TITLE: What you call a story.

NOTES: Little added on bits to give extra or additional information.



CHAPTER FOUR ~ Time to Lose

"Reason and desire - the two warring factions within our minds."

Jet Elhaz, scholar and philosopher

CY 2331

^~*~^

Harper's legs had taken it upon themselves to carry him back to the hotel. With three small needles in his pocket and a hell of a lot of monsters in his head, he made his way up to his room. He was no longer afraid of being alone, because in a few minutes he wouldn't care.

To Harper's dismay the corridor was not empty as he had hoped. Several people were standing outside of his room, including Dylan and Beka. They did not look pleased.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Beka said, predictably, when she saw him.

"Out for a walk, what's goin' on around here?" Harper replied, attempting to restore his 'I'm fine so stop asking' mask.

"We heard gunshots. They came from your room," Dylan said.

Harper thought fast. He was quite good at that. "Oh, uh....my gun malfunctioned and I couldn't get to sleep after that so I went out. And I didn't want to wake you guys, you know, what with the big trial and everything."

Beka studied the hyper engineer. He was up to something, she was sure of it. But he was okay, and that was the main thing. Now she was free to be angry. "What were we supposed to think? Huh? In case you don't remember, the last time I came to your room on an alien planet I found you half-dead."

"Well actually I don't remember that. Seeing as I was half-dead and all."

Harper was making jokes. Dylan took this as evidence that things were fine and dismissed the hotel manager and the security officers, and called Rommie back from her search.

Tyr made an appearance next. "The prodigal son returns," he said with disdain.

Harper sighed internally. He'd managed to cause trouble even when he wasn't there. Beka was mad, Dylan had been mounting a formulated search plan, Tyr was missing his beauty sleep and Rommie was on her way back from scouring the city for him. All that was missing was....

"What happened to you?" Trance wore her concerned face, highlighted perfectly with a sheen of hurt.

"I'm sorry, Trance," Harper told her sincerely. He was powerless to resist that face. Rather than bother trying to lie to her, he simply gave the truth, albeit an abridged version. "I'm really tired. Can we just forget this whole night ever happened and go to bed?"

Trance was far from satisfied, but Harper did look incredibly worn out, so she decided to let him sleep, and have a serious talk with him in the morning. The others went back to their rooms and the upheaval was over. Harper found himself once more, utterly alone. Once behind closed doors, he carefully unwrapped the three miniature syringes and laid them out on the table. Each contained a dose of HX-18, a derivation of Hexin, Harper's drug of choice back on Carna. It had been appropriately nicknamed 'Hex', because after one dose you would never be rid of its effects. According to the dealer, it was much purer than it had been six years ago, and this particular variety was supposed to make you forget your whole reality. Harper's reality definitely fell into that category.

But now he had attained the drug, a mist of doubt was cast onto his mind. After seeing his friends faces so full of worry (except Tyr's, naturally), how could he disappoint them again? He owed them so much. He didn't want them to meet the Seamus Harper who lived on Carna, doing anything for money to feed his habit, and this would lead him down that road for sure.

It was only a few doses, but that would only be the beginning, and the beginning was always easy. Harper took the syringes and put them on the floor. He stepped forward, intending to destroy them, and eliminate the temptation, until....

"Oh come on, you've come this far and you're chickening out now?"

Harper was no longer alone.

"Take the damn drug!" Lane urged. "Think about it. The only peace you've ever known was on Carna, with me. You can have that again."

"Why do you care if I'm at peace? I framed you for murder, then I got you killed!" Harper yelled back.

"True. But honestly, I'm getting really sick of all this moping around. I liked you much better when you were the pitiful junkie who only cared about where his next fix came from. This whole conscience thing doesn't really work for you."

That was it. Harper moved his foot down an inch lower, any more and there would be nothing but shards and a carpet-cleaning bill.

Lane seemed adamant to keep this from happening. "Alright, alright, I admit I don't have your best interests at heart, but there are other reasons not to destroy that stuff."

"Like what?" Harper challenged. He couldn't believe he was actually listening to a figment of his imagination, and considering letting her - it - change his mind. Maybe subconsciously he wanted his mind to be changed, but in the heat of the moment there was no time to go into psychiatry 101.

"Why don't you go and listen in on your friends. The Nietzchean is with Valentine. They're talking about you."

Harper couldn't subdue the human trait of curiosity, even though he knew any conservation about him which involved Tyr wasn't going to be a very positive one. It was Lane's smirk that made him open the door slightly. Harper wanted and needed to prove her wrong. Sure enough Tyr and Beka were standing down the corridor. They were arguing. Beka had her arms folded and was standing as if to say 'I'm right, you're wrong, and nothing is going to change my mind'. It looked like Tyr had been drawn into the argument unwillingly, but since he was there, he was going to prove his point. The rest of the hotel was deathly quiet, and Harper gradually tuned in to the sound of their voices.

"....because Harper actually has a conscience doesn't mean he's weak," Beka was saying.

Tyr was quick to counter her. "No, but trying to end ones own life does."

"Right, I forgot, you're Mister High-and-Mighty, judge, jury and executioner for the entire universe."

"You don't think suicide is weak? Would you ever consider it Captain Valentine?" Tyr asked, predicting the answer would be 'no'.

"I can't answer that. I didn't go through what Harper went through. And neither did you."

"Suicide solves nothing. It is an easy way out for a weak mind, not for the survivor I thought I knew."

"You never knew him at all."

"This conversation is pointless. Harper is still alive and everything is back to what could be termed as normal. I am going to bed. I suggest you do the same."

Beka slammed her door in reply and Tyr turned towards Harper, making him retreat into the darkness of his own room. Tyr's words had stung him deeply. Harper hadn't realised it before but Tyr's respect, what little of it he had gained, meant something to him and now it was gone. Beka's argument did little to soothe the hurt.

Harper's saddened eyes drifted across the floor and rested upon his last hope. His easy way out.

^~*~^

End of Chapter Four