The Autumn Ball
It all depends on what the
meaning of a clone is.
- Hamlet, Act II, Sc. II
1. A Clone With You At Last.
It was a warm, hazy day in early July at the Burrow. Hermione and Ron were too bored to play Exploding Snap again, and were lounging under an apple tree, watching an expanse of grass and wildflowers waving in the occasional breeze.
Hermione broke the silence. "Did you hear Gryffindor's holding an Autumn Ball this year?"
"Is that good?"
"Ron, come on now. It's your big chance to be gallant and invite a girl."
"Harry's the gallant one. I've haven't got anyone waiting for me to be gallant."
Hermione gave him a dirty look. "I thought we had agreed that I was a girl."
"I know where you're going with this. I'm supposed to invite you, right?"
"Yes. Based on the next-week principle."
"What's the next-week principle?"
"If you don't invite me, I'm going to hex you into next week."
"Oh... that one. And you're merciless about dating. I learnt that much."
"I am. And you still need to be trained up on dealing with us girls. We ought to be going over a few things to make life a little more pleasant between us."
"Dad already gave me the girl lecture."
She smirked. "Not that, you git. I was referring to all our arguments. I'd wager Harry would be happier if we weren't always griping and shouting at each other. I have an idea on how to fix that before school starts."
"Okay, I'll ask -- but I'll probably regret it. What's your brilliant idea?"
"We'll duplicate ourselves."
"WHAT?"
"We'll create some temporary copies, and practise interacting with them."
"ARE YOU MAD?"
"It's not a simple charm, but it's safe. I know where to find it in the books. Did you ever wonder where all those chickens come from that you gobble down every night at Hogwarts? I think they must clone Hagrid's little flock over and over, day after day."
"We're not chicken, Hermione."
She chuckled at that. "Oh, sometimes I think we.... well, anyway. Here's my plan. The book says human clones are perfect copies at the moment of their shaping. However, they can be instructed by their originals, steering them to do things a different way. So, you want to see what it'd be like if I were less argumentative? Fine! I'll instruct my clone to be peaceful, and you try conversing with her. Meanwhile, I'll be doing the same with your clone, who will be slightly different in some way."
"And are we supposed to put up these two clowns in the Burrow all summer?"
"Clones. And no, we can vanish them after an hour or two, then bring them back the next time we want them. You'll know that you can say things to her that won't matter, because it's not really me. Then we'll swap notes on our experience, and maybe adjust our own way of doing things."
"I'd feel really strange talking to a Hermione while you're someplace else talking to a Ron."
"You talked to me when I was petrified. That wasn't exactly normal."
"That was different. Besides, what are you going to do if the clone's more fun to be with? Zot me, and let him take my place?
She laughed. "Hmmm! Not a bad idea, actually! We could bump you off, run your sorry butt through the neighbor's wood chipper, and the clone and I could go on holiday together. That might work."
"You worry me sometimes, Hermione."
"Fear me, Ron."
Hermione began practising the charm with chickens. Her first wave of the wand produced a six-foot-tall rooster with an attitude, which scared the other chickens before she vanished it. I must keep my mind off Ron, she thought.
By mid-July, she had perfected her wand action, and felt prepared to have a go at human shaping. She would apparate the two clones, then each of them would control their own copy.
"So, Ron, have you decided what qualities you want to mould into your Ron?"
"Yeah, I think so. Do I have to tell you what they are ahead of time?"
She hesitated; that was a good point. "You're right. Let's not say. If it's a significant change, I should notice what you did."
"Okay. And how will we tell them from us?"
"Umm.. when I charm them, I'll give them blue shirts. Will that do?"
"Yeah. And... do we agree we shouldn't do any.... umm.. I mean, when you're with the other Ron, you wouldn't actually... umm..."
"Ron, I can't complain if you want to practise your snogging technique... seeing as how you can't bring yourself to try it the rest of the time! But if you even think about getting horny with my clone, just remember I know Ginny's bat-bogey hex."
"Well, I don't want to see my clone get misused, either. Agreed?"
"I'd much rather you wore any silly smiles yourself, Mr. Weasley. Agreed."