TITLE: Lavander Loves…
RATING: PG-13 for a bit of swearing
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, if I did I'm sure I'd be richer
Authors note: #indicates a voices in the head interruption#
Dedicated to my beta and her Snape obsession.
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**************
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One girl is trying to gain a certain potions master. Key word there, trying. So what happens when the Professor you're after is a grumpy, greasy git and you're not the only one who wants a little Snape loving? A bit of random craziness to enjoy.
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**************
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Letter 1 – The 'I'm obsessed with you but I don't want to come on to strong'
Dearest Sevie -- #too early to try out nicknames#
Dear Severus -- #No no too familiar#
Snape -- #too informal#
Dear Professor Snape -- #don't want to remind him that he's our teacher#
To Severus Snape -- #ahh perfect#
I want you -- #don't come on to strong!#
In the interest of furthering my studies I wish to suck your knowledge out of your brain through the kissing technique -- #too immature#
would it be possible to book some extra time in the Potions Lab? How's eight tonight by candlelight? -- #keep fantasies OUT of letters!!#
Luv Lavander Snape -- #big no-no#
Love your willing sex slave -- #what have I said about coming on too strong?#
Lavander Brown -- #perfect, says everything but leaves plenty to mystery#
:: FINAL VERSION ::
To Severus Snape,
In the interest of furthering my studies, would it be possible to book extra time in the Potions Lab?
Lavander Brown
.
**************
.
Miss Brown.
Tuesday evenings 7 - 8:30pm. Please refrain in future from using anything as familiar as my first name
Professor Snape
.
**************
.
Dear Sour Puss -- #insulting bad#
Dear Mr No Wonder I Am So Uptight With That Attitude I Haven't Been Laid In 15 Years -- #insulting bad!!!#
Dear Mr Sexy Scowl Scawl Scowl -- #no spelling makes that good#
Dear Mr I Know Your Shoe Size Hows That For Familiar Bucko!
oh I wish you had of told me that in person, I bet you would have growled, lowered that voice an octave or two just to give it a bit of -- #I am going to stop right there as you've started drooling on the parchment#
I was not drooling!
#there's a mark right there saying you are. Anyway, why are you writing back? What ya gunna say "I'll see you at 7 you bring the champagne?"#
Oh shut up! [runs off to get ready for Potions]
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**************
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7:00pm - Dungeons
Status: noticeably excited
He opened the door and turned around and stalked back to his desk. Oh cold manor! The billowing robes! King of pain! I want him to look at me and by grateful for his voluminous robes!
#You know he acts so defensive all the time, I bet you it's because he doesn't need voluminous robes to hide his-#
He's a private person! I'm sure his-
# …And the way he's always scowling and taking points, don't you think that just maybe his trying to compensate for-#
…a very adequate size if not larger that any woman could really handle and that's why he doesn't have a girlfriend.
"Miss Brown are you planning on doing any potions or are you just going to stare at that cauldron for the next hour and a half"
#I could have bottled the sarcasm that was dripping off that#
[sits down by table] I hope he realized I'm wearing last year's robes, with excessive tightness across the breasts.
#You're being blatant, you know!#
Shut up! Oh he scowled! He scowled because I just banged the table when I said shut up- but his scowl!
#He just muttered something about incompetent Gryfindors under his breath. He acts like an arse. I'm beginning to think you have masochistic tendencies#
I do not! Oh, I want him to growl at me again!
#Please, you want him to spank you!#
Do not! Underneath that sexy rough exterior he is really a kind considerate man.
#Oh yes! How could I be so blind! And his nose isn't huge either. Trick of light#
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**************
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7:10pm – Still in the dungeons
Status: Defensive
His nose isn't huge!
#We've been arguing like this for ten minutes, are we looking at the same person? I suppose you don't think his hair is greasy either#
Greasy?! That's not greasy! It's silky and shiny!
#Shiny as an oil slick#
I'm not listening! 10 bottles of beer on the wall-
#Ma! Pa! We're rich! We struck oil! Go get Jethro!#
TEN BOTTLES OF BEER, TAKE ONE DOWN PASS IT-
"Miss Brown, stop that irritating humming!"
"Sorry Professor"
He talked to me!
#He always talks to you#
But I'm the only one here
#Wow, he yelled at you, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!#
Do you really think so?
#[Exasperated sigh]#
.
**************
.
7:33pm – Dungeons
Status: Teed off, reason - one red-faced, bushy-haired know-it-all just came bursting into the dungeons
"Miss Granger, you're late."
Three minutes isn't much but Hermione knew not to argue cause she was here for a detention. SUCKER! Miss goody-goody-Head Girl-thinks she so great cause her best friend's Harry Potter, kept getting detention with Professor Snape. They were always arguing over something, properties of smelly stuff and whether it can be used with something else that smells. She should fall at his feet and beg forgiveness for questioning his intellect. He was so much smarter then HER! And now she was here and I knew the mood between me and Sevie would be ruined.
#Mood! What you mean is this awkward silence ever since you ruined your first attempt at the potion*
Shut up! He hasn't scowled at me once!
*… for the past 2 minutes*
"Set about cleaning the storeroom Miss Granger, labels and rotation, you know the drill." Hermione just scowled at him as she took off her robe, rolled up her sleeves and headed to the storeroom. Who the hell does she think she is? Scowling! At Snape! Oh I hope he growls at her! Oh no! No I don't! I want him to ignore her! Yes, that's right, ignore her! He couldn't care enough to growl at her! I don't want competition! Oh God, I think I'm going to hyperventilate.
*Don't forget she took off her robe. That could have been deliberate*
Oh Merlin you're right! If Snape gets a good look at her I'm gone. But I don't know, she might be kinda skinny, and here boobs aren't really as big as mine, but-
*I was joking you know. I doubt-*
[Sniffling] He thinks she's prettier then me!
*Oh for fucks sake!*
"Miss Brown," Oh drool! That voice!
[puts on girliest voice ever] "Yes Professor?"
"Your cauldrons boiling over."
Whoops. He used such a sexy voice when he said that. Boiling. Boiling over. He wants me hard.
*I think I'm going to be sick. Do you have selective hearing or something because you missed the bit afterward where he muttered useless imbecile*
[Suddenly a scream ripped through the room and then a loud thud. Quick as lightening Severus was up and in the storeroom. Where I wasn't and Hermione was]
Oh that does it, two can play it that game. It's time to stop the bitch in her tracks. I have womanly assets – large womanly assets – and it's time to make a quick decision.
[Grabs the bottle of beatle juice and promptly spills it all over shirt]
#Ewwww that stuff smells you know, know we're all wet!#
Precisely
#This is good because…#
Because now I can just sit here waiting for him to come out of that stupid storeroom and get a good look at a real woman's breasts while I smile in a "I'm a sexy female aware of my budding sexuality" way. One look at my very wet, very tight shirt and he'll forget whatever's wrong with the know-it-all.
#You realise that right now, you've turned us into more of a slut than Pansy Parkinsons.#
Stop your whining!
#Me! Stop my whining? I'm the part of our personality who feel shame you know!#
Hush I can hear movement and I need to look dismayed enough to make this appear to be an accident.
#If you ask me-#
Did I! He's coming out. He's coming out with the slut in his arms!
#She's unconscious#
She's faking! He left. He just left. He didn't even look at my boobs. I'm gunna kill Granger!
#Well her head was bleeding, might not be as hard as you would think.#
Please! That was obviously faked.
#She's seriously injured#
Bunch of bullshit.
.
.**************
8:00pm – Dungeons
Status: Anxious and dry but smelly
He's still not back yet!
#And we smell, beetle juice doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore does it?#
I bet you his in some secluded classroom trapped and trying to escape because Granger's trying to have her way with him.
#You know this might sound like a stupid idea but while he's gone maybe we could actually do some potions#
[Sigh] This is what I get for thinking Hermione was a lesbian.
#You though Hermione was a lesbian#
Well, she does like cats.
#[Deafening laughter]#
Oh shut up! It's only to late I realise my mistake
.
**************
.
8:40pm – Dungeons
Status: Frantic with worry
Why is he not back yet!
#I don't know but it's time we leave#
But I want to stay! Maybe we could have a look around.
#A look around?#
Maybe just to see if he's been doodling my name on pieces of parchment.
#[snort] He doesn't look like a doodler. He looks like a ripper.#
A ripper?
#You know the type. Rips the paper into little bits and pieces, peels the labels off his butter beer bottles. It's a sign of sexual frustration.#
Now that's something I could help him with.
#Do you even know what a boyfriend is?!#
Isn't it like being friends but with groping?
#Exactly. So do you want to be his girlfriend or do you just want a romp in the grass?#
Grass! It'd tickle your butt! Now satin sheets-
#God you're hopeless#
"Miss Brown"
Holy Crap! Stealthy much!
"You startled me Professor."
#That was smooth you didn't even drool. I think we should invest in getting him some squeaky shoes, I nearly wet our pants.#
"Is there a reason why are you still here?"
"I, ah, I… wanted to see how Hermione was." If she touched you I swear to God I'll-
"She has still to regain consciousness but she will be fine. Now return to your dorm."
"Thank you Professor."
.
**************
.
8:50 – Outside the Gryfindor common room
Status: Elated
Did you see it? Do you believe it?!
#For the last time yes#
She didn't have her way with him!
#Unless he had his way with her, I bet you he'd like no reaction. He has that morbid gloom about him, he strikes me as the necrophiliac type#
"The password young lady"
Gross out! He wouldn't touch her. But did you nice he was to me. I didn't hear any malice in his voice when he told me how Hermione was. Oh I hope I don't hurt him to much.
#You? Hurt him?#
Don't you understand! At the moment he's probably tearing himself apart because I'm starting to break through his defenses that he's spent all these year perfecting. And now me, an attractive younger woman, a student! Is starting to melt the walls that he has surrounded his heart with.
#Ah crap, not this Mills and Boom shit again#
"Young lady are you just going to stand there all night or are you going to give me the password?"
"Alright, alright, keep you skirt on. Foot fungus. Icky who comes up with these passwords."
Oh I hope he doesn't fight it
#Doesn't fight foot fungus?#
NO! He's love for me! Oooo look, Harry and Ron are over there with Dean, Neville and Seamus. They'll want to know that something happened to Hermione.
[Deliberatly drifts casually towards the group. Ron and Dean are talking and everyone is laughing]
We have to ease our way casually into the conversation.
#You're thinking about this way to much#
"That's really good money" [everyone laughs]
Quickly we have to giggle along like we know what Dean's is talking about. [giggles]
"I can't believe there is a job where you can get paid $200 an hour!" [everyone laughs again]
What Ron said must have been pretty funny. This is a perfect opportunity to say something…witty
"If someone offers you $200 you take it!"
[everyone is suddenly quiet]
#You thought that was witty#
"Lavander! I didn't know you approved of prostitution!" [everyone bursts out laughing again. Jaw drops, eyes goggle]
"What! I, I never!" [embarrassed stutter kicks in] "I wouldn't! N-not, not ever! Is that what you were talking about!"
[Face starts going redder than Ron's hair, quickly turn and walk away, very very fast.]
#Weren't we going to tell them about Hermione#
No time! I'm really tired, going to bed right now!
.
**************
.
RATING: PG-13 for a bit of swearing
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, if I did I'm sure I'd be richer
Authors note: #indicates a voices in the head interruption#
Dedicated to my beta and her Snape obsession.
.
**************
.
One girl is trying to gain a certain potions master. Key word there, trying. So what happens when the Professor you're after is a grumpy, greasy git and you're not the only one who wants a little Snape loving? A bit of random craziness to enjoy.
.
**************
.
Letter 1 – The 'I'm obsessed with you but I don't want to come on to strong'
Dearest Sevie -- #too early to try out nicknames#
Dear Severus -- #No no too familiar#
Snape -- #too informal#
Dear Professor Snape -- #don't want to remind him that he's our teacher#
To Severus Snape -- #ahh perfect#
I want you -- #don't come on to strong!#
In the interest of furthering my studies I wish to suck your knowledge out of your brain through the kissing technique -- #too immature#
would it be possible to book some extra time in the Potions Lab? How's eight tonight by candlelight? -- #keep fantasies OUT of letters!!#
Luv Lavander Snape -- #big no-no#
Love your willing sex slave -- #what have I said about coming on too strong?#
Lavander Brown -- #perfect, says everything but leaves plenty to mystery#
:: FINAL VERSION ::
To Severus Snape,
In the interest of furthering my studies, would it be possible to book extra time in the Potions Lab?
Lavander Brown
.
**************
.
Miss Brown.
Tuesday evenings 7 - 8:30pm. Please refrain in future from using anything as familiar as my first name
Professor Snape
.
**************
.
Dear Sour Puss -- #insulting bad#
Dear Mr No Wonder I Am So Uptight With That Attitude I Haven't Been Laid In 15 Years -- #insulting bad!!!#
Dear Mr Sexy Scowl Scawl Scowl -- #no spelling makes that good#
Dear Mr I Know Your Shoe Size Hows That For Familiar Bucko!
oh I wish you had of told me that in person, I bet you would have growled, lowered that voice an octave or two just to give it a bit of -- #I am going to stop right there as you've started drooling on the parchment#
I was not drooling!
#there's a mark right there saying you are. Anyway, why are you writing back? What ya gunna say "I'll see you at 7 you bring the champagne?"#
Oh shut up! [runs off to get ready for Potions]
.
**************
.
7:00pm - Dungeons
Status: noticeably excited
He opened the door and turned around and stalked back to his desk. Oh cold manor! The billowing robes! King of pain! I want him to look at me and by grateful for his voluminous robes!
#You know he acts so defensive all the time, I bet you it's because he doesn't need voluminous robes to hide his-#
He's a private person! I'm sure his-
# …And the way he's always scowling and taking points, don't you think that just maybe his trying to compensate for-#
…a very adequate size if not larger that any woman could really handle and that's why he doesn't have a girlfriend.
"Miss Brown are you planning on doing any potions or are you just going to stare at that cauldron for the next hour and a half"
#I could have bottled the sarcasm that was dripping off that#
[sits down by table] I hope he realized I'm wearing last year's robes, with excessive tightness across the breasts.
#You're being blatant, you know!#
Shut up! Oh he scowled! He scowled because I just banged the table when I said shut up- but his scowl!
#He just muttered something about incompetent Gryfindors under his breath. He acts like an arse. I'm beginning to think you have masochistic tendencies#
I do not! Oh, I want him to growl at me again!
#Please, you want him to spank you!#
Do not! Underneath that sexy rough exterior he is really a kind considerate man.
#Oh yes! How could I be so blind! And his nose isn't huge either. Trick of light#
.
**************
.
7:10pm – Still in the dungeons
Status: Defensive
His nose isn't huge!
#We've been arguing like this for ten minutes, are we looking at the same person? I suppose you don't think his hair is greasy either#
Greasy?! That's not greasy! It's silky and shiny!
#Shiny as an oil slick#
I'm not listening! 10 bottles of beer on the wall-
#Ma! Pa! We're rich! We struck oil! Go get Jethro!#
TEN BOTTLES OF BEER, TAKE ONE DOWN PASS IT-
"Miss Brown, stop that irritating humming!"
"Sorry Professor"
He talked to me!
#He always talks to you#
But I'm the only one here
#Wow, he yelled at you, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!#
Do you really think so?
#[Exasperated sigh]#
.
**************
.
7:33pm – Dungeons
Status: Teed off, reason - one red-faced, bushy-haired know-it-all just came bursting into the dungeons
"Miss Granger, you're late."
Three minutes isn't much but Hermione knew not to argue cause she was here for a detention. SUCKER! Miss goody-goody-Head Girl-thinks she so great cause her best friend's Harry Potter, kept getting detention with Professor Snape. They were always arguing over something, properties of smelly stuff and whether it can be used with something else that smells. She should fall at his feet and beg forgiveness for questioning his intellect. He was so much smarter then HER! And now she was here and I knew the mood between me and Sevie would be ruined.
#Mood! What you mean is this awkward silence ever since you ruined your first attempt at the potion*
Shut up! He hasn't scowled at me once!
*… for the past 2 minutes*
"Set about cleaning the storeroom Miss Granger, labels and rotation, you know the drill." Hermione just scowled at him as she took off her robe, rolled up her sleeves and headed to the storeroom. Who the hell does she think she is? Scowling! At Snape! Oh I hope he growls at her! Oh no! No I don't! I want him to ignore her! Yes, that's right, ignore her! He couldn't care enough to growl at her! I don't want competition! Oh God, I think I'm going to hyperventilate.
*Don't forget she took off her robe. That could have been deliberate*
Oh Merlin you're right! If Snape gets a good look at her I'm gone. But I don't know, she might be kinda skinny, and here boobs aren't really as big as mine, but-
*I was joking you know. I doubt-*
[Sniffling] He thinks she's prettier then me!
*Oh for fucks sake!*
"Miss Brown," Oh drool! That voice!
[puts on girliest voice ever] "Yes Professor?"
"Your cauldrons boiling over."
Whoops. He used such a sexy voice when he said that. Boiling. Boiling over. He wants me hard.
*I think I'm going to be sick. Do you have selective hearing or something because you missed the bit afterward where he muttered useless imbecile*
[Suddenly a scream ripped through the room and then a loud thud. Quick as lightening Severus was up and in the storeroom. Where I wasn't and Hermione was]
Oh that does it, two can play it that game. It's time to stop the bitch in her tracks. I have womanly assets – large womanly assets – and it's time to make a quick decision.
[Grabs the bottle of beatle juice and promptly spills it all over shirt]
#Ewwww that stuff smells you know, know we're all wet!#
Precisely
#This is good because…#
Because now I can just sit here waiting for him to come out of that stupid storeroom and get a good look at a real woman's breasts while I smile in a "I'm a sexy female aware of my budding sexuality" way. One look at my very wet, very tight shirt and he'll forget whatever's wrong with the know-it-all.
#You realise that right now, you've turned us into more of a slut than Pansy Parkinsons.#
Stop your whining!
#Me! Stop my whining? I'm the part of our personality who feel shame you know!#
Hush I can hear movement and I need to look dismayed enough to make this appear to be an accident.
#If you ask me-#
Did I! He's coming out. He's coming out with the slut in his arms!
#She's unconscious#
She's faking! He left. He just left. He didn't even look at my boobs. I'm gunna kill Granger!
#Well her head was bleeding, might not be as hard as you would think.#
Please! That was obviously faked.
#She's seriously injured#
Bunch of bullshit.
.
.**************
8:00pm – Dungeons
Status: Anxious and dry but smelly
He's still not back yet!
#And we smell, beetle juice doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore does it?#
I bet you his in some secluded classroom trapped and trying to escape because Granger's trying to have her way with him.
#You know this might sound like a stupid idea but while he's gone maybe we could actually do some potions#
[Sigh] This is what I get for thinking Hermione was a lesbian.
#You though Hermione was a lesbian#
Well, she does like cats.
#[Deafening laughter]#
Oh shut up! It's only to late I realise my mistake
.
**************
.
8:40pm – Dungeons
Status: Frantic with worry
Why is he not back yet!
#I don't know but it's time we leave#
But I want to stay! Maybe we could have a look around.
#A look around?#
Maybe just to see if he's been doodling my name on pieces of parchment.
#[snort] He doesn't look like a doodler. He looks like a ripper.#
A ripper?
#You know the type. Rips the paper into little bits and pieces, peels the labels off his butter beer bottles. It's a sign of sexual frustration.#
Now that's something I could help him with.
#Do you even know what a boyfriend is?!#
Isn't it like being friends but with groping?
#Exactly. So do you want to be his girlfriend or do you just want a romp in the grass?#
Grass! It'd tickle your butt! Now satin sheets-
#God you're hopeless#
"Miss Brown"
Holy Crap! Stealthy much!
"You startled me Professor."
#That was smooth you didn't even drool. I think we should invest in getting him some squeaky shoes, I nearly wet our pants.#
"Is there a reason why are you still here?"
"I, ah, I… wanted to see how Hermione was." If she touched you I swear to God I'll-
"She has still to regain consciousness but she will be fine. Now return to your dorm."
"Thank you Professor."
.
**************
.
8:50 – Outside the Gryfindor common room
Status: Elated
Did you see it? Do you believe it?!
#For the last time yes#
She didn't have her way with him!
#Unless he had his way with her, I bet you he'd like no reaction. He has that morbid gloom about him, he strikes me as the necrophiliac type#
"The password young lady"
Gross out! He wouldn't touch her. But did you nice he was to me. I didn't hear any malice in his voice when he told me how Hermione was. Oh I hope I don't hurt him to much.
#You? Hurt him?#
Don't you understand! At the moment he's probably tearing himself apart because I'm starting to break through his defenses that he's spent all these year perfecting. And now me, an attractive younger woman, a student! Is starting to melt the walls that he has surrounded his heart with.
#Ah crap, not this Mills and Boom shit again#
"Young lady are you just going to stand there all night or are you going to give me the password?"
"Alright, alright, keep you skirt on. Foot fungus. Icky who comes up with these passwords."
Oh I hope he doesn't fight it
#Doesn't fight foot fungus?#
NO! He's love for me! Oooo look, Harry and Ron are over there with Dean, Neville and Seamus. They'll want to know that something happened to Hermione.
[Deliberatly drifts casually towards the group. Ron and Dean are talking and everyone is laughing]
We have to ease our way casually into the conversation.
#You're thinking about this way to much#
"That's really good money" [everyone laughs]
Quickly we have to giggle along like we know what Dean's is talking about. [giggles]
"I can't believe there is a job where you can get paid $200 an hour!" [everyone laughs again]
What Ron said must have been pretty funny. This is a perfect opportunity to say something…witty
"If someone offers you $200 you take it!"
[everyone is suddenly quiet]
#You thought that was witty#
"Lavander! I didn't know you approved of prostitution!" [everyone bursts out laughing again. Jaw drops, eyes goggle]
"What! I, I never!" [embarrassed stutter kicks in] "I wouldn't! N-not, not ever! Is that what you were talking about!"
[Face starts going redder than Ron's hair, quickly turn and walk away, very very fast.]
#Weren't we going to tell them about Hermione#
No time! I'm really tired, going to bed right now!
.
**************
.