"Someone tell me why
I do the things
That I don't wanna do
When you're around me
I'm somebody else
There is good reason I guess
Having once gone too far
When you clean out the hive
Does it make you want to cry?"
--Guided by Voices
"For When You Return"
Part IX
Anger had a smell, Zell realized. He decided that he didn't like it.
Along with the odor of that fury came the strange, clean scent of medicines and sanitizers,
gauze and disinfectants. He was sitting on the infirmary cot with Quistis on one side and Squall
on the other. They were partially the source of the anger in the air, and as a result he
squeezed his shoulders in and hunched a little, as if trying to avoid their touch. Each rub of
Squall's leather coat on his arm was grating and prominent.
It was Dr. Kadowaki, however, who was the most imposing. She stood angrily with her fists
planted on her thick hips and her feet spread apart like a white-smocked warrior, and with a
glare she regarded the five of them--Irvine was standing by the wall and Selphie was sitting on
the end of the bed, closest to Squall--in a long lived silence.
When she finally spoke, Zell felt the muscles of his face shift into a grimace.
"Going after a Guardian Force that you don't know about is one thing, but not telling anyone is
another. Those were private records that you broke into, which is not only immoral but also
illegal. Furthermore, what if something terrible had happened to you in Centra? We had no idea
where you were! You five are supposed to be -role models- in this Academy! Do you know what
doing this sa--Zell Dincht, don't you -dare- look at me like that. I do -not- like people
making faces at me."
Zell twisted his lips and looked down at his feet. Quistis cast him a sidelong glance and
caught Squall's profile instead. There was a bandage on his skin for his burn scar. It reminded
her of the day of his SeeD exam, when he had been wounded by Seifer Almasy. She now sported
scars of her own. On the slope of her jaw, below a taped angle of gauze, was a trio of gashes.
It hurt to move her mouth.
And yet, despite this, she talked. "We were under the impression that Xu had given us permission
to go to Centra," She said. Nearby, Selphie nodded. Zell ground further down into his seat.
Squall seemed stony and stoic, almost immobile. The wild-haired blonde could feel Irvine and
Kadowaki's eyes on him, and twittered inwardly.
"I don't know what to say," Dr. Kadowaki said tersely. "I just hope that Xu is more sympathetic
than I am. Honestly, I don't know what to say that doesn't involve fists of rage -- and that
says a lot, for a medical type." She let out a little huff. "It's ridiculous, actually. To
think, she and the headmaster were planning a celebration for the Garden in your honor when you
five came staggering in this morning."
Selphie brightened and then dimmed within a single facial expression and Zell rubbed his arm.
Next to him, Squall sighed a little.
"...We can still go to the party, can't we?" Selphie asked worriedly. Squall and Kadowaki,
almost a unit in their motion, both turned and cast her an odd, almost blaring look. Selphie
made a little ~huh-wha?~ squeaking sound, stared at them, and then looked at her hands in order
to mumble, "I was just asking. Geez."
"I can't believe this." Irvine finally said from his corner. He was leaning back with his arms
crossed over his chest, looking a little congested in his trench-coat and obscuring hat.
"Timber? You all were told that we were sightseeing in -Timber-?"
Quistis snorted sarcastically. Zell, getting quite indignant, lifted his head and sneered at
her. "And this is coming from the chick who was -blinding- us left and right? And it was
Fisherman's Horizon, Irvine, thank you very much."
"Can I hit him?" Irvine asked dully.
Dr. Kadowaki, not in the mood to hear such bantering, rolled her eyes and rubbed her forehead.
"I'm going to dig up some medication for Quistis to take with her. If I hear a sound from you
-children- when you leave, I'm going to give you all a better reason to put it to use, if you
catch my drift."
"...I'm getting too old for this," She added wearily in her departure, getting a series of
stares from her charges.
"Gee, you'd think an infirmary would have better atmosphere, huh?" Zell said when the door
closed. He looked around at them, but his attempt at a grin was met by dull, dry glares. With
the source of his guilt out of the room he erupted into an indignant huff, before exclaiming,
"Guys! I can't believe you're doing this! We just got through an adventure together, here!"
"I should have known," Squall muttered, rubbing his face a little. "It was all there, I just
didn't think...Zell, Xu is going to--"
"She's going to skewer you, that's what she's going to do. And I'm going to be glad!" Quistis
interjected.
"What? Glad?!" Zell cried. "You're kidding me guys...right? Guys?"
"We almost -died-." Irvine said flatly.
"Oh, come -on-," Zell snapped at him over his shoulder, before sliding his glance across the
faces of the others. "Come on, guys. That thing hardly phase--Well, okay, it scared us, but it
wasn't because it was -scary-. It had monster B.O. or something."
"Point being...?" Quistis asked flatly. Zell winced slightly at the sight of the gauze on her
jaw, but quickly managed to recover -- and lifted his chin in response.
"Point being, we have some flesh wounds and a few cases of the heebie-jeebies to recuperate from.
That's all. Gods, why are you guys getting so -indignant- on me, here?"
"Excuse me?" Irvine snapped. He had pushed off the wall by then, and with flashing eyes he
moved around the bed so that he could jab a finger into the young man's face. "I almost shot
Squall, Quistis was nearly slashed to bits, and Selphie nearly lost her..." He cast the girl a
glance and curbed his words with a rolling grind of his teeth. They all knew what he was going
to say, anyway. "And you," He eventually continued. "You were out like a light--"
"It's not like I've never been unconscious before--"
"--Without having the thing even -touch- you." Irvine finished, without even skipping a beat.
"According to Selphie--"
"Who was blind," Zell said. "Thanks to Ms. Blinding-Lady."
"Ooh, clever." Quistis snapped. "You're an idiot when you're angry... Hell, you're an idiot all
the way around -- -sightseeing- in -Timber-?!"
"Guys," Selphie said.
"Fisherman's Horizon," Zell retorted. "And, unlike -your- strategy, my idea worked."
"Guys?"
"Worked? I was trying to cover your back! That's better than what you did to us!"
"Guys!" Selphie raised her voice, and everyone looked over at her with a start, having been
torn out of their individual thoughts and arguments. "I wasn't blind." She said. "Neither was
Irvine -- I -saw- Quistis get attacked."
"...So?" Zell said. "You avoided Quistis' wrath, so wha--Ow! Squall!"
Squall had jabbed an elbow into the man's side and cast him a tight-lipped little frown in
return to his glare. The look was brief, the ghost of an emotion, and then he was talking,
looking up at Irvine, and then over at Quistis. "What about Selphie, anyway?" He asked. Everyone
narrowed their eyes at him questioningly, on account that he had apparently deterred from the
argument.
Realizing quite suddenly through the silence that he had gotten the floor, Squall felt himself
at a loss for a moment. It took him awhile to bring himself to explain properly. "I mean, I've
just realized... You were calling out instructions for us, Selphie. That means that you were
looking at her. I had thought that it was something on her face--"
"Her eyes, I think."
"But you were -facing- her, Selphie."
"I know," Selphie said. "And I got really scared...but not like before. Before, before..." She
actually pushed out a shudder. "Before, it was horrible. I just remembered seeing something in
that face, something was talking to me in those eyes, and I..."
"Maybe it was something else?" Quistis said. "Maybe it had nothing to do with her face..."
"Maybe," Zell said. "It wasn't from her at all. I mean, if Selphie could have looked at her,
why couldn't we? How could we know, with Quistis -blinding- everyone left and right?"
"Hey," Squall said, lifting his hand before Quistis could retort. He couldn't stop her eyes
from narrowing into hard points, though, and he almost trembled inwardly at the intensity of
her gaze. When she got mad, she got -mad-. "We can't prove anything... Quistis was just trying
her best to help, and honestly... That thing's strategy..."
Squall remembered the feeling that had come over him when her face had hovered above his closed
eyes, the boring of her gaze into his skull. That tension, the fear, the -terror- that washed
over him when she whispered for him to open his eyes...it was as clear as a bell. It still
irked him, in fact.
"...It was something that we had to see," He added.
"Uh huh. Nothing a little extra-strength deodorant could have taken care of, that's what I
say." Zell said.
"I can hit him now, right?" Irvine said. "We're all alone in here, no one would have to find
out, if we didn't want them to."
"Oh, just shove it already." Zell snapped.
That morning in Esthar was a dreary one. The storm from the night before still lingered in the
form of grey skies and drizzling droplets of cold rain. Beads collected and swam about the
shiny metal surfaces of space-age buildings, and the clear glass walkway under Rinoa's feet was
misted over.
It was early morning, and her footprints were the only ones there. Perhaps, in a while, the sun
would come and wash the fog away, but now when Rinoa looked back and saw that single pair of
prints she felt very alone, more than she ever remembered. She glanced over her shoulder to
look at them often, even though it depressed her.
She wore a thick woolen grey coat and hugged it around her in order to ward off the cold. It
felt soft and stiff, but there was a flat rectangular obstruction that dug into her arms and
called her fingers to it. She curled her hands tightly around it, so that her knuckles became
frigid and white... but for the life of her, she did not let that box go.
"What is this?" She had asked Laguna on the night before, in that cozy and dark conference room.
He had looked over at her with his dark, thoughtful eyes--Squall's eyes, she thought idly,
although that was probably more because Squall was on her mind--and simply offered it to her.
"Open it."
Rinoa, her hands shaking, had lifted the top of the box from the bottom and set it aside. It
was funny, how slow her motions were... as if she were almost dreading something, although that
had not been the case. And then, without breathing, she looked down at it and found that she did
not understand just what she was gazing at.
"I knew your mother once," Laguna had said to her then. "She and I were very good friends, back
when I was a young man." The fine wrinkles on his face warped as he smiled wanly to her. "Back,
a very long time ago... after she had married your father, she had left this in my care." The
way he eyed the box, it seemed almost that he was touching it, even though his hands were
casually under his chin. "...I think that you are more deserving of it than I am."
"But she gave it to you," Rinoa said with a spark of hesitation in her voice. "I think that she
knew what she was doing..." Her voice was shaking, and although Rinoa scolded herself inwardly
and tried to curb it, she found that she could not.
"It would have fallen into your hands at one time or another, Rinoa." Laguna replied. "Now is
as good a time as any. After all... there may come a time when I will be unable to have this
chance again."
Rain blew off a roof and onto the street, pelting Rinoa heavily with it. Drawing out of her
memories, she pulled up the collar of her coat and shielded herself. Something began to whirr
and the street vibrated for a moment under her feet, as one of the many internal generators
surged and continued to run beneath the city floors. The wind dropped, and the rain went back
to a minor sprinkle. Rinoa's fallen face shifted and whirled into a frown. If only the
conversation had stopped there. It was difficult enough, thinking back on her mother's death...
but the rest of it seemed harsher and more ominous. Laguna was trying to tell her something,
and she didn't like what that something was.
"Rinoa!"
She lifted her head sharply and was struck with a burst of cold. Behind her was Ellone, who
was tugging her shawl tightly around her shoulders for warmth. Although Rinoa was not in a mood
to talk, not then...she still found herself slowing and waiting for the woman to catch up.
"It's so early. What are you doing out?" She asked breathlessly as she jogged to Rinoa's side.
Rinoa kept walking, and Ellone followed more casually, although she was puffing a little and
her cheeks were rosy. Pushing a strand of brown hair back from her eyes, she turned her head
and glanced over at Rinoa's profile questioningly.
"Just walking a little," Rinoa said.
"Did Uncle Laguna keep you up all night?"
He most certainly had. Their conversation went late, and Rinoa had been unable to sleep after
it was finished. When she left the conference room in order to go to her room in the palace for
the night, she found herself unable to stop, and had been walking around the city all night and
into the morning.
She didn't tell Ellone this, however. She simply shook her head.
"...Are you staying tonight, too?"
"I'd like to get home soon," Rinoa admitted. She felt guilty for saying it, however. This was a
beautiful city, a peaceful city, and a place to be proud of. But Rinoa had decided that she
would choose the war-laced Garden over this anytime.
"Oh, do wait and stay a while, at least through tomorrow," Ellone said. "Ikyua--do you remember
him?--was talking about taking us to the north side of the city tomorrow night. They really
fixed it up, after we started getting tourists. There's so much to do there. I think you could
use a little fun, you know." Again, her hand twisted at her hair and her fine white teeth were
vaguely exposed in her partial smile. "Besides, you could keep in contact with Balamb through
our transmissions. I think it would be a good way to test it. We hope to get casual calls out
by the end of the year."
"...I'll think about it." Rinoa said. "But I'd like to try and contact home tonight."
"Deling?" Ellone asked quizzically.
Rinoa, realizing her mistake, quickly corrected herself. "The Garden, I mean. Balamb."
Ellone fell silent for a moment and tugged her shawl more closely about herself. Looking at her
feet walking on the misted glass, she tried to pretend that there was no tension between them.
They hadn't known each-other that long, but the adventure that had drawn them both into its
grasp made their relationship tighter. However, Ellone didn't know what to say at this moment,
just as she hadn't been able to find the right words since Rinoa's arrival.
"...What's bothering you?" She finally got to the point.
"I don't know," Rinoa replied. It was odd, she realized... because she was telling the truth.
She really didn't know. "A lot of things, I guess. My future. Squall... he was going out after
some Guardian Force with everyone else yesterday. I guess I'm worried about that, and feel a
little left out because I'm not going. I mean, they had their past in the orphanage, and they'll
always have that... but me, I'm an outsider--"
"You're far from it, Rinoa."
"Not yet." She smiled wanly. "Someday, maybe."
"Is that why you're upset? Really, Rinoa..." Ellone continued. As always, her compassion melted
out through a sterner exterior. By then they had stopped under the sloping roof of a building
and set their backs to it. In front of them was the startling and fog-drenched cityscape of
Esthar...breathtaking, even when Rinoa didn't feel much like being in awe.
She asked herself Ellone's question and realized that no, that was not at all the cause. It was
Laguna and what he had said to her, what this memento of her mother's life meant to her, as
well as what it suggested....
...Everything. It meant everything, and yet it meant nothing.
"What does this all mean?" She had asked Laguna last night in the conference room. He hadn't
been able to answer her, and when Rinoa thought back to consult her own memories, she realized
just how shattered her past was.
She couldn't remember her mother anymore.
"I'll get over it," Rinoa finally replied to Ellone. She curled up into herself and watched the
rain fall. "I always do."
End Part 9/?
To Be Continued.
I do the things
That I don't wanna do
When you're around me
I'm somebody else
There is good reason I guess
Having once gone too far
When you clean out the hive
Does it make you want to cry?"
--Guided by Voices
"For When You Return"
Part IX
Anger had a smell, Zell realized. He decided that he didn't like it.
Along with the odor of that fury came the strange, clean scent of medicines and sanitizers,
gauze and disinfectants. He was sitting on the infirmary cot with Quistis on one side and Squall
on the other. They were partially the source of the anger in the air, and as a result he
squeezed his shoulders in and hunched a little, as if trying to avoid their touch. Each rub of
Squall's leather coat on his arm was grating and prominent.
It was Dr. Kadowaki, however, who was the most imposing. She stood angrily with her fists
planted on her thick hips and her feet spread apart like a white-smocked warrior, and with a
glare she regarded the five of them--Irvine was standing by the wall and Selphie was sitting on
the end of the bed, closest to Squall--in a long lived silence.
When she finally spoke, Zell felt the muscles of his face shift into a grimace.
"Going after a Guardian Force that you don't know about is one thing, but not telling anyone is
another. Those were private records that you broke into, which is not only immoral but also
illegal. Furthermore, what if something terrible had happened to you in Centra? We had no idea
where you were! You five are supposed to be -role models- in this Academy! Do you know what
doing this sa--Zell Dincht, don't you -dare- look at me like that. I do -not- like people
making faces at me."
Zell twisted his lips and looked down at his feet. Quistis cast him a sidelong glance and
caught Squall's profile instead. There was a bandage on his skin for his burn scar. It reminded
her of the day of his SeeD exam, when he had been wounded by Seifer Almasy. She now sported
scars of her own. On the slope of her jaw, below a taped angle of gauze, was a trio of gashes.
It hurt to move her mouth.
And yet, despite this, she talked. "We were under the impression that Xu had given us permission
to go to Centra," She said. Nearby, Selphie nodded. Zell ground further down into his seat.
Squall seemed stony and stoic, almost immobile. The wild-haired blonde could feel Irvine and
Kadowaki's eyes on him, and twittered inwardly.
"I don't know what to say," Dr. Kadowaki said tersely. "I just hope that Xu is more sympathetic
than I am. Honestly, I don't know what to say that doesn't involve fists of rage -- and that
says a lot, for a medical type." She let out a little huff. "It's ridiculous, actually. To
think, she and the headmaster were planning a celebration for the Garden in your honor when you
five came staggering in this morning."
Selphie brightened and then dimmed within a single facial expression and Zell rubbed his arm.
Next to him, Squall sighed a little.
"...We can still go to the party, can't we?" Selphie asked worriedly. Squall and Kadowaki,
almost a unit in their motion, both turned and cast her an odd, almost blaring look. Selphie
made a little ~huh-wha?~ squeaking sound, stared at them, and then looked at her hands in order
to mumble, "I was just asking. Geez."
"I can't believe this." Irvine finally said from his corner. He was leaning back with his arms
crossed over his chest, looking a little congested in his trench-coat and obscuring hat.
"Timber? You all were told that we were sightseeing in -Timber-?"
Quistis snorted sarcastically. Zell, getting quite indignant, lifted his head and sneered at
her. "And this is coming from the chick who was -blinding- us left and right? And it was
Fisherman's Horizon, Irvine, thank you very much."
"Can I hit him?" Irvine asked dully.
Dr. Kadowaki, not in the mood to hear such bantering, rolled her eyes and rubbed her forehead.
"I'm going to dig up some medication for Quistis to take with her. If I hear a sound from you
-children- when you leave, I'm going to give you all a better reason to put it to use, if you
catch my drift."
"...I'm getting too old for this," She added wearily in her departure, getting a series of
stares from her charges.
"Gee, you'd think an infirmary would have better atmosphere, huh?" Zell said when the door
closed. He looked around at them, but his attempt at a grin was met by dull, dry glares. With
the source of his guilt out of the room he erupted into an indignant huff, before exclaiming,
"Guys! I can't believe you're doing this! We just got through an adventure together, here!"
"I should have known," Squall muttered, rubbing his face a little. "It was all there, I just
didn't think...Zell, Xu is going to--"
"She's going to skewer you, that's what she's going to do. And I'm going to be glad!" Quistis
interjected.
"What? Glad?!" Zell cried. "You're kidding me guys...right? Guys?"
"We almost -died-." Irvine said flatly.
"Oh, come -on-," Zell snapped at him over his shoulder, before sliding his glance across the
faces of the others. "Come on, guys. That thing hardly phase--Well, okay, it scared us, but it
wasn't because it was -scary-. It had monster B.O. or something."
"Point being...?" Quistis asked flatly. Zell winced slightly at the sight of the gauze on her
jaw, but quickly managed to recover -- and lifted his chin in response.
"Point being, we have some flesh wounds and a few cases of the heebie-jeebies to recuperate from.
That's all. Gods, why are you guys getting so -indignant- on me, here?"
"Excuse me?" Irvine snapped. He had pushed off the wall by then, and with flashing eyes he
moved around the bed so that he could jab a finger into the young man's face. "I almost shot
Squall, Quistis was nearly slashed to bits, and Selphie nearly lost her..." He cast the girl a
glance and curbed his words with a rolling grind of his teeth. They all knew what he was going
to say, anyway. "And you," He eventually continued. "You were out like a light--"
"It's not like I've never been unconscious before--"
"--Without having the thing even -touch- you." Irvine finished, without even skipping a beat.
"According to Selphie--"
"Who was blind," Zell said. "Thanks to Ms. Blinding-Lady."
"Ooh, clever." Quistis snapped. "You're an idiot when you're angry... Hell, you're an idiot all
the way around -- -sightseeing- in -Timber-?!"
"Guys," Selphie said.
"Fisherman's Horizon," Zell retorted. "And, unlike -your- strategy, my idea worked."
"Guys?"
"Worked? I was trying to cover your back! That's better than what you did to us!"
"Guys!" Selphie raised her voice, and everyone looked over at her with a start, having been
torn out of their individual thoughts and arguments. "I wasn't blind." She said. "Neither was
Irvine -- I -saw- Quistis get attacked."
"...So?" Zell said. "You avoided Quistis' wrath, so wha--Ow! Squall!"
Squall had jabbed an elbow into the man's side and cast him a tight-lipped little frown in
return to his glare. The look was brief, the ghost of an emotion, and then he was talking,
looking up at Irvine, and then over at Quistis. "What about Selphie, anyway?" He asked. Everyone
narrowed their eyes at him questioningly, on account that he had apparently deterred from the
argument.
Realizing quite suddenly through the silence that he had gotten the floor, Squall felt himself
at a loss for a moment. It took him awhile to bring himself to explain properly. "I mean, I've
just realized... You were calling out instructions for us, Selphie. That means that you were
looking at her. I had thought that it was something on her face--"
"Her eyes, I think."
"But you were -facing- her, Selphie."
"I know," Selphie said. "And I got really scared...but not like before. Before, before..." She
actually pushed out a shudder. "Before, it was horrible. I just remembered seeing something in
that face, something was talking to me in those eyes, and I..."
"Maybe it was something else?" Quistis said. "Maybe it had nothing to do with her face..."
"Maybe," Zell said. "It wasn't from her at all. I mean, if Selphie could have looked at her,
why couldn't we? How could we know, with Quistis -blinding- everyone left and right?"
"Hey," Squall said, lifting his hand before Quistis could retort. He couldn't stop her eyes
from narrowing into hard points, though, and he almost trembled inwardly at the intensity of
her gaze. When she got mad, she got -mad-. "We can't prove anything... Quistis was just trying
her best to help, and honestly... That thing's strategy..."
Squall remembered the feeling that had come over him when her face had hovered above his closed
eyes, the boring of her gaze into his skull. That tension, the fear, the -terror- that washed
over him when she whispered for him to open his eyes...it was as clear as a bell. It still
irked him, in fact.
"...It was something that we had to see," He added.
"Uh huh. Nothing a little extra-strength deodorant could have taken care of, that's what I
say." Zell said.
"I can hit him now, right?" Irvine said. "We're all alone in here, no one would have to find
out, if we didn't want them to."
"Oh, just shove it already." Zell snapped.
That morning in Esthar was a dreary one. The storm from the night before still lingered in the
form of grey skies and drizzling droplets of cold rain. Beads collected and swam about the
shiny metal surfaces of space-age buildings, and the clear glass walkway under Rinoa's feet was
misted over.
It was early morning, and her footprints were the only ones there. Perhaps, in a while, the sun
would come and wash the fog away, but now when Rinoa looked back and saw that single pair of
prints she felt very alone, more than she ever remembered. She glanced over her shoulder to
look at them often, even though it depressed her.
She wore a thick woolen grey coat and hugged it around her in order to ward off the cold. It
felt soft and stiff, but there was a flat rectangular obstruction that dug into her arms and
called her fingers to it. She curled her hands tightly around it, so that her knuckles became
frigid and white... but for the life of her, she did not let that box go.
"What is this?" She had asked Laguna on the night before, in that cozy and dark conference room.
He had looked over at her with his dark, thoughtful eyes--Squall's eyes, she thought idly,
although that was probably more because Squall was on her mind--and simply offered it to her.
"Open it."
Rinoa, her hands shaking, had lifted the top of the box from the bottom and set it aside. It
was funny, how slow her motions were... as if she were almost dreading something, although that
had not been the case. And then, without breathing, she looked down at it and found that she did
not understand just what she was gazing at.
"I knew your mother once," Laguna had said to her then. "She and I were very good friends, back
when I was a young man." The fine wrinkles on his face warped as he smiled wanly to her. "Back,
a very long time ago... after she had married your father, she had left this in my care." The
way he eyed the box, it seemed almost that he was touching it, even though his hands were
casually under his chin. "...I think that you are more deserving of it than I am."
"But she gave it to you," Rinoa said with a spark of hesitation in her voice. "I think that she
knew what she was doing..." Her voice was shaking, and although Rinoa scolded herself inwardly
and tried to curb it, she found that she could not.
"It would have fallen into your hands at one time or another, Rinoa." Laguna replied. "Now is
as good a time as any. After all... there may come a time when I will be unable to have this
chance again."
Rain blew off a roof and onto the street, pelting Rinoa heavily with it. Drawing out of her
memories, she pulled up the collar of her coat and shielded herself. Something began to whirr
and the street vibrated for a moment under her feet, as one of the many internal generators
surged and continued to run beneath the city floors. The wind dropped, and the rain went back
to a minor sprinkle. Rinoa's fallen face shifted and whirled into a frown. If only the
conversation had stopped there. It was difficult enough, thinking back on her mother's death...
but the rest of it seemed harsher and more ominous. Laguna was trying to tell her something,
and she didn't like what that something was.
"Rinoa!"
She lifted her head sharply and was struck with a burst of cold. Behind her was Ellone, who
was tugging her shawl tightly around her shoulders for warmth. Although Rinoa was not in a mood
to talk, not then...she still found herself slowing and waiting for the woman to catch up.
"It's so early. What are you doing out?" She asked breathlessly as she jogged to Rinoa's side.
Rinoa kept walking, and Ellone followed more casually, although she was puffing a little and
her cheeks were rosy. Pushing a strand of brown hair back from her eyes, she turned her head
and glanced over at Rinoa's profile questioningly.
"Just walking a little," Rinoa said.
"Did Uncle Laguna keep you up all night?"
He most certainly had. Their conversation went late, and Rinoa had been unable to sleep after
it was finished. When she left the conference room in order to go to her room in the palace for
the night, she found herself unable to stop, and had been walking around the city all night and
into the morning.
She didn't tell Ellone this, however. She simply shook her head.
"...Are you staying tonight, too?"
"I'd like to get home soon," Rinoa admitted. She felt guilty for saying it, however. This was a
beautiful city, a peaceful city, and a place to be proud of. But Rinoa had decided that she
would choose the war-laced Garden over this anytime.
"Oh, do wait and stay a while, at least through tomorrow," Ellone said. "Ikyua--do you remember
him?--was talking about taking us to the north side of the city tomorrow night. They really
fixed it up, after we started getting tourists. There's so much to do there. I think you could
use a little fun, you know." Again, her hand twisted at her hair and her fine white teeth were
vaguely exposed in her partial smile. "Besides, you could keep in contact with Balamb through
our transmissions. I think it would be a good way to test it. We hope to get casual calls out
by the end of the year."
"...I'll think about it." Rinoa said. "But I'd like to try and contact home tonight."
"Deling?" Ellone asked quizzically.
Rinoa, realizing her mistake, quickly corrected herself. "The Garden, I mean. Balamb."
Ellone fell silent for a moment and tugged her shawl more closely about herself. Looking at her
feet walking on the misted glass, she tried to pretend that there was no tension between them.
They hadn't known each-other that long, but the adventure that had drawn them both into its
grasp made their relationship tighter. However, Ellone didn't know what to say at this moment,
just as she hadn't been able to find the right words since Rinoa's arrival.
"...What's bothering you?" She finally got to the point.
"I don't know," Rinoa replied. It was odd, she realized... because she was telling the truth.
She really didn't know. "A lot of things, I guess. My future. Squall... he was going out after
some Guardian Force with everyone else yesterday. I guess I'm worried about that, and feel a
little left out because I'm not going. I mean, they had their past in the orphanage, and they'll
always have that... but me, I'm an outsider--"
"You're far from it, Rinoa."
"Not yet." She smiled wanly. "Someday, maybe."
"Is that why you're upset? Really, Rinoa..." Ellone continued. As always, her compassion melted
out through a sterner exterior. By then they had stopped under the sloping roof of a building
and set their backs to it. In front of them was the startling and fog-drenched cityscape of
Esthar...breathtaking, even when Rinoa didn't feel much like being in awe.
She asked herself Ellone's question and realized that no, that was not at all the cause. It was
Laguna and what he had said to her, what this memento of her mother's life meant to her, as
well as what it suggested....
...Everything. It meant everything, and yet it meant nothing.
"What does this all mean?" She had asked Laguna last night in the conference room. He hadn't
been able to answer her, and when Rinoa thought back to consult her own memories, she realized
just how shattered her past was.
She couldn't remember her mother anymore.
"I'll get over it," Rinoa finally replied to Ellone. She curled up into herself and watched the
rain fall. "I always do."
End Part 9/?
To Be Continued.