Make of Two Hearts
A/N: This chapter is going to have a bunch of background stuff. It's been four years, so a lot has happened. Please just bear with me while I get through it all!
~*~
Abby sat comfortably strewn across the plush sofa in the den. Her socked feet hung over the end of the arm-rest and her head was propped up on one elbow as she watched the Sunday morning news, blankly. She wasn't really paying attention, but it gave her something to look at as she thought of her first day back at county the next morning. She was nervous, but she kept trying to convince herself that everything would be fine.
She heard a rustling sound behind her and switched off the TV before turning around. Lauren was standing in the doorway, her red curls rumpled up and her nightgown wrinkled with sleep. She rubbed her eye with her fist and yawned.
"Good morning, sunshine," greeted Abby.
Abby and Brian had dubbed Sunday the 'informal holiday'. They had both let Lauren sleep as late as she wanted and lounged about all morning after a large helping of Abby's pancakes. The afternoon was devoted to whichever activity Lauren chose, be it a trip to the zoo, the science centre, the park. They had spent Sunday afternoons finger-painting in the basement and putting on plays, dressed in sweatpants and t-shirts and enjoying their family time immensely.
Abby had maintained the tradition after Brian died, though Lauren had, at first, seemed rather reluctant to do anything that reminded her of her 'Daddy'.
"'Morning Abby," the little girl replied.
Abby pulled herself off the couch and picked Lauren up, though she was getting rather large for this display, carrying her to the kitchen where breakfast was set up.
"So, Lauren, what do you want to do this afternoon?" Abby asked as she scooped strawberries and icing sugar atop Lauren's pancakes. Lauren picked up her fork thoughtfully.
"I can't think when my stomach is empty," she said with a dramatic air as she forked a piece of pancake into her mouth.
Abby grinned.
At the start of Abby and Brian's marriage, Lauren would join them for one dinner a week and every other weekend. She spent Christmas with her mother, but Thanksgiving, Easter, and a month in the summer with Abby and Brian and Abby had considered her somewhat of a nuisance. The girl would get dropped off at the door, and Brian always expected Abby to cook for her; Lauren's mother did not let Lauren eat fast food. Abby felt she was giving up a precious nights and weekends with her husband so he could scamper about the house with his daughter who didn't seem to want to warm up to Abby.
After a few months, though, Lauren grew onto Abby and Abby grudgingly admitted to being excited for the girl's arrival. She would prepare special delicacies, wander into toy stores at the mall, and leave Lauren little treats in the main upstairs bathroom where Lauren kept her 'daddy-house toothbrush and shampoo'.
Lauren, too, took a great liking to Abby. She went through a phase where she named all of her dolls 'little Abby' and mimicked Abby in every matter when she came for her stay. Abby delighted in the little girl's antics and their mutual adoration grew.
Abby learned to the love the girl with all of her crazy little sayings and habits. They had become a happy little family and Abby was more than happy to accept her as a permanent member of the house after Darleen, Brian's ex-wife, died.
Abby bit into her own pancakes and waited patiently for Lauren to think. This was the Sunday morning 'thinking ritual' in which Lauren would eat her pancakes slowly and silently as she turned activities over in her head. Lauren always insisted that Abby ask her what she wanted to do that afternoon because it made her feel 'like a little princess who gets everything she wants' though she always replied with the same, 'I can't think when my stomach is empty'. Abby knew she spoiled Lauren dreadfully, but Lauren was such a good kid and she couldn't say no to any of her requests.
"Abby…" Lauren began, "Can we pack a picnic lunch and our swimsuits and go to the park and swimming at the community centre?"
Abby considered this. She and Brian had never disallowed any of Lauren's outings as they were always sensible, clean, family fun, though they had sometimes to modify them. Brian had tried to console Lauren once when he told her he didn't know the way to 'the castle in the cloud', but they could have the tea-party in the backyard.
Abby nodded after a few seconds.
"I think we can do that, Princess Lauren. You can help me pack the sandwiches and the pool bags. Deal?" Lauren nodded happily.
~*~
Abby awoke Monday morning with butterflies fluttering about in her stomach. She hadn't slept well, she had been so nervous and just as she had been drifting off into slumber, Lauren's cries awoke her and Abby had gone to console her. She woke up feeling like she had just fallen asleep and she let her snooze alarm go off twice before finally pulling herself out of bed.
She wished, as she often did, that Brian was there right now. He always knew how to calm her down and he would have gotten Lauren up so she could have a half hour extra of sleep.
She sighed heavily as she scrimmaged through her closet feeling that she didn't really have anything suitable to wear and knowing perfectly well that she would not have time to go shopping for at least a month.
~*~
Abby felt her hands shaking with nerves when she approached hospital that
morning. She didn't want to be
there. Why had she agreed to this? What if she saw someone she knew?
A cold January wind chilled her and she pulled her coat tight around her and took a deep breath before stepping in through the automatic doors. She approached admit. relieved to see receptionists that she didn't recognize.
"Hello," she said, holding out a slip of paper and handing it to the woman, "I'm Abby Lockhart, and I'm the new nurse." The woman glanced at her from over atop the frame of her glasses.
"Aleta is on a break, but you can go through those doors to the lounge and drop your stuff in the locker with your name on it. I hope you brought a lock. She'll be here shortly." Abby nodded and took another deep breath before turning toward the lounge that she knew all too well.
That was where it had all ended. Where the dispute had broken out. Where her heart had been broken. Where she had said good-bye to the place for the last night… at least she had thought it would be the last time. Now here she was again.
She walked into the small room and she could almost see his figure on the couch, bent over another. She could almost hear their soft moans of love-making. She could almost feel her heart breaking over again. Almost, she told herself. Almost.
She had matured since then. She knew what it was to really be in love. Then why did this situation still bother her so intensely?
She threw her stuff into a locker and glanced around the room. She didn't see Aleta coming, so she opened her purse and pulled out some pictures of Lauren, Brian and herself and a roll of tape. She hung each one up lovingly and stared at each one momentarily before pinning it to its temporary spot on the inner door of her locker.
The door of the lounge swung open and Aleta Fraum walked in briskly and told Abby to follow her on a tour of the ER that Abby knew all too well. Abby followed reluctantly, hoping beyond all hope that she didn't see anyone she recognized.
~*~
The 'tour' had lasted only fifteen minutes before Abby was instructed to change into scrubs, take a few charts and begin her 'first' shift in the ER of County General Hospital. Abby obeyed and she was just stepping out of the washroom in her scrubs, her jeans and t-shirt hanging over her arm, when she banged into a familiar face.
"Abby?" she heard the woman screech from down the hall. Abby turned to face Susan Lewis. Abby gave a small, nervous wave and tried to smile.
"Hi, Susan," she said meekly. Susan had grabbed her old friend into a tight hug and was jabbering about something, though Abby knew not what.
"… I heard from Aleta someone named Lockhart was coming, but I only hoped it would be. Oh, Abby, you've changed so much! What is it now? Four years? I always was meaning to call you, but I never had the time. The place is pretty quiet now, let's go to the lounge and I'll show you pictures of Luke and Scottie! My kids." Abby was grinning by the time that Susan completed her little speech and she followed Susan toward the room she had just left. Susan was still the same old bubbly Susan.
They sat amiably discussing Susan's life. Abby remained relatively quiet. Susan felt like somewhat of a stranger and she didn't want to discuss her past life with her. But Susan brought it up, of course, as Abby knew she would.
"And how have you been? I want to hear all about it!" Abby sighed.
"I've been good. I stayed in Chicago all these years working at Northwestern. It was great. I worked in OB again and it was a lot less hectic than this place." She could tell that her mindless chatting would do nothing to satisfy Susan's curiosity, so she jumped right in, knowing full well that Susan would find out eventually. "I got married," Abby said, somewhat embarrassed at Susan's surprised reaction, "about a year after I left here. I moved north of Chicago to Evanston, but it was close enough to travel to and from Northwestern every day. I'm still living there, actually. Wait, I have pictures."
Abby got up and pulled her purse and some of the pictures she had just hung from her locker.
"This is Brian, my husband, and I two Christmases ago. That's Lauren," she said gesturing toward a picture of the three of them in matching sweaters, Lauren wearing reindeer antlers. Susan looked at her open-mouthed.
"She's gorgeous!" she gushed, "she looks just like you." Abby grinned.
"That's good, because she's not my daughter," Susan blushed a deep red, "She's Brian's daughter. She lived with us after his ex-wife died.
"This one is from this past Christmas," she said pulling out another of just herself and Lauren.
"Where's Brian?" Susan asked. Abby knew it was curiosity and not malice, but she still felt a flush of sadness.
"Um, Brian died in October," she said before quickly turning to the next picture and clearing her throat.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Abby," Susan gushed, giving Abby a friendly pat on the shoulder.
"This is the three of us sledding at the park last winter," Abby said holding a picture. They were all red-faced and grinning.
Susan was about to comment on the picture when the lounge door swung open and she turned to face it. Abby turned around to see a tall handsome man standing behind her, staring at her, anger blazing from behind his eyes.
"Abby, what the hell are you doing here?"