Notes: There is nothing really new to this story unless readers did not take note of the link to my live journal that showed a later part of the story, which I've decided to tack on to quasi-complete this. I also removed the review responses since it "tricks" readers into thinking there is more content than there is, merged the chapters to make this more of a one-shot (causing it to be jumpy in places), and added a scene at the end that explains an earlier part of the story. I apologize to those who put the story on "story alert."
Summary: "A special person is unnecessary, weak, and impossible for someone like me." Sasuke as a child and Sasuke as he is now.
Real Emotion
Sasuke used to have a special person.
Before the children were sent off to the academy, they learned the basic skills and did simple things like three sentence homework assignments.
One day, their teacher asked for each one of them to do something a little different. Instead of the usual journal entry, he asked each student to share what he knew about the term "special person" the following day.
Sasuke was a smart child. He may not have been a genius, but he understood concepts pretty well. He paid attention and was the type to look in the dictionary to check words he did not know in the books they read.
Only, he never found the word "special person".
Sasuke already knew special and person were separate words and when he put the two words together, they formed: exceptional living being.
First off, Sasuke thought it was strange the book used even more advanced terms for a definition. In order to figure it out, he would have to look up the other words to make it clearer for him.
"I'm home."
Sasuke knew who it was the instant he heard the door slide open. He would usually wait for his brother inside and immediately jump him-and promptly get poked in the head-but he had a mission to fulfill, so he was working in the study. He knew Itachi had finished a mission before coming back, so Sasuke had to finish his own.
After a few more minutes, Sasuke was sure he was simply going in circles as he went from A to Z, searching for the many words contained in a single definition.
"Brother, what's a 'special person'?"
Sasuke could see Itachi stopping to think. Everyone, Sasuke included, considered Itachi to be a smart person. If anything, Sasuke figured he was what a "special person" was; he was smart and strong.
"… Why don't you ask Mother?"
Sasuke was surprised. He always thought his brother knew everything. Maybe his teacher had given them a more… advanced assignment?
That meant Sasuke would have the upper hand in something! The assignment seemed even more exciting now.
Sasuke ran into the kitchen, trying to resist the urge to jump up and down before asking.
"A special person is someone you confide in, someone you protect, and someone you love," his mother said.
"Really? Whose your special person?"
She smiled, "Every person in our clan is a special person to me. How about you, Sasuke?"
Sasuke thought long and hard. He wanted a different answer; he did love everyone, but it was a big responsibility and he knew his mother, father, and brother were more capable of doing all those things. He wanted to devote himself to his special person like his family devoted themselves to their duties. His father was the head, his mother was the caretaker, and his brother was the talented ninja.
Now that he thought about it… his mother and father loved each other. So in a way, his father's special person was his mother and his mother's special person was his father… So…
"My special person is Itachi! I'll get stronger, strong enough to help him out! I'll be his partner or something, then we can protect each other and…"
Sasuke believed in his brother and while Itachi didn't speak much, he felt that if he had any problems, Itachi wouldn't mind helping him out.
He wanted to get stronger, strong enough to protect him the way teammates did.
If you had a special person, did you not owe it to protect them?
Sasuke knew Itachi wasn't going to show up as often when he got into the ANBU. Sasuke had no doubt that his brother was going to be an elite, but that wasn't going to stop him from trying to reach Itachi's level and go beyond that.
So what if Itachi had five more years on him?
So what if Itachi would spend a lot of time with other ninjas that could possibly help him raise his ability even further?
Itachi was his special person.
Nothing was ever going to change that.
Ever.
---
Sasuke crept in the dark like a predator.
He was going to do it; no questions asked.
No one was around at the moment; his father was at a meeting with the other men of the clan, his mother was out grocery shopping, and his brother was still on his mission.
"Operation: Obtain the Hair Gel" was a go.
Sasuke looked around to make sure no one had come home before he reached his goal. He looked around and noticed the container was on the top of Itachi's desk. He tiptoed to the area, hoping Itachi had not planted any traps around it. It wasn't like his brother would miss the thing… And it was already strange that Itachi had bought it since he never used it—he thought his brother didn't care for unnecessary things.
The only things inside of Itachi's room were a bed, a dresser, and a desk.
No manga, no toys, no videos…
Now that Sasuke thought about it, Itachi always looked a little tired… All his brother did when he came home was sleep. All the things he did were essential to one's health. He guessed all that was on his mind was to sleep, eat, and train.
Did Itachi even have a stuffed animal? Sasuke himself had a bird-plush that was yet to be named, but Itachi was never seen with anything like that, even in the family photos.
Itachi was a very hard worker, concluded Sasuke. He remembered seeing many of his brother's former classmates playing and goofing off; it was no wonder why they hadn't graduated yet! Itachi was just so… mature compared to the other people that were his age. It was a shame his brother wasn't able to do any big brother things with Sasuke, but he understood that Itachi was a very busy person.
Sasuke would just have to make sure Itachi had enough sleep and enough recreation time when he got home.
It seemed that Sasuke would have to add onto his list of missions. He crossed out "Operation: Obtain the Hair Gel" and added "Project Itachi". He grinned and put the canister in his pocket along with his list.
Sasuke made his way to his room and made sure the door was in place. Sometimes he wished their house wasn't so traditional. His family respected privacy, but it so seemed easy to be overheard or seen when the doors were made of paper. Maybe he'd tell Itachi later and the two of them could put in a request.
He took the items out of his pocket and placed both onto the table before settling down onto a pillow. He grabbed a clean sheet of paper and a brush, tapping the end of it against his chin in contemplation. How did he want his hairstyle?
Father had a pretty conservative cut-not too long and not too short. Mother was… well, a girl, so he wasn't planning on having his hair like hers. Itachi's hair was even longer than Mother's, but his bangs and face saved it from seeming feminine. Sasuke's own haircut was around shoulder-length and it didn't really get in the way, but it made him feel somewhat girly. Whenever people paid him and Itachi compliments, they usually said that Sasuke was cute and Itachi was handsome.
Sasuke felt a little insulted. Cute was for girls and to his own knowledge and everyone else's, he wasn't a girl.
It wasn't that Sasuke cared much about his appearance; it was just that he really wanted to be as cool as his brother. Itachi, the one that was admired by all, Itachi, the one that was most likely to lead the Uchiha Clan as the new head, Itachi, the one that was his special person.
With those ideas in mind, Sasuke began to draw. He would have to gel his hair up a bit to get the spikes right—he remembered seeing someone with somewhat spiky hair before and thought it looked cool—and then grow his bangs out… Perfect!
After applying some of the gel to his hair, Sasuke came to two realizations. One: the substance was very slimy. Two: he would rather play with it than use it. Just a few more minutes, he reasoned.
Sasuke reached for the mirror and surveyed his handiwork. Not bad. He liked it. It wasn't exactly what he had been going for, but it was pretty close. Maybe he'd get the hang of it next time. He wiped his hands clean of the gel and made sure the lid was sealed on tightly. It wasn't likely that Itachi would check if any had been used, but he was not about to underestimate his brother.
Footsteps. That meant someone was home! Sasuke hid the hair gel underneath into his futon and ran out of his room. Nope, he hadn't been doing anything at all… his hair had just turned out that way from tossing and turning on his futon.
Sasuke skidded to a stop.
Father was leaning onto Itachi as if he were his crutch. It looked as if he had been in a fight and Itachi (who did not even have a single scratch on him) had gone out to take a walk in the park.
He looked at Itachi, surprise in his eyes. "You… How?"
That was strange. Father had been at a meeting today and Itachi had a mission. If anything, their conditions were supposed to be switched.
Sasuke saw Itachi's lips move, but didn't hear any sound coming out.
Sasuke hid behind a wall, frightened that he may be discovered. He was still a kid, having just started his first year at the academy and what he saw was definitely not meant for a kid to see. He had no idea what was going on, but it didn't feel like it was any of his business.
As a kid though, he wanted just a little peek…
And saw red eyes.
Sasuke nearly froze at the sight, but luckily for him, he was able to hide again before Itachi could spot him.
Sharingan. He had heard of their lineage, but this was the first time he had seen those red eyes before. The Sharingan was an Uchiha trait that gave the ability to copy one's opponents and see through various jutsu during battle so Sasuke never expected to see it.
So why was Itachi using his Sharingan at a time like this?
And why did his eyes seem so… cold?
Father. Itachi. Sharingan.
Father. Itachi. Sharingan.
Father. Itachi. Sharingan.
Maybe Father had given Itachi lessons in using the Sharingan to its utmost potential? Yeah, that would make sense, that was one of his many duties as clan head.
He had no right to think that something else could have happened.
He had no right to think that way about his special person because he was someone he confided in, someone he protected, and someone he loved.
Sasuke was going to talk to Itachi about those doors and show everyone his hair.
---
Sasuke had a shuriken lesson that day.
Sasuke preferred to call it training; he never saw any person in their clan go out for "a lesson". To him, the word indicated he was clueless about the subject being taught. He was not an expert, but he thought he was pretty good.
Of course, compared to his fellow Uchihas, he was definitely the weakest. Itachi was the leader of his squad in the ANBU and his father used to be a jounin while Sasuke himself wasn't even a genin. And out of the three, Sasuke had a lot of spare time, which would've been good if Itachi had that too.
He needed to find times when Itachi wasn't busy. Ever since his brother became a part of the ANBU, he had even less time and rarely came home. If he did, it was probably once every week. From what Sasuke heard, the missions handed out were expected to take around a month or more to complete.
However, under Itachi's guidance, his squad was able to finish those requests in the amount of time a C-rank mission would take.
Sasuke was lucky that he saw his brother as often as he did.
Itachi had taken to sitting near the entrance in case one of his teammates went to inform him of a mission… So he was likely to be there now, thought Sasuke. He sat up and looked at his list. He had done many things that ranged from obtaining hair gel to sneaking a few extra things into Itachi's room like a weasel-plush.
Sasuke never saw his brother angry, but he wasn't sure if Itachi would appreciate such a pun on his name.
So for today, Sasuke's mission was to get better at handling shuriken. He jotted it down and looked at himself in the mirror. The gel really worked wonders and he liked how the new clothes looked on him. Actually, they weren't really new because they used to belong to Itachi. He couldn't see why Itachi always got rid of the things he didn't find useful anymore. Why not keep the memories?
He'd have to stop thinking about it at the moment-Itachi could have a mission at anytime.
And as expected, Itachi was sitting near the entrance.
Now, how was he supposed to approach this? Best to be casual at first, he reasoned. … Just how did one act casual? …It wasn't supposed to be hard; he lived with the man!
"Brother…"
Itachi turned around.
"You said you would teach me your method of Shuriken jutsu today."
Itachi's posture betrayed his age. He looked even more tired than the year before, as if he had not relaxed in a long, long time. Sasuke never saw Itachi have fun. His brother had always been a ninja, never really a child.
He really did admire Itachi's dedication.
"I was busy… Besides, Father is a good teacher."
Sasuke didn't want to hurt his father's feelings, but he really wanted Itachi to teach him. Itachi was the strongest person in their family and Sasuke wanted to spend as much time as possible with him.
Sasuke knew Itachi was not really in tune with feelings, but he thought his brother would understand that Sasuke viewed him as his special person.
"But your way of throwing them is best… I'm a kid and even I know that." Sasuke couldn't help feeling annoyed at the insensitivity.
Silence.
"You always act as if I'm a burden to you…"
Sometimes Sasuke felt so alone. In his world, he only needed his special person. His mother had been very vague on the topic of a "special person" back then. As time passed by, Sasuke created a connotation for the term. He felt a person could not truly live without a special person. That person would be his life, the reason he had for living. If Itachi didn't acknowledge him…
Itachi made a hand motion, signaling him to come closer.
Sasuke took a few steps forward, wondering what Itachi wanted. He closed his eyes, expecting a short lecture.
Only to be greeted by two fingers pressed gently into his forehead.
Itachi looked as amused as he could ever get. It wasn't much, but it was something. "Forgive me, Sasuke… How about next time?"
Sasuke frowned. This felt awfully familiar… and Itachi didn't seem to be concentrating very well. He looked as if he was contemplating something that was totally unrelated to the topic at hand.
That meant the conversation was pretty much over.
"… I don't have time to take care of you today."
He was getting further and further away.
"Each time I ask you, you always say 'forgive me, Sasuke' and then you poke me in the head. You always promise that it'll be 'tomorrow'. When's that tomorrow going to be?"
Itachi got up and pushed aside the door.
Sasuke smiled; it seemed the request had still not been fulfilled.
"Why doesn't Itachi ever want to hang out with me? I'm his younger brother…"
Sasuke had always dwelled over the question, but all he came up with was that Itachi was always busy.
His father seemed to pause in consideration before taking a sip from his morning tea. "That guy has always been a little strange… He's not the type to make friends. He has always been a private person, even before you were born."
So Sasuke had been right. Itachi never did really start off as a child. "Why is that?"
Father's expression darkened. "Who knows? Even as his father, I try to understand him, but he's…"
Mother's cheery voice interrupted whatever he was going to say. "Here you go, Sasuke! I've finished preparing your lunch!"
"Thanks, Mother."
"I'll see you after your Shuriken lesson."
Did he have to explain this every single time?
"It's not a lesson. It's training." He took his lunch and waved at his parents before rushing off. As much as he wanted Itachi to teach him, he was still interested in seeing what his teacher knew.
When Sasuke arrived there, the teacher explained how to use them by words and then demonstrated by using the three main classes: knife, spike, and star. For the practice session, Sasuke was supposed to aim them at targets a short distance away.
Sasuke was supposed to use the pinch grip for a close-up toss. From what he had seen and heard, the first step toward doing so was to place his thumb on it with the index finger to the side. Secondly, he had to hold the shuriken halfway with the point up. Lastly, he would just simply throw.
Okay, so thumb there, finger there, make sure the point isn't aimed at yourself, and…throw! With those instructions in mind,Sasuke let the shuriken go and watched as it embed into the second to the last region.
"Not bad," observed his teacher. "You were able to get it onto the board."
"No… it's not good enough. I need to… I have to make it perfect." If he couldn't master something as simple as this, he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.
So Sasuke went at it, going through every single motion, estimating how much he had to change the way he aimed every time, and he enjoyed every single second of it.
By the time he was done, it was already night.
He remembered the teacher mentioning that he may someday be as great as Itachi. Strangely enough, the teacher said he saw a little of Itachi in Sasuke.
Itachi had graduated at the top of the academy at the age of seven, learned to use the Sharingan at eight, became a chuunin at ten, and now at thirteen, was an ANBU squad leader.
Sasuke was currently seven years old and wasn't even close to graduating. He guessed that he didn't even match up with one-tenth of Itachi's strength.
If anything, that just gave him more of an incentive. They had the same blood running in their veins, so it wasn't impossible for Sasuke to catch up or surpass him.
Right at the moment, Sasuke had his mother to be concerned about. She wouldn't be too happy about him coming back so late.
He thought he saw a shadow against the full moon.
How long had it been since Sasuke saw the moon so bright and beautiful?
But it didn't feel right… not one bit.
Something was really wrong.
His suspicions were confirmed when he saw the dead bodies of his relatives cluttering the streets.
It couldn't be possible… Who could do such a thing? Itachi and Father along with everyone else had fighting ability. They could probably take down A-class criminals if they wanted to.
And yet… it looked as if it had been so easy.
Sasuke had to make sure that his family was all right. He just hoped, no, he just knew they were all right. He just had to make sure in order to calm himself down a tad.
He knew he should've stayed quiet. He knew at the time that it would be dangerous to utter even one word. He knew that he shouldn't have barged in when they told him not to.
Itachi stood over the dead bodies of Mother and Father.
No… He wouldn't have… Impossible…
"Brother!! Why?! How… how come?!"
The sound of doors closing shut; there was no exit, no escape. Sasuke couldn't resist closing his eyes and realized his foolishness.
There had never been a single door that couldn't be seen through, that wasn't paper.
"That was foolish of you, little brother…"
Sasuke never saw his brother's eyes look as cold as they did now. It was now the second time he had seen the Sharingan and he actually saw it.
From a distance, the Sharingan looked impossibly red, but up close, he could see every single detail.
Was this killer intent? The look of a predator about to capture his prey?
No place for him to run, no place for him to hide.
Words made their way from Itachi's lips and attacked at every part of his brain.
He could see Itachi approach the man and woman that bore him.
He could see Itachi kill them without mercy; ignoring the cries of his mother and the angry words of his father.
He could see Itachi look at them without a trace of emotion.
Over and over and over again like a never-ending nightmare.
Sasuke wasn't seeing this. They weren't dead. Everyone was all right. It was just a bad dream. After he woke up, he would go into the kitchen to see his mother preparing their meals, his father drinking his morning tea, and an empty chair that Itachi never sat in. Later in the day, he would ask Itachi to hang out with him, only to learn his brother was busy. He would proceed to his lesson and arrive home before dinner started. If Itachi were there, he would speak of his day in the fewest of words. When it was Father's turn, he would tell them about the happenings in the village, and on Mother's, she would complain about the supermarket.
So why did the nightmare seem so real?
Why couldn't he stop it? Why wouldn't it stop?
Unknown to Sasuke, he started to chant wildly. "Stop it! I'm not seeing this!It's notreal! Father andMother aren't dead.Stop!Ithurts.Don'tyouloveme?!Iloveyousomuch!Whyareyoudoingthistome?!Tous?!I'msupposedtoprotectyou,you'resupposedtoloveme!You'remyspecialpers-"
Release.
Sasuke fell to the floor, drained. The dream was over, they were a happy family: the mother, the father, the older brother, and the younger brother. Itachi had just come home and he was the first to welcome him.
"They were a measuring stick to test myself."
They… they… who were they? Just a dream, it was just a dream. There was no way that Itachi was able to see into his dreams. Just what was Itachi talking about, he questioned, pushing himself up to see.
If it was a dream, what were they doing on the floor, wearing the exact same clothing with the exact same bruises?
If it was a dream, why was Itachi standing over them in his uniform rather than his usual black shirt and pants?
He still couldn't see how Itachi could've done it.
"A measuring stick… that's why… That's why you did it… you killed everyone for that…?"
It wasn't Sasuke's voice that was speaking. He could never think Itachi had done it. Itachi was perfect, Itachi was the exceptional living being, Itachi was his special person.
Itachi closed his eyes. "It was very important for me to do so."
Yet Sasuke couldn't control the words that came out from his mouth of the actions that followed. "That's just… bullshit!" He rushed at Itachi with all the strength as he could muster, feeling rage build up from inside of him.
Itachi's fist sent Sasuke reeling.
And Sasuke saw.
Right in front of him were his parents; they would never smile, laugh, or cry ever again. He had never felt so sad, so unbelievably alone. Itachi was the person that he thought he needed, the only person that he needed. So why…? Wasn't the person he owed all his love to his one special person?
He would never hear his mother's sing sweet songs.
He would never see his father bury his face into a news article.
He would never see his brother the same way again.
So maybe, maybe he had lied. Maybe he really did think of every family member as his special person just like his mother. And if that was true, he really did fail. He wasn't able to protect anyone.
Sasuke was at the feet of an ANBU, an elite, someone whose main job was to assassinate the ones he was ordered to.
An ANBU was quite possibly, a ninja that controlled his emotions best.
That was how Itachi was able to kill so easily.
Sasuke didn't want to die. He wasn't ready to die. There were so many things he wanted to do, so many things he had planned… Only this was never a part of it! "Don't kill me!" He couldn't control how desperate he sounded and pushed at the door and the illusion fell apart as the paper tore.
They stood in the streets and Sasuke did not once think about the moon's glow.
"You're not even worth killing… foolish little brother. If you want to kill me... Live miserably! Hate me! Survive through the ugliness. Run… Learn to survive in a world of fear…"
And Sasuke whispered frantically, over and over again as if hypnotized. "Hate… Live… Run… Hate… Live… Run…"
"Yes."
When Sasuke came to, he noticed that the place had been cleaned up… and the door replaced.
---
The place was the same with its white walls, paper doors, and clean floor.
He knew Itachi wasn't the one that cleaned up the mess. He supposed the Hokage and the other shinobi knew of what happened and came before Sasuke came to.
There was no sign of murder, as if a maid had come in and did her best work.
He didn't have time to sit around and mourn over the loss.
He had to get stronger to kill that man.
Itachi was dead. His brother had been killed along with his father, mother, and the rest of the Uchiha clan.
Sasuke doubted there would be a funeral. There were no relatives to invite and he didn't want pity.
He didn't want to speak with anyone; he would rather stay home and do as much as he could to get stronger.
He didn't want help; he was an Uchiha, he had an advanced bloodline, he was supposed to be a genius ninja.
He had to concentrate on his task and avenge his family. That was his goal, the only thing he wanted; he was no longer interested in becoming a ninja. He had to become an adult; he had to let go of all the naivety.
There would be no more wondering about the lack of toys or games in that man's room. He did not need to sneak inside to simply get a jar of hair gel. If he wanted, he could walk in as he pleased and look everywhere without the fear of being caught.
There were no dreams of the future. He would no longer daydream of becoming a genin, chuunin, jounin, or ANBU. Gone were childhood hopes and dreams.
He had to get stronger without the help of anyone; he could learn to get by without anyone.
Sasuke would close himself off to the world and bask in the solitude.
He would not go into their rooms out of curiosity.
Every single item would be put away in boxes and he would not look through them.
What used to be his main mission was impossible. Scratch that off the list, he thought bitterly.
He had to stop loving Itachi, he had to realize everything was a lie, and he had to realize his special person really was dead.
Or that he never existed.
He did not need a person to confide in, protect, and love.
'A special person is unnecessary, weak, and impossible for someone like me; I have to concentrate my efforts on getting stronger…'
There was no room left for any other feeling besides hate.
He was an avenger.
Itachi was his special person.
Nothing was ever going to change that.
Ever.
Sasuke was wrong. And he could never forgive himself for that.
---
The academy was a place filled with idiots, children and adults alike. Both were eager to teach and to learn, innocence shining in children's eyes. It was useless for teachers to be so positive towards their students. Eventually they would be broken down into fighters and abandon all emotions besides hate.
Many seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and years wasted away when educators repeated the same words over and over again. Sasuke did not exactly go by the principle of "time equals money", but sitting in a classroom doing nothing was not his ideal way of spending time.
It was currently lunchtime and Sasuke was summarizing the history lesson they went over. Seven to eight years ago, a law had been passed that every child was to attend the academy and to learn basic survival skills. According to the history books, the reason as to why was that a powerful demon destroyed a huge number of shinobi and only the fourth Hokage was able to seal it. If Sasuke had the choice, he would be at home looking over scrolls describing techniques.
Itachi was not the type to wait. Being at school limited the amount of time Sasuke would have to spend training. He doubted the teachers would teach them any moves that induced physical pain.
It had been precisely a month and three days since the incident. School had started a few weeks ago and he knew he was not what the teachers expected after the genius Uchiha left Konoha.
Then again, they never did expect a quiet, obedient boy to be the murderer of his entire clan.
Sasuke bet that Itachi never took the words his teacher said about friendship and togetherness to heart. At the age of ten, he went on missions that promised near-death experience.
Sasuke found no point in attempting to socialize, but people seemed to think the opposite. Every morning a few people would attempt to talk to him and even when he ignored them, they would keep coming back.
It was decided; without a doubt, children were stupid.
"I'm going to take the Hokage name. Just watch!"
… And an annoying voice that instantly grated on his nerves only helped to verify it.
"Haha!"
"You? Hokage?"
"You're funny, that's impossible for you!"
"What? Wait—don't walk away from me!"
Banter from others, quite possibly from friends of the voice's owner. If Sasuke were to turn around, he would see an empty spot and hear the sound of sandals flopping about along with laughter.
Sasuke remembered the fairy tale that his life used to be when he was so carefree.
Once upon a time, a little boy named Uchiha Sasuke had dreams and wanted to be noticed and loved. He lived with his family where he used to smile and laugh and imagine. He played imaginary games, scouted out for everyday items lying around the house, and dreamt of happy endings without princesses or dragons and he used to believe.
Once upon a time, Uchiha Sasuke used to be a little boy and an idiot.
There was nothing he could learn at school. Everything came so easily after he had grown up and saw what he needed to know in order to survive.
Finished with his lunch, Sasuke went back to class.
A swing swung in the breeze.
---
Compared to the short amount of time Itachi had spent at the academy, five years seemed like a century. Those years he spent passed by slowly as he learned new jutsu, improved his aim, and strengthened each limb. Not to sound arrogant, but no one he saw could measure up to his skill.
Today was graduation. There really wasn't anything special about that day. All they did was perform bunshin jutsu, an elementary technique. After succeeding, they were presented headbands and then told to take a picture to commemorate the event.
As rudimentary as it was, one person was unable to graduate. Little things like that tended to move quickly when there was such a high rate of passes. If someone failed, it was obvious that person wouldn't be passing anytime soon—it was one of the first skills the teachers introduced.
People like that sickened him. Lack of control and lack of focus… the two things necessary to graduate. If a person never had it in the first place, they might as well give up. Failures were never going to be geniuses.
Sasuke simply went home right after the events, practicing as much as he could before he nearly fell over in exhaustion. The bandages seemed to vanish in a blink of an eye and were restocked more often than the food supply.
Over and over the pattern repeated. He didn't mind it so much; it was boring and repetitive, but it gave him the results he needed. His carefully constructed schedule was perfect, every single hour and minute devoted to whatever it was he planned.
A loudmouth could never disrupt his train of thought… or so he thought.
Sometime after graduation, the new genin were to go to their former classrooms to receive their assigned team: three teammates and a jounin as an instructor. Sasuke was prompt as usual and a few excitable students were there as well.
A few minutes later, students began to fill the classroom. Sasuke paid no attention to them; he simply heard their footsteps and their loud discussions. He wouldn't be surprised if they didn't do so well on their first few missions if they couldn't walk into a classroom quietly.
A shadow fell over his disk, obscuring what little light he had, an invasion of personal space. There on his desk was a brightly dressed individual. Sasuke felt almost blinded by all the orange and to make matters worse, the boy's hair was on the verge to being more yellow than blond.
Blue eyes seemed to scrutinize him as if trying to take him apart piece by piece. There wasn't any form of worship present, just curiosity and… jealously?
He was used to seeing joy when someone looked at him and the only time he had ever seen anything else was when he looked in the mirror or in the past. There was something different about this idiot--nothing special, just different.
Maybe it was the whisker-like marks on his cheeks or the brightness of his clothes or the lack of apology for invading his privacy. So Sasuke simply stared back and waited for him to get the hint.
And suddenly, the boy seemed to be shaking. His hands flapped about in the air in a parody of a chicken before he fell forward, hands grabbing at the edge before his face met Sasuke's.
As quickly as it came, the two of them flinched away from each other, instantly wiping the incident from their minds. Sasuke didn't know why he was choking at the fleeting sensation--which wasn't pleasant or disgusting. He could've just resumed to staring off into space and yet…
Somehow, he didn't.
Iruka stepped inside just a few minutes after the sounds of fighting ceased. He briefly summarized what they would be doing as genin before listing the teams.
"Team Seven will be Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, and Uchiha Sasuke…"
"What?! Iruka-sensei, why does an outstanding ninja like myself have to be stuck with a jerk like him?"
Sasuke twitched. Today was just filled with new things like how he was being slandered by the very same student that looked at him with utter contempt. He had thought everyone was an idiot, but this boy had to be the biggest there was. Oh well, at least he wasn't trying to be his friend, thought Sasuke.
"Sasuke had the best marks out of twenty-seven students. You, on the other hand, were dead last!" The boy seemed to wilt at Iruka's words and sat back down.
"… Dead last."
"What did you say?!"
Sasuke knew it was immature to call the boy "dead last" (even when it was true), but it just… came out. As expected, his teammate exploded which only made their other teammate, Sakura, even angrier. He had no idea as to why their teacher chose a loudmouth and a girl as his teammates. As much as he didn't care about people, he cared about how they might drag him down. From what he had seen, the boy didn't have a very good grasp on basic skills and well, any girl wasn't worth Sasuke's attention; it wasn't like any of them were a threat when they always seemed busy preening.
The instructors were to come in sometime after their lunch break. All Sasuke could really do for now was eat. What kind of teacher would they have? Was he (or she) strict? Goofy? Skilled? As long as he didn't get in Sasuke's way and actually taught him some useful techniques, it would be all right.
Sasuke shifted against the window frame out of restlessness. He hadn't done enough training today so his body felt stiff. Once they were excused, he was going to run a few laps and practice a few other things.
"Aha! Got you!"
Surprised at the sudden noise, Sasuke went rigid just as a blur of orange tackled him. It was ten seconds later that he found himself tied up with a transformed Naruto running off.
---
Every second was precious in a mission. Ten seconds could be all it took to launch a master plan given the circumstances or the one in charge. It took four to think of countermeasures, three to execute, two to survey the damage or result, and one to spend as one wished.
Sasuke doubted his comrade even used four seconds to plan it out and he didn't mean that he used two or three; in Naruto's case, ten seconds weren't enough—or if they were, he didn't use them. Naruto probably thought it up as he went along, but it definitely didn't work seeing as that Sasuke was now free of the rope.
He was going to double--no, triple his daily regimen. To think a third-rate ninja was able to catch him off guard meant that he had to think over his training. Sasuke untangled himself from the pieces of rope and went in the direction he imagined Naruto would go to: the academy.
As Sasuke walked toward the academy, he heard an annoying, high-pitched voice calling out. He paid no mind to it while he was looking from left to right to find the dobe. It was only when it grated on his nerves so much that he did and now that it wormed its way into his ears, he could tell it was familiar, but he couldn't quite place it…
"Sasuke-kunnn!"
Hn, so that was why it was so familiar, Sasuke realized. It was just their pink-haired teammate, Sakura. From the way she was looking at him, he hypothesized that she was one of the girls that he would see (or be blocked by) whenever he tried to get a better look at his surroundings. He hoped she wouldn't do that sort of things on a mission; seeing everything around you was necessary to adapt—he could be centimeters away from victory or defeat because of that variable.
Her face was practically red, but he could see from her movements that she was excited for some reason. "Sasuke-kun, how about we continue from where we left off?"
If it had not been those years of schooling his facial expressions, Sasuke would look utterly confused. He chose to ignore what she said. It couldn't be anything important. Getting back at that idiot was what was on his mind right now; he wasn't going to let the boy get away for making a fool of him. "Have you seen Naruto?"
Her expression went from one of utter delight to one of utter annoyance. "Naruto? What do you want to talk to him for?" Just as Sasuke was about to retort that it really wasn't any of her business, she continued to rant. "He's just a troublemaker; all he does is pull pranks and he doesn't even have any parents. I mean, if you've just seen what he's done to the Hoka…"
Sasuke zeroed in on one fact. Doesn't have any parents…? So he and the dunce did have something in common. From the way he acted, he certainly didn't seem to be missing any parents. Then again, Sasuke had only met him today and it wasn't much of a meeting- more of a glaring contest.
"… If I acted that way, my parents would ground me for sure! He's so lucky that he doesn't have parents to get on his case." She shook her head, sighing and held her hands out as a sign of frustration as if she expected him to agree.
Sasuke held back the urge to growl at her. She didn't know. She didn't have the right to speak that way. He wasn't thinking of Naruto, oh no, he was offended by how she spoke so casually about family as if she didn't care much about how much they had probably done for them. All she was worried about was being grounded.
He couldn't respect people like that. Not now, not ever.
"There's a different kind of pain besides being yelled at by your parents…" He started, thinking it was time to leave before he really got angry. He didn't want to be reminded of the loneliness. "You're… annoying."
She was quiet now. That was just the way he liked it.
It wasn't too long after that he spotted Naruto running towards his direction. The boy was obviously surprised and skidded to a stop. It was almost like he hadn't suspected Sasuke to free himself so easily.
"What are you doing here?!"
Right on the mark. Sasuke gave a smirk out of superiority, "Ninjas can untie rope. Remember that, dead last." A look of comprehension dawned on the blond's face and then slowly, a look of fear.
Needless to say, Naruto was a little late to the classroom.
---
Sasuke wasn't sure what to think of Hatake Kakashi. The man had been late on their first meeting and had been "defeated" by a mere blackboard eraser. He didn't tell them anything about himself besides his name and from what Sasuke could tell… the man didn't seem to take his work seriously. When he and Sakura had concealed themselves amongst the bushes, Naruto stood out in the clearing and issued a challenge, which resulted in Kakashi pulling out a book called Icha Icha Paradise. The orange-clad boy exploded into rapid movement as if he hoped at least one of his kicks, punches, or kunai met with the jounin's limbs.
If only to show how little the man cared about his job, he did the most ridiculous move ever—and somehow, it worked. Then again, the man was a jounin. If he wanted, he could use turn a harmless piece of sushi into a deadly weapon… however that may be. Sasuke knew he shouldn't be thinking such things when there were a million other far more important things for him to be considering.
Sasuke held back from cursing. He had let another person interrupt his thoughts again. Stupid Naruto and stupid Kakashi. Both were so very stupid. Naruto for … well, just about everything he had done from the point Sasuke had known him (and that hadn't been a long time at all) and Kakashi for just standing there.
Out from the water came shuriken—deadly accurate if not for its thrower being underwater—with the intention to slice the man's head clear off his body. With his eyes still on the page, he caught one and batted another aside as if he were oblivious to the fact that he was inches away from death.
Sasuke felt his stomach beckoning for food. They didn't have much time until lunch. When he looked back up, he saw Naruto screaming at Kakashi who in turn ignored him and walked away.
Something kept screaming at Sasuke to throw. The teacher's back was open and Sasuke was always good with both long and short distance—but he had to admit that even Naruto's shots were good and hadn't done much. But Naruto was distracting Kakashi…so maybe…
Instead of shuriken, eight familiar forms came out from the river. He could hear the sound of their steps as they lined up behind the original. They weren't just clones—they were real; he could hear just how exhausted they were, as if they were mimicking the original. Not Bunshin, but Kage Bunshin no Jutsu.
"With your ability, it should only last a minute… No matter how you line up, you're still Naruto. You can't beat me with that jutsu."
So Kakashi knew about this jutsu—not too impressive since it was only one, but Sasuke had to give him at least one point for being granted a teaching credential. Sasuke knew he should've been thinking up a strategy, but he was stuck with unpredictable teammates.
Naruto had gotten to the spot he had been eying earlier. It hadn't been wise for Kakashi to let his guard down. It was a good plan.
… Too bad Naruto felt it was customary to tell the world how he came up with it. Sasuke almost winced. It didn't look very pleasant to punch oneself.
Kawarimi no Jutsu, that was all that needed to be said. There were really no openings whatsoever. That careless attitude was just a way to throw them off, to show they really should not judge by the eye.
Sasuke had to be precise with everything and this was no exception. He watched as they continued to "converse". Just a little movement… like a twitch or something that would indicate he had let a single muscle relax.
There! In a routine he had done throughout his many lessons, Sasuke took less than a second to completely stabilize himself on the branch and let four projectiles fly. He dared to feel an ounce of pride at seeing blood spraying out from where the shuriken had landed.
A poof of smoke revealed the workings of Kawarimi no Jutsu again; a log embedded with the very same shuriken he had thrown.
It had been so very easy for Kakashi to replace himself with a log. If he were on a real mission, if his opponent was a jounin…
/Run…/
The age of thirteen compared to one of someone that was possibly in his mid twenties… It had been so very easy for him back then too. Maybe even easier—and he wasn't playing around at all, not like now.
/If you want to live… hate me, be strong. Be a killer./
If Sasuke couldn't even get one lousy bell, then the time he spent training was wasted. If he needed to kill his teacher to reach his goal… then so be it.
A scream interrupted his thoughts.
"Shinobi fighting lesson number two: genjutsu. Sakura fell for it pretty easily."
So maybe his teammates weren't so predictable. As high as her scores may be, she was severely lacking in physical strength. She wouldn't be of much use in a fight like this or if any at all.
Sasuke was nothing like them. He wasn't a blond with a penchant for trickery or a pink haired girl that said things without knowing.
They lacked what he needed: a purpose, a reason to continue living. Only one person had it and that person could be anywhere.
"I'm not the same as them. Don't take me lightly."
Sasuke could feel a smile underneath the cloth as Kakashi spoke. "Say that after you get the bell… Sasuke-kun."
---
Sasuke didn't know when such... strange... no, when people became important to him. He had no idea that it was possible for the position to be changed from one person to three.
When Sasuke was young, it was always Itachi. Everything would've been fine if it wasn't Itachi that killed their parents, if Itachi hadn't been standing there with a bloody kunai in his hands. It would've been enough if his brother just denied everything. Itachi broke promises and he killed people, but he never lied.
What used to be a family of four Uchihas became... this.
There was Kakashi, their teacher, who was the uncle. He was rarely around and when he was, he didn't do much. The things Sasuke remembered about Kakashi were late arrivals, lectures on teamwork, tree climbing, and the Chidori. Kakashi was the kind of man that made his way into your life without you knowing it and when you did, it was a little too late to do anything about it--whether it be him leaving or staying.
There was Sakura, a teammate, who was both a sister and a mother. She was tiring, but he was used to her clinginess. Most of the time she just followed him around as if she was trying to look for something that just wasn't there. She looked up to him and mistook it for something entirely different like those little girls that claimed they wanted to marry their father or brother when they grew up. He wasn't sure what she was until he felt her arms around him. It had been warm, almost too warm. When he was young, his mother would embrace him and he'd find himself falling asleep; he was just that comfortable. It was... different with Sakura. He never felt like he could just let down his barriers when he was around her. The sense of danger that day had felt almost the same when his parents had been killed--he never had the chance to protect them and the image of his mother overlapped hers. His mother had never been as "weak" as Sakura, but when she told him to stop, it was like she was stopping a little boy from doing something wrong and he hadn't been spoken like that for so long. No one tried to stop him these days. Those arms that threatened to hold onto him for eternity, to never let go. That was how he knew it was not a romantic love. Because you were not supposed to treat the person you love in the fashion your mother would treat you.
There was Naruto, another teammate, who was the little brother. Always excited, always loud, always annoying him. There was something about Naruto that Sasuke just didn't like, something about him that reminded Sasuke too much of himself. He knew it would've made sense for him to respect Naruto for their similarities because they had dealt with the same kind of pain, but it just made Sasuke hate him even more. Maybe hate wasn't even the word. How could you stand to be around the person you hated? Naruto reminded Sasuke too much of himself and how he used to be. So he had never been too loud, but he used to have the same kind of passion to a ninja. He had also wanted someone in particular to acknowledge him and he used to believe in people. In some ways, Naruto represented the Sasuke that he had tried to kill, the Sasuke that had been shoved into the deepest part of his heart. When Sasuke had tried to save Naruto, it was like he was showing that he mattered. Because Sasuke had to become Itachi to defeat Itachi, it was like Itachi was telling Sasuke that he wasn't an insignificant little insect, that he didn't want him to die. And when he saw Naruto's tears, he wondered if he would look the same if Itachi came to his rescue.
Last was him, Uchiha Sasuke. He didn't want to be a part of this family. An avenger wasn't supposed to care, he didn't need distractions.
But why was it he couldn't hurt any of them? If he had to become Itachi, he had to kill them and even though he knew it was supposed to be easy, it wasn't and he couldn't. The easiest way out was the seal--with that, he didn't have to think and he didn't have to wait. If he stayed here, he would forget the reason why he struggled to stay alive.
If he just ignored the recent happenings, he could've just stayed with them, his imitation family. He could've lived a happy life being an "ordinary ninja".
But he didn't want to change. It felt a little too late. If they had come earlier in his life, maybe two, maybe three, maybe four years ago, it would've been okay.
But they didn't.
He didn't want them to get hurt, so he had to leave. That way he wouldn't have to take their lives. So he bid farewell to Naruto with a challenge and Sakura with a "smile"; there was no point in saying anything to Kakashi.
So when Sasuke was stuffed into a barrel, he forgot to take Naruto's reaction into account.
---
"I'm going to take the Hokage name. Just watch!".
"Haha! Naruto, you know that's impossible. You? Hokage?"
"Aw, Sakura-chan! Why won't you take me seriously?"
"Bee-dehhh!"
"What? Wait—don't walk away from me! Sakura-chan!"
"Hehe. Say…Naruto…I've got an idea!"
"What is it?"
"I've figured out a master plan to see Kakashi-sensei's face!"
"Ohh! I didn't think Sakura-chan had such a sneaky side to her! As expected of the smartest kunoichi in school."
"Of course!"
"This is stupid. I'm going home."
"Oh…well…okay, Sasuke-kun."
"Don't be a jerk! Sakura-chan came up with this plan all by herself! You're coming whether you like it or not!"
"I'm not getting mixed up in another stupid scheme of yours, Naruto!"
"What did you say?!"
Amidst the sound of laughter over arguing…it was just another ordinary day for Team 7. And that was all Sasuke could ever want in a more perfect world.
Owari