What I Meant to Say - Chapter 3
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. not at all. Although I wish I owned Grissom ;)
Author's note: Thanks for the feedback. It's greatly appreciated. Please R&R. Tell me what's good and what stinks (nicely of course). Constructive criticism is a writer's best friend.
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"I'm serious, Sara." We need to talk about this."
Sara cringed. There was that word again. THIS. I don't know what to do about THIS. We need to talk about THIS.
"What 'this' Grissom?"
He paused. "Our relationship."
"What relationship?"
Grissom shook his head. It was like pulling teeth with her.
"What relationship? At the very least we're co-workers, Sara. More than that, I thought we were friends."
His words reminded him of what she had said in his office. She wanted more.
"We were once."
Was that it? She felt they weren't friends anymore and she wanted more than a working relationship?
"We were great friends, Grissom. We're still friends, but things have gotten... complicated."
Inwardly, Grissom began to panic. His instincts had been right. She wanted more than friendship. He could be daft, but not that daft. This is what he was afraid of. This was what he fought to push out of his mind every time his heart entertained the notion of loving Sara, and her loving him. It was what could never happen, for so many reasons. Their jobs were one concern. If they were to build a romantic relationship, and were discovered, one of them could be transferred, maybe fired. He was her supervisor. It would not look good that he was dating her.
Then there was the age difference. This is where his self-doubt surfaced. How could he even think that Sara could be attracted to him? He was twenty years older, his hair was graying, and his physical appearance - he knew he was not as fit as he used to be. True, he was no slob, but in his mind Sara could do better. She belonged with someone with a physique like Nick or Warrick. There were just so many complications.
The silence made Sara turn to look at him. What was he thinking?
"Does this mean out talk is over?"
"Not by a long shot. I just needed a moment to think."
"About?"
"That's not important right now. We'll get to that eventually."
There was silence again for a few minutes, until Grissom decided to continue.
"So, why, exactly, did you come into my office this evening?"
She was silent, her eyes darting around the horizon like she was trying to come up with something.
"The truth, Sara."
She sighed, "I was drunk."
"You were not drunk."
"No. You're right. I wasn't. Insane is more accurate."
Grissom gripped the steering wheel tighter to keep his anger in check.
"Can we be adults here?"
"I don't know, Grissom. Can we?"
"I'm trying, but you're making it awfully hard."
Tired of fighting, and feeling a little guilty, Sara let her defenses down.
"You're right. I'm sorry. I just don't see why we have to talk about it. Can't we just forget it?"
"Maybe you could, but I can't."
She looked at him again, "Why not?"
"The look on your face before Warrick came in. I can't quite describe it, but I saw terror, and if talking to me does that to you I'd like to know why. I don't ever want to intentionally hurt you, for any reason. I need to know what's going on."
Sara could feel tears, so she turned to look out her window.
"I went to your office to explain something to you about the day of the explosion."
"I gathered that much."
He was about to remind her of what she had already told him, but decided to let her get it out at her own pace.
"Right before the lab exploded, I was following you to your office."
His eyebrow went up.
"I was hoping I could catch you alone for a minute, but someone beat me to it. I had wanted to tell you - - Anyway, I decided it could wait. I started to walk back to the lounge, then - boom."
Her tone was flat. Grissom's heart broke. He had been so thankful she and Greg survived that. Greg, for the obvious reasons, but there had been a deeper concern for Sara.
" I took that as a sign that I shouldn't tell you what I had planned to tell you, but, me being me," she chuckled, "I couldn't just abort my entire mission. So, I asked you to dinner. You know the rest."
Grissom was confused.
"There's more - something you're not telling me. What happened in my office this evening was not a result of you telling me you had tried to talk to me before the explosion. What was it you wanted to tell me?"
"I - Grissom, you know!"
"No, I don't! I assume things, but how can I know if I'm right or wrong unless you tell me?"
"I --," She looked out of the window, then straight ahead, her nervousness clear. "I wanted --." She paused, and then worked up enough courage to look directly at him. Her silence finally made him look at her, and she said it.
"I'm in love with you!"
That was it. She finally said it, but the look on his face made her regret it.
"See, now we're at a whole new level of complication. That's why I didn't want to say it. Now, it's out there, and I can't take it back."
"Do you want to take it back?"
"Yes!"
"Why?"
"How about that appalled look on your face? Is that reason enough?"
"This isn't appalled, this is shocked."
"Oh, please. Grissom, you've always known."
"No. No, I knew when you had a crush on me. I knew, or assumed that I knew, when you had a growing attraction toward me, but I never knew this."
Sara became livid.
"Damn it, Grissom! Would you stop using that word!"
"What?"
"'This!' Stop referring to our relationship as 'this!' It makes it sound unimportant!"
Grissom looked like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Sara couldn't take the silence, so she decided to throw the ball back into his court.
"So, you got me to admit it. What are you going to do now?"
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. not at all. Although I wish I owned Grissom ;)
Author's note: Thanks for the feedback. It's greatly appreciated. Please R&R. Tell me what's good and what stinks (nicely of course). Constructive criticism is a writer's best friend.
__________________________________
"I'm serious, Sara." We need to talk about this."
Sara cringed. There was that word again. THIS. I don't know what to do about THIS. We need to talk about THIS.
"What 'this' Grissom?"
He paused. "Our relationship."
"What relationship?"
Grissom shook his head. It was like pulling teeth with her.
"What relationship? At the very least we're co-workers, Sara. More than that, I thought we were friends."
His words reminded him of what she had said in his office. She wanted more.
"We were once."
Was that it? She felt they weren't friends anymore and she wanted more than a working relationship?
"We were great friends, Grissom. We're still friends, but things have gotten... complicated."
Inwardly, Grissom began to panic. His instincts had been right. She wanted more than friendship. He could be daft, but not that daft. This is what he was afraid of. This was what he fought to push out of his mind every time his heart entertained the notion of loving Sara, and her loving him. It was what could never happen, for so many reasons. Their jobs were one concern. If they were to build a romantic relationship, and were discovered, one of them could be transferred, maybe fired. He was her supervisor. It would not look good that he was dating her.
Then there was the age difference. This is where his self-doubt surfaced. How could he even think that Sara could be attracted to him? He was twenty years older, his hair was graying, and his physical appearance - he knew he was not as fit as he used to be. True, he was no slob, but in his mind Sara could do better. She belonged with someone with a physique like Nick or Warrick. There were just so many complications.
The silence made Sara turn to look at him. What was he thinking?
"Does this mean out talk is over?"
"Not by a long shot. I just needed a moment to think."
"About?"
"That's not important right now. We'll get to that eventually."
There was silence again for a few minutes, until Grissom decided to continue.
"So, why, exactly, did you come into my office this evening?"
She was silent, her eyes darting around the horizon like she was trying to come up with something.
"The truth, Sara."
She sighed, "I was drunk."
"You were not drunk."
"No. You're right. I wasn't. Insane is more accurate."
Grissom gripped the steering wheel tighter to keep his anger in check.
"Can we be adults here?"
"I don't know, Grissom. Can we?"
"I'm trying, but you're making it awfully hard."
Tired of fighting, and feeling a little guilty, Sara let her defenses down.
"You're right. I'm sorry. I just don't see why we have to talk about it. Can't we just forget it?"
"Maybe you could, but I can't."
She looked at him again, "Why not?"
"The look on your face before Warrick came in. I can't quite describe it, but I saw terror, and if talking to me does that to you I'd like to know why. I don't ever want to intentionally hurt you, for any reason. I need to know what's going on."
Sara could feel tears, so she turned to look out her window.
"I went to your office to explain something to you about the day of the explosion."
"I gathered that much."
He was about to remind her of what she had already told him, but decided to let her get it out at her own pace.
"Right before the lab exploded, I was following you to your office."
His eyebrow went up.
"I was hoping I could catch you alone for a minute, but someone beat me to it. I had wanted to tell you - - Anyway, I decided it could wait. I started to walk back to the lounge, then - boom."
Her tone was flat. Grissom's heart broke. He had been so thankful she and Greg survived that. Greg, for the obvious reasons, but there had been a deeper concern for Sara.
" I took that as a sign that I shouldn't tell you what I had planned to tell you, but, me being me," she chuckled, "I couldn't just abort my entire mission. So, I asked you to dinner. You know the rest."
Grissom was confused.
"There's more - something you're not telling me. What happened in my office this evening was not a result of you telling me you had tried to talk to me before the explosion. What was it you wanted to tell me?"
"I - Grissom, you know!"
"No, I don't! I assume things, but how can I know if I'm right or wrong unless you tell me?"
"I --," She looked out of the window, then straight ahead, her nervousness clear. "I wanted --." She paused, and then worked up enough courage to look directly at him. Her silence finally made him look at her, and she said it.
"I'm in love with you!"
That was it. She finally said it, but the look on his face made her regret it.
"See, now we're at a whole new level of complication. That's why I didn't want to say it. Now, it's out there, and I can't take it back."
"Do you want to take it back?"
"Yes!"
"Why?"
"How about that appalled look on your face? Is that reason enough?"
"This isn't appalled, this is shocked."
"Oh, please. Grissom, you've always known."
"No. No, I knew when you had a crush on me. I knew, or assumed that I knew, when you had a growing attraction toward me, but I never knew this."
Sara became livid.
"Damn it, Grissom! Would you stop using that word!"
"What?"
"'This!' Stop referring to our relationship as 'this!' It makes it sound unimportant!"
Grissom looked like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Sara couldn't take the silence, so she decided to throw the ball back into his court.
"So, you got me to admit it. What are you going to do now?"