Title: Three Mothers, Two Fathers
Disclaimer: I own nothing! JK Rowling owns Harry Potter and the Marauders.
Summary: My sister and I were joking around with a funny plot line that basically leads to this story. As you can tell from the title it's an odd, but funny, fic so I hope that you read and review!
Author's Note: It's HUMOR!!! This is NOT to be taken seriously.
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Hermione Granger looked at the group before her. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and James Potter were watching her with careful eyes, as they knew she knew something they didn't.
"You guys aren't going to like what I have to say." Hermione told them.
"Just tell us what you know." Sirius growled angrily as he was tired of her incisive games. She'd appeared to them one day with no way to get home and had to make a new life for herself. Coincidently she knew of the future as it was her time but she wouldn't tell them anything.
"Alright." Hermione sighed slowly. "James you'll have a son."
James' hazel eyes went wide at the thought of having a baby boy. "Really?" He questioned slightly mystified.
"Really." Hermione assured him. "He's a wonderful young man and it's odd now to see you and not him." She mused. "Anyways, there's something you should know about your son, Harry."
"Harry Potter." Sirius mused glancing over at James. "His mother must have named him."
Hermione rolled her eyes but before she could continue James asked, "Who's Harry's mother?"
"That's the thing, James." Hermione replied. "There was a potion."
"Potion?" James repeated confused.
"Yes James, potion." She echoed snippy. "Apparently, Snape was doing a potion when you-" She looked at James. "-came in thinking he was up to no good. Well sadly you messed up Snape's potion and when Remus, Sirius and Lily came in it...well it exploded all over Lily."
"Did anything bad happen?" Remus questioned.
"Define bad." Hermione mused to herself before saying, "The four of you hurried to clean Lily up therefore giving Harry three mothers and two fathers."
The bedroom was silent. The three boys, she was telling the story to, were staring at her with wide eyes and in complete disbelief. "NO BLOODY WAY!" They all called at once causing Hermione to flinch at the sudden loudness of the room.
"Language!" Hermione chided. "Honestly, you three sound just like Harry when he was told the truth." She added her hands on her hips. "Course he heard it from Snape so that should tell me something." She replied to herself.
"I would never." James stuttered. "With SNAPE?"
"Not with him, honestly." Hermione huffed. "It was the POTION!" She yelled that last part. "Deal with it, because you can't change history. If you do, Harry won't be who he is."
The three looked at her as she suddenly grinned.
"Besides he's got Snape's hands, James' butt, Lily's eyes, Remus' legs and Sirius' hair." She laughed at the hilarity of the situation.
"Glad one of us is finding this funny." James muttered darkly. Suddenly Remus and Sirius began laughing and James cried, "Mutiny! Traitorous friends!"
Remus gulped down the laughter and said, "Come on James, this is pretty funny."
She looked at the three friends, trying to remember Remus' reaction to the story but couldn't. "Funny you should act this way. I seem to remember that Sirius couldn't remain conscious."
"You have a fainting problem?" James questioned, suddenly finding something to laugh at.
"It wasn't me." Sirius muttered.
"Oh I assure you, it was." Hermione countered. "I better go." She then left the room because her work was done and entered her own room. She'd been given her own room so that she wouldn't be tempted to tell the marauders anything of the future.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"YOU DID WHAT???" James yelled at Sirius.
"I just told him how to get into the Shrieking Shack." Sirius replied.
"You're trying to KILL one of the mothers of OUR BABY!!!" James screamed causing Albus Dumbledore to halt with one foot in the air. Albus decided to pause and listen to their conversation.
"I didn't think about that." Sirius said paling slightly.
"Agh!" James yelled in frustration. "No wonder you're only the bleeding father of the child." He added before racing down the hallway.
Albus stood there before thinking, 'I don't want to know'. He turned and continued down the hallway adding this to his thoughts, 'didn't hear anything, didn't see anything and not doing anything'.
Meanwhile on the other end of the hallway Hermione was laughing it up at the marauders. She'd never dreamed it would end up this way for them, not in her wildest dreams. Though she knew they'd get back at her...someday.
The days passed when Snape began to notice that Potter was looking at him with a strange look in his eye. At first he thought it had something to do with knowing about Lupin's secret, but the gaze was neither hostile nor suspicious. It was almost curious, like he was thinking something. It annoyed him.
He'd seen that bushy haired girl hanging out with them, if only he could remember her name as she was the only one – besides Lily of course – that was worth talking to. 'Grangie?' Severus questioned, 'No, something different. Le something.'
Hermione kept her distance because she knew if she hung around the marauders she wouldn't be able to keep her laughter in check. She did pretty well but every time she saw James looking in Snape's direction she'd chuckle lightly.
"You!" Severus called to the only person in the empty hallway one day.
Hermione turned to see Snape walking towards her. "Yes, Snape?" She questioned.
"I wondered if you could answer me something." He began. "Potter's been looking at me the past couple of days and I want to know if he's barmy."
Hermione inwardly chuckled at the memories she'd made the past few days of James Potter. "No, he's just heard something dreadfully funny, but hasn't seen the hilarity of it." She answered trying to keep a straight face.
"Indeed?" Severus questioned interested. "And that would be?"
"Oh something about the future of the Potter line." She answered vaguely.
"He procreates? Oh Merlyn."
Hermione mused, "Though he's taken it better than I thought he would."
"Care to enlighten me?" Severus gestured casually.
"Oh he's going to have a son." She shrugged. "Thing is this son will have three mothers and two fathers."
Severus raised an eyebrow at what he'd just heard. 'Was that even possible?' He found himself wondering. "How did this come about?"
"You wouldn't like it if I told you." She replied smirking. "Just let me be the first to congratulate you." She added before walking quickly down the hallway.
Severus Snape stood there for a moment before brandishing his wand. "Petrificus Totalus." He said pointing his wand at the escaping brunette. Her form stiffened and fell over as he walked up to her. "Now I will release you and you will tell me exactly what you meant by that little comment." Severus told her.
Hermione felt her body relax and fought the urge to glare at the Slytherin boy, but she had called it upon herself. Quickly she told him about the potion, the accident and how Lily became pregnant ergo the three mothers two fathers thing worked out.
Severus stared at the girl dumbfounded. He and POTTER? "Are you sure that's everything?" He questioned eyeing her with distress.
"Well you were a girl when you told us." She said softly.
"I told you?" Severus stared in disbelief. Why would he tell HER something as personal as THAT? Then it clicked. "When exactly did I tell you this?" He questioned in such a way that made Hermione think he knew something she knew. Or didn't. Whatever the case may be.
"Um, approximately sixteen years from now." She replied biting her lip.
"I see." He replied slowly. "Either you are playing the largest joke on the Gryffindor boys, quite creatively for a Gryffindor, or...tell Potter to keep his eyes to himself." He paused before finishing, "Or his Son will be missing one mother." Then he was gone.
Hermione's jaw dropped and a tiny squeak came out. How did he know? How could he possibly have known that it wasn't a creative fabrication of a Gryffindor muggle-born witch's mind? Her brain temporarily took a vacation. She wasn't going to try to figure out the enigma that was Severus Snape.
Tune in for 'The Truth of Three Mother's Two Father's...
Disclaimer: I own nothing! JK Rowling owns Harry Potter and the Marauders.
Summary: My sister and I were joking around with a funny plot line that basically leads to this story. As you can tell from the title it's an odd, but funny, fic so I hope that you read and review!
Author's Note: It's HUMOR!!! This is NOT to be taken seriously.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hermione Granger looked at the group before her. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and James Potter were watching her with careful eyes, as they knew she knew something they didn't.
"You guys aren't going to like what I have to say." Hermione told them.
"Just tell us what you know." Sirius growled angrily as he was tired of her incisive games. She'd appeared to them one day with no way to get home and had to make a new life for herself. Coincidently she knew of the future as it was her time but she wouldn't tell them anything.
"Alright." Hermione sighed slowly. "James you'll have a son."
James' hazel eyes went wide at the thought of having a baby boy. "Really?" He questioned slightly mystified.
"Really." Hermione assured him. "He's a wonderful young man and it's odd now to see you and not him." She mused. "Anyways, there's something you should know about your son, Harry."
"Harry Potter." Sirius mused glancing over at James. "His mother must have named him."
Hermione rolled her eyes but before she could continue James asked, "Who's Harry's mother?"
"That's the thing, James." Hermione replied. "There was a potion."
"Potion?" James repeated confused.
"Yes James, potion." She echoed snippy. "Apparently, Snape was doing a potion when you-" She looked at James. "-came in thinking he was up to no good. Well sadly you messed up Snape's potion and when Remus, Sirius and Lily came in it...well it exploded all over Lily."
"Did anything bad happen?" Remus questioned.
"Define bad." Hermione mused to herself before saying, "The four of you hurried to clean Lily up therefore giving Harry three mothers and two fathers."
The bedroom was silent. The three boys, she was telling the story to, were staring at her with wide eyes and in complete disbelief. "NO BLOODY WAY!" They all called at once causing Hermione to flinch at the sudden loudness of the room.
"Language!" Hermione chided. "Honestly, you three sound just like Harry when he was told the truth." She added her hands on her hips. "Course he heard it from Snape so that should tell me something." She replied to herself.
"I would never." James stuttered. "With SNAPE?"
"Not with him, honestly." Hermione huffed. "It was the POTION!" She yelled that last part. "Deal with it, because you can't change history. If you do, Harry won't be who he is."
The three looked at her as she suddenly grinned.
"Besides he's got Snape's hands, James' butt, Lily's eyes, Remus' legs and Sirius' hair." She laughed at the hilarity of the situation.
"Glad one of us is finding this funny." James muttered darkly. Suddenly Remus and Sirius began laughing and James cried, "Mutiny! Traitorous friends!"
Remus gulped down the laughter and said, "Come on James, this is pretty funny."
She looked at the three friends, trying to remember Remus' reaction to the story but couldn't. "Funny you should act this way. I seem to remember that Sirius couldn't remain conscious."
"You have a fainting problem?" James questioned, suddenly finding something to laugh at.
"It wasn't me." Sirius muttered.
"Oh I assure you, it was." Hermione countered. "I better go." She then left the room because her work was done and entered her own room. She'd been given her own room so that she wouldn't be tempted to tell the marauders anything of the future.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"YOU DID WHAT???" James yelled at Sirius.
"I just told him how to get into the Shrieking Shack." Sirius replied.
"You're trying to KILL one of the mothers of OUR BABY!!!" James screamed causing Albus Dumbledore to halt with one foot in the air. Albus decided to pause and listen to their conversation.
"I didn't think about that." Sirius said paling slightly.
"Agh!" James yelled in frustration. "No wonder you're only the bleeding father of the child." He added before racing down the hallway.
Albus stood there before thinking, 'I don't want to know'. He turned and continued down the hallway adding this to his thoughts, 'didn't hear anything, didn't see anything and not doing anything'.
Meanwhile on the other end of the hallway Hermione was laughing it up at the marauders. She'd never dreamed it would end up this way for them, not in her wildest dreams. Though she knew they'd get back at her...someday.
The days passed when Snape began to notice that Potter was looking at him with a strange look in his eye. At first he thought it had something to do with knowing about Lupin's secret, but the gaze was neither hostile nor suspicious. It was almost curious, like he was thinking something. It annoyed him.
He'd seen that bushy haired girl hanging out with them, if only he could remember her name as she was the only one – besides Lily of course – that was worth talking to. 'Grangie?' Severus questioned, 'No, something different. Le something.'
Hermione kept her distance because she knew if she hung around the marauders she wouldn't be able to keep her laughter in check. She did pretty well but every time she saw James looking in Snape's direction she'd chuckle lightly.
"You!" Severus called to the only person in the empty hallway one day.
Hermione turned to see Snape walking towards her. "Yes, Snape?" She questioned.
"I wondered if you could answer me something." He began. "Potter's been looking at me the past couple of days and I want to know if he's barmy."
Hermione inwardly chuckled at the memories she'd made the past few days of James Potter. "No, he's just heard something dreadfully funny, but hasn't seen the hilarity of it." She answered trying to keep a straight face.
"Indeed?" Severus questioned interested. "And that would be?"
"Oh something about the future of the Potter line." She answered vaguely.
"He procreates? Oh Merlyn."
Hermione mused, "Though he's taken it better than I thought he would."
"Care to enlighten me?" Severus gestured casually.
"Oh he's going to have a son." She shrugged. "Thing is this son will have three mothers and two fathers."
Severus raised an eyebrow at what he'd just heard. 'Was that even possible?' He found himself wondering. "How did this come about?"
"You wouldn't like it if I told you." She replied smirking. "Just let me be the first to congratulate you." She added before walking quickly down the hallway.
Severus Snape stood there for a moment before brandishing his wand. "Petrificus Totalus." He said pointing his wand at the escaping brunette. Her form stiffened and fell over as he walked up to her. "Now I will release you and you will tell me exactly what you meant by that little comment." Severus told her.
Hermione felt her body relax and fought the urge to glare at the Slytherin boy, but she had called it upon herself. Quickly she told him about the potion, the accident and how Lily became pregnant ergo the three mothers two fathers thing worked out.
Severus stared at the girl dumbfounded. He and POTTER? "Are you sure that's everything?" He questioned eyeing her with distress.
"Well you were a girl when you told us." She said softly.
"I told you?" Severus stared in disbelief. Why would he tell HER something as personal as THAT? Then it clicked. "When exactly did I tell you this?" He questioned in such a way that made Hermione think he knew something she knew. Or didn't. Whatever the case may be.
"Um, approximately sixteen years from now." She replied biting her lip.
"I see." He replied slowly. "Either you are playing the largest joke on the Gryffindor boys, quite creatively for a Gryffindor, or...tell Potter to keep his eyes to himself." He paused before finishing, "Or his Son will be missing one mother." Then he was gone.
Hermione's jaw dropped and a tiny squeak came out. How did he know? How could he possibly have known that it wasn't a creative fabrication of a Gryffindor muggle-born witch's mind? Her brain temporarily took a vacation. She wasn't going to try to figure out the enigma that was Severus Snape.
Tune in for 'The Truth of Three Mother's Two Father's...