A/n okay a shorter chapter. But YEAH I found some inspiration, PLEASE tell
me what ya think, I'd really appreciate it! Okay on with the chapter!
I huddled more into my coat. It was freezing out side. I made my way across the hard ground. I reached my destination quickly. I shouldn't be here. It's not something sixteen year old kids should go do in there spare time. I exhaled causing a puff of visible breaths, what to say?
"Hey mom, dad." I paused shifting my weight. "I know this is weird, but my therapist said it might help. And yes Dad I said therapist spare me the eye roll. Anyway I can't seem to get over this. She said it might help me if I got to say goodbye, tell you what I really thought. I tried witting a letter, but no words came. So here I am talking to myself in a graveyard." I shoved my hands in my pockets trying to think of something to say. "I'm not going to lie, things have been really hard. I'm not so crazy anymore but I can't seem to do anything right. I just keep hurting people, people I care about. At least when I was depressed I didn't care that I hurt them, but now I do and I can't seem to stop. I don't blame you or anything."
"Things with Ashley are more than good, there great. She's been so amazing through this entire thing. Oh and Dad you'd like Gordon he is BIG on abstinence. Casey's nice she try's really hard to keep it all together. Nick and I are good, it's been rough Lord know I've lost at him more times than he ever deserved but he can always find it in him to forgive me."
"I just don't know what to do anymore. So much has just fallen apart, and I don't know how to fix it. I worry so much, especially my future. I always so sure of myself, I was, I had to be a pro hockey player. The best pro hockey player." I added almost resentment in my voice, "But now that's all gone down the drain. I just can't do it with out Dad. I mean you were my trainer, Coach, my confidence and my Father wrapped into one amazing person. I tried, I really did it just isn't going to work. And Harvard is out of the picture, my grades are shit." I paused, "Sorry Mom, didn't mean to swear. I guess I just keep thinking about how much I'm letting you guys down. I've always been the perfect kid," Tears started streaming down my face. I didn't bother to wipe them away. I was tired of stopping the tears. "I always tried so hard to make you proud. And I'm letting you down. You don't have to be here for me to know it. I love you, both of you." I let a silence wash over me.
"Now what is such a young man doing out here in the bitter cold?" I jumped at the voice; turning to my left there was an older man. He was balding with a big smile and the kindest eyes. He came closer reading the tombstones. "Philip Edward Banks, and Nicole Marie Hilton Banks."
"They were my parents," I explained sniffing.
"Ah, yes. And today was the perfect day for a visit." I looked over his face, so serious but with the biggest twinkle in his eyes. "Your no more than what seventeen, huh?" I nodded in response. "Then you follow me." He headed off and for reasons beyond me I followed.
"I am not an educated man. But I know this." He stopped in front of a grave, simple but shinny. He took off the wilting flowers and put down a new bouquet of flowers. I didn't really get that seeing it was nearly the middle of winter. "It's hard to loose people. This is my mother, my Father, and my brother." He pointed to each of the three graves in front of us. "And my wife." Four people, my mind swirled. "Each one shoved a knife through my heart, with each passing day the world would twist that knife. It hurts, but young man if you never listen to another word a person says to you, hear me know." He leaned in pointing his finger at me. "Don't let this consume you at it has me. You are young, it's hard but you have to move on. For you, for them. You have so much of your life ahead of you. Take this and learn from it. My Parents died, and I felt like I had died inside, then my brother, then my wife. I never learned, Boy take this and learn. Learn that you only get so much time and you have no idea how much it is. Learn to hold those people you still have as close to your heart, Love until it hurts. Let go of them, or you'll be alone the rest of your life trying to justify every moment you wasted with them."
I shivered at the iciness in his voice; he was speaking from his heart to mine. "You cold?" He asked. He never gave me the chance to answer, "You young people always running out of the house with out a good scarf." He slid his off his shoulders and put it around my neck. It was warm and soft. "Here you take this, Julia knitted it for me."
"Thank you, but don't you want it, I mean if your wife made it and everything." I said reaching to take it off.
"No no no, you keep it. Julia knitted so many things for me. Keep it and remember,"
"Thank you," I said. I don't think I'd ever said a thank you that meant so much.
"You, you get on home now." He said flashing me a smile. I nodded and turned leaving. "And remember Adam, you remember what I said."
I got half way across the cemetery before I realized that I never told him my name. And that talking to him was a little stupid of me, I mean he could have been a psycho murder. I'd never been happier.
natasha hyatt: Okay first off thanks for the support for both of my stories. I love reviewers. And I'm thrilled you liked both stories. Second off you get an A+ for reading it all in one sitting I don't know if I could of. P.s. I think I agree on the whole Ashley thing, but will see!
angelkat44: No Julie in this chapter, but I'll try to work something into the next! Thanks!
Banksiebabe99: Awww, don't cry babe. Thanks for the review and ENJOY! Gina: Aww, your way too sweet to me. Anyway thanks a bunch and I hoope you like this chapter I really do!
Crazy4nc128: Well that's good, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll hear from you soon.. HINT HINT!
Danish girl: Thanks! Your so sweet, I love hearing from you so tell me what you think!
Princess bethy: Thanks a million, oh and it was no problem... Sometimes we all need a little clarification. You keep up the good work reviewing and I'll keep posting!
Alright I think that's everybody, man there is a lot of you guys. I LOVE IT! Keep um coming, you have no idea how much it helps! Rachel (Btw I was sitting there trying to come up with a maiden name for Mrs. Banks and I had the TV on in the background, something about the Hilton sister came on, so I just went for it! lol)
I huddled more into my coat. It was freezing out side. I made my way across the hard ground. I reached my destination quickly. I shouldn't be here. It's not something sixteen year old kids should go do in there spare time. I exhaled causing a puff of visible breaths, what to say?
"Hey mom, dad." I paused shifting my weight. "I know this is weird, but my therapist said it might help. And yes Dad I said therapist spare me the eye roll. Anyway I can't seem to get over this. She said it might help me if I got to say goodbye, tell you what I really thought. I tried witting a letter, but no words came. So here I am talking to myself in a graveyard." I shoved my hands in my pockets trying to think of something to say. "I'm not going to lie, things have been really hard. I'm not so crazy anymore but I can't seem to do anything right. I just keep hurting people, people I care about. At least when I was depressed I didn't care that I hurt them, but now I do and I can't seem to stop. I don't blame you or anything."
"Things with Ashley are more than good, there great. She's been so amazing through this entire thing. Oh and Dad you'd like Gordon he is BIG on abstinence. Casey's nice she try's really hard to keep it all together. Nick and I are good, it's been rough Lord know I've lost at him more times than he ever deserved but he can always find it in him to forgive me."
"I just don't know what to do anymore. So much has just fallen apart, and I don't know how to fix it. I worry so much, especially my future. I always so sure of myself, I was, I had to be a pro hockey player. The best pro hockey player." I added almost resentment in my voice, "But now that's all gone down the drain. I just can't do it with out Dad. I mean you were my trainer, Coach, my confidence and my Father wrapped into one amazing person. I tried, I really did it just isn't going to work. And Harvard is out of the picture, my grades are shit." I paused, "Sorry Mom, didn't mean to swear. I guess I just keep thinking about how much I'm letting you guys down. I've always been the perfect kid," Tears started streaming down my face. I didn't bother to wipe them away. I was tired of stopping the tears. "I always tried so hard to make you proud. And I'm letting you down. You don't have to be here for me to know it. I love you, both of you." I let a silence wash over me.
"Now what is such a young man doing out here in the bitter cold?" I jumped at the voice; turning to my left there was an older man. He was balding with a big smile and the kindest eyes. He came closer reading the tombstones. "Philip Edward Banks, and Nicole Marie Hilton Banks."
"They were my parents," I explained sniffing.
"Ah, yes. And today was the perfect day for a visit." I looked over his face, so serious but with the biggest twinkle in his eyes. "Your no more than what seventeen, huh?" I nodded in response. "Then you follow me." He headed off and for reasons beyond me I followed.
"I am not an educated man. But I know this." He stopped in front of a grave, simple but shinny. He took off the wilting flowers and put down a new bouquet of flowers. I didn't really get that seeing it was nearly the middle of winter. "It's hard to loose people. This is my mother, my Father, and my brother." He pointed to each of the three graves in front of us. "And my wife." Four people, my mind swirled. "Each one shoved a knife through my heart, with each passing day the world would twist that knife. It hurts, but young man if you never listen to another word a person says to you, hear me know." He leaned in pointing his finger at me. "Don't let this consume you at it has me. You are young, it's hard but you have to move on. For you, for them. You have so much of your life ahead of you. Take this and learn from it. My Parents died, and I felt like I had died inside, then my brother, then my wife. I never learned, Boy take this and learn. Learn that you only get so much time and you have no idea how much it is. Learn to hold those people you still have as close to your heart, Love until it hurts. Let go of them, or you'll be alone the rest of your life trying to justify every moment you wasted with them."
I shivered at the iciness in his voice; he was speaking from his heart to mine. "You cold?" He asked. He never gave me the chance to answer, "You young people always running out of the house with out a good scarf." He slid his off his shoulders and put it around my neck. It was warm and soft. "Here you take this, Julia knitted it for me."
"Thank you, but don't you want it, I mean if your wife made it and everything." I said reaching to take it off.
"No no no, you keep it. Julia knitted so many things for me. Keep it and remember,"
"Thank you," I said. I don't think I'd ever said a thank you that meant so much.
"You, you get on home now." He said flashing me a smile. I nodded and turned leaving. "And remember Adam, you remember what I said."
I got half way across the cemetery before I realized that I never told him my name. And that talking to him was a little stupid of me, I mean he could have been a psycho murder. I'd never been happier.
natasha hyatt: Okay first off thanks for the support for both of my stories. I love reviewers. And I'm thrilled you liked both stories. Second off you get an A+ for reading it all in one sitting I don't know if I could of. P.s. I think I agree on the whole Ashley thing, but will see!
angelkat44: No Julie in this chapter, but I'll try to work something into the next! Thanks!
Banksiebabe99: Awww, don't cry babe. Thanks for the review and ENJOY! Gina: Aww, your way too sweet to me. Anyway thanks a bunch and I hoope you like this chapter I really do!
Crazy4nc128: Well that's good, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll hear from you soon.. HINT HINT!
Danish girl: Thanks! Your so sweet, I love hearing from you so tell me what you think!
Princess bethy: Thanks a million, oh and it was no problem... Sometimes we all need a little clarification. You keep up the good work reviewing and I'll keep posting!
Alright I think that's everybody, man there is a lot of you guys. I LOVE IT! Keep um coming, you have no idea how much it helps! Rachel (Btw I was sitting there trying to come up with a maiden name for Mrs. Banks and I had the TV on in the background, something about the Hilton sister came on, so I just went for it! lol)