Illusions of Solace
Ryou liked to write lists in his head; his favorite was one he called 'little known facts about Bakura Ryou'. Of course, they were only little known because no one had ever bothered to ask him anything about his life before Domino.
One of those little known facts was that Ryou was once a devoutly religious. At one point he found solace in it. That was before Bakura. After Bakura... well, as he felt like his life was going down the drain, his faith went with it. Bakura hadn't really approved church-going habits, anyway. If only Ryou could figure out a way to go back to the days before he had cared what Bakura thought of him and his habits…
He had gone into the dank old church on a whim, lured by it's dark and empty interior – it felt so much like his soul that night. He had never been in a church at night, had never seen the candles reflect off stained glass and old statues. It was breathtaking. Before he was sure what he was doing he was on his knees in the back pew, head bowed and hands clasped. His mind was silent. He was praying.
He just didn't know why he was praying, or what he was praying for. He just missed the old comfort that had come from it, the escape that he had once felt as he let the cares of his world fall onto someone else shoulders…
An old man in a robe came towards him, hands clasped, warm smile on his wrinkled face. He sat in the pew behind Ryou, and after a second the white-haired male looked over to him curiously, not moving from his knees. The old man spoke in a soothing voice, but Ryou didn't understand a word of what he was saying. It was probably Russian; most of the churches in Domino seemed to be Russian-owned.
"I…" Ryou trailed off. Did the priest even know Japanese?
"Oh, pardon me," the man said politely, and though his words were heavily accented, Ryou understood them. "I didn't realize that you were Japanese."
Ryou sighed in relief and replied, "I'm not."
"Ah, another foreigner then." The man smiled. "What's on your mind, friend? Your face speaks of many troubles."
With a bowed head Ryou admitted, "Well, I've got plenty of troubles to speak of."
"Sad words from one so young."
Ryou scoffed, "I don't feel young; I feel like an old man sometimes – I'm just so… Have you ever felt like your sole purpose in life is to suffer?"
The man nodded solemnly. "When I was young… Well, youth is foolish, they say. But I was delivered from my suffering," he replied soothingly. "I was set free."
"Through God," Ryou finished snidely. "I've been in houses like this before, tried to speak to something higher. All I got for my troubles were demons, one of each shoulder. If God is there, he wants to push me away."
"Tell me of your suffering, then," the priest urged gently. "Perhaps together we can find a place for you."
Ryou shook his head. "Talking won't dispel my demons – they live and breathe like no others you've met, I'm sure."
With a sigh the priest patted Ryou's shoulder. "I understand – everyone faces the dark differently. I'll leave you to your prayers." He left Ryou, but his words lingered.
Everyone faces the dark differently.
At home, Ryou faced his darkness with bitter love, silence, and muted pain… But here, the darkness wasn't as forbidding; it didn't threaten to overwhelm and destroy him. It was almost soothing.
Once, his father had told him that church could always give him comfort, would always be a place to go if he felt alone. Ryou smiled at the memory. Maybe his father had been right, maybe it could be his sanctuary from his pain…
"Hikari," a deep voice hissed in his ear. Ryou froze. "I thought you quit this bullshit." Bakura dropped down in the seat behind Ryou; his legs flanked the kneeling boy. "I've told you: nobody's listening."
"What are you doing here?" Ryou asked softly, bowing his head.
"Following you; you left so suddenly, I… I needed to make sure you weren't misbehaving."
"I'm allowed to misbehave if I want," Ryou murmured defiantly, but his voice wasn't very intimidating. He didn't want to talk to Bakura; Bakura could always disprove Ryou's feelings of safety in an instant, usually with little more than a word. "I'll be home later. Go home, now; I'm busy."
"Doing what?" Bakura demanded incredulously. "Religion," he spat. "The words are different, but the pleas are the same – fools talking to themselves for comfort." He forced Ryou to turn and face him. He cupped the boy's face in his hands and crooned, "You're no fool; you know this is stupid. Think about it: if there's some god who cares about you, would he have given you to me?"
It was the most convincing argument that Ryou had ever heard.
Bakura's lips descended to claim his, and Ryou felt tears burn his eyes as he closed them. His past could offer no solace; he had been foolish to hope that he could turn back his heart.
"Now up on your feet; I don't want to see you on your knees like this again," Bakura ordered, and Ryou obeyed. He was following Bakura to the door when he saw the priest come out of a side door. His gaze passed from Ryou to Bakura – upon meeting Bakura's eyes he visibly shivered.
"Thank you," Ryou said softly, hoping his voice carried over the space between them. Bakura hugged and stormed out the door. Ryou added, "It was worth trying."
The priest nodded. "Your demons breath," he repeated. "Live well, friend."
Ryou nodded and left the church. Bakura was nowhere in sight, but that didn't come as a shock; Bakura never escorted Ryou home, only retrieved him. With a yawn Ryou began his walk home. He hadn't made it two feet when a car horn blared off to his right; he looked over to see Jounouchi hanging out the driver's side window.
"Hey, what're you doin'?" he called to Ryou, and the white-haired teen smiled.
"Walking home," Ryou replied, examining his friend. Jounouchi glowed, even in the dark when there was no sunlight to aid him. Ryou wondered if it had something to do with his relationship with Yuugi, with… love. Jounouchi had been at his happiest in the past year that he and Yuugi had been together.
Jounouchi rolled his eyes. "I see that. It's late; get in and I'll give you a ride." After a second's hesitation Ryou smiled and went to the passenger's side, getting in.
The conversation was light at they made it further from the city, and Ryou found it as a relief until Jounouchi caught him off-guard.
"Have you been okay?"
Ryou smiled weakly and lied, "Of course. Why would you ask?"
"You've just been distant since you moved, and you smile less at school. Actually, you're at school less, too."
"I am?"
"Yeah." They were quickly approaching Ryou's house, and Jounouchi stared at it. "You're not, like… I dunno, getting hurt by that guy, are you?"
It was common knowledge that Ryou was living with Bakura; where Bakura was from and the nature of his meeting with Ryou… well, that was a little more secret. Jounouchi had always called Bakura 'that guy,' probably for lack of knowing what else to call him.
"Of course not," Ryou replied.
"Well, if you are…. man, you can crash with Yuugi."
Ryou chucked. "I'm sure he appreciates you offering up his house," he teased.
"Don't joke – I'm serious. Yuugi would say the same thing. Just… don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it; I'd kick his ass for you." Jounouchi pulled into the driveway, and Ryou smiled – really smiled – at him.
"Really, I'm fine, I swear. But if something happens, you'll be the first I tell, okay?"
Jounouchi seemed satisfied with that promise. "Okay."
Ryou left the car and headed for the door, stopping to wave from his porch. As Jounouchi pulled away he turned and went inside.
He was back in the lion's den, yes, but he felt better. He felt more hopeful than he had when he left. Maybe it didn't have to be hell for him after all… He smiled and shook his head to himself. Jounouchi's words had made him feel better. He turned into the living room, pulling his jacket off and throwing it onto a chair. For a moment, he was sure that he'd be okay. He could hope.
And then he was the way that Yami was looking at him.
- notes -
Hopefully the church doesn't feel overly random – it doesn't seem that way too me. ^^;; I thought of all the places someone would turn for comfort, it seemed interesting, and I thought the insight of another person seemed to fit. Plus I seem to enjoy all the random references to Ryou's father, and his past.
As for him not being Japanese, I know in the manga he was a new student, but it never says that he's an exchange student… I sort of took liberty with that one. ^^;; Forgive me?