Make of Two Hearts
**Named after the season 1 episode 16 title: 'Make of Two Hearts'**
SUMMARY: Abby has been gone for four years, living a different life. Now, something calls her back to County General, but can she face it again after so much has changed? JC/AL (Carby).
~*~
A disgruntled Abby awoke early in the morning with the sun still low in the Eastern skies. A small cry was coming from the room down the hall and she pulled herself out of bed groggily to attend to it. Oh, the joys of motherhood.
Holding the child softly in her arms and making crooning noises in the back of her throat, Abby rocked rhythmically and gazed out the window, exhausted. As the cries quieted to gentle, steady breathing, Abby laid the girl on the mattress and covered her in the blankets before returning to her own room to lie awake in the dark, staring at the ceiling and waiting for the sun to rise to put an end to her idleness and her misery.
Why did this have to happen to her? Everything had been perfect.
Abby had been married happily to the kindest man in the world for three years. They had laughed and cried and depended solely on each other and she had adored him to the utmost extent of the word. His daughter had come to live with them when his ex-wife had died almost a year ago, and Abby had adopted her, and the little girl came to love Abby.
At her husband's death a few months ago, Abby had let aside her own paralyzing grief momentarily to consider the little girl's options seriously. There was no one else and so, without a grudge or an unkind thought, Abby had kept Lauren. Her parents' close deaths had affected the girl considerably and not a night went by that Lauren did not wake crying out in muffled pain and despair. Abby tried lovingly to maintain her patience and help the girl, taking her to child psychiatry and supplying her with only the tenderest of care. And Lauren had improved. She no longer seemed as resentful or angry. The nightmares continued, however, and the psychiatrist had informed Abby that he could only help Lauren's mind and that time would have to heal the little girl's heart.
~*~
Abby's alarm clock blared loudly and she groaned as she turned herself over and slammed a heavy hand on the snooze button. She stared at the red illuminated numbers blankly for a few seconds before switching on the lamp next to her bed and squinting her eyes tightly as the light invaded the room.
She showered and dressed quickly, the swift movements waking her up. She padded down the hallway, her footsteps muffled by the plush carpet beneath her socked feet.
"Lauren," she said softly as she entered the room and approached the bed, "time to get up." The girl blinked her eyes open and grinned at Abby, pulling her into a hug before sitting up in bed.
"It's show and tell today! Did you remember to put my new Barbie into my knapsack?" Lauren asked excitedly. Abby nodded and smiled warmly. Abby placed a set of clothing on the end of the girl's bed and turned on the light in the room.
"Hurry up and get dressed, okay? You don't want to be late for school." She left the room to fix breakfast.
Abby put the cereal and juice on the table, lost in thought. Today was her last day at Northwestern before they were letting her off. They had an influx of new nurses that needed jobs and, because Abby now required a very specific schedule so she could take care of Lauren, they felt she would do better somewhere else. She had applied to other hospitals in the vicinity, but she was still waiting to her from them. Sighing, she buttered the toast and laid it on the table. She took a sip of a cup of coffee she had just made and looked at the clock.
"Lauren!" she said loudly from the bottom of the staircase, "Come down now or you won't have time for breakfast!" In response to her loud reminder, the little girl appeared at the bathroom doorway, toothbrush in hand, fully dressed, grinning down at Abby.
"Coming, Abby!" she said spitting out bits of toothpaste, before disappearing back into the bathroom. Abby heard the tap running and she awaited Lauren's arrival in the kitchen.
Lauren sat in the back seat of the car humming quietly to the music that Abby was playing. Abby quieted the music somewhat and addressed Lauren.
"Lauren, don't kick the back of my seat, okay?" Lauren nodded. Abby, nervous as she was at the prospect of being out of work, smiled back.
"You're going to have a vacation now, right?" Lauren asked. Abby nodded and glanced at Lauren in the rear-view mirror, "And then you're going to help people at a different hospital." Abby nodded again. "So, we can go to the park and to see a movie while you're on your vacation," she concluded. Abby sighed and nodded. If only it were as simple as Lauren was putting it.
~*~
That evening, after dinner, Abby switched on a video for Lauren and began flipping through the mail: two bills, one junk flyer and one letter from a hospital.
She opened it quickly.
Dear Ms. Lockhart,
The staff at Cook County General Hospital has reviewed your resume and, after the phone interview with out Chief of Staff, has decided to accept you as a member of our faculty.
We have taken into account your situation at home and are willing to modify your hours slightly where possible.
Expect a phone call on March 13th at approximately 7:30pm to follow with more information. You may notify us with your decision then.
Aleta Fraum
Chairman of the Board
Cook County General Hospital
Abby re-read the letter, but the only words that seemed to be transferring themselves into her mind were 'Cook County General Hospital'. Every time she looked at the page, the words made themselves evident to her, as if they were engraved into the page in some soft of illuminating substance.
She couldn't work there again.
On the other hand, this was the only hospital that seemed to want/need her and she needed the money and the activity. She couldn't just sit at home and wallow in everything that was happening to her. She had taken a week off after Brian had passed away and she couldn't remember feeling that miserable before. Every night, as she lay in bed aware of the vacancy beside her, the waves of grief and loss encompassed her.
She couldn't be idle all day long, or it would overcome her. She needed to be strong… for Lauren, and for herself.
She took a seat next to Lauren and cuddled the girl into her lap as she watched the movie with her. She had to be prepared to do anything for this girl. She was solely Abby's responsibility now.
As she tucked Lauren into bed that night, she decided what she had to do.
She had to take the job. Who knows when she would hear from another hospital?
As she laid in bed that night, Abby remembered her experiences at County and hoped beyond all else, that they either forgiven her, or they had all forgotten, or, better yet, they had all moved elsewhere.
Especially him.
~*~
My first fanfiction so tell me how it's going. And please, REVIEW!!