Smile
Part Two
by Lethe
Chapter Twelve: That I Know You Need to Hear
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So, Komi was lying in the doorway facing the tub. After a moment of this, he seemed to get tired of waiting and left again.
A minute later, he was back. And the tub was getting full. I reached over and turned the faucet off.
He watched it warily as it dripped its last.
The scary noises were gone.
He left.
How weird is that?
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-yami-
I am glad for him; honestly, I am.
Yet there are days when, if I were still living, I would crumple into a ball on the floor and cry.
I cannot do that anymore, and I cannot say that I miss it. But it would be a way to relieve my feelings.
I am dead. I cannot cry. I cannot vent, save my voice, and to whom would I speak? I would not want to place this burden on my vessel.
My light.
Yugi.
The bond is still there. It is still bright as ever, in fact, but it feels as though Yugi is leaving me sometimes. Each day that passes, I can sense him becoming more wrapped up in his love for Anzu. He spends a great deal of time with the girl, now.
I can't say that I blame him. If I were alive, I would rather live than spend my time with the dead. But I am the one he is leaving behind! I, the one who travels with him always, who lives his life, breathes his every breath, hangs on to every thought of his that is passed through this golden artifact.
It is a gift; it is a curse, the reason I still reside in this realm.
How can he leave me? I am with him always.
What do I feel?
Jealousy? No, I harbor no resentment towards Anzu.
Anger? No. Why should I be angry?
What do I feel?
Traces. My emotions are not as strong as they once were; I have no true body and therefore no hormones to spark human passion. But I do feel traces – memories of what I felt, and what would be appropriate to feel.
And what I think I would be feeling if I felt is sadness.
Yugi isn't leaving. He's already gone.
-hikari-
Memories. They're so fragile.
What are memories, really? Where are they kept? Certainly not only in the mind – Yami still has a few of his, and he has no body, right?
They must be kept in the soul.
But people do lose memories. They forget things. Do they lose pieces of their souls when they do? I can imagine it: Yami, a faint image, dissolving bit by bit. Breaking apart like the simulated creatures back in Duelist Kingdom.
No. That isn't a very good thing to think about. It gives me the shivers.
My friends must have lost their souls…
I can't believe that they would forget! I know that I sound like a child, but I thought that I was important enough that they would remember my birthday.
Not even Yami remembered, not even my other half.
Not even Anzu.
I'm sure that they're busy. Schoolwork probably has them bogged down. That's probably it.
But Yami?
I hear a voice. Jonouchi is talking to me.
"Yugi? Are you okay?"
"Hm?" I force a smile. "Yeah, Jou. What were you saying?"
"I wasn't saying anything," says Jou. "Anzu was."
"Are you sure you're okay, Yugi?" says Anzu.
Of course I'm all right. You only forgot… "Yeah. I'm sorry."
Anzu smiles at me. "Anyway, I was saying that we're going to my house after school to hang out. Your grandfather already said we could."
Jonouchi nods enthusiastically. "Seto's bringing a game he's been working on!"
"Okay," I say. The bell rings and we head off to class.
-yami-
I, of course, already know the plan. Jonouchi had managed to waken me when Yugi was sleeping in class – he had been studying the night before – and tell me.
It has been hard keeping my mind blocked for so long. I am surprised that Yugi hasn't noticed yet.
But then, why would he? He doesn't pay nearly as much attention to me as he used to.
I won't go back to that train of thought…
Jonouchi even managed to find Mai and invite her.
Yugi will be surprised.
I am actually looking forward to it.
-hikari-
They have already left. I wanted to get a book from the library, and told them I would catch up with them in a few minutes.
Why did they seem relieved?
Now I'm walking down the street to Anzu's house. It's not too far from the school, but my backpack is weighing heavy on my shoulders.
Some birthday this turned out to be. I don't even have anyone to talk to. Yami has shut me out. What did I do? Is he upset with me for something?
Here's the house. I walk up the steps and ring the doorbell.
I hear voices suddenly become quiet, and footsteps scurrying away from the door. I thought that they had wanted me to come?
The door finally opens, and I step in. It's dark. Are they planning a trick?
Then the light turns on. Suddenly, a dozen voices are yelling at me, their owners surrounding me –
They didn't forget after all.
I laugh happily and blink away the tears.
How could I doubt?
-yami-
The time is finally at hand. I can see Jonouchi's shadowy form reaching for the light switch.
All in an instant, I open myself to Yugi once again and shout the word to his mind: Surprise!
His spirit is astonished, I sense that. His projected self appears to me.
You planned this!
Yes, we did, I say. I smile at him.
I thought…
We wanted you to think that.
It hurt.
You felt alone?
Yeah.
So did I. It was hard not to let you see the plan.
Yugi hugs me tightly. I'm sorry.
It's all right, I find myself telling him.
And it is.
How can he leave me? I am with him always.