I just don't understand... (Amarant, Security Guard)

That stupid little brat Zidane...I can't believe I became the most wanted man in Treno because of him. And I still can't understand him! What was all of that about 'the sly eagle doesn't kill at whim' or whatever? He just...he just...decided not to fight! He seems really powerful...and yet...he doesn't flaunt his power, or even use it that much. He only uses it when others are in danger...why? He could be the most sought-after assassin in all of the Mist Continent...hell, probably all of Gaia! And yet...

All he really wants to do is stay with his friends? Why, why, why?! I just don't understand this at all. Why give up all this power...all this glory...for mere mortal people? What's so great about having friends, about sticking with people no matter what? Why would you want to do somthing like that?

Now, how did I get dragged into all of this again? Oh yes, back at Madain Sari...when I had to fight that brat again...but even then, he wasn't fighting for the glory of defeating me, or even because I wanted to fight him. It was because I had that stupid jewel, and he wanted it. Just to give back to a friend! Why waste something that will probably sell high by giving it to someone? At least charge some gil near it's worth...

I wonder...why doesn't he flaunt power? Why doesn't he take what he could?

Here I am, walking the main roads like I own them. With my reputation, I could. And when I'm done understanding all of this, I will. Because that's one of the first rules in combat, and whan you're the ruler of a place. Understand your enemies. Understand how they think, how they act, why they act the way they do. If you can't understand and predict them, you won't be able to hold your power. So I need to understand for a reason. I'm not understanding because I'm curious about this, or because I think that being a weakling is good. I'm not doing this because I want to be like him. I'm doing this to help myself, and that's it.

If I finally dispose of him, I'll be the most powerful person around. Not him, me. People think I'm the most powerful now, but someday they're going to realized I'm not. They won't fear me as much, I won't be in control. That is why I'm with him, why I'm helping him. Not because I'm weak.

Zidane said he saw Lani yesterday, when he went to Madain Sari again. I don't know why he was there. But he said she was different. That she felt happy, and free. That she wasn't exactly that into bounty hunting anymore. I didn't believe him, though. She was like me, bounty hunter to the core. Elite of the elite, making lots of money, powerful, feared by all.

So I went to see her. She wouldn't talk to me at first, kept runnng off. Finally, she stopped to talk to me from the top of a wall.

"Look, Amarant, the deal with Branhe is off. The dead don't pay the money."

"Zidane said you'd changed."

"I have. At first, I resented being here. I hated that the moogles had let a defeated person like me live. But then I started to relax for the first time in ages. No worries about killing someone, about someone killing me, about how much money I'll get, about anything. And then I realized I was happy."

"How can a person be happy, being weak, being prey?"

"But that's just it! I don't have to be weak, I don't have to be prey! All I need to do is take care of myself when someone attacks me, keep my skills honed, that kind of thing. But other than that, I'm free. And I like it." Then she did something I've never seen her do before. She laughed. A rich, happy laugh I supposed people would call it. I wouldn't know though. I don't laugh. "You're still the same, Amarant. You don't understand how a person can be happy, and not hunt bounties." She started to jump away, leaping lightly from wall to wall. She turned back when she was almost out of sight.

"Keep hanging around with that kid, Amarant. He might teach you a thing or two about living." Then she was gone.

And still I'm wandering the streets of Treno, pondering her words. I am living. I'm living because I kill. It's part of my motto, the words I live by: 'I kill, therefore I survive.' How can there be any other kind of living?

I just don't understand...