Disclaimer (CMA): The characters and settings used in this story are the property of their respective owners. They are used here without permission, but with no malicious or libelous intent. The author receives no compensation for this work aside from peer reviews.
just an ordinary day
just tryin' to get by
Just a boy
just an ordinary boy
but he was looking to the sky…"
—Ordinary Day, Vanessa Carlton
It seemed like it was going to be. Just an ordinary day, that is. With some soft music in the background, Nabiki Tendo was quite comfortable just laying in bed and reading a manga. She had opened the window to let in some fresh air, and as an added bonus, a pair of bluebirds had perched on the sill to announce the approaching summer heat. Outside, the koi swam contentedly in their pond, and a calico cat had taken to the wall, eyeing them hungrily. All in all, a very peaceful day.
It is a widely known fact that, at the Tendo household, this is about as far from ordinary as one could get.
Nabiki was hardly one to complain, however; this kind of peace and quiet wasn't something she got often, and she'd be damned if she was going to take it for granted. Besides which, she had finished with the family ledger not too long ago, and was, despite her affinity for money, rather tired of dealing with it at the moment. If it weren't for those freeloading Saotomes, we might be a hundred thousand yen in the black, she griped. All this was to say nothing of her father's particularly expensive drinking habit. It also quickly became moot.
"Ranma! Akane! Nabiki! Lunch is ready!" Kasumi called from the kitchen downstairs. Nabiki yawned and stretched, then got to her feet and plodded into the hall. On her way, she passed the Saotomes' room, where Ranma sat on the floor, staring out the window.
"Hey, Ranma. Lunch," she reminded him, poking her head in to catch his attention. It didn't work. "Ranma! Hey, you awake in there?"
He turned around, and giving her a look that she couldn't quite place—something between anger and… mirth?—he stood up and followed her down the stairs.
Once the family was gathered in the dining room, and Kasumi had served everyone the meal, Nabiki watched Ranma cautiously. Something was wrong with this picture. One: Ranma hadn't so much as talked to Akane, much less insulted her; hell, he'd barely talked to anyone. Two: He wasn't eating nearly as quickly as he usually did—she could actually see the food on its way to his mouth. Three (and most disturbing of all): he still had that look of maniacal glee pasted on his face. No, it wasn't disturbing: it was nauseating. He was grinning like (pun intended, she thought with a chuckle) a chesire cat, down to the mischievous glint in his eyes.
It seemed, strangely enough, as though no one else had even noticed his drastic change in behavior. True, other than that look, the difference was welcome; no insults meant no fighting, meant no escalating into a neighborhood free-for-all with skyrocketing property damage. Still, it was beginning to scare her. Scratch that; nothing scares Nabiki Tendo. But if she had been someone besides Nabiki Tendo, she would most certainly be scared.
Then Ranma exploded.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" chorused the assembled group—save Ranma, and of course Kasumi, who only managed an "Oh, my." Everyone scurried away from the chunks of meat that flew out, hiding behind couches, tables, or anything else big enough to protect them. Where Ranma had stood, was now an eight-foot-high, scaly creature, with about five dozen tentacles and teeth longer than a steak knife—and twice as sharp. A classic horror-movie extra-terrestrial if you ever saw one, it was; the only obvious difference being that it was flourescent pink—not a very monstrous color. Its voice was a different story.
"GWAHAHAHAHA! At last, I have successfully invaded the Earth!" it cried in a rasping, throaty growl. That is to say, it sounded like it was suffering from influenza and a brain tumor at the same time. Positively monstrous.
Akane was the first to recover from the shock. Her recovery took the form of a blue haze around her arms and head. "What… the hell… have you done… to RANMA?!" she forced out, the haze bursting into royal-blue flames and lighting the entire room. "You… YOU KILLED HIM!"
The creature looked confused; a very surrealistic thing to see. "I killed who? I didn't kill anybody. Well, not yet."
Akane's battle aura blinked out. She was dumbfounded. Mostly by the calm, controlled manner in which the monster spoke, but also to some extent by his claim that he hadn't killed the young man who a moment prior had been standing in that exact spot but had since exploded into chunks of meat.
"Oh, ya mean my disguise? That's one of your friends, huh? Hell, I just saw some guy walking down the street, and I thought to myself, 'y'know, that guy would make a good disguise.' So I made myself a copy and used it as a disguise. No clue where the real guy is."
Akane was still dumbfounded. Mostly by the calm, controlled, and now rather colloquial manner in which the monster spoke, but also to some extent by his claim that not only had he not killed Ranma, he didn't know where Ranma was at all. She began, once more, to get angry. "Then you sure as hell better find him, you—"
*BAM*
The shoji slid open with a bang, and a very wet, very cute, and very pissed Ranma-chan Saotome stomped into the room and finished Akane's sentence.
"—bastard! Whaddya think yer doin', knockin' me in the damned canal, can'tcha look where yer goin' next time?!" He—uh, she slowly realized just who the brunt of his shouting was, and—
"JEEZ! Ain't it bad enough that people gotta be jerks, now all o' you aliens gotta come down ta Earth an' be jerks, too?"
"Unfortunately, it happens all too often, Mr. Saotome. If you would," said a figure from behind Ranma, motioning for him to step aside. Now in as much shock as Akane before him, Ranma did so. The figure, who appeared to be an American man in his late forties, strode calmly into the room, followed by another man. Both were clad in midnight black suits with a black shirt and tie, and, to complete the ensemble, each wore a pair of mirrored black Ray-Bans.
"'Kay now, Murray, lessee… violation of landing permits, illegal dispensation of thermo-transcorporeal substances, releasing extra-terrestrial technology without a license, and now, resisting arrest, of all things… damn, man, you've got a record goin', don'tcha," said the second man, a thirty-something African-American with a buzz cut and an earring.
"We're gonna have to have a niiiice, loooong talk with you back at headquarters," he continued, leveling something small and shiny at the creature—who, it seemed, was known as 'Murray.' "Now, I don't wanna have to use this, so just come with us nicely, got it?" Needless to say, Murray got it.
"He's just a class G, Jay; why'd you even bother bringing the Cricket?"
"Kay, my man, size ain't everything. Plus I always feel better bringin' a gun along, you know that."
"Excuse me, sirs," Kasumi interrupted, getting a surprised look from the older man. "Excuse me, but we don't allow those sort of weapons in the house. If you don't mind, could you do this outside?"
Kay paused for a moment, waiting for his translator to catch up. Once it did, he turned and replied, "My apologies, ma'am. That's not a problem at all."
Kasumi cocked her head to one side; she'd taken English classes in high school, of course, but hadn't used it in so long that she could barely catch the gist of his words. She understood well enough, however, when the older man motioned to the other, who lifted a struggling and complaining Murray by the scruff of his neck, and carried him outside.
"Well, now," Kasumi began, as the remainder of the family slowly awoke from their stupor at the rather… odd… happenings of the afternoon. "I suppose we're fortunate that the authorities came when they did. I can't imaging having to explain a mutilated alien to the police." Said family was now in a brand-spanking-new stupor at Kasumi's rather blunt, but nevertheless understandable, observation.
As she collected the dishes, she could hear a loud whimpering, squealing, and finally a deafening *SQUELCH* from outside, where those two very nice men from the government were, ah, apprehending the perpetrator.
Having finished with Murray, and returned from outside, the two men called everyone together in the den.
"Okay, everybody," Jay began, in broken Japanese. "As part of the process, we need, um, photographic record of the witnesses, so if y'all could just take a look at the end of my pen here…"
"Who'd have thought that guy would pop up in Japan? Last I heard he was sellin' Microsoft those chips from Xenon-8 for their new game system," Jay wondered aloud, as he and Kay took the 'Red Button Express' back to M.I.B. Headquarters.
"Well, as I recall, before that he was in China, around the Bayankalas. Did something to the springs in that area, and now they've got people changing into animals. Hell, the Lab never did find a way to reverse the effects of that stuff."
"Damn. Hey, I wonder what it's like, though. Changin', y'know."
"Why didn't you just ask that kid while you had a chance?"
"Which kid? The tall one?"
"No, no; the redhead."
"Oh, she's one of 'em, huh?"
"'He.' And yes, according to Headquarters."
Author's Note: This is a crossover that should never have happened, but is there really such a thing as something too strange for Nerima? Or maybe it didn't happen at all. I seem to be having trouble recalling… Either way, I'd be glad for some R & R. (BTW: I'm not sure if Jay has an earring or not. It just sounded cool.)