She huddled in bed in the basement of Toad's house. He was still worried that the X-men would come back, so he hadn't restored the upper floors. She wondered what he was doing.
"Lockheed!" The small animal suddenly touched her with his cold nose. "I didn't know you were there."
"Kitty?" He pressed in to her body. "Why do you not mate?"
"Mate?" She held him. "Jeez, Lockheed…"
"He would be a good mate."
She sighed. "There's a little thing called love that has to happen first."
The animal pressed harder. "Both have love, though."
"What?" She squeezed him tighter. He didn't. He couldn't.
He let out a sharp cry as she embraced him, then panted as she released his body. "You love him. He loves you. Mate."
She got up, feeling the cold floor under her feet. "I … I don't love him." Did she? She hadn't really thought about it.
Lockheed sat up on her pillow. "Do. You seek him out. You look at him the way you did Piotr. You love him."
She paced, only pausing to put on some old socks. Okay, so she liked Toad. She didn't try to deny that. He was funny. He could understand the stuff she talked about. She didn't have to put things into easier words for him.
But did she love him?
She scowled.
She'd been pretending she was sick so she could stay longer. She sometimes came up with stuff to say just so she could hear his voice in response. She liked watching him, even when all he was doing was fixing a connection or adding a graphic to a program.
Did that add up to love?
She gave up and sat back down on the bed. "Even if I do, so what? He doesn't love me."
Lockheed ducked his head. "I don't believe in you, you know." His voice was a near-perfect imitation of Toad's, with defiance in every word. "I never have. Course, you've never given me a reason, have you?"
She closed her eyes and listened, imagining how he looked as he talked. He was probably pacing, strong legs propelling him back and forth, maybe even jumping some.
"Still, assuming that you do exist for sake of argument, I have only one favor to ask." He paused. "It's not a large one. Promise.
"You never answered the large ones, anyway." He chuckled, resentful. Then his tone changed, becoming more pleading, though he retained a hard edge to his words. "When she leaves me, please, make me not care. Make me forget all about her. Take away all these stupid dreams I've been having of her, staying here, loving me.
"God, please, if you're out there. Let me stop loving Kitty." He swallowed back the tears. "If Erik could stand the loss of Christine, I can stand losing her."
The old pink nightgown Kitty wore was sodden with tears once Lockheed had stopped speaking. He cared. He cared that much?
It swept through her as she sniffled and shook, as Lockheed came over and crooned to her in worry, that she did love him, too. She never wanted to leave him. But she didn't see any way she could stay once she got better. "Oh, Lockheed. Sometimes I wish I was more like you."
He blinked at her and cocked his head, curious. She wiped away her tears. "I wish it was all just simple. Why does life have to be so complicated?"
"Simple. Mate."
She sighed and looked at the chair. She'd put her clothes on the old wooden rocking chair Toad used when he came to see her. Might as well put them on. She wasn't going to get any more sleep.
"Should tell him."
She hung her head. "When I know what to say, maybe I will."