-- Rapture --
Chapter 4 - Cracked
Saturday November 29, 2003
Scribbler's ramblings: Let's see how this chapter turns out… Like I said, it's getting really hard to write, but whatever. "Warning" complete and utter disregard for the curse this chapter… O.o;
Disclaimers: Characters ('cept Sei) belong to Natsuki Takaya. Plot idea from BakaBabi.
-=+=-
The sun shone almost insanely. The sky was without clouds, and a ridiculously bright shade of blue. A flimsy breeze tickled the leaves of the obscenely colossal trees and bent flowers with blossoms too large for their stems. Kyou's sense of anything was muddled. The deliriously irksome rat was proposing to Tohru. To the one true love of his life. Save me from the spin.
-=+=-
I knelt down before her, one knee, one proposal, one ring. Its violet-tinged diamond sparkled in the glow of the sun, and the name Tohru was fancifully engraved beside it. I tried to look deeply into her eyes, but the more I tried, the stupider I felt. Not that I didn't love her. Oh, I loved her all right. I had been contemplating this proposal for a while. After all, a 20-year-old man is going to have to get married sometime. But the whole idea that it was actually happening made me nervous.
Sei's dream had really drilled the idea into my head. The prince proposing to the princess? That was no coincidence. I had never told her about my high school nickname or Tohru. When she told me about her dream, the ring in my pocket seemed to radiate an I told you so. I don't know how, it just did.
I hate being so confused.
At least one thing was explained. According to Hatori, Sei was Akito's niece. Apparently, Akito's sister had run away while pregnant after hearing about the Sohma family curse. Some crazy idea that distancing herself from the family would rid her of any chance of giving birth to a cursed child. Well, Sei wasn't cursed and her little family could've lived happily ever after - if Akito hadn't called them back. The damn monster. Her parents left Sei alone in Tokyo and traveled to the Sohma compound. Then they mysteriously lost their minds and memories. I wonder how that happened.
Sei was to be the next leader. Plain and simple. How ironic that this sweet little girl would replace the brooding monster of a thing as a ruler.
My thoughts whipped back to Tohru and the breezy rooftop. I tried looking into her eyes deeply again. I didn't feel any less stupid.
-=+=-
Anything to get Kyou to realize I'm not good enough for him.
Looking at Yuki, I found his eyes were penetrating mine with unbelievable force. They seemed to drill holes into the back of my mind and see right through me. Did he notice that I still held Kyou's affection?
He blinked and I forced happy tears into my eyes, "Yes Yuki! Of course I'll marry you!"
I leaned over and gave him an Eskimo kiss. This only made me nearer to his deep purple eyes, and made me wonder about what he really saw.
-=+=-
She had said yes and they had paraded off the roof, chattering happily about wedding plans. A small one of course … lots of white flowers … blah blah blah and all this other crap I couldn't care less about.
Tohru was gone. And after her acceptance of the role as Yuki's bride-to-be, my senses became increasingly sharp. I noticed anything and everything. That there were 27 socks laying around the floor of my room, 54 squares on my ceiling, 7 annoyingly cheerful pigeons stuck outside my room.
And finally, Tohru's apparent attraction to Yuki. That is to say, none. The farthest contact with Yuki she'd ever had was holding hands and an Eskimo kiss. Not even a real one. Nothing like the one we shared on the roof…
A dull thrum pounded my ears; my heart was acting up again. Stupid feelings. Tohru was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. She wouldn't ever love me like the way she loved Yuki.
(Because she loves you more)
I counted 90 beats per minute, that was the 38th time I had thought that and today was the 6th day I had been holed up in my room.
I had 1 heart, and Tohru found a million ways to break it.
-=+=-
Tohru couldn't wait for the wedding. She was willingly chaining herself to Yuki. Oh no, not chaining herself - she was trapping herself. It would soon be the happiest day of her life. A day which snatched her away from Kyou and strapped her with Yuki. Hoora.
Who was she kidding? She definitely still loved Kyou, and knowing that, she couldn't fully commit herself to Yuki. Of course, she could always try to change her feelings…
"Tohru, we have to talk."
She whipped around and stared at the face of the young man behind her.
Yuki.
-=+=-
"You don't really love me do you?" he sighed.
She looked at him strangely, "W-what? Of course I love you! I wouldn't have accepted your proposal if I didn't love you. Right? Because otherwi-"
"Don't lie to me!" Yuki interjected, an unfamiliar sharpness in his voice. "You wouldn't feel the need to justify yourself if you really loved me…"
Yuki glared.
Tohru looked away.
He wavered.
So it was true. She didn't really love him.
But putting the blame on her for their crumbling relationship would be hypocrisy, because Yuki really didn't love her either.
"Tohru, don't lie to me please, because then we'll be jumbled about our true feelings towards each other," Yuki said, his tone still curiously detached.
Stillness.
Tohru lowered her head to stare at the cushion beneath her. Her mouth opened and a flood of words spilled forth, "I'm sorry Yuki, I can't love you. Really, I couldn't be any more sorry, I know that you love me and everything, and wish I could love you back because I can feel your love and there's just so much going on and I can' t let go, I can't explain."
She paused for a breath, "I know I should never have accepted your proposal if I couldn't carry through, but I thought I could love you and now I realize I can't."
Tohru slipped the engagement ring off her finger. "Honestly Yuki, I couldn't be any more sorry than I am right now. I know it's killing you, but leading you on would probably kill me. True feelings can't be denied and sooner or later you would find out. I guess I just picked now to tell you. I'm really sorry."
She bowed her head further, weighted down by shame and regret. "I love Kyou, even though I know I'm not good enough for him and there isn't anything I can try, please Yuki forgive me for this, for everything."
She looked up at Yuki's face. His eyes were emotionless and without pain. Perhaps this had gone well. Suddenly, she spotted someone behind him and her eyes traveled beyond Yuki's face. Kyou. How long had he been standing there?
Kyou was staring back at her. He parted from the door and strode outside, slamming the door behind him.
Her eyes widened and she ran, out the door and towards Kyou.
Yuki quickly turned around and reached for her hand, wanting to tell her that …
His fingers only brushed against hers, and she left the room before he could say anything. Her willing confession revealed to him more than he wanted to know. Sure, he had known that she didn't really love him. But he had expected at least a hint of hesitancy before her admission.
It hurt. True, he didn't really love her either. But he could have. He really could have.
If only she had given him the chance.
Too late, she's gone.
-=+=-
"Kyou! Wait! Please!" Tohru gasped, struggling to keep up with his quickening pace.
He stopped abruptly and sharply spun around, "Wait?! For what, Tohru?! You lied to me!! Do your realize how much pain you put me through?! Everything in my world crashed after you proposed to Yuki! Everything! There was nothing left! Why should I waste my time on you?!"
His last words stung. Why should he waste his time? She wasn't good enough. The ugly voices chorused again ugly AND stupid AND…
She pushed them away, back into the chest of darkness they came from. Locked and sealed under the power of her mind, she focused her attention on Kyou, "It's a good question Kyou, why should you waste your time on me? All this time, I've known that I've never been good enough for you. But maybe I can change that. Maybe I can make myself good enough for you, if you could only let me try-"
"I can't wait around anymore Tohru. I can't play this stupid game of hide and seek. I went searching for you and you turned me away. You weren't truthful with me. Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you… I loved you Tohru. And I still do. But there's just no trust…"
An icy grip on both hearts.
Melt into tears.
"No Kyou! Please! Please… please… t-trust me," her voice shuddered, involuntary sobs crawling up her throat. "This time, just, just, know that I'm not lying… I wasted your time… I know that I did - don't go please Kyou, don't turn away, don't leave me… I need you, you."
He looked up at the sky, searching for answers. She faced the ground, wishing to cry away the pain.
"You couldn't possibly understand…" he began.
"Understand what?" she asked shakily. "Understand the pain that I've put you through? Well look at me now Kyou! Look! Obviously my tears aren't enough for you and nothing about me was good enough for you! I was right! I'll never be good enough for you! I'm ugly and stupid and everything those crazy voices told me I was! Everything and nothing to you!"
"Understand how much I love you!" he interrupted, ending her tirade.
"If you really loved me…"
"Don't start that crap with me!" Kyou snapped.
"Then why don't you trust me anymore? I did what I thought was right, Kyou. I didn't know what else to do! Those, those rules inside my head, the ones I can't stop thinking about…" Tohru quivered.
"Then I'll give you something else to consider," Kyou replied, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her into a strong embrace.
Do you love each other?
Then why do you hurt?
-=+=-
Seven happy months together. A happy couple. Soon, a happy week before their happy wedding. Even a happy Yuki.
A happy trip to the happy corner store. Their last trip together before…
"Milk, eggs, bread… Anything else Tohru?" asked Kyou, one aisle over from Tohru.
"Nope that should be about it!" she called, turning the aisle to go to meet Kyou.
Suddenly she felt an unpleasant nudge at her back. "Hello Chiriko. You thought you could escape me didn't you? You thought you could abandon me and break my heart, didn't you? Well listen up girlie, you thought wrong," murmured a raspy voice. It stank of stale beer and a powerful hand clamped over her shoulder.
Kyou walked around a barrier of Timmy Tuna's Crave-olicious Fish, and saw Tohru being held by a haggard man. Her packages and purse lay abandoned at her feet. "Hey what do you think you're doing?! Let go of my girlfriend you jerk!" he hollered, already advancing towards the DOM and Tohru.
"Stop right there mister. I'm warning ya. This is between me and Chiriko," the man called back.
"Sir, really, I'm not Chiriko, my name's Tohru, Honda Tohru. You've got the wrong person, please let me go-" Tohru whimpered.
"Hah! You think that's gonna work? That's what all the other girls said… My name's Mayli sir, Mayumi, Tanaka," he squeaked, impersonating their pleading voices. "Well I know who you really are! You're Chiriko the bitch who left me, and no matter how many times I kill you, you always come back."
"Let go of her alrea-" Kyou spat, still walking towards the pair.
"Kyou, please, don't come any closer he has a …" Tohru warned, quietly trembling.
Another unpleasant nudge at her back and she clammed up.
"No Chiriko, no noise, no nothing," he insisted, keeping the gun at her back.
The female cashier was motioning desperately to Kyou to stop moving, to not come any closer to the man and Tohru… and suddenly Kyou had a weak understanding of what was happening.
There was only one other person in the store, and that was a lady sifting through the magazine section. The habitual flip flip flip of the pages stopped, and the small store fell to silence.
"Thought you could escape, abandon, thought you could, but you didn't, you didn't," taunted the drunken man, giggling psychotically to himself.
"Please please please, let me go, I'm not Chiriko, I'm not Chiriko," Tohru insisted with desperation. How could this be happening?
"Yes you are, and until you're dead, until you're dead…" the man whispered.
Too much. Tohru broke away from his grasp and ran towards the door, knowing that safety was only a few feet away. The man took aim of the gun and…
Kyou dove between him and Tohru, hoping and praying to keep her safe.
Two shots rang out, one from the drunken man and another from the cashier, her hands shakily holding a gun.
The man was dead.
And Kyou was dying.
-=+=-
Sunday November 30, 2003