This is What You Get for Writing Fanfiction
Attack of the slash-hatters
Summary: Fan meets (twisted) fantasy! Can Yugi and the gang survive the nine circles of fanfiction? Everything you love (or love to hate) about the imaginations of your fellow otaku comes together to give our heroes hell.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Trigun. They belong to Kazuki Takahashi and Yasuhiro Nightow, respectively. Go them!
****Note: You don't have to read my intro, because it's rather annoyingly long. However, it does explain some things, so if you're curious (or just bored) then by all means! ****
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Fanfiction is addicting.
I used to tell myself, "Nope! I'll never be involved with those." But eventually the temptation was too great – "Just this once, and then I'll quit…" I thought. And now lookit that, I'm hooked.
I think it's the cheesy badness of it all. And that's what this fanfiction is about. I started writing this as a spoof of one thing, and it sort of exploded into everything, but rest assured that whenever it seems like I'm writing myself into a hole, I do know where I'm going with this (kinda!). If you want an explanation, well, before I begin I should say: flame me all you want; it was just too much fun for me to write this. If anyone reads this and finds that they actually like it, please review it so I know I'm not alone in the world (all you gotta do is press the button! Even if all you write is, "I read this.") Thanks.
Well anyway, the real reason behind this fanfiction is… fanfiction (hence the title!). Oh, I should explain the term "slash-hatters." Whenever we visit any anime website, my sister and I can't help but comment on the rampant "pairing" fics, and (to us at least) some of them seem Completely Random (like my capitalization!) Sometimes just scrolling down and reading the summaries is entertainment. So we would say that maybe these fangirls just throw all the characters names in a hat, draw two out and type a slash between them. And so the slash-hatters were born!
Of course I know it's not true. Everyone has their favorites. 0.o; Some just disturb me more than others… so what can I do but write this? I don't actually have problems with romance fics, and I don't have problems yaoi either. It's more like, there are certain imaginary fangirl relationship ~things~ that are kinda ewy/random.
-Anzu with the villains
-A Hikari with his own Yami
-Kaiba with anyone…but most notably Yugi!
It bothers me sometimes to see Anzu so mistreated in fanfiction. I think that most people don't appreciate her – probably because in the English version of the show she is, admittedly, pretty annoying. However, if anyone would read the manga (which is really good, by the way) or somehow get an episode in Japanese, then maybe more people would like her. That's all I have to say about that.
As for the Hikari/Yami thing… my main deal is that it's physically impossible. My other deal is that it's creepy. I've noticed that a lot of fanfic writers split the two personalities into different bodies so they can move independently of each other. For the purposes of my story, I've left them in the same body and given them the usual different names.*
Finally, my explanation for Kaiba is that, let's face it, no matter how neat he is sometimes he's really a jerk to everyone. We all know he has a soft side. And I won't deny that he seems kind of obsessed with Yugi, although not in a good way! (My character information is a random splice of the manga and the Japanese and English anime, just so you know, but in Japanese the characters have more depth – not to mention better voices ^.^). And I know that the fan favorite is Seto/Jounouchi…-.-; But if you stop to think about it it's just… disturbing. They're so incompatible. But then, that's just my opinion.
Basically what I'm trying to say is this: when I watch a series for a long time I get really attached to the characters, and my sister and I both are pretty good at seeing past the surface in people. So I love the characters the way they are. It's always fun to mess with stuff, but when I see my favorite characters Grossly Distorted… it makes me want to write a spoof. I hope no one's offended. You may have noticed, I'm a bit of a hypocrite. Oh well.
* Nifty Chart Thing! (My pet peeve is when people don't explain Japanese usage/name changes, even though I always know what they mean I know not everyone does.)
-English ~ Japanese ~ Usual Nickname:
-Yugi Moto ~ Yugi Mutou ~ Yugi
-Yami ~ Yami Yugi (sometimes they call him "the other Yugi") ~ Yami
-Joey Wheeler ~ Jounouchi Katsuya ~ Jounouchi
-Tristan Taylor ~ Honda Hiroto ~ Honda
-Tea Gardener ~ Mazaki Anzu ~ Anzu
-Duke Devlin ~ Otogi… Something (I can't remember, sorry!) ~ Otogi
-Serenity Wheeler ~ Jounouchi Shizuka ~ Shizuka (which means "quiet" or "serene" or something, so they actually gave her a good English name ^-^)
-Seto Kaiba ~ Kaiba Seto ~ Kaiba (Wanna know a secret? Kaiba's name means "seahorse." Hee hee hee…)
-Mokuba Kaiba ~ Kaiba Mokuba ~ Mokuba
-Ryou Bakura ~ Bakura Ryou ~ Ryou
-"The Spirit of the Millennium Ring"~ "Bakura Ryou Ja Nai" (He actually says this himself at some point) ~ Yami Bakura/Bakura
-Marick Ishtar ~ Ishtar Malik – Malik
-Scary evil thing ~ The dark side of Malik's personality ~ Yami Marik/Marik
-Ishizu Ishtar ~ Ishtar Ishizu (or Isis) ~ Ishizu
-Mai Valentine (-.-;) ~ Kujaku Mai ~ Mai
-Maximillion Pegasus ~ Pegasus J. Crawford (he's American -.-;) ~ Pegasus
Note: The characters still call Ryou "Bakura." Why? Because that's what they call him in the anime. Deal with it.
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*****Oh, one more thing. I did the true fangirl thing and wrote myself into the fic as a malevolent puppetmaster. However, because my screenname is the name of a card and it would be weird for them to call me that, the characters just refer to me as A-chan. Just telling you, to avoid future confusion.******
Scene setting: generic town-like place with shops and a courtyard.
Yugi, Jounouchi, Honda and Anzu run into the square, breathless.
Anzu: Jounouchi, did you have to pick a fight with those champion boxers?!
Jounouchi: No one tries to drive their motorcycle over Yugi and gets away with it!
Yugi: (Looks somewhat disheveled) It's okay, Jounouchi. I'm fine.
Honda: Don't look now guys, but there might be more trouble.
Honda gestures behind them to Malik and Bakura who are walking in their direction, apparently arguing about something. The two spot "our heroes," and Malik seems a little alarmed. He quickly throws his hood over his head and Bakura's ring flashes – he returns to his Hikari state. Ryou looks confused a moment, then walks up to Yugi and the gang, shadowed by Malik.
Ryou: Hi everyone! Um, can you tell me where I am?
Yugi: We just got here too, really… (everyone leans to the side, looking past Ryou at Malik. Malik pulls on his hood, trying to obscure his face). Does he really think we don't see him? Yugi wonders.
Strange person: Oi! Everyone!
Everyone turns around to find a short, curly-haired girl in a red coat standing behind them. She smiles innocently.
She seems nice, Yugi thinks to himself. Just then, Kaiba appears out of nowhere.
Jounouchi: Hey, where did you come from?!
Kaiba: I thought it was strange that you're all gathered in the same place.
Girl (me): I'm glad you're all here. My name is A-chan, and I have a proposition for you. You see, I'm really the author of this fanfiction.
Yugi: We're in a fanfiction!?
Me: Oh yes. But don't worry! I thought you guys could use a break, so I wrote this for you. How'd you like to be normal teenagers for once and go to a typical teenage party?
Everyone thinks about this for a minute. It was true; they didn't have a lot of time to be high schoolers what with all of the strange things constantly disrupting their lives. Eventually everyone nods their head and mumbles in agreement.
Me: Great! So… let's go!
The scenery instantly changes into a house with large speakers playing pop music and long tables of food and beverages.
Jounouchi: Hey, this is pretty nice!
Honda: Yeah! Hey, there's beer…um, you know we're underage, right?
Me: Eh, whatever. This is a party. Enjoy yourselves.
Honda: Nice! (Reaches for a can, but doesn't make it-Anzu grabs his wrist)
Anzu: Hold it, Honda. There's got to be a catch. We shouldn't just-
Anzu is interrupted by the sound of a can popping open.
Malik: Hmm… this is pretty good.
Yugi: …Malik?
Kaiba: Well, he has been sheltered his entire life.
Yugi: Hm… but, Anzu's right. A-chan, is there some other reason for this?
Me: Don't talk to me now! According to the manual, it's about time you started making noise and breaking stuff.
Honda: You need a manual for a party?
Me: (sigh) Well okay, I haven't been to so many of these myself. Do you think I have a social life if I'm writing this? Now get going!
Crash! Everyone spins around to find a bookcase smashed on the floor and Ryou standing behind it, looking innocent.
Yugi: Bakura, is that still…you?
Ryou: (Nods, then shoves a lamp off of its stand) I'm just doing what the lady asked.
Malik: (on his second can) YeAh!! Let's make some noise! (Begins singing to the song that's playing, but obviously doesn't know the words and starts making up his own).
Anzu: Don't they say that people who drink have something to forget?
Me: You got that from Trigun. I don't see you breaking things!
Jounouchi blinks, then grabs a bowl of chips and dumps it over Honda's head.
Honda: Hey! (Chases Jounouchi across the room)
Me: See! That's more like it! (Numerous crashing sounds ensue as Honda and Jounouchi run into furniture) They know how to have a good time!
Yugi: Um… A-chan…
Me: Yeah? What's up?
Yugi: Whose house is this?
Me: It's no one's! That's the beauty of fanfiction, Yugi. I can make stuff up. So go have fun.
Yugi: Oh, okay! (Runs after Honda and Jounouchi).
Everyone is rowdy for a little while, except Kaiba who just stands there and drinks punch. Malik has a couple more beers. I get bored.
Me: Hmm, what's next in the manual? (Glances at book) I see! Slow dance time!
Music switches immediately to a sappy love song.
Me: …which is immediately followed by… (reads a few more sentences) that time when everyone starts making out! Okay, go!
Jounouchi: …go?
Me: Yeah. Don't be shy, or I'll start picking couples for you.
Everyone: …?
Me: *sigh.* Alright, I gave you a chance. Now, let's see… Anzu with Malik, Yugi with Kaiba, Honda with Jounouchi, and Ryou with Bakura. Now… go.
Everyone: o.0
Ryou: Um, excuse me… I'm one person.
Me: No, you're two people.
Ryou: Yes, but… there's only one body.
Me: Yeah, well… figure something out.
Ryou: …
Jounouchi and Honda: Oi!
Jounouchi: (Grabs me by the collar) Just what do you think you're doing?!
Me: Guys, guys! This is a fangirl fanfic, remember? That's just the way it goes. At least you two aren't mortal enemies.
The three of us look at Kaiba and Yugi, who haven't moved at all and are utterly dumbstruck.
Jounouchi: Arg! We should've invited more girls!
Anzu: Look, I don't like this idea any more than you do!
Malik: (weaving, slurring his speech) S'not all'at bad… (tries to put his arm around Anzu's waist, but she slaps him away. He pauses for a moment, trying to figure out what happened.)
Malik: …
Malik: …
Malik: ow!
Yugi: (Glances at Anzu, then shouts at me-) Malik's drunk! I think he should go home!
Me: (Looks at Malik, waves a hand in front of his face. He tries to catch it but misses by a good foot. I shrug). He's fine.
Before Yugi can respond, Kaiba comes to his senses-
Kaiba: You may control this fanfiction, but you don't control us! Who's to say we'll go along with your little games?
Me: Hmm… you're right! But that gives me an idea. Let's play a game!
*Collective groan*
Honda: Thanks, Kaiba!
Me: Okay! (Rubbing hands together) Here's how it goes. First couple to make a move gets out of the fic.
Anzu: You mean, you'd let us leave the fanfiction?
Me: That's right, captain obvious! You won't have to deal with me anymore.
There's a pause while everyone considers this.
Kaiba: …There are some things even worse than you. (Glares at Yugi)
Me: Oh, but I have plans. (Smiles an oh-so-evil smile) This place is about to get way more interesting for everyone left behind. Heh heh heh…
Jounouchi: You're bluffing! What could you do to us that- mff mrphh!
(Honda clamps his hand over Jounouchi's mouth.)
Honda: Shut up! You're just asking for it! She can do anything she wants!
Honda takes his hand away. An uncomfortable silence follows.
Yugi: Um, to be fair, isn't this a little awkward, with all of us in the same room?
Me: That's a good point.
Everyone else: Yugi!!
Zap! Everyone is seperated into rooms with their "partner."
What terror shall ensue? Only I can tell! Ha ha ha ha ha… aheh heh… ahem. Whatever.
So…
…what do you think?
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