wall in that sleek and elegant way of hers,
looking down at her fingernails in a manner that seemed as calm as could be. Only someone who
knew her ways well would be able to tell that the gesture was impatient.
"Aaanngh! Aaag!"
"Zell, give the bag a break, okay?" Quistis said. "And no, not literally--Ah-ah! She -can-
crack a joke. Imagine that." Dull, flat, and as dry as it could be. The woman didn't even
look up from her nails.
Zell dropped his fists and looked over his shoulder at her in a cold and uncharacteristically
solemn way. And then, after that brief moment, he danced a little from foot to foot and planted
a firm punch to the worn and beaten bag in front of him. Dust flew, its supports groaned, and
Zell sent out another little sound from between his teeth. Quistis sighed.
"Look, Zell, Selphie sent me up here to talk this through--"
"You?" He said within a bitter laugh and a rounding kick at the pitiful-looking punching bag.
"What are -you- going to do? Read to me?"
Quistis crossed her arms over her chest. "I resent that."
Zell rolled his eyes and his body followed, turning to fully face her. He spread his arms out a
little, and then sighed and dropped them again in a manner that was very quite frustrated.
"Look, it's just tough, Quistis."
She offered no response. Obviously, the woman expected more than that.
"I mean, aren't you -bored- out of your freakin' -mind-?!" He exclaimed. Never one to stand
still for more than a millisecond, he began throwing out gestures left and right. "I haven't
beaten anything up in -months-!"
"Gee, that's civilized."
Zell ignored her. "I mean, it's great that peace is here and everything. But... Quistis, I've
been trained for my whole life to..." He waved his hands around in exasperation.
"...Fight?"
"Thank you."
"No problem."
"I've gone to the training center. It isn't the same. I'm just throwing punches. There's
nothing behind it, no reason. It's not like I want a world crisis, but... Look at me, look!"
He tapped his ratty t-shirt covered chest with both hands. "I'm still sleeping in my dorm room
at the Garden, damn it. Is this what my life is going to be from now on?"
"Not neces--"
"Game over, Quisty. Game -over-." He reached over knocked his hover-board onto the ground,
stepping onto it in the same motion. His feet locked into place, and with a twist of his back
heel the jets snapped and flared, sending him floating a few feet off the ground. He swayed
back and forth a little, with his jaw cocked and body shifting with his movements. In his eyes
was a defiant chill.
"You can't fly that in here."
"Why not," Zell said. "After all, I'm -graduated-." He lifted his hands and did a little
quote-quote motion with his fingers, as sarcastic as could be. Quistis shifted her hips and
ran her tongue along the sharper edges of her teeth. Unaffected.
"I think you've had a little too much time to think to yourself, Zell."
"That's the problem! Weren't you -listening-?!"
Quistis touched her fingertips to her forehead tiredly. They were cold, like ice. "Look, Zell...
when the Garden is back up..."
Rocking back and forth still, Zell watched her with exaggerated snakelike motions of the head.
Left, right, left, right. His eyes widened. Quistis resisted an urge to go for his throat and
clenched her arms across her chest -- this time in order to keep them from doing something that
they weren't supposed to do.
"When the Garden is back up," She went on, "We're all to be on the faculty."
"The -faculty-?!" Zell exclaimed. "After all that we did, they offer us positions on the
-faculty-?!"
Quistis cocked her head to one side and cast him a chilled look. "Gee, I guess you could always
sell your medal for world peace when you're starving and homeless..."
"Exactly! You say that as if it's a -bad- thing!"
She'd gotten the compulsion to slap her forehead a number of times that afternoon -- at that
response, she took a moment to do so. Accenting the gesture was an exasperated sigh. "I think
it's a good idea, Zell. We've experienced a lot, all of us... and a chance to teach what we've
learned is one that we should take."
"Heh. I thought you gave up on the whole instructor bit."
"That was a time of crisis," Quistis said haughtily, complete with an upward tilt of her chin.
"However, those times have passed... There are times to take up arms, and times to take up
pens--"
"Oh, Jeez." Zell groaned. "Pens? I passed the SeeD exam. I don't need to hear that kind of
stuff anymore." He twisted his feet and did a little spin on his still-raised hover-board,
flapping his arms and frowning childishly.
"That attitude is going to be the end of you, Zell."
"Yeah?" He wavered and came to a shaky halt. Steadying himself in the air, he managed to meet
her gaze and match it defiantly. "Tell me, Quistis -- do you still have your Guardian Force
junctioned?"
"Huh?" Quistis cocked an eyebrow at him.
"Well, do you? It's a simple question."
"Well..." Quistis shifted from side to side, in the manner of a proud bird ruffling its
feathers. "If you must know..."
"Ha!" Knowing full well what her answer was just by looking at her, he jabbed a finger in the
air--sending him shifting backwards on his board a little--with great and pointed triumph. "My
point -exactly-. You miss it as much as I do. You're just as aching to get into some action
as I am."
"Nonsense!" Quistis retorted indignantly. "You don't see -me- moping, do you?"
"I know you," Zell said. "Deep inside, you are. I bet you sneak into the parking lot at night
and send Quezacotl out after empty beer cans."
"Oh come -on-," Quistis said flatly.
"Come on? No. -Go- on, yes." Zell gave his heel another clockwise twist, and with a hiss he
jetted forward. "I'm outta here." As he passed he flashed her peace and winked in cold
amusement. "Later, toots."
Quistis rolled her eyes. "...And, if you must know, Guardian forces do more than just kill
things."
"Gee, a little defensive, there?"
"It's true," Her head subtly followed him as he crossed the room. "Health, dexterity,
intelligence... I can see that -you- haven't experimented much with that one."
"What's -that- supposed to mean?!" Zell cried, just as his head smacked into the top of the
doorway. With a resounding crack he was knocked back and off his hover-board, only to thud
painfully onto the tiled floor below. The board went zipping forward, and after a moment of
silence snapped into the other side of the hallway outside.
Quistis's lips went into a neat little circle, and she pointedly gave a low whistle and rolled
her eyes off to one side, before throwing a few false coughs into her fist.
"Oh, just shut up and help me twist my shoulder back into its socket."
Squall plucked a flower up from the earth in front of him and brought it to his eyes. In his
gloved fingers he turned it in a small circle. The thin white petals blurred and became a
single unit, and with a curious, almost animal-like narrow of his eyelashes he watched...
Mesmerized? Perhaps.
"Squall?"
The whirring came to a complete halt, and the petals individual digits. His silvery blue gaze
shifted and his focus went behind the flower -- Rinoa. She was sitting across from him, her
legs spread open as if she were preparing to stretch, although she had apparently opted to
relax instead. Around them was the grass, waving in rhythm to an undetectable beat, and beyond
that the edge of a forest and the Garden, glowing and radiant... and somewhat out of place in
this setting.
Her hands were lifted, level with her chest, and Squall noted that a flower just like his own
was intertwined within her fingers. At this recognition she cast him a small smile and said,
"Thanks for coming out here with me... I know you're busy and everything."
"Yeah." Squall replied absentmindedly. Naturally, he enjoyed their time together... but a lot
of things were on his mind, especially with the Garden being renovated. There was talk of him
becoming an instructor... or worse. It was hard enough being a 'leader.' At that, a little smirk
came onto his lips. Bitter.
Rinoa tipped her head slightly to one side, and she lowered her hands to the ground. "What are
you thinking about, Squall?"
"Nothing." He replied reflexively. However, he saw that Rinoa had wiltered a little at his
response. Quickly, he rushed to correct himself. "About the future, actually. I mean, what's
going to become of us, and the Garden... I mean, it's like turning to the last page of a book
and finding out that there are thousands of blank pages to fill, you know?"
"Yeah." Rinoa said. That undertone was still there. He'd answered her question, what more did
she want from him? And then Squall saw that her eyes weren't on him at all... Rather, they had
fallen into her lap. He felt his stomach draw tight, and there was a quiet click as his lips
parted... closed... parted...
"What's wrong?" He finally asked.
Rinoa's eyes flickered up to him. She looked guilty. "I just..."
How long had she been waiting to talk to him about... whatever it was? How many times had she
looked at him that way, only for him to get self-conscious and wonder what -he-had been doing
wrong, as opposed to thinking about what was going through -her- head. Rinoa had feelings, too.
But she never hid them. She always told him everything. Had he ever seen her eyes shielded from
him? Ever? Now, he wondered.
"...The Garden..." Rinoa was saying. "I mean, you have your rank and your friends and
classmates... You're a SeeD, Squall, and you'll always have that to go back to..."
She had paused to look him in the eyes. Squall matched her gaze, unaccustomed to the etiquette
of 'spilling one's emotions.' It took him a moment to realize that he was supposed to nod.
Funny, actually -- why -wouldn't- he be listening to her? There was no need to assure her.
Nevertheless...
....Rinoa was satisfied. "But it's all over for me. You did your job, Squall. You fulfilled
your contract--"
"Contract? I haven't heard that one in a while." Squall said.
Rinoa smiled a little. "And you'll never hear it again. It's over, Squall. But I don't know
what to do with myself, now. There's no reason to go back to Timber, and you know how me and
my father are..."
Squall straightened a little. "But... I thought we... I thought you'd decided to stay here?"
Did he look... frightened? Rinoa cocked her head at him a little, and was a little slow in
responding. "Well, I... I guess. But Squall, what am I going to do here? Wander the halls? I
didn't grow up here, like you did."
"You can take the exams, Rinoa. I mean, I'm sure they'll pull a few strings..."
Her jaw dropped and this strange look had come into her eyes. Squall met them, but in his
peripheral vision he saw the flower head in her first snap and drop from her suddenly increased
grip. "Are you serious, Squall? You really think... Squall, that's awful!"
"What?"
"I wouldn't want to 'pull a few strings' to get anywhere. Do you know how -terrible- that would
make me feel? I want to earn my way, and get what I deserve. How could you suggest something
like that...as if it actually seems -right- to you...?" She sounded stupefied, aghast.
"Well..." Squall, always a contrast to her, calmly shrugged. "Then do the training and take the
exams just like everyone else."
Rinoa blinked at this, unable to rant at him while he was so serene about it all. "I... well,
maybe. I don't know if it's right for me, though, Squall... I've said this already, I don't
like fighting, it's just not in my nature... and SeeD... Well..."
Squall put a hand on his forehead in a rare dramatic gesture. "Are you -ever- satisfied," He
said within a playful and exaggerated groan. Riona's jaw dropped, and from that she managed a
rather bewildered laugh.
"My goodness, Squall... was that a touch of...character?"
He laughed a little -- not merrily, of course, it was not his way. But still he laughed, and
shook his head a little. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
"Don't be," Rinoa had risen in that lithe way of hers -- funny, the way she moved could so
easily be clumsy, but yet it was not that way in the least. Somehow, she had gotten to her
hands and knees and crawled toward him, before flopping onto the shelf that his crossed-legs
made, folding her arms and resting her chin in their niche. In that fashion, she gazed up at
him.
She was so pretty. Squall shifted so that his hands were behind him on either side, and leaned
back a little. He watched her with a scrutinizing gaze, inspecting and observant... Like this,
they exchanged thoughts and words that conversation would never have covered with their
differences, and with the fur collar of his coat blowing against his chin, Squall thought:
"What is it?" Rinoa asked.
Squall thought, having forgotten that he had allowed Rinoa access into his head. He broke
their gaze and looked off into the distance, feeling her eyes on him like heat against his
jawline...
"You..." He started.
"Yes?" She urged him.
"You... care for me, Rinoa." He croaked. This was a very difficult thing for him to say -- it
was hard enough to admit his own feelings, much less openly announce someone else's...
especially concerning him. Riona's face warmed at the comment.
"...But everyone is always telling me to open up, to show my feelings, to show... well,
myself... And when I think about it, I wonder... What do you see in me, Rinoa? What made you
feel the way you do?"
This, actually, caught her a little by surprise. Squall watched her head sink into her arms a
little, her eyes shift off to one side -- was she thinking, he mused, or avoiding him? Across
her face came a strand of obsidian-hued hair, against her nose almost in the same position as
the scar that crossed Squall's own. He had a sudden compulsion to brush it away, but feared
that it would take her attention from the question at hand. It wasn't true that he had been
thinking of it a -lot- lately, but when it came to mind... It was suddenly very important to
him.
"It's frustrating, Squall, how you sometimes hide yourself from everybody. It really hurts me
sometimes." She finally said, honestly so, although she was looking at the necklace that hung
low on his chest rather than his face at this point. "At first, it really bothered me, you
know. I wanted to understand you so badly, wanted to know what was behind those eyes of yours...
but as things unfolded, I kinda realized... This -is- you, Squall. I mean, I was always trying
to look deeper than what was actually there, and never gave myself a chance to actually -see-
you, you know...
"I wanted you to be yourself, I guess. But then I realized...Who else can you be?"
Her eyes rose and flickered into his own. Squall's heart skipped a beat at the mere sight of it.
And, although he felt a sudden inner warmth at what she told him, he still knew... Rinoa had
yet to have answered his question. She knew this, however, could see it in his eye just as
clearly as she would have if he had told her straight out. Her gaze lowered, she nodded vaguely
against her arms, and her lips parted:
"I've actually thought about this for a long time. I've always -liked- you, Squall, for what
you've done for me. Annoyances and all, you were sent to be my hero... and that's what you did.
You've saved my life, you've saved so much for me. Whenever I was in trouble, you'd be there..."
An arm snaked out from where it was folded, and her white fingers tapped at the outside of his
thigh. "When I first came to the Garden, Squall... I was looking for Seifer. He did a lot for
me, too, and I was attracted to him for it."
Seifer. Squall felt his heart grow cold at the mention of the man's name -- and, of course, the
fact that Rinoa spoke of a favorable past with him. Holding his tongue and curbing his mind, he
wet his lips and looked off to one side.
"...When I'd heard that he'd thrown a fit over the fact that only three of you were sent to
help me... I felt so much for him for that, Squall. And when he came to Timber himself, just to
fight for me, to act as a knight for me... He did exactly what you did. He may have failed, but
he tried to be my hero."
"But Squall -- I don't -love- him, do you understand? I'd spent time with him, yes, but... It
just doesn't feel right. When I met you, I just was... comfortable, Squall. For the first time
since my childhood I was content, content in a way that made me want to stay with you... Not
just for a while, but... Forever, Squall. It just feels so right inside me, all the time. With
someone else, 'forever' would scare me. But with you... the thought of losing this is what is
terrifying. Sometimes it's frustrating, this relationship... but I don't regret it. I never
will."
...She'd said too much. Rinoa felt a twinge of worry at that, but as her nature decreed she
willed herself not to fret. It was how she felt, and she wasn't going to hold back, not unless
she had to. He'd asked, and she'd told. Watching his face, or rather his profile as he had cast
it off to the side, she waited for a reaction.
"...Does that answer your question?" She asked tentatively, when nothing came.
"Uh..." Squall's torso twisted a little as he eased his weight off one arm put his hand over
his mouth, drawing it downward. "Um, yeah..." At that came an uncomfortable little laugh,
lilting his words. Rinoa stared up at him, not sure what to think -- this was one shell that
she didn't want to crack. Bashfully, she shifted to rise up and away from him.
"Rinoa..." Impulsively, he took her wrist. It was gentle, yes, without a touch of force or
meaning behind it... nothing, of course, but an apology... If a simple touch could actually
express something like that. "You've said so many times, that I've saved you, that I've been
your your hero... But, Rinoa...Before I met you, I..." His hair shifted from side to side,
although his head barely moved -- shaking it, unable to express himself. He was, after all, not
gifted in that regard. "...Thank you. Thank you so much."
Her eyes crinkled, in a smile that was only slightly able to extend to the lips. She snaked her
wrist out of his hold and twined her fingers into his own. It was one of those moments again,
where they could understand each-other without words, where the air between them seemed to warm
and draw into itself, until they were face to face...
Rinoa's upper lip grazed his lower one, and at that sensation he drew back from her slightly,
enough for their mouths to warm just from the nearness, but not with touch. With a tiny, almost
playful grin he said in a teasingly normal tone of voice. "Why is it that people kiss, anyway?
What's so great about pressing two faces against one another?"
She rolled her eyes, let loose a heaving sigh, and plopped her cheek down onto his shoulder
with exaggerated and mock disdain. "Always the romantic." And her eyes closed as his hand
crinkled against the hair at the back of her head where he placed it. "It just feels good,
Squall. It just feels good."
The breeze blew the scents of the meadow across his face, and within it Rinoa intermingled,
pushing his tresses back from his eyes and cooling the flesh upon his face. His side relaxed
where she rested against him, and he felt the subtle movements of her body rising and falling,
inhaling, exhaling....
"It most certainly does," he said.
End Part 1/?
To be Continued.