This is What You Get For Writing Fanfiction
Attack of the Slash-Hatters
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh; it belongs to Kazuki Takahashi. May he live forever.
Woah! I actually have reviewers! You have made me so happy, you have no idea. ^-^ By the way, Wrath of Rohan (or Lauren, whichever you prefer) I hadn't thought of vampires! Which is surprising, given that… well, vampires are awesome. Thanks for the ideas! By chapter three the set-up of the rest of the fic will become clear, so just you wait…
Artemis and Anya – I'm so glad you agree! I'm also glad you're not the only one ^-^
TypoNumber5 – yeah, I was definitely in anti-thinking mode last night… only I didn't have a name for it, that's how anti-thinking I was. And wow, you actually read the intro!
And Boku no Seto, well, thanks for the sisterlyness ^-^
I am so tired. Maybe I shouldn't have been watching The Ten Commandments on television until almost midnight. -.-; It's a cool movie though. Sure, maybe the special effects are a little cheesy, but in ten or fifteen years Lord of the Rings will look cheesy too. You know this to be true.
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~In Yugi and Kaiba's room~
Yugi and Kaiba are in opposite corners – pretty much as far away from each other as they can get. Both appear to be deep in thought.
Yugi: Listen, Kaiba –
Kaiba: Don't start, Yugi! I want to get out of here as much as anyone, but if you think I'm even coming near you –
Yugi: -I was going to say, I'm worried about Anzu.
Kaiba: (blink blink…) Let's try to find a way out of here.
Kaiba walks to the door and tries the knob (it's locked – duh!). Without hesitating he takes his deck out of his side pocket and proceeds to draw cards from the top and launch them at the door. One after another they hit the door and bounce off, flopping to the ground.
Yugi: …Kaiba, it doesn't always work to throw them…
Kaiba draws his Blue Eyes, which splits the door in half on contact. It crumbles in its frame and is no more than rubble within seconds. Kaiba gives Yugi a glance that says, I told you so and strides from the room. Yugi shrugs and follows him.
When they exit the room they find themselves staring down the halls of a labyrinth. Kaiba sighs. "Of course."
Yugi: Anzu! Jounouchi! Honda!
Distant voice: ~~~~~*ahhhhhheywait*~~~~~~~
Yugi: I heard something! This way!
Yugi and Kaiba run down the hall and turn a corner. They continue running until they see a door up ahead on the left wall.
Voice: AAAAAAAAH!
Yugi: That sounded like a girl screaming!
They reach the door and Kaiba kicks it in. Inside, Malik is sprawled on the floor, blooding at the mouth. Anzu is standing a few feet away, looking indignant.
Yugi: Anzu?
Kaiba: (sarcastic smile) Looks like you didn't need our help.
Malik struggles to his feet, wobbling slightly and rubbing his cheek.
Malik: (mumbles) I'uz just trying t'rescue you…
Anzu: (rolls eyes) Let's go find the others.
The four leave the room and return to the labyrinth. They walk down the hall in silence for a few minutes. ******
Malik: (thinking to himself) If these three find a way out of here, they're not going to want to take me with them. I've got to lose them before they turn on me. God I'm thirsty!
Malik: …
Malik: Hey! Lookit that! (Points to ceiling)
Everyone blinks at him, then looks up (fools). When they look back down, Malik is running down the hall in the opposite direction (drunk people are so brilliant). The group stares wide-eyed as he trips and falls on his face. They look at each other.
Suddenly a loudspeaker crackles through the halls.
Me: (loudspeaker voice) Attention all godforsaken wanderers! (the group glances about themselves) Yes, you people – who else do you think is in this maze? I have an announcement to make!
Kaiba: Then get on with it.
Me: Just listen a minute, will ya?! Anyway, from this point forward, you are not limited to the couples I have placed you in but can get cozy with anyone in order to escape the fanfiction. That is all. (Loudspeaker crackles again and is abruptly silent)
Malik, after pausing to listen to the announcement, mumbles to himself and struggles to his feet.
Yugi: We can't let him leave. If A-chan finds him she might use him against us.
Anzu: Yugi, he's already against us.
Kaiba strides down the hall toward Malik. Malik tries to resume his pathetic escape attempt, but Kaiba grabs him by the hood on the back of his shirt and drags him across the floor.
Anzu turns toward Yugi.
Anzu: Yugi, I think I know a way we can get out of here.
Yugi: (blushes) Really?
Anzu: We have to find A-chan.
Yugi: Oh. (sigh…)
Anzu: I think she's somewhere in the maze. We have to face her head-on! It always seems to work in video games, anyway.
Yugi: Okay! But first, let's find Honda and Jounouchi.
Anzu: Right!
Kaiba: Yugi!
Yugi and Anzu jump – Kaiba is suddenly right behind them.
Yugi: Kaiba, how do you do that?!
Kaiba: Take this.
WHUMP! Kaiba tosses Malik at Yugi, who catches Malik awkwardly in his arms. Malik growls at Yugi and Yugi drops him.
Kaiba: You keep an eye on him. It's you he's got a grudge against.
Yugi: But Kaiba, he's… bigger than me.
Anzu: Oh, you're both babies. (Grabs Malik by the collar) C'mon, let's go.
Malik: Hey… leggo… (waves arms futilely, then gives up and crosses them across his chest). You're gonna pay for this when I'm sober…
The hallway twists and splits in different directions. The group hits a few dead ends and has to backtrack. Eventually they come to a crossroads (well, the labyrinth equivalent anyway. Cross-halls, I guess).
Anzu: Hm, this is familiar…
Yugi: Have we passed by here before?
Anzu: I was referring to the hackneyed plotline.
Yugi: Oh…
CRASH! A loud noise echoes from the right passage. Dust and debris fly everywhere. Everyone runs toward it and soon finds a massive hole in the wall. A figure stands in the opening, obscured by the clouds of dust.
Figure: *cough, cough* (emerges from the shadows)
Everyone else: Bakura?!
Bakura: rrrg… (notices everyone staring at him) Great, just what I need…
Yugi: (glancing at the mess, astonished) Bakura, how did you –
Bakura: - I have my ways.
Yugi: o.O
Bakura: (looks around) Arg! A labyrinth?! I'll never get out of this hellhole! A-chan, when I find you…
Anzu: (a little nervous) Well guys, let's keep looking.
Yugi: Bakura, why don't you come with us? We should stick together.
Bakura: Hm? (Looks them up and down). Alright then.
Bakura joins them as they continue walking.
Anzu: (leans over and whispers to Yugi) Yugi, you know that this is the other Bakura, right?
Yugi: (nods) Yeah. But I think he might be able to help us. (Grins) Who knows; his violent nature might actually come in handy!
Anzu: Hmm… maybe. (Glances over her shoulder at Bakura, who is poking Kaiba in the back, then looking away and whistling when Kaiba turns around).
Anzu: We need to get out of here…
Soon the way splits again and the group takes the left path. They come upon another door in the wall.
Yugi: Jounouchi! Honda! Are you in there?
There's a sound of running and yelling voices behind the door. Malik lifts his head (he's still being dragged by Anzu).
Malik: (shakes off Anzu for a moment and steps in front of the door) Ha! It's prob'ly a trap, and you'll all be-
BLAM! At that moment, the door crashes forward off of its hinges and smashes Malik. Behind it are Honda and Jounouchi – they had apparently charged into it.
Jounouchi: Yugi! Everyone!
Malik: (crawls out from under the door) Oi!
Anzu: Why haven't you passed out yet?!
Jounouchi steps on Malik's head on his way to Yugi. Honda follows suit.
Jounouchi: Yugi! We have to get out of here! Our room was starting to get…freaky!
Yugi: What do you mean?
Disembodied voice: HA HA HA HA! It has begun! (voice echoes loudly and ominously through the halls)
Everyone: A-chan!
Anzu: Hey, what happened to the loudspeaker-voice?
Me: This one is eerier, don't you think? Echo… echo… echo…
Bakura: You're pathetic.
Me: DO NOT MOCK ME, MORTALS! I HAVE AN OMINOUS ECHO! Now… prepare to face your greatest fears! The longer you're trapped here, the more interesting it will get! Ha ha ha ha… (voice fades out).
Yugi: Jounouchi, what exactly happened?
Jounouchi: Ah, er, well…
Honda: This guy with out a head rode through the wall on a horse! Jounouchi freaked out.
Jounouchi: Hey, so did you!
Honda: Only because you jumped onto my head!
Anzu: Guys! Shut up! Jounouchi, everyone knows you're afraid of ghosts.
Jounouchi: What? That's not true!
Bakura: (sneaks up behind Jounouchi) Oh so?
Jounouchi: Waaaaaaaaah! (Grabs the nearest person, who turns out to be Kaiba.) Uh! (Let's go; mutual looks of disgust)
Anzu: (sigh) The point is, A-chan's going to try to play on our fears to make us desperate to leave. We have to find her before things get too bad.
Kaiba: How do you know she's even in this maze?
Bakura: Don't you know anything about spoof plotlines? We'll wander through the labyrinth until we find the "Boss Room" which will be heavily guarded with fire and swinging axes and the like, and then we'll make it in after some final trial that turns us all against each other, and we'll find A-chan inside this little white room and she'll say, "How did you get past my defenses?" although she obviously expected us to, because she'll have some final –
Yugi: Hey, don't give away the ending!
Bakura: Oh please. Well, if you people don't know your clichés, I'll just leave you to figure it out for yourselves (begins to walk away).
Malik: Get back here! (Gets up and jumps on Bakura. He loses his balance and they both fall to the ground).
Malik: If any of us's gonna get outta here we need t'stick together!
Bakura: (Shoves Malik away) What's your problem?!
Malik: You're the only one who knows what you're doing. (Whispers) Besides, you're the only one here who doesn't hate me!
Bakura: That'll change, if you attack me again. (Gets up and brushes himself off). Alright, fine. I can see that you need my amazing plot detection skills. Besides, in a fix there's always the alternative.
Yugi: The…
Bakura: I heard the announcement too. A-chan told us a way to get out.
Jounouchi: You're not seriously thinking of -
RRRRRRRRMMMMBLE!
The hallway shakes and stones start falling from the ceiling (convenient timing, neh?) Suddenly the floor crumbles inward and everyone falls into the void…
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This morning when I woke up for school I thought to myself, "Oh Ra, it's still dark outside!"
That's when you know you've been reading too much fanfiction!