Make of Two Hearts

A/N: I just wanted to thank you all for all your kind reviews. I'm kind of new to this whole fanfiction thing and I just wanted you all to know that everything you guys say is appreciated! J

~*~

Abby walked down the hall of the ER pulling off her blood-stained yellow trauma gown and rubber gloves. She was just walking past admit. to the lounge when Carter stepped in through the ambulance bay.

"Hey," she greeted him happily.

"Hey, you look…. tired," he said with a grim grin.

"Yeah, I've been on for four hours now and I'm oh so happily looking forward to my next eight."

Carter chuckled.

"By the way," Abby started, "Where were you last night?"

"Went to the gym and lost track of the time. I didn't have a watch on."

"Lauren missed you."

"I'll talk to her tonight."

"She's spending the night at a friend's."

"Susan's?"

"No, a kid from school. I'm working late and I couldn't find a sitter on such short notice. You know how it is at the start of the month when they hand out new schedules and suddenly everything needs to be pushed off."

"Oh yes, do I. My father was going to come in for a weekend, but I'll be pulling two doubles and crashing in between, so I told him not to."

"Funny, I don't remember you and your father as… close."

"Foundation stuff brought us together more."

"Nice to hear."

"Yeah, in a sappy, womanly kind of way," he said giving her a nudge and a wink. She grinned back at him and he headed off toward the lounge to change his clothes before starting his shift.

~

"Mrs. Thomas, I can't look your cut unless you take your hand off it…" Abby muttered, frustrated as she tried to suture an old woman's cut. The patient would not budge, though.

"Okay, I give up," Abby declared.

"You give up? Can you do that?"

"I've been here since eight o'clock this morning helping people. Nice people, unconscious people. But you, Mrs. Thomas, are in a class of your own. At this point, I can do anything I want.  I'm getting another doctor. I don't have time for this."

The old woman 'humph'ed and Abby pulled the curtains aside in search of someone else to take care of the patient.

"Hey, Jing-Mei, do me a favor and stitch up the woman in three? She's impossible and I'm off in five minutes."

Chen gave Abby an 'You owe me big time' look and rolled her eyes as she pulled on a pair of gloves and headed into the small room behind Abby.

"Now, Mrs.…. Thomas, what seems to be the problem?" Abby heard Chen say before she headed toward the lounge hurriedly.

"Where's the fire?" Carter asked from his seat at the table when Abby entered the room.

"Curtain three," she joked, "in the form of an impossible old hag."

Carter pouted.

"Now, be nice, Abby. That'll be you in twenty years," he said, trying to evoke a smile.

"God forbid." Abby slammed her locker open and pulled her stuff out. The day had been so long and she was not in the best of moods.

"What's up?" Carter asked. He sounded concerned.

"Nothing," Abby muttered darkly. Carter raised a brow.

"Everything," Abby said.

"That's an improvement," Carter stated, "Care to enlighten me?" and he patted the seat next to him.

Abby sighed and took the chair, leaning into it heavily and staring out the window.

"Long day?"

"Endless."

"Well, you're off now."

"To go home and remind myself what a loser I am."

"Don't say that."

"It's true. I spend my nights alone, but I'm not alone. I have a kid who I have to take of so I can't have the fun of a bachelorette or the satisfaction and pleasure of a spouse. I hate this." She rubbed her eyes with her fingers and then applied pressure to her temples.

Carter eyed her uncertainly. He didn't know exactly how to respond to that.

"No, you don't," he whispered finally. Abby looked at him, her head resting on an upturned palm with her elbow leaning on her knee. She sighed deeply.

"You're right," she said after a momentary pause, "but I don't know if that makes it better or worse."

Carter grinned and put an arm on her shoulder.

"Well," he said lightheartedly, "You always have me." His grin broadened and Abby sighed again, staring at him thoughtfully. His chocolate eyes seemed to melt beneath her glare and she felt herself smile back.

"Thanks," she said.

Abby got up to leave, pulling her bag over her shoulder.

"Wait," Carter said, standing up beside her. He didn't want her to go.

Abby turned to face him, her gaze questioning.

"I'm off in a few hours," he said, "You want to… have dinner or something?"

Abby studied him for a few seconds before looking at her feet.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Carter," she said finally.

"Not… like that," he said, "Just a casual meal. We could pick up pizza if you want… or something," he finished lamely.

Abby looked back up at him.

"Okay," she said finally.

"Great, I can pick up a pizza and bring it to your place. If you want."

Abby nodded.

"That'd be great. See you then."

~*~
Carter pulled the boxes out of the back seat of the jeep and approached the door to Abby's house, beeping the car locked behind him.

She opened the door in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Hey," he said, "Our pizza." He held the box out at her.

"Here," she said taking the box from his hands, "I'm famished. I'll get plates; you can just make yourself comfortable wherever."

Carter stood in the doorway watching Abby saunter into the kitchen with the pies of pizza. He studied her figure. It hadn't changed much since she had left four years ago. She had gotten slightly thinner, but he assumed that was because of stress and grief. He smiled unconsciously as he watched the small swinging motion of her hips as she walked, the way her hair danced about in the light…

"Carter," she called from the kitchen, "Close the door."

He nearly jumped in surprise before shutting the door behind him and walking into the house.

~

"So," said Carter after he packed away a third piece of pizza and swigged it down with a coke.

They were seated comfortably on the couch in Abby's den, the TV on to a comedy that neither of them was really watching. They had a blanket draped over their legs and the pizza was resting on paper plates on the coffee table in front of them with their cokes.

"Good pizza," Abby stated.

"I wish you'd let me take you out," Carter said suddenly, quite out of the blue. It took Abby by surprise and she shifted her glance to the TV, "It would just be casual…" Carter assured her.

"Carter… I want to say yes. I wish I could. But… Brian died eight months ago, Carter. Eight. It just doesn't feel right to say yes to you, yet."

Carter looked at the floor.

"I don't understand," he muttered, "If you want to, why don't you?"

"Carter, you can't really mean that," Abby said sharply, "I have more than just me to think about here. I have Lauren, too. She's seven, Carter and her father just died. How do you think she would feel if I just suddenly said that you were going to be a part of our lives? And what if it didn't work out? What would I tell her then?"

Carter looked at his hands.

"But…"

"I know, Carter," she said putting her own hand over his, "I know. And I wish things were different –"

"I used to think what things would be like if you had never left," Carter said wistfully, "We were living in a perfect house… like this one. And we had a perfect kid… like Lauren. And everything was perfect. Looks like at least you got it all," he scoffed.

Abby brought her hand up to his face, pulling his chin toward her.

"Look at me, Carter," she said and she gazed into his eyes, "Things happen that we can't control. I have a kid to look after now and everything I do has to be done with her best interests in mind."

"But I love you, Abby."

"And I love you, Carter, but I don't think I'm ready for what you're looking for, yet."

Carter's face flushed with shame and looked back down at his hands.

"Will you ever be? Or has my foolishness scared you away entirely?"

Abby smiled warmly at him.

"Just give it some time, Carter," she said.

But Carter's mind was on something she had said before… And I love you, Carter… so there was hope.

~*~

Abby and Lauren sat on the El after Abby had picked her up from school.

"Good day?" Abby asked.

"Uh huh. I got another star on the helper chart."

Abby smiled at her.

"That's great, Lauren."

"Is Carter coming for dinner?"

"Yeah."

"He didn't come two nights ago."

"He was busy. He said to say sorry to you."

"I like him."

Abby felt her eyebrows rise into her bangs, but she grinned despite her better judgment.

"He reminds me of Daddy."

Abby had never heard Lauren talk of Brian like that. She only ever mentioned him when she awoke with nightmares or when they were doing something reminiscent of him.

Abby put her arm around Lauren's shoulder.

"You know what?" she said, "He reminds me of Daddy, too."

They sat in comfortable silence the rest of the way home, Lauren leaning against Abby and Abby with her arm around the girl's shoulder.