The sewers belch me up
The heavens spit me out
From ethers tragic I am born again
And now I'm with you now
Inside your world of wow
To move in desires made of deadly pretends
Till the end times begin
Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour, I hold secrets flame
You can watch the world devoured in it's pain
Strange
~~
Smart looked up at the sky as it rumbled dangerously. A storm was brewing. Since she lived in Raven's mind like the other emotional fragments, that meant more than a coming downpour. A storm in Raven's mind meant that she was afraid, confused, and mad. It was the telltale sign of her emotions going past their preset boundaries.
"Wee~ee, a rain storm!!" Happy cheered. She spun around and sang a childish rhyme about rain as the first drops started to fall. The clouds shrouded he dark, frankensteinian castle where Raven's fragments lived. Happy danced on the turrets at the castle top to greet these clouds and the rain they shared.
Smart looked on sadly, then pulled her yellow hood firmly over her head to keep the rain from drenching her face and her thick glasses. A bolt of red lightning struck the horizon far away, and the resulting thunderclap echoed over them. A subsidiary bolt of steel gray lightning hit on the same horizon, resulting in yet another thunderbolt.
"Red symbolizes Father's anger," Brave noted solemnly as she watched the horizon with firm, unyielding eyes. "And gray symbolizes little Timid's fear. Raven must be feeling these emotions now."
Brave looked over at Smart, who had her head bowed to avoid the rain and to hide her expression from her wise sister.
"Raven is in trouble, isn't she. She wouldn't be afraid of a 'normal' super-villain."
Smart didn't answer. Brave took a few steps towards her and propped herself against the castle wall. Smart trembled underneath the falling rain, her personal emotions superseding her usually bright demeanor.
"You knew this would happen, didn't you," Brave said grimly.
Smart gasped tearfully, but managed to suppress most of her weeping. "Pigeon. Raven... is the most important thing in the world to me! As her superego, I feel like I am Raven's guardian – her mother. I only want the best for her. I wanted her to be free..."
The thunder rolled above. Happy greeted the natural roar with a childish roar of her own. She whooped and challenged the sky to a yelling contest in her own, peculiar manner. She was unaware of the solemn conversation going on between her two sisters.
Brave knelt in the rain in front of Smart. "Why did you lie to Raven about her strength?"
"It wasn't a lie! At least..." Smart looked up, her eyes streaming with tears that stood out even amongst the rain drops that managed to splash on her face. Brave looked into her eyes, calm as always. This gave Smart the strength she needed to speak of her sin.
**flashback**
"Draw straws. It's the only fair way to do it."
"Good idea." Raven jumped up to go break the news. Quickly she turned and ran over to hug Smart. She didn't hug people in real life, but here she didn't have to worry about hiding her feelings as much. And such news deserved a hug. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me. Thank you." Raven nodded happily and ran out of the room to find the others. Smart watched her leave with a satisfied grin.
Follow her.
Smart stood up, the smile on her face not leaving for an instant, and followed her happy counterpart out of the room. Soon, she and the other spirits would get a chance to see the real world. And if all went well, they'd all be reunited and become one real person again. The thought of such a joyous occasion was staggering.
She just hoped that everything would be okay.
Everything will be okay. I promise.
**end flashback**
"Recently, I have taken it upon myself to try and... counsel, our wayward sister," Smart said. She delicately rubbed away the tears beneath her eyes. "I have spoken with Anger on occasion, to find out how much of her is Trigon, and how much of her is Pigeon."
Brave frowned. "You let 'Him' get to you."
"I had only the best intentions!" Smart said in her defense. "Anger seemed so docile, so weak, and her comments about Raven's strength made sense to me. I truly felt that dear Raven was strong enough to conquer her father's ghost."
"That is His way," Brave said. "His words always sound innocent and truthful. But they ultimately serve his purposes."
Smart gasped fitfully as sadness overtook her. "I'm so sorry... I did not mean for this to happen. I was afraid of what might happen, but I truly believed..."
Brave put her hand on her sister's shoulder. "You did what you thought was right. There's no reason to apologize." She stood up and turned to face the distant storm that signified Raven's confusion. The red lightning bolts were becoming more and more frequent. Trigon's influence was spreading, both inside Raven and outside in the real world.
"We have to fix this, though" Brave said, her eyes not showing any fear, or any doubt. "Before Trigon is ressurected. We cannot kill him, but we can weaken and entrap him again."
Smart looked up at her sister. Brave sounded so calm, yet the situation was so grim. "But... how? He is free of our prison."
"I don't know. But we'll find a way. We have to. Because nobody else can stop Him but us."
~~
Raven flew across the skies of San Francisco as fast as she could manage. At the same time, Raven watched the skies above. They rumbled menacingly with an impending storm. Black clouds buried the city in darkness, and the skies behind the clouds took on a reddish hue as if the sun were on the verge of rising, even though it was mid-morning. Raven felt the taint of evil in the air. And for once, it wasn't her own, inherent darkness that she felt.
"Something is making its presence known," Raven noted thoughtfully. "And it feels familiar. But, it can't be him."
"What makes you so sure, Lame-oid?" Gross said, always helpful. "Dad ain't exactly one of your Mumbo Jumbo loser-villains. He's a planet-killer."
"He died shortly after he attacked Azarath," Raven said. "Even in death, he's a menace to the universe. But he shouldn't be able to manifest like this. If he died in an astral battle, his link to the physical world was severed. He can't become a ghost or possess anyone without a link."
Raven frowned. "So this feeling... it must be something else. Another demon, perhaps."
"I don't know," Gross said. "And I don't really care. If Dad wants to take over the universe, that's fine with me. I mean, we're his daughter. He'll probably make us Queen of the world."
Raven stopped in mid-flight. Gross' spiritual self appeared a few feet in front of her as Raven brought her full consciousness to bear. "How can you be so uncaring!? Don't you care what happens to anyone besides yourself!?"
"Oh, look whose talking!" Gross shot back. "I'm you, remember? Why should I care about anyone? People don't care about anyone but themselves!"
"That's not true."
"Oh yeah!" Gross snapped. "Prove it!"
Raven blushed slightly, but remained firm in her conviction. "I care about Beast Boy!"
Gross made a buzzer noise. "ENNH! Wrong! You don't care about him – you NEED him! You only want him because he actually treated you like a normal person, for a little while. You want him because you can't live without that feeling. You're selfish!"
"I-!" Raven tried to protest. "I..."
Gross smirked in a cocky manner. "Remember the dream that started this whole thing? That dream where you and little B-Boy go to the aquarium together? Like a normal couple?"
Raven remembered it vividly. She remembered feeling so disgusted with the dream, at least on the surface. Deep in her heart, she knew the dream made her feel good. It gave her hope. She never admitted it to herself until now.
"You don't love Beast Boy," Gross said, her words stinging like a wasp's needle. "You CAN'T love Beast Boy. You're a blank slate, remember? You stuck us emotions in that rat hole you call a subconscience and left us there to rot, because Dad can use that to corrupt and enslave you. Very noble and all, but it rules out any RELATIONSHIP you might imagine having."
"No!" Raven shouted. It was all she could think to say.
"Think of it this way, 'sister'," Gross said. "He's like a pet dog. You need him for support and to give your pathetic life meaning in the place of real relationships. But you can't fall in love with him. And he can't fall in love with you. Because you're not the same as him. He's human, and you're not."
Raven's eyes watered as she listened. She couldn't break her gaze with Gross, nor could she shut her eyes and block out her cruel words. Gross was inside her, an unbreakable part of her. Raven was basically telling herself the "truth" that part of her had known all along. She wasn't human – not really.
"That's why I act the way I do," Gross said, a bit more calmly now that she'd gotten her point across. "You may think I'm lewd, crude, and disgusting. But at least I know who and what I am, and I can accept it."
Gross glared at Raven, who was still on the verge of tears. "Those tears are your human side's attempt to be normal. But deep inside... you don't feel a thing. You're a blank slate. A shadow."
Raven tried to prove her wrong. She tried – she ORDERED herself – to cry. The tears dangled precariously at the edge of her eyes, but they never fell. She just didn't feel sad. Only cold, empty... and angry. That emotion was the only one she could feel, and it was the one that inevitably brought out Father's evil inside her.
Gross scratched herself unceremoniously. "Pain and Hatred knew this. That's why they went with Anger when she escaped."
Raven's gaze jerked up. "What!?"
"They left when you were giving Timid her turn," Gross smirked. "You had to let your barriers down to give us our turns with your body. 'Anger' couldn't escape by herself, but Pain and Hatred were more than enough help for Him to leave."
"You knew about this!?" Raven yelled. "Whose side are you on!? If this world dies and Father takes control of me, you'll disappear too!"
Gross frowned slightly. "Life's a bitch, then you die. Besides... I'd rather disappear into Father's evil than spend another day in that stuffy castle. I want out. I can't live like this no more. And neither can the others."
Raven felt anxiety building up in her chest. Every facet of her soul – Smart, Timid, Happy, all the others – wanted to escape the dreary existence that Raven had forced on herself, to prevent Trigon from using her as a tool for His evil. But she'd suppressed herself for so long, that her own soul betrayed her. Anger only had to call on her negative selves, and they was enough to shatter her defenses completely.
Raven had failed her life's mission.
"That presence you're feeling is Trigon," Gross said somberly. "The fragment of his life essence that exists inside you – our sister Anger – escaped and possessed one of your friends. I think you can guess who that is."
Raven shut her eyes in a vain attempt to ignore those words. But they conjured up an image of the one who could bring light to her life – the light she wanted so desperately. Beast Boy...
"Father will use your friends as sacrifices in a ritual to bring His main body to this world and reunite with it. And you know what'll happen after that."
Raven couldn't even look up. In her dejected state of hopelessness, she couldn't even contemplate the horror that would come after Trigon arrived in this world. No force, superhero or otherwise, could stop him. He was a god of darkness – the source of evil in hundreds of dimensions. There was no force that could stop him. The last force that faced his full power – 'God' – died to save the universe. Now, because of Raven's selfishness, that sacrifice would be for naught.
The universe, her friends, and her light, would all be snuffed out because of her foolish desire to be like everyone else. Her selfishness had doomed them all.
"So. What are you going to do?" Gross faded from view, and disappeared into Raven's subconsciousness to return to the castle. Raven was left all alone. She was crushed under the weight of Gross' revelations. The old adage about the truth hurting was never truer than it was now.
~~
Starfire awoke with her arms and legs tied at the wrists and ankles, respectively. She struggled with the mundane ropes to break free, but she was surprised to find that they didn't break even with her superhuman strength. Starfire called some of her star energy into her hand and tried to burn through the rope binding her wrists, but again nothing happened. She eventually gave up and extinguished the flame around her hand.
"Don't bother," Beast Boy said, his voice deeper than usual but still having that young, almost gentle tone the Titans associated with him. Starfire looked to her side, where she saw Beast Boy tying Robin's arms and legs in the same way hers were tied. A quick check revealed that Cyborg and Terra were in tied up as well nearby. She seemed to be the only one conscious at the moment. She could still feel the sting of Beast Boy's kick on her cheek.
"Those ropes are enchanted by an indestructibility spell," Beast Boy said, waltzing over to kneel beside the bound alien. "Nothing except magic can break these ropes now. And I'm afraid that your magician won't be much help to you."
"Where is Raven!" Starfire demanded. "What have you done with her!"
"She is on her way," Beast Boy said. He ran the back of his hand along Starfire's cheek mockingly. She glared bravely at him, not giving him the pleasure of seeing her disgust. "She will no doubt be here soon to save you all. Or at least attempt to. But if she were smart, she would stay away." His hand trailed across Starfire's chest in an attempt to provoke a reaction from her, but again she remained cold.
"You are most assuredly not my friend," Starfire said. "Beast Boy would never hurt his friends."
"Quite right. It's hard enough shutting him up now." The teen flicked his finger, extending a single feline claw and tracing the tip of it just above Starfire's top and beneath her neck. "If it means anything to you, he's the hardest possession I've had to maintain. He doesn't know what is going on, yet he feels that his friends are in danger and he fights. He must really care about these children."
"We are a family," Starfire said coldly. "That is why Raven will defeat you. She loves us all."
"...So you say." Beast Boy pressed hard into Starfire's neck, breaking the skin and drawing blood from the nail-sized wound. Starfire grimaced slightly from the sudden pain. Beast Boy drew his finger to his mouth and licked the traces of blood from it. He then flexed the finger, returning it to normal. "That would be surprising. Raven knows better than to trust people who claim to be her friends. One day, you'll leave her all alone, just like the people of Azarath did." He chuckled in amusement.
Starfire remembered her vision of the future – when the Titans battled a villain named Warp who could travel through time with a special suit. During that battle, Starfire traveled twenty years into the future and saw a dark, unfriendly world where her friends had grown distant from each other, and ended up totally alone and sad. Raven, in particular, had lost her sense of love and friendship because her trust in her friends had been betrayed. She'd been alone, and unable to experience happiness. It was one of the saddest things Starfire had ever seen in her young life.
And this villain thought it was amusing.
Starfire growled angrily and shot a pair of star-lasers from her eyes, not carrying that this enemy looked like one of her beloved friends. The energy flashed right in front of her as it hit her target dead-on. The smoke from the attack cleared, revealing Beast Boy completely whole, his hand held up to intercept the attack. Considering the attack was less than two feet away and faster than the speed of sound, his reflexes were amazingly quick.
"You should be careful," Beast Boy taunted as he stood up. "This body is a loaner, after all." He chuckled and walked to the center of the group. Starfire noted with surprise that at this point, it looked like her friends were lined up in a pattern of some sort... like points in a circle or some other shape, surrounding the place where Beast Boy stood.
"The pentagram will be completed with this body," he said, extending a claw from his fingertip once again. "With five superhumans as sacrifices, I can ressurect myself and regain my true power." He drew the claw across Beast Boy's palm, drawing blood easily. He rubbed that blood against the floor, then moved to each unconscious Titan in turn and pricked a portion of their skin, only to transfer it into the center of the pentagram. When he reached Starfire, Beast Boy sat on her stomach and smiled at her. She glared angrily back at him just before he placed his hands on her neck and squeezed gently to draw another trickle of blood from her prior wound. He chuckled and walked over to place it in the center.
"Now, for the final touch." He began to say several words in a language that Starfire didn't understand. Five globes of red light flowed from the blood in the pentagram and floated up above Beast Boy's head. These five globes then sent magical lines of light between each other to form a smaller pentagram in the air. This pentagram grew and expanded before disappearing into the roof and merging with it. Now, there were two pentagrams vertically adjacent to each other, trading wisps of light as energy flowed back and forth.
"Now, we let it simmer for ten minutes or so," Beast Boy joked as he stepped aside to admire his handiwork. "When the pentagrams finish drawing energy from the city's evil underbelly, the ritual will sacrifice the five bodies bound to it in blood. My body will be reborn, and I will reduce this universe to ashes in celebration of my return to greatness."
"N~no!" Starfire growled. She struggled fiercely with her bonds, but no amount of struggling could free her. As the malevolent entity said, these ropes were beyond her ability to break.
"Sit back and relax," Beast Boy said with an evil smile. "Just be glad that you won't survive to see this world, when I'm through toying with it."
Starfire looked at the pentagram above as it shined like an aurora. Raven... please hurry.
~~
Gross returned to the castle den and immediately plopped on one of the chairs in a lazy fashion. The fire warmed her spiritual body to the core, relieving her of the chill that filled it thanks to the cold rain caused by Raven's torment. The spirit lolled her head back and stared at the ceiling, thinking about what she'd told her "sister" and how much it had disturbed her.
** You can't fall in love with him. And he can't fall in love with you. Because you're not the same as him. He's human, and you're not. **
** Deep inside... you don't feel a thing. You're a blank slate. A shadow. **
** I'd rather disappear into Father's evil than spend another day in that stuffy castle. I want out. **
Out... she'd been out for less than an hour. But she loved the short time she'd been free to do what she wanted, with people who weren't merely reflections of her inner self. It was like a child first experiencing kindergarten with other children, after spending years playing with nothing but dolls and family members. It was a magical feeling to see something outside yourself. And it was all so... beautiful.
She wouldn't get to see it ever again, if Trigon had his way. Even if Raven subdued him somehow, she would just be stuck in this castle again. No matter which side won, she wouldn't get to see the outside world again. She was trapped.
Pain and Hatred had done the right thing to leave Raven's mind with Trigon. By helping him, they were sure to get their own bodies and serve Father in his conquests. They would have to destroy worlds upon worlds for him, but they would at least be free to do what they wanted. And they would get to meet lots of interesting people before they killed them. Gross would've gone with them... but she couldn't drop that feeling of concern festering inside her. She didn't want to leave without Raven and the other sisters.
"Raven is.... hurting," said a soft-spoken voice. Gross looked up (which brought her eyes lower since she was practically leaning off the seat arm). She saw an upside-down Timid clutching a book to her chest and shaking nervously as usual.
"Yeah, she's whining because she finally realizes the truth," Gross said, picking her nose and flicking the booger into the fire. "She understands why she can't ever have ol' B-boy."
Timid frowned at that. "What makes her... think so?"
"I reminded her of what she was." Gross flipped so that she was lying on her stomach and over the arm of her seat. "She's the daughter of the Devil. And she's a wizard that is not allowed to feel emotions for a reason. She's realizing that this is all her fault."
Timid walked over and sat on her knees beside the chair. "It isn't... it is our fault. We wished for this, not her."
"We are her, remember? She's spent so much time with "normal" people that she became self-conscious about her lack of feelings. When you try to "fit in", you'll always end up in trouble."
"I... wish I could help her," Timid said sadly, clutching her book even tighter. "I feel how sad she is..."
"She can't, feel, sad," Gross muttered.
"Then... what am I feeling?" Timid challenged.
Gross slowly folded her arms beneath her chin. "Look, mouse. You're what Raven would've been if she let herself feel sadness during her life. Raven is incapable of feeling sad, because she put all of that emotional energy into you. And while you're in this castle with the rest of us, Raven can't feel sad. Get it?"
"That's... not true," Timid said. "Raven is sad, right now. I know she is. And she has been happy even when our sister was here. And she's been brave, too."
"False emotions," Gross answered. "People can pretend to be happy, or brave, or sad. But that doesn't mean they are. People pretend to feel these things because they feel like they have to, or else they're weird. Raven's always been in denial. That's all."
Timid shook her head violently and shouted in protest. "No!" It was the loudest she'd ever been in her life – almost as loud as Starfire speaking normally. Timid opened her treasured memory book to a page marked BIRTHDAY. "See...?"
Gross looked at the page. There was a picture at the head of the page, playing a scene from Raven's viewpoint. It was her dark, lonely room, where she was performing a private séance to search for the soul of one David Forscheimer, who'd been killed in a gang fight and was the key witness to finding a villain trying to bring a drug called Soul to the city. As Raven searched with her mind, her eyes viewed nothing but the opposite wall in a dazed stare. Beneath the picture was a script of the words said in this scene, and who said them. Gross followed along with the picture's movie.
** Playing... **
"Happy Birth-day, to you... Happy Birth-day, to you... Happy Birth-day dear Ray-Ray..."
"Go away," Raven snapped to her door, where Beast Boy sang off-key to his heart's content. Raven reminded herself to reprimand Starfire for revealing her birth date to him.
"Ha~ppy Bi~rthday... to~oo... yo~oooou! AND MANY MORE!"
"Go, away," Raven said again through clenched teeth. "I'm busy."
"Too busy for german chocolate cake?"
Raven gasped gently at that. That was her favorite flavor. Again, he must've fished that information from Starfire. Or he had the best intuition in the world, which was highly unlikely given his supremely low-brow nature.
"...Make it quick," Raven muttered. She projected a thought to the door, unlocking it with a quick series of telekinetic button presses. The door slid open automatically, and Beast Boy sauntered in with two small servings of cake, each carrying a lit candle and some utensils. He strutted over to the bed where Raven was meditating, and tried to sit casually without dropping either cake. He managed to do so, but ended up looking like a fool.
"So you're a full-blown woman now, eh?" Beast Boy teased. "Four~teen years old. Wow!"
"... No big deal," Raven said. She picked up one of the plates and a fork to slowly eat her slice. "Just another year down the road towards death."
"Is that how you really feel?" Beast Boy frowned. "That's depressing even for you."
"If you only knew," she answered before taking a bite and savoring the taste of the german chocolate flavor before swallowing her piece. Visibly she was as calm as ever, but internally she felt wonderful as could be. "With the way my life is going... it's just a matter of time before I finally find peace in the grave."
Beast Boy eyed her skeptically. "You always get like this after you read your door jams."
"They're books, not door jams. And they're very informative."
"I don't care," Beast Boy said. "The fact of the matter is that you always read those books about philosophy and psychology and spiritualism and all that other crud, and it always gets you so depressed that even the nutcases down at your coffee shop think your dreary. That's why the joker with the black hair and the 'Everything's-pointless' line stopped hanging out with you."
Raven glowered at that comment. "My business with Jeffrey is none of your concern. And I can read what I want to read."
"That's fine, just take it with a pound of salt for crying out loud!" Beast Boy glowered. "Listen..." He suddenly put his cake aside and grabbed Raven's shoulders, pulling her face close to his so they were staring eye-to-eye. Raven was startled by the close contact enough to drop her cake onto his plate, leaving a messy mush behind.
"Now, repeat after me," he said. "I, am, happy."
"But, I'm not-" Raven started. Beast Boy put his finger on her lips to shut her up.
"Bull. Whenever we're playing our video games and you're reading your book, I can see you smiling. You act like everything irritates you, but deep down, you love to be here just like the rest of us."
Raven could tell from Beast Boy's eyes that he was adamant about this. It's as if her sadness was making him angry... or making him sad as well. Why did he feel that he had to correct it?
In any case, though... he was right. Living here in the Tower with the others made her happy. She just couldn't show it.
Beast Boy removed his finger from her lips. "Now, repeat after me. I, am, happy."
"I, am... happy." Raven heard the words coming from her mouth, but she couldn't believe that she'd said them. And in her heart, she felt a warmth that confirmed the truth of those words. She really was happy with her life. Even with everything that had happened to her, and would happen to her, she was happy now. And she wanted to be with her friends forever to keep it that way.
"Once more," Beast Boy said, still only an inch or two away from her face. Raven's body was nowhere near as tense as it was at the beginning though. Now, Raven was almost leaning into Beast Boy instead of freezing up like a scared raccoon.
"I, am, happy." Raven said the words with more conviction this time.
"Louder!" Beast Boy commanded.
"I am happy!" Raven shouted, caught up in the moment despite herself.
"Again!!"
"I am happy!"
"Now kiss me!" he yelled. Before she could react, Beast Boy leaned forward and planted a big one on the violet-eyed mystic with all the falsified passion of a cheap soap opera actor. Only a second into the kiss, Raven realized what she was doing and pushed him away with all her strength.
"BLAGH!" Raven snarled. She wiped her mouth and spat repeatedly as if she'd been kissed by a dog. "What the hell was that!!?"
"Happy Birthday!" Beast Boy teased. He turned into a kangaroo and hopped out the door at break-neck speed, deftly hopping over and under Raven's telekinetic blasts like a cartoon character avoiding a shotgun. Raven's door slid shut, but not before she blew a hole through it in her attempt to disable Beast Boy. The green goofball escaped completely unharmed.
Raven sat back in her bed and continued to wipe her mouth in disgust. Finally, she sat there and simply breathed her anger... or what she thought was anger. She hated the fact that Beast Boy had not only forced her to drop her Gothic demeanor, but managed to get a kiss from her as well.
But deep down, in that warm spot still inside her heart, she felt something else entirely. Raven felt that warmth in her lips, leftover from the brief contact with Beast Boy. She slowly reached up and touched her lips, to feel that warmth and remember it.
To Beast Boy it had been a joke. But to her, it was a sign of his devotion to his friends. He cared about her, as a fellow Titan, and as a human being.
Her life wasn't as bad as she'd thought.
** End Movie **
Gross shut the book slowly, stunned by what she'd seen. Was that really Raven she'd seen? She saw... she felt... what Raven was feeling during that event of her life. That memory book had forced her to see a side of Raven that she – nor the other negative spirits – had ever seen before. She'd seen Raven in her normal capacity, rather than as the domineering magician who kept all her emotions trapped in a cold and lonely castle.
"I think it's like... something Smart said." Timid's cheeks were blushing red from the heated scene she'd just watched. But she wasn't without sense. "Raven and Starfire are friends, but they are different. Starfire is an extro... extra... one of those people who can express emotions really easily. But Raven is purposely the opposite."
Gross looked down at Timid, surprised at what the meek little child was saying.
"Just because Raven isn't allowed to show her emotions... and just because she has to control them with magic and meditation... doesn't mean that she doesn't feel them," Timid said gently, trying not to speak boldly. "Raven has so many feelings... she just didn't want to show them. She didn't even know how, until we "joined" her in the real world. And because of us, the bad man escaped."
Gross frowned. "Timid..."
"So please don't be mad at her," she said in closing. "And don't say mean things to her like 'she isn't human'. Because she is. She's just... special."
Timid's cheeks turned pinker as she thought of the green-eyed Titan who'd slept beside her in her period of turmoil the other night. "And I think that Beast Boy feels that, too."
Gross cradled the memory book and sadly ran a hand along its cover, titled by the date these series of memories were made. "Then... everything I said to her was... wrong?"
The thunder pealed as both spirits felt a strong presence suddenly enter the room. Timid and Gross looked at the entrance with a start to see Brave, standing there in a soaked robe and with a calm, yet dangerously annoyed expression on her face.
"What DID you say to her, exactly," she asked slowly. "'Dear' sister."
Gross gulped deeply. This wasn't going to be pretty.
~~
Raven perched atop an old, hollow cathedral trapped in the middle of a rundown portion of San Francisco's pre-renovation zone. Someday this holy place would be torn down in favor of yet another shopping mall, or more housing for the city's ever-growing population. But for now, it served as a symbol of hope and a haven from darkness for the poor, homeless wretches that population this area. It was a place for people, buildings, and memories that didn't belong anymore. That ambient feeling was what drew Raven here to think.
She's right, Raven thought pitifully. ...I'm right. I'm not human. I never was.
Raven's weary head rolled against the worn cross of the lifeless cathedral. Raven had never been in a "real" church before – it didn't fit her Gothic lifestyle and certainly not her beliefs. But she'd always imagined that if she ever touched holy ground or saw a cross in a preacher's determined hands, she'd burn like a vampire did in those cheesy horror movies from long ago. She was one of Trigon's children, after all. She was a part of the cancer he sought to infect the universe with. She was evil.
Raven tried to cry. She wanted to cry, because she'd seen Starfire do it many times when she was really sad, or really happy. Either way, the emotion would go away after a "good cry". Raven wanted, more than anything, to get rid of these emotions that trapped her and doomed her friends. She didn't want to feel all this pain in her heart, and all the love that caused it. She just wanted to cry and make them all go away.
But nothing happened.
Raven sighed, and curled her legs beneath her robe as the clouds above roared with thunder and began their downpour. As the droplets of rain hit the earth and the buildings that covered it like a pox, Raven decided that this was the end of it all. There wasn't anything she could do to stop her father once he was free. So why bother trying?
They probably... already know the truth now, Raven thought, remembering her friends. They probably hate me for what I've done. I can't face them now. Raven raised her head, her eyes closed as she struggled with her thoughts. I'm all alone. And the world will die, just like... my home.
Amongst all the raindrops that splattered on Raven's face, one lonely tear fell down her cheek. Raven focused on that single tear, and conjured up many more with her feelings of sadness. All the hopelessness and guilt she felt in her heart boiled to the surface as a few stray tears and short, fitful gasps. She let her feelings flow. There was no reason to hide them anymore.
"So you're just going to sit there and cry?" Raven looked up to see a green-robed copy of herself, floating in front of her as an invisible, intangible presence. Brave's voice echoed in her mind as a telepathic thought with the force of her spirit behind it.
"What else can I do?" Raven shot back. "He's unstoppable. The only force that could stop him... died in the same battle. We're nothing."
"We've stopped him from escaping our mind once before," Brave said. "With the help of Cyborg and Beast Boy."
"That's different," Raven said sadly. "He wasn't 'free', then."
"So you're not even going to try?" Brave snapped.
"Why bother," Raven said, her shoulders sagging and her eyes staring at the distant earth below. It would be so easy to just let go of this cross and fall to the earth without stopping. That way, she wouldn't have to see her world die and her friends suffer because of her mistake. "...There's nothing I can do. And my friends are sure to hate me now. They'll know that Trigon is here because of me."
Brave's hand glowed with black light as she called on her own magical abilities, and she gave Raven a resounding backhand across the cheek. Raven nearly fell from the top of the cathedral from the force of the attack, but she managed to invoke her flying ability to keep herself from falling. She hovered in mid-air, rubbing her now-red cheek angrily.
"Gross put the idea in your head that you're destined to be alone," Brave said. "Well get over it. Gross doesn't know jack about you. She's know better than you at realizing who you are."
"And you think YOU do?" Raven growled, her eyes still brimming with tears despite anger being her dominant emotion now. "Without you and the others I'm nothing! Nothing! Beast Boy knew it and left me out to dry!"
"Wrong on both counts, kid," Brave said impudently. Raven gasped at her claim. She wasn't just saying it to win the argument – she really meant it.
"How can you say that?" Raven said. "It's true... I'm nothing without you guys. A blank slate, remember?"
"The person who coined that 'blank slate' term is you, not me," Brave said. "You say that you're nothing without us, but it's exactly the opposite. We couldn't exist today without all that emotion burning in your heart right now."
Raven's eyes widened. "Wh... what?"
"You're really stupid, you know that?" Brave slammed her verbally. "You get annoyed when Cyborg forgets to make you tea. That's emotion. You get angry when Terra says a snide comment behind your back. That's emotion. You get goosebumps when Beast Boy hides from Robin behind your robe. THAT's emotion!"
"B-but..." Raven stuttered.
"Your magic separates you and your feelings, but that doesn't mean that you don't feel them. It's like a car with an engine that has no wires. Even though the car can't start and is dead to the world, that engine still burns with power. You have more emotion than Starfire and the other Titans put together. You just can't show it because your 'heartstrings' don't pull at your mind the same way theirs do."
Raven slowly looked down at her hand, which she placed over her heart residing in her chest. "I... have that much... inside me?"
"You do," Brave said. "Trigon feeds off of emotion, but only if it's shown. If it's sitting smack dab in the middle of your face. As long as your mind and your heart are separate like they're supposed to be, Trigon is weak. But that doesn't mean that your life lacks all feeling. You've known it all along, but you've been too short-sighted to admit it."
Raven's lips curled into a small, almost invisible smile. It was the best she could manage. "Then, I really do care about Beast Boy? I'm not just using him?"
Brave smirked. "You and Terra are pumping on all cylinders. The only difference is that you can't laugh at his jokes or smile at his comments. But you don't have to do all that to show your love for him. Like magic, love is invisible and all-powerful. It doesn't need to be seen to be known about."
Raven felt her heart beating like a kettle drum. She felt like she was about to explode from all these bottled up feelings of joy. And at the same time, she couldn't believe that she was actually feeling that joy in the first place. Her face was gentle, and she couldn't yell at the top of her lungs like Starfire would in the same situation. But it was there. And now, when it was at its strongest, could she really see it.
"That's why Beast Boy is so popular with the ladies," Brave said in conclusion. "He may not be the suavest guy in the world. But he can see into your soul as if you were naked from the skin down. He knows how you feel Raven. He and all the other Titans. They're just waiting for you to realize that 'feeling' and 'showing' aren't the same thing. It's okay to be happy."
Raven thought about all the times she'd watched her friends, from a distance, playing games and having fun. She always felt like she was an outsider. But that was only because she felt like she couldn't join in. She thought that if she did, Trigon would feed off of it, and escape. But Raven didn't have to isolate herself. She was allowed to be happy, in her own quiet way.
"I'm allowed, to be happy..." Raven said to herself.
"Say the words," Brave demanded. "Say them like you mean them."
Raven smiled. "I, am, happy! And I'm not going to let ANYONE take that away from me!"
Brave grinned back. "Then let's go and kick Dad's ass." The spirit shot into Raven's body and joined her in the forefront as the other emotions had done before. Raven and Brave united into one and shared the reins. What was once a suppressed feeling of courage and conviction now overflowed into legendary determination. Raven was now fearless.
"I'm coming you guys!" she shouted into the night. Raven shot through the skies as lightning struck in the distance. She flew through the rain, her robe flapping like the cape of Superman himself. Raven was determined to win this fight, and not even the Devil Himself would stop her now.