Make of Two Hearts

Abby studied her reflection in the mirror momentarily before sighing in resignation, deciding that the dress she had on would have to do.

She applied her makeup hastily, glancing at the clock. The sitter should be there soon.

"Abby, can I try on some lipstick?"

"You're going to bed soon, Lauren."

"Please, Abby? Just a little, I promise."

"Just a little."

Lauren sat at the small vanity table in Abby's ensuite and Abby applied some lipstick to her pouty, childish lips.

"There you go."

Lauren examined herself in the mirror, making different shapes and expressions with her mouth.

"Where you going tonight?" she asked in an off-hand sort of way, still contorted her mouth into different shapes, her face just a foot from the mirror.

"To dinner."

"With Carter?"

"With Carter." Lauren giggled playfully making smooching noises until Abby nudged her lightly.

"Hey…!" Lauren cried, indignant.

"Watch it," Abby said in playful seriousness. Lauren nodded.

"Why can't I ever come to movies or dinner with you and Carter?"

"Don't be silly, Lauren, Carter is here almost every night for dinner and you've watched plenty of videos with him."

"I know, but how come I don't get to go out with Carter and you?"

Abby smiled at Lauren.

"Next time I go, I'll reserve a seat for you, snuggle-bug. Now go get into pajamas so that Clarice doesn't have to change you."

Lauren scurried off and Abby smiled to herself as she picked up her small black purse and followed Lauren out of her bedroom.

 "Hi, Carter!" Lauren exclaimed, scurrying down the steps, toothbrush still in her mouth, to greet the guest. She was followed closely behind by the young babysitter.

Carter grinned at Lauren, hugging her tightly and thrusting a small package into her hands.

"For you," Carter said, glancing at Abby for approval, "Because I know you're upset you couldn't come tonight." Lauren's eyes opened wide in delight and Abby grinned at Carter. She ripped off the paper and pulled out a small silver ring with a tiny pink semi-precious stone in the middle.

"Carter…" Abby scolded lightly from the doorway, but her voice was drowned out by a delighted yelp of 'thank you' from Lauren and a large bear hug. Carter was grinning stupidly but, after a reproachful look from Abby he let go of Lauren and took his date's arm.

"You look beautiful," he whispered to her as Clarice yielded Lauren upstairs to put away her toothbrush and go to bed.

"You didn't have to get that for her."

"I love buying presents."

"Carter…"

Carter pouted and put on his best puppy-dog face.

"Okay," Abby said with an air of resignation.

"Did I tell you that you look beautiful?"

"So many times that you're starting to sound surprised."

Carter chuckled.

"Is that a new dress?"

Abby nudged Carter.

"Shut up," she said as they reached the car and Carter held the door open for her, but her voice was playful and she was silenced by a kiss from Carter before he closed the door and scooted around the front of the car to the driver seat.

~

Abby awoke Sunday morning to the muffled noise of television ascending from downstairs. She ventured out to see what it was and was me with Lauren, already awake, watching television. She flicked it off suddenly as Abby approached and took a seat next to the girl.

"Abby?"

"Yes?"

"I dreamt about Daddy last night."

"Did you really? You haven't done that in a while."

"I know. In my dream we were riding bikes."

"I remember when we used to do that together."

"Now we ride with Carter."

"That's right, now we ride with Carter."

"In my dream, for a minute, I thought Daddy was Carter. I didn't even recognize him for a second. It was scary."

"I know. I dream about Brian too sometimes. Sometimes, when I'm dreaming of him, I only see him for a second and then he disappears. It's really frustrating because for that one second, I always think he's back, but then he's gone and when I wake up, it's almost as if it hadn't happened at all."

"Sometimes, I think I forget what Daddy used to look like because I can't make a picture of him in my head. I mean, I know what he looked like: what color his hair was, what color his eyes were, but I can't put it all together."

"I know."

"Is it bad that I don't remember him exactly?"

"It's not bad exactly. It's sad because your father loved you very much… he adored you. It's sad that he'll never get to see you grow up and graduate high school, fall in love, get married. It's sad because one day you won't even remember the exact color of his eyes anymore. You'll know that they were blue, but you won't remember how they used to sparkle when he laughed, or how they looked almost green when he wore red or brown. It's sad because things change."

"Sometimes, I wonder if my real Mommy loves Daddy again up in heaven."

"Everybody loves everybody in heaven, Lauren. One day, we'll go up to heaven and you, Daddy, your Mommy, and Carter and I will all love each other."

"Even Carter?"

"Even Carter."

"Does Carter love us?"

"Carter loves us very much."

"Are you going to marry Carter?"

"I don't know, Lauren."

"Oh."

"If I did, would you be okay with that?"

"We would be a real family again."

"We would."

"But it would be different."

"It would."

"Carter would be a good Daddy."

"I think so, too."

Lauren scooted up onto Abby's lap, though she was getting much too big for that sort of thing and Abby turned the television back on. The two watched in silence for a while until Lauren requested pancakes. She couldn't possibly be expected to think up a plan for the day without them.