Title: Wrong
Series: Lies in Redemption 9/?
Author: Althea
Feedback: althea@alexandria.cc or FF.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Lucius
Summary: Can two enemies find redemption in each other? Or will they be forever alone with the burden of others expectations.
Warnings: AR, Slash(Yaoi), possible OOC including dark!Dumbledore
Spoilers: All five books
Author's Note: Will be multi-parter will try to get at least one chapter out a week. Sorry will work as fast as I can but I have RL concerns as well. A two year old son, husband who works full time and goes to school and school myself. Will definitely finish this though I don't know how many parts it will be.
Archiving: Beloved Enemies, FF.net, all others just let me know so I can brag to my friends.
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After recovering from the kiss Sirius went up to his room. He could hardly believe that after all this time, Severus had kissed him. It was incredible. His skin was still tingling and the kiss had made his stomach drop out. He had never felt anything like it. Why did Sev do it? He certainly didn't have to kiss him. He had been wanting Sev to kiss him for so long. Why now, after all this time? He couldn't afford to deal with this now. He needed to be there for Harry. But oh, he wanted to feel this way again. He still remembered all those times he had thought he might find a way to be with the Slytherin. Maybe now his fantasy could come true.
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*Flashback June 1975*
*Sirius POV*
The other Marauders and I were lounging in the Gryffindor Common Room. It's the end of fifth year and the O.W.L.S. are finally over with. I am trying to put on my usual happy Gryffindor face, but I just can't. I really want to talk to James and Remus, but Peter's around. I like Peter, but I just can't tell some things him. Peter sometimes seemed to resent me and I don't want any one to find out all my secrets if Peter gets mad at me. I am feeling very unsocial, but I can't arouse suspicion. My thoughts are too focused on my problems though.
I can't stop thinking of a certain Slytherin. I know I shouldn't dwell on it, but I can't help it. I have been having dreams of Severus for a while now and my mind is always on him. The problem is that he will never see me as anything other than an enemy. I had tried to be friends back in first year. I knew who Snape was because our parents were friends, but when we got to Hogwarts Severus refused to even consider me as a friend. Now we are enemies and we would probably never be friends. Which wouldn't bother me; if I wasn't afraid I was falling in love with him.
Oh, I know what everyone thinks about me. I'm a playboy, a ladies man. I could have any girl I want. The problem is I don't want any girl. I only want Sev. At first, I just wanted the boy's attention. I wanted to be noticed; and when Sev ignored me, I decided to try something else. So I picked on him, picked fights. I found ways to start confrontations with him, just so Sev would speak to me. Just the other day, we had been picking on Sev. I know we embarrassed him, but I just wanted for him to notice that I was alive. I don't really want to embarrass Sev or hurt him, but the boy was exasperating.
Peter finally decided to go and meet his girlfriend. She was a Hufflepuff, but none of us really liked her much. As soon as he is gone, I am grabbing James and Remus and dragging them up to our room. I am desperate to talk to them. They are complaining the whole way up. Once we reach the dorm, I close and lock the door with a charm. Then I turn to face them; they are looking at me and wondering what is going on.
"I need to talk to you guys. Please, it is really important. I don't know what to do about it."
Remus looks at me with his understanding golden eyes. "What's wrong, Siri? What has you so upset?"
I look at my two best friends and sigh with frustration. "It's Severus! I don't know how to get his attention. All he sees is a Gryffindor fool. I think I made a mistake. I thought that getting any attention from him was better then none. Now he thinks I hate him or something, or maybe he just hates me. It doesn't matter; all that matters is that he will never see me as anything but an enemy. I'll never get him to see me as anything else. It's all my fault."
James looks at me and just shakes his head. "It took you this long to realize that? Siri, you can be so stupid sometimes. Of course he won't see you as anything other than an enemy; you made sure he would never trust you about anything. You have done your best to make him think you despise him. I'm not even that bad with Lily. Although, I think she does hate me."
I sigh and sit down on my bed. "I know. How do I make it right though? How do I show him how I feel?"
Remus looks up with a brilliant smile on his face. "I know! You have to take potions to get into Auror training. What if you try to get him to tutor you in potions? He is really good and then you would have to spend lots of time alone with him. You could use the time to get close to him. Show him who you really are!"
James smiles, "That's perfect! You can show him you aren't always a complete git! Plus since he is so good at potions, your interest will impress him."
*End POV*
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*Severus POV*
I hate those stupid Gryffindors. They always have to find some way to make a fool of me. If only Sirius wasn't always with them when they do it. How can I possibly have these thoughts about him, when he obviously doesn't care a thing for me? I had to distance him. When he tried to make friends I wanted to so badly. I know how people are though. My father has taught me that you can't trust anyone. They always let you down. So I just stay away from him and keep him at a distance. Sure it hurts; but it would be worse if I tried to be his friend and he then turned on me. At least this way I don't expect anything else. But oh how it hurts!
I watch him all the time. They think I am spying on them. I guess I am in a way. Well at least I am him. I don't want to get them in trouble though. I want him to see me in some way besides the slimy Slytherin he sees now. I wish I didn't dream so much about him. It makes it so hard to see him all the time. I want to tell him, but I know that he would laugh if I did. He has all the girls he wants; what would he want with me? I need to stop thinking. I can't though! I go home soon, and I am not looking forward to it. Not only will I not get to see him, I will have to spend the whole summer with father. I really don't want to deal with father.
*End POV*
*End Flashback*
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*Flashback November 1975*
*Sirius POV*
It's not fair! I was supposed to be tutored by Severus! What went wrong? Why did Remus get chosen to work with Severus? It was all planned. I would get closer to him. But no, Remus is now working with him and my chance is gone. I'll never get close to him now! I want him so much. I need him! What is going to happen now? Maybe Remus can help me. Maybe he will get to know Severus and show him who I really am. I can only hope.
*End POV*
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*Severus POV*
Damn! I really wanted to be paired with Sirius. I thought that he might see me as something special if I was tutoring him. I had this whole fantasy worked out. I would dazzle him with my potions knowledge and he would fall in love with me. Yeah I know, stupid. I just thought that if he knew me....oh who am I kidding. I am pathetic and I wanted to be close to him if only for a short time. I really am a pathetic, slimy git. Remus is nice sure, but no comparison to Sirius. But maybe, maybe Remus can help me. Then Sirius will see me! I can only hope.
*End POV*
*End Flashback*
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*Flashback April 1976*
*Sirius POV*
This is going so wrong! I am losing what little chance I had. Severus doesn't even see me. He only sees Remus. Every time I look, he is staring at Remus. Remus swears he hasn't said anything to him. Remus says that Severus hardly even manages to talk to him, that every time he tries to he gets tongue tied. Remus can be so naive! Severus likes him, not me. He must really like him if he gets tongue tied. I'm watching them now. They don't know it because they are too busy studying, but I have to see.
Severus keeps looking at Remus like he wants to day something. At least Remus isn't doing the same. I couldn't handle it if he turned on me! He knows how I feel about Severus. He was supposed to help me, but he says he hasn't had a chance. Severus never wants to talk about me he says. Well of course he doesn't, he has Remus there all the time. They are working closely over the cauldron and I don't know how long I can watch. Remus seems completely oblivious to the fact that Severus is so clearly interested in him. Why can't Severus look at me like that? I want him to want me.
*Severus POV*
I want to ask him. I can't. He has mentioned Sirius before, but I always sound like and idiot when he does. I wish I could just ask him if Sirius hates me as much as he seems to. We study so often, yet I still can't do it. I am afraid of what the answer will be; afraid of Sirius finding out and hating me even more. I don't think I can deal with that. Yet here I sit, trying to say something to Remus about Sirius. Why does he try to bring up Sirius all the time? Does he suspect how I feel? He might he seems so perceptive sometimes.
I look over at Remus and gather my courage. I need to act now. I can't go on like this. I just don't know what to say. "Remus, can we take a break?"
Remus looks up at me, "Sure Severus. I wanted to talk to you about something anyway. I know you don't really like us Gryffindors much, but Sirius is my friend and I would like to think you are my friend as well. I would like it very much if you didn't hate each other. Do you really hate Sirius so much? Couldn't you try to give him a chance? He really isn't that bad."
I look at him surprised as he says this. This is the most direct he has ever been with me. He wants Sirius and I to get along. Why? I don't know what to do. I need to say something. "You wanted to talk about Sirius, yet again? Why do you always bring him up when we speak? What makes you think that I would enjoy always discussing him? I know that you want to make peace, but I don't think there can ever be peace. There is too much between us." I can only hope he doesn't read the longing I feel in what I say. I don't want him to know that I would love to have peace with Sirius.
He looks the saddest I have ever seen him look. He speaks softly, "I understand, Severus. I just wish that you would give him a chance. I know he would give you one. I could ask him."
I know that for a moment I must look troubled by what he has said. I get my emotions under control, but I have realized something....Remus and Sirius are together. Remus considers me a friend so he wants us to get along. He wants this because he is seeing Sirius. I am such fool! Why didn't I see this before? I speak my voice now cold, "That won't be necessary. I don't want to have anything to do with Black. You and I are not really friends; we just work together for potions. I tutor you, that's all. I think we should stop for the night. I will clean up. You may go."
Remus looks at me, hurt by my tone as much as my words. "I'm sorry. I thought we had gotten to know each other and that perhaps we were friends. I won't bother you again. Goodnight."
I don't even look as he is leaving. I don't want him to see the pain in my eyes that I know I can't hide. I do consider him a friend and I know he is not to blame. He doesn't know of my feelings, I was wrong about that. He only wants Sirius and I to be friends. I can not think about this right now. Someone might see me here.
*End POV*
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Sirius was still hiding in the shadows when he saw Remus leave. His heart was breaking as he heard what Severus said. He only wanted to hurt the other boy. He would love Severus for longer then he could dream possible, but right now the pain within him was too much to bear. He made a quick and impulsive decision. One that he would live to regret for far longer than he could ever imagine. His Gryffindor nature came to the forefront and all else was lost.
"Snape, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be following Remus to spy on him? I know you do; I've seen you."
Severus turned toward the voice that he loved, which held such contempt for him. "Black, get out. The Dungeons are my territory! You have no business here. As you've said, Lupin has left. Why don't you follow after him?"
"No, I have a better idea. You are always spying, wondering what we are doing; in two days after sundown go to the Whomping Willow and you will see what you want to see. Use a stick, there is a knot that if you push will cause the Willow to stop moving. Then you can see what it is we do!" With that Sirius spun away and left. Pain making him hurry his steps.
Severus decided to follow through in a way that would cause grief to all concerned. He knew he shouldn't, but he wanted to know what they did when they were acting so mysterious. Two nights, a full moon, there will be plenty of light to see them. Now he had only to wait. If only he knew what he waited for. It would be a night to shatter hopes that still lived in deepest hearts. Sirius and Severus both had buried their dreams but kept them none the less. In forty-eight hours, they would both be crushed. Hate would blossom.
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*Two days later*
Severus Snape, James Potter, and Sirius Black all sit in Headmaster Dumbledore's office. James and Severus are furious with Sirius. Sirius is dejected knowing what he has done and that this time he really has gone too far. The headmaster has requested that Severus keep Remus' condition a secret. Sirius will not get any noticeable punishment. It was all a prank, and sadly it really was. It was a prank born of pain and longing. Now it is too late to be taken back.
*Severus POV*
He tried to kill me, and he gets nothing but a reprimand and barely that. Oh Gods, he really hates me! I never really thought he hated me. I knew he didn't like me, but he wants me dead. No, don't think about that now. He tried to have me killed and isn't even getting a punishment! They act like it is my fault and I have to keep his animal boyfriends secret. Lupin a werewolf! Well I guess a lot of things make sense now. Still, why does he get Sirius? I'm not some creature; what's wrong with me? I never thought he would do this.
They were all in on it! Remus, no Lupin, did know that I love Sirius, Black, and he wanted to make it clear I had no claim. Potter probably just got cold feet. I bet Pettigrew even knew about it! They're laughing at me now. Sirius is laughing. He knows how stupid I am now. Falling in love with him and then following blindly without a thought. Letting them get close enough to try and kill me.
I am such a fool! How stupid could I possibly get? I need to keep the anger. I can't start feeling anything else; if I do they will have really won. I can not let them win. I thought Dumbledore cared about me. I thought he would protect me. He said he would help me escape my father. Now he lets them do this to me. He doesn't even want to tell them they were wrong let alone punish them. I thought he was different from everyone else, all those people who think we are evil because we are Slytherin. He only wants me to keep his secrets, Lupin's secrets.
I will keep them. I don't want anyone to know what I have done. That I let love blind me. Never again. Sirius and I will be enemies from now on. I will hate him as he hates me. I will hurt him every chance I get. I will never let him have a chance to hurt me again. He will regret this. I must make him pay. I must forget my love. I can not allow him to ever get this close to me again. My heart can't take this again.
*End POV*
*Sirius POV*
I really screwed up this time. Sev was almost killed. It was my fault. I know he blames us all, despite what I said. I can't tell them the truth, which would convince them it's my fault alone. I can't tell them that I did it because I love him, because I was hurt. Now he hates me. He will never see me as anything but his enemy. What have I done? How can I fix this?
Dumbledore hardly gave a care it seems. He was more worried about it coming out that Remus was a werewolf then what I had tried to do. I am worried to about what might happen if anyone found out about Remus. I am also so scared what would have happened if James hadn't discovered my plan. He would have died because of my jealousy. I don't think I could've lived with myself if James had been two seconds later. My world would have ended.
Why doesn't Dumbledore punish me? He could easily do it without anyone finding out about it. He is the headmaster and I am always in trouble. Who would even ask what I had done? They would just assume I had done something again. Severus looks like he wants to kill me. I don't blame him. I almost get him killed and now I'm not even in trouble. I would want to kill me too. I have destroyed any chance to have him see the real me. I can see it in his eyes. He will do everything to make me pay and the others as well. They don't deserve it. It was all my fault.
As we head back to our dorms, I try to explain but James doesn't want to hear about it. I know I have really messed up. I only hope Remus can forgive me. I will talk to him first thing in the morning and hope that he will forgive me. Maybe if I explain he will understand. I can only hope that he will. For now I will sleep and hope that it will all work out.
When I wake up the first place I go is to see Remus. James has already been to talk to him and now he is angry with me. I am trying to explain but he says he doesn't want to hear any of it. I couldn't have made him a killer, the one thing he fears most he will become. I don't know where my head is sometimes, I never even thought about what this would do to us. He says he will forgive me eventually, but for now he needs time. I understand though. I could have destroyed us all. I have lost my love and now my friends even wonder about me. I am hopeless.
*End POV*
*End Flashback*
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Severus couldn't believe he had kissed Sirius. He had wanted to do it for so long and now he had. He had left as quickly as he could without looking like he was running away. He didn't want Sirius to think he had affected him at all, but he also couldn't stand to see the rejection in the other man's eyes. It was a stupid thing to do, but there he was and it was like a dream come true. He could still taste Sirius on his lips. He couldn't believe he had done it. Hopefully Sirius wouldn't mention it. Now if only he could get the opportunity to do it again.
TBC
Ok next chapter back to Hogwarts. Draco deals with some problems. Will Harry be reassured about Lucius' love?
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Thanks to my reviewers: The ever faithful Eowyn6 and Undomiel1, Alena, Lenora,
and to Saavik13 I felt I should respond to this. I will address Harry's dream first since it is the easiest. The dream is a foreshadowing of an event that will come later, as are many things in the story. What it means will not even be addressed in this story but later in the sequel. The dream is only to show something of the nature of the relationship and what may be to come. Harry doesn't even know what it means or what will happen. Now, yes Lucius is gay, in a sense. It is a slash story after all and the main pairing is Harry/Lucius. In my AR being straight or gay is not as simple as all that. There are factors that are involved that have not yet been addressed. No, Narcissa was not just for procreation but then again in a way she was. He loved her but was not in love with her. I don't really address her because at this point she is dead and the only thing that matters about her is the manner of her death and what will be done about it. If anyone has other questions, you are welcome to ask me. I would prefer if you don't have an actual review, positive or negative, that you email me directly. It is of course your choice. Hope this has been helpful.
Hope you all keep tuning in. I love you all!
Series: Lies in Redemption 9/?
Author: Althea
Feedback: althea@alexandria.cc or FF.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Lucius
Summary: Can two enemies find redemption in each other? Or will they be forever alone with the burden of others expectations.
Warnings: AR, Slash(Yaoi), possible OOC including dark!Dumbledore
Spoilers: All five books
Author's Note: Will be multi-parter will try to get at least one chapter out a week. Sorry will work as fast as I can but I have RL concerns as well. A two year old son, husband who works full time and goes to school and school myself. Will definitely finish this though I don't know how many parts it will be.
Archiving: Beloved Enemies, FF.net, all others just let me know so I can brag to my friends.
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After recovering from the kiss Sirius went up to his room. He could hardly believe that after all this time, Severus had kissed him. It was incredible. His skin was still tingling and the kiss had made his stomach drop out. He had never felt anything like it. Why did Sev do it? He certainly didn't have to kiss him. He had been wanting Sev to kiss him for so long. Why now, after all this time? He couldn't afford to deal with this now. He needed to be there for Harry. But oh, he wanted to feel this way again. He still remembered all those times he had thought he might find a way to be with the Slytherin. Maybe now his fantasy could come true.
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*Flashback June 1975*
*Sirius POV*
The other Marauders and I were lounging in the Gryffindor Common Room. It's the end of fifth year and the O.W.L.S. are finally over with. I am trying to put on my usual happy Gryffindor face, but I just can't. I really want to talk to James and Remus, but Peter's around. I like Peter, but I just can't tell some things him. Peter sometimes seemed to resent me and I don't want any one to find out all my secrets if Peter gets mad at me. I am feeling very unsocial, but I can't arouse suspicion. My thoughts are too focused on my problems though.
I can't stop thinking of a certain Slytherin. I know I shouldn't dwell on it, but I can't help it. I have been having dreams of Severus for a while now and my mind is always on him. The problem is that he will never see me as anything other than an enemy. I had tried to be friends back in first year. I knew who Snape was because our parents were friends, but when we got to Hogwarts Severus refused to even consider me as a friend. Now we are enemies and we would probably never be friends. Which wouldn't bother me; if I wasn't afraid I was falling in love with him.
Oh, I know what everyone thinks about me. I'm a playboy, a ladies man. I could have any girl I want. The problem is I don't want any girl. I only want Sev. At first, I just wanted the boy's attention. I wanted to be noticed; and when Sev ignored me, I decided to try something else. So I picked on him, picked fights. I found ways to start confrontations with him, just so Sev would speak to me. Just the other day, we had been picking on Sev. I know we embarrassed him, but I just wanted for him to notice that I was alive. I don't really want to embarrass Sev or hurt him, but the boy was exasperating.
Peter finally decided to go and meet his girlfriend. She was a Hufflepuff, but none of us really liked her much. As soon as he is gone, I am grabbing James and Remus and dragging them up to our room. I am desperate to talk to them. They are complaining the whole way up. Once we reach the dorm, I close and lock the door with a charm. Then I turn to face them; they are looking at me and wondering what is going on.
"I need to talk to you guys. Please, it is really important. I don't know what to do about it."
Remus looks at me with his understanding golden eyes. "What's wrong, Siri? What has you so upset?"
I look at my two best friends and sigh with frustration. "It's Severus! I don't know how to get his attention. All he sees is a Gryffindor fool. I think I made a mistake. I thought that getting any attention from him was better then none. Now he thinks I hate him or something, or maybe he just hates me. It doesn't matter; all that matters is that he will never see me as anything but an enemy. I'll never get him to see me as anything else. It's all my fault."
James looks at me and just shakes his head. "It took you this long to realize that? Siri, you can be so stupid sometimes. Of course he won't see you as anything other than an enemy; you made sure he would never trust you about anything. You have done your best to make him think you despise him. I'm not even that bad with Lily. Although, I think she does hate me."
I sigh and sit down on my bed. "I know. How do I make it right though? How do I show him how I feel?"
Remus looks up with a brilliant smile on his face. "I know! You have to take potions to get into Auror training. What if you try to get him to tutor you in potions? He is really good and then you would have to spend lots of time alone with him. You could use the time to get close to him. Show him who you really are!"
James smiles, "That's perfect! You can show him you aren't always a complete git! Plus since he is so good at potions, your interest will impress him."
*End POV*
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*Severus POV*
I hate those stupid Gryffindors. They always have to find some way to make a fool of me. If only Sirius wasn't always with them when they do it. How can I possibly have these thoughts about him, when he obviously doesn't care a thing for me? I had to distance him. When he tried to make friends I wanted to so badly. I know how people are though. My father has taught me that you can't trust anyone. They always let you down. So I just stay away from him and keep him at a distance. Sure it hurts; but it would be worse if I tried to be his friend and he then turned on me. At least this way I don't expect anything else. But oh how it hurts!
I watch him all the time. They think I am spying on them. I guess I am in a way. Well at least I am him. I don't want to get them in trouble though. I want him to see me in some way besides the slimy Slytherin he sees now. I wish I didn't dream so much about him. It makes it so hard to see him all the time. I want to tell him, but I know that he would laugh if I did. He has all the girls he wants; what would he want with me? I need to stop thinking. I can't though! I go home soon, and I am not looking forward to it. Not only will I not get to see him, I will have to spend the whole summer with father. I really don't want to deal with father.
*End POV*
*End Flashback*
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*Flashback November 1975*
*Sirius POV*
It's not fair! I was supposed to be tutored by Severus! What went wrong? Why did Remus get chosen to work with Severus? It was all planned. I would get closer to him. But no, Remus is now working with him and my chance is gone. I'll never get close to him now! I want him so much. I need him! What is going to happen now? Maybe Remus can help me. Maybe he will get to know Severus and show him who I really am. I can only hope.
*End POV*
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*Severus POV*
Damn! I really wanted to be paired with Sirius. I thought that he might see me as something special if I was tutoring him. I had this whole fantasy worked out. I would dazzle him with my potions knowledge and he would fall in love with me. Yeah I know, stupid. I just thought that if he knew me....oh who am I kidding. I am pathetic and I wanted to be close to him if only for a short time. I really am a pathetic, slimy git. Remus is nice sure, but no comparison to Sirius. But maybe, maybe Remus can help me. Then Sirius will see me! I can only hope.
*End POV*
*End Flashback*
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*Flashback April 1976*
*Sirius POV*
This is going so wrong! I am losing what little chance I had. Severus doesn't even see me. He only sees Remus. Every time I look, he is staring at Remus. Remus swears he hasn't said anything to him. Remus says that Severus hardly even manages to talk to him, that every time he tries to he gets tongue tied. Remus can be so naive! Severus likes him, not me. He must really like him if he gets tongue tied. I'm watching them now. They don't know it because they are too busy studying, but I have to see.
Severus keeps looking at Remus like he wants to day something. At least Remus isn't doing the same. I couldn't handle it if he turned on me! He knows how I feel about Severus. He was supposed to help me, but he says he hasn't had a chance. Severus never wants to talk about me he says. Well of course he doesn't, he has Remus there all the time. They are working closely over the cauldron and I don't know how long I can watch. Remus seems completely oblivious to the fact that Severus is so clearly interested in him. Why can't Severus look at me like that? I want him to want me.
*Severus POV*
I want to ask him. I can't. He has mentioned Sirius before, but I always sound like and idiot when he does. I wish I could just ask him if Sirius hates me as much as he seems to. We study so often, yet I still can't do it. I am afraid of what the answer will be; afraid of Sirius finding out and hating me even more. I don't think I can deal with that. Yet here I sit, trying to say something to Remus about Sirius. Why does he try to bring up Sirius all the time? Does he suspect how I feel? He might he seems so perceptive sometimes.
I look over at Remus and gather my courage. I need to act now. I can't go on like this. I just don't know what to say. "Remus, can we take a break?"
Remus looks up at me, "Sure Severus. I wanted to talk to you about something anyway. I know you don't really like us Gryffindors much, but Sirius is my friend and I would like to think you are my friend as well. I would like it very much if you didn't hate each other. Do you really hate Sirius so much? Couldn't you try to give him a chance? He really isn't that bad."
I look at him surprised as he says this. This is the most direct he has ever been with me. He wants Sirius and I to get along. Why? I don't know what to do. I need to say something. "You wanted to talk about Sirius, yet again? Why do you always bring him up when we speak? What makes you think that I would enjoy always discussing him? I know that you want to make peace, but I don't think there can ever be peace. There is too much between us." I can only hope he doesn't read the longing I feel in what I say. I don't want him to know that I would love to have peace with Sirius.
He looks the saddest I have ever seen him look. He speaks softly, "I understand, Severus. I just wish that you would give him a chance. I know he would give you one. I could ask him."
I know that for a moment I must look troubled by what he has said. I get my emotions under control, but I have realized something....Remus and Sirius are together. Remus considers me a friend so he wants us to get along. He wants this because he is seeing Sirius. I am such fool! Why didn't I see this before? I speak my voice now cold, "That won't be necessary. I don't want to have anything to do with Black. You and I are not really friends; we just work together for potions. I tutor you, that's all. I think we should stop for the night. I will clean up. You may go."
Remus looks at me, hurt by my tone as much as my words. "I'm sorry. I thought we had gotten to know each other and that perhaps we were friends. I won't bother you again. Goodnight."
I don't even look as he is leaving. I don't want him to see the pain in my eyes that I know I can't hide. I do consider him a friend and I know he is not to blame. He doesn't know of my feelings, I was wrong about that. He only wants Sirius and I to be friends. I can not think about this right now. Someone might see me here.
*End POV*
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Sirius was still hiding in the shadows when he saw Remus leave. His heart was breaking as he heard what Severus said. He only wanted to hurt the other boy. He would love Severus for longer then he could dream possible, but right now the pain within him was too much to bear. He made a quick and impulsive decision. One that he would live to regret for far longer than he could ever imagine. His Gryffindor nature came to the forefront and all else was lost.
"Snape, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be following Remus to spy on him? I know you do; I've seen you."
Severus turned toward the voice that he loved, which held such contempt for him. "Black, get out. The Dungeons are my territory! You have no business here. As you've said, Lupin has left. Why don't you follow after him?"
"No, I have a better idea. You are always spying, wondering what we are doing; in two days after sundown go to the Whomping Willow and you will see what you want to see. Use a stick, there is a knot that if you push will cause the Willow to stop moving. Then you can see what it is we do!" With that Sirius spun away and left. Pain making him hurry his steps.
Severus decided to follow through in a way that would cause grief to all concerned. He knew he shouldn't, but he wanted to know what they did when they were acting so mysterious. Two nights, a full moon, there will be plenty of light to see them. Now he had only to wait. If only he knew what he waited for. It would be a night to shatter hopes that still lived in deepest hearts. Sirius and Severus both had buried their dreams but kept them none the less. In forty-eight hours, they would both be crushed. Hate would blossom.
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*Two days later*
Severus Snape, James Potter, and Sirius Black all sit in Headmaster Dumbledore's office. James and Severus are furious with Sirius. Sirius is dejected knowing what he has done and that this time he really has gone too far. The headmaster has requested that Severus keep Remus' condition a secret. Sirius will not get any noticeable punishment. It was all a prank, and sadly it really was. It was a prank born of pain and longing. Now it is too late to be taken back.
*Severus POV*
He tried to kill me, and he gets nothing but a reprimand and barely that. Oh Gods, he really hates me! I never really thought he hated me. I knew he didn't like me, but he wants me dead. No, don't think about that now. He tried to have me killed and isn't even getting a punishment! They act like it is my fault and I have to keep his animal boyfriends secret. Lupin a werewolf! Well I guess a lot of things make sense now. Still, why does he get Sirius? I'm not some creature; what's wrong with me? I never thought he would do this.
They were all in on it! Remus, no Lupin, did know that I love Sirius, Black, and he wanted to make it clear I had no claim. Potter probably just got cold feet. I bet Pettigrew even knew about it! They're laughing at me now. Sirius is laughing. He knows how stupid I am now. Falling in love with him and then following blindly without a thought. Letting them get close enough to try and kill me.
I am such a fool! How stupid could I possibly get? I need to keep the anger. I can't start feeling anything else; if I do they will have really won. I can not let them win. I thought Dumbledore cared about me. I thought he would protect me. He said he would help me escape my father. Now he lets them do this to me. He doesn't even want to tell them they were wrong let alone punish them. I thought he was different from everyone else, all those people who think we are evil because we are Slytherin. He only wants me to keep his secrets, Lupin's secrets.
I will keep them. I don't want anyone to know what I have done. That I let love blind me. Never again. Sirius and I will be enemies from now on. I will hate him as he hates me. I will hurt him every chance I get. I will never let him have a chance to hurt me again. He will regret this. I must make him pay. I must forget my love. I can not allow him to ever get this close to me again. My heart can't take this again.
*End POV*
*Sirius POV*
I really screwed up this time. Sev was almost killed. It was my fault. I know he blames us all, despite what I said. I can't tell them the truth, which would convince them it's my fault alone. I can't tell them that I did it because I love him, because I was hurt. Now he hates me. He will never see me as anything but his enemy. What have I done? How can I fix this?
Dumbledore hardly gave a care it seems. He was more worried about it coming out that Remus was a werewolf then what I had tried to do. I am worried to about what might happen if anyone found out about Remus. I am also so scared what would have happened if James hadn't discovered my plan. He would have died because of my jealousy. I don't think I could've lived with myself if James had been two seconds later. My world would have ended.
Why doesn't Dumbledore punish me? He could easily do it without anyone finding out about it. He is the headmaster and I am always in trouble. Who would even ask what I had done? They would just assume I had done something again. Severus looks like he wants to kill me. I don't blame him. I almost get him killed and now I'm not even in trouble. I would want to kill me too. I have destroyed any chance to have him see the real me. I can see it in his eyes. He will do everything to make me pay and the others as well. They don't deserve it. It was all my fault.
As we head back to our dorms, I try to explain but James doesn't want to hear about it. I know I have really messed up. I only hope Remus can forgive me. I will talk to him first thing in the morning and hope that he will forgive me. Maybe if I explain he will understand. I can only hope that he will. For now I will sleep and hope that it will all work out.
When I wake up the first place I go is to see Remus. James has already been to talk to him and now he is angry with me. I am trying to explain but he says he doesn't want to hear any of it. I couldn't have made him a killer, the one thing he fears most he will become. I don't know where my head is sometimes, I never even thought about what this would do to us. He says he will forgive me eventually, but for now he needs time. I understand though. I could have destroyed us all. I have lost my love and now my friends even wonder about me. I am hopeless.
*End POV*
*End Flashback*
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Severus couldn't believe he had kissed Sirius. He had wanted to do it for so long and now he had. He had left as quickly as he could without looking like he was running away. He didn't want Sirius to think he had affected him at all, but he also couldn't stand to see the rejection in the other man's eyes. It was a stupid thing to do, but there he was and it was like a dream come true. He could still taste Sirius on his lips. He couldn't believe he had done it. Hopefully Sirius wouldn't mention it. Now if only he could get the opportunity to do it again.
TBC
Ok next chapter back to Hogwarts. Draco deals with some problems. Will Harry be reassured about Lucius' love?
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Thanks to my reviewers: The ever faithful Eowyn6 and Undomiel1, Alena, Lenora,
and to Saavik13 I felt I should respond to this. I will address Harry's dream first since it is the easiest. The dream is a foreshadowing of an event that will come later, as are many things in the story. What it means will not even be addressed in this story but later in the sequel. The dream is only to show something of the nature of the relationship and what may be to come. Harry doesn't even know what it means or what will happen. Now, yes Lucius is gay, in a sense. It is a slash story after all and the main pairing is Harry/Lucius. In my AR being straight or gay is not as simple as all that. There are factors that are involved that have not yet been addressed. No, Narcissa was not just for procreation but then again in a way she was. He loved her but was not in love with her. I don't really address her because at this point she is dead and the only thing that matters about her is the manner of her death and what will be done about it. If anyone has other questions, you are welcome to ask me. I would prefer if you don't have an actual review, positive or negative, that you email me directly. It is of course your choice. Hope this has been helpful.
Hope you all keep tuning in. I love you all!