TITLE: Lavander Loves…
RATING: PG-13 for a bit of swearing
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, if I did I'm sure I'd be richer
Authors note: #indicates a voices in the head interruption#
Dedicated to my beta for her Snape obsession cause she rules. Plus she gives me candy when I write things.
.
**************
.
8:20am – Great Hall, Breakfast.
Status: Embarrassed
I can't believe Dean had the nerve to say that!
#You have to admit it was pretty funny#
I really don't think "Hey Lavander, Goyle says he has $200 for you if you meet him in the broom shed" is very funny
#Well it was funnier than Ron asking whether or not we took credit cards#
[Body drops into the next chair] "Hey Lavander"
#Shit its motor mouth#
"Hey Padma."
#Ladies and Gentleman it's the Hogwarts gossip queen#
"Those boys are very strange, when I walked passed Neville asked me if it was customary to pay beforehand and then the group burst out laughing."
"Ah don't worry about it; they've been saying stupid things like that all day."
#Padma would probably actually know#
She is our friend, you know.
#And what a friend! Just don't mention your praise of prostitution again unless you really do want offers from Goyle#
"You won't believe what I heard!"
"What is it?"
"Well don't say anything. I'm only telling you because you because I know you'll keep it a secret."
#And then you'll tell another 50 people who can keep a secret and they'll tell another 50 people and so on, and so on#
"Plus I promised Milicent I wouldn't tell you."
#And she believed you?#
"Pansy Parkinson is in Lurrrrrrrrrve!"
"Well duh everyone knows she's head over heals for Malfoy."
"Oh my dear Lavender, that's just the point. It's not Malfoy."
"Not Malfoy?" #Suddenly I'm interested#
"No, not Malfoy"
"Then who!"
"Someone older…"
"God it's not Flint is it? Those teeth plus that face would make for a very ugly child." [shudders at imagery]
"It's not Flint, someone older than him."
"It's not Malfoy's dad, is it? Because that's gross, sleeping with the son and then the father. She'll be working her way through the family! No Malfoy is safe! ARGH!!!" [makes gagging noises]
"Honestly Lavender, I already said it wasn't Malfoy and I meant all Malfoys. I thought you would have guessed by now."
#Can we hit her yet? She's just annoying now#
"Spit it out Padma!"
"No this is fun! Come on, someone older..."
#[growls]#
"Oh so it's Dumbledore then?"
#I'm very proud of that sarcasm#
Thank-you.
"Oh fine, if you're going to be stupid about it. It's… [Pauses for dramatic effect] Snape."
Did she just say?
#Yes#
"I don't believe it."
#Denial will get you nowhere#
"Swear to Merlin it's true. And can you believe it? Someone as pretty as Pansy actually wants a crooked nosed, greasy haired, bad tempered, yellowed… Lavender are you ok?"
"I'm fine." [Has gone very pale]
Pansy wants Snape.
"Are you sure?"
Pansy's prettier than me! She's richer!
[Starts to hyperventilate]
"Lavender, are you hyperventilating?"
She is [wheeze] more [wheeze] experienced [wheeze] Her boobs [wheeze] are bigger [wheeze] than mine!
[feels dizzy and puts head between knees]
[Padma turns down the table and shouts out] "HAS ANYONE GOT A PAPER BAG?!"
.
**************
.
9:00am – Dungeons, first period
Status: Seething
Competition is her name and she's sitting two rows and three seats over from me. I will destroy her and everything she stands for. I will make her pay for ever thinking she could take what is rightfully mine and what I have worked so hard for.
#Being a little melodramatic aren't we?#
This is war! I shall stand for no less!
#Do you really think it's true? It's not like it came from a reliable source#
Of course it's reliable. Padma might be a gossip queen but she's deadly accurate. She knew about Ron and Hermione breaking up two minutes after it happened. She can tell you off the top of her head every person Draco Malfoy has slept with!
#Like that ones hard, he'll shag with anything that moves!#
Oh look! Severus is wearing his robes with the extra layers today. Joy unbridled. I hope it has something to do with unbidden fantasies about me.
#God isn't that an image. Snape secretly wanking behind his desk during class#
I'm beginning to think you're perverted.
#Correction, we're perverted#
Oh just piss off. Less arguing; more killing of Parkinson Pug-Face
#Seeing as this is war, do you have a strategy?#
Pansy's painful, horrifying death?
#I was thinking something a little more discreet#
Oh sneaky! Right I got ya. Sneaky! That's brilliant idea, nice going. So... sneaky how?
#I was thinking public humiliation#
Excellent, lets dak her in the great hall! I bet you her knickers [slightly more british, if that's possible for any brit] are atrocious, they're probably all hole-y
#That's not what Blaise Zabini says. And I said sneaky for Merlin's sake#
Let's ruin her potion! Severus won't like her if she can't manage a simple headache potion.
#Excellent idea, but lets make it explode. What reacts badly with these ingredients?#
.
**************
.
9:27am – Dungeons
Status: Excited
Alright, commence Operation: Ruin Pansy's Potion.
#You honestly couldn't think up a better name than that?#
Quiet I need to concentrate.
#Remember don't move till Pansy gets out of her chair to collect the Boomslang skin#
The tension is killing me!
#There she goes! Quick!#
[takes deep breath and slices fingers with knife]
"Ouch!"
"Oh Lavander are you ok? Let me heal that for you."
[grimace] Blood, I hate blood.
"I'm fine Padma but I need to go wash it first, some bard roots might have gotten in the cut."
[Stands quickly in a guise of moving to the sinks at the side of the room]
#Pansy's coming back! Hurry it up!#
[Sidles up next to Pansy's work station - trying to look inconspicuous – and squeezes a drop of blood in the cauldron]
#Now go! Go! Go!#
[runs over to the sink to wash the cut, looking over at Pansy]
#Stop staring like you expect something to happen!#
Just look at her, giggling and smiling! Hahaha she doesn't have a clue! I could have been in Slytherin I am so sneaky! And no one will suspect a thing! And Severus won't even have the time of day for some stupid little blonde ditz. [starts walking back to seat smirking evilly]
#We really need to get back to our seat before she adds the Boomslang and th- #
[BANG! The explosion rocks the room and the contents of Pansy's cauldron now have covered her entirely in green slime. Her and one Lavander Brown, who didn't get out of the way quick enough. A stunned silence fills the room. Draco is the first to break it, a snort coming through as he tries to stop the inevitable tide. Then come the giggles and suddenly every person in the whole room is in tears of laughter]
GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS! I'm covered in slime! Green icky slime! This is never going to come out of my hair!
#I told you to move faster you dumbass! Now look at us! Why couldn't I have manifested in a smart persons brain!#
"Miss Parkinson!" [The entire room falls silent at the sound of Severus's voice] "Are you trying to give Mr Longbottom some competition for the most incompetent in the class? Explain yourself!"
"Pr- Professor..."
She looks like she's going to cry! Oh joy! Oh crap! This stuff is seeping into my underwear.
"I don't understand what happened. I just added the Boomslang and then..."
[Snape's face is thunderous]
"Clean up this mess and then get out of my sight! I expected more from you Miss Parkinson; this accident was pure carelessness." [Pansy hangs her head in shame]
Kind of makes you feel all gooey inside, doesn't it?
#No, that would be the slime again#
[Smiles smugly at Pansy. Starts moving to the sink in order to wash off slime]
"Just where do you think you're going, Miss Brown?"
"To wash the slime off me, Professor."
"I don't think so. You can help Miss Parkinson clean her work area."
"But I was an innocent bystander!"
"5 points from Gryffindor for arguing."
"But! But she-"
"10 points from Gryffindor." [Snape's face brooked for no argument]
.
**************
.
12:30pm – Great Hall, Lunch
Status: Mixed Emotions
#I'm torn between laughing at Pansy's hair and being pissed off about ours#
I still can't believe Severus made me help clean up!
#Don't you find it the least bit amusing that Pansy's lovely peroxide blonde hair is now green?#
And he took points off me! Do you think that maybe it's a reaction to his feelings for me? Like, he thinks he can ignore them or something? Because that was totally uncalled for!
#I think you forget that we're a Gryffindor and he'll use a sneeze as an excuse to take points off us#
There has to be something more to it than that!
#Or maybe he's just an ARSE! Anyway, I think that the potions reaction to what used to be our copper highlights is a lot better than green, don't you?#
Oh sure metallic purple highlights are all the rage!! What is your problem? Have you forgotten the way Severus treated me back there?!
#I'm just saying that we succeeded. Pansy's humiliated with green hair, and we may have some losses but hey, no pain, no gain#
Losses! My hair has bright fucking purple streaks and Severus yelled at me. the stupid greasy git!
#Ah-ha! You just admitted he was greasy!#
I did not. I would never…Ok so maybe he is! It's nothing a good shampoo won't fix!
[left shoulder gets shaken]
"What!"
"Sorry Lavender, I've been trying to get your attention for the last ten minutes."
"Whatever, what do you want Seamus?"
#Still bitter about the teasing we endured this morning I see#
"Oh, um" [Seamus face is going red] "Nah don't worry about" [Seamus runs off to the other end of the table and sits down]
He's been acting very strangely lately.
#Don't worry about it. He's probably just accidentally burnt some hair off in a very private place and wants you to check it out [if voices could, this one would be wiggling it's eyebrows]#
Pervert.
#Juvenile#
RATING: PG-13 for a bit of swearing
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, if I did I'm sure I'd be richer
Authors note: #indicates a voices in the head interruption#
Dedicated to my beta for her Snape obsession cause she rules. Plus she gives me candy when I write things.
.
**************
.
8:20am – Great Hall, Breakfast.
Status: Embarrassed
I can't believe Dean had the nerve to say that!
#You have to admit it was pretty funny#
I really don't think "Hey Lavander, Goyle says he has $200 for you if you meet him in the broom shed" is very funny
#Well it was funnier than Ron asking whether or not we took credit cards#
[Body drops into the next chair] "Hey Lavander"
#Shit its motor mouth#
"Hey Padma."
#Ladies and Gentleman it's the Hogwarts gossip queen#
"Those boys are very strange, when I walked passed Neville asked me if it was customary to pay beforehand and then the group burst out laughing."
"Ah don't worry about it; they've been saying stupid things like that all day."
#Padma would probably actually know#
She is our friend, you know.
#And what a friend! Just don't mention your praise of prostitution again unless you really do want offers from Goyle#
"You won't believe what I heard!"
"What is it?"
"Well don't say anything. I'm only telling you because you because I know you'll keep it a secret."
#And then you'll tell another 50 people who can keep a secret and they'll tell another 50 people and so on, and so on#
"Plus I promised Milicent I wouldn't tell you."
#And she believed you?#
"Pansy Parkinson is in Lurrrrrrrrrve!"
"Well duh everyone knows she's head over heals for Malfoy."
"Oh my dear Lavender, that's just the point. It's not Malfoy."
"Not Malfoy?" #Suddenly I'm interested#
"No, not Malfoy"
"Then who!"
"Someone older…"
"God it's not Flint is it? Those teeth plus that face would make for a very ugly child." [shudders at imagery]
"It's not Flint, someone older than him."
"It's not Malfoy's dad, is it? Because that's gross, sleeping with the son and then the father. She'll be working her way through the family! No Malfoy is safe! ARGH!!!" [makes gagging noises]
"Honestly Lavender, I already said it wasn't Malfoy and I meant all Malfoys. I thought you would have guessed by now."
#Can we hit her yet? She's just annoying now#
"Spit it out Padma!"
"No this is fun! Come on, someone older..."
#[growls]#
"Oh so it's Dumbledore then?"
#I'm very proud of that sarcasm#
Thank-you.
"Oh fine, if you're going to be stupid about it. It's… [Pauses for dramatic effect] Snape."
Did she just say?
#Yes#
"I don't believe it."
#Denial will get you nowhere#
"Swear to Merlin it's true. And can you believe it? Someone as pretty as Pansy actually wants a crooked nosed, greasy haired, bad tempered, yellowed… Lavender are you ok?"
"I'm fine." [Has gone very pale]
Pansy wants Snape.
"Are you sure?"
Pansy's prettier than me! She's richer!
[Starts to hyperventilate]
"Lavender, are you hyperventilating?"
She is [wheeze] more [wheeze] experienced [wheeze] Her boobs [wheeze] are bigger [wheeze] than mine!
[feels dizzy and puts head between knees]
[Padma turns down the table and shouts out] "HAS ANYONE GOT A PAPER BAG?!"
.
**************
.
9:00am – Dungeons, first period
Status: Seething
Competition is her name and she's sitting two rows and three seats over from me. I will destroy her and everything she stands for. I will make her pay for ever thinking she could take what is rightfully mine and what I have worked so hard for.
#Being a little melodramatic aren't we?#
This is war! I shall stand for no less!
#Do you really think it's true? It's not like it came from a reliable source#
Of course it's reliable. Padma might be a gossip queen but she's deadly accurate. She knew about Ron and Hermione breaking up two minutes after it happened. She can tell you off the top of her head every person Draco Malfoy has slept with!
#Like that ones hard, he'll shag with anything that moves!#
Oh look! Severus is wearing his robes with the extra layers today. Joy unbridled. I hope it has something to do with unbidden fantasies about me.
#God isn't that an image. Snape secretly wanking behind his desk during class#
I'm beginning to think you're perverted.
#Correction, we're perverted#
Oh just piss off. Less arguing; more killing of Parkinson Pug-Face
#Seeing as this is war, do you have a strategy?#
Pansy's painful, horrifying death?
#I was thinking something a little more discreet#
Oh sneaky! Right I got ya. Sneaky! That's brilliant idea, nice going. So... sneaky how?
#I was thinking public humiliation#
Excellent, lets dak her in the great hall! I bet you her knickers [slightly more british, if that's possible for any brit] are atrocious, they're probably all hole-y
#That's not what Blaise Zabini says. And I said sneaky for Merlin's sake#
Let's ruin her potion! Severus won't like her if she can't manage a simple headache potion.
#Excellent idea, but lets make it explode. What reacts badly with these ingredients?#
.
**************
.
9:27am – Dungeons
Status: Excited
Alright, commence Operation: Ruin Pansy's Potion.
#You honestly couldn't think up a better name than that?#
Quiet I need to concentrate.
#Remember don't move till Pansy gets out of her chair to collect the Boomslang skin#
The tension is killing me!
#There she goes! Quick!#
[takes deep breath and slices fingers with knife]
"Ouch!"
"Oh Lavander are you ok? Let me heal that for you."
[grimace] Blood, I hate blood.
"I'm fine Padma but I need to go wash it first, some bard roots might have gotten in the cut."
[Stands quickly in a guise of moving to the sinks at the side of the room]
#Pansy's coming back! Hurry it up!#
[Sidles up next to Pansy's work station - trying to look inconspicuous – and squeezes a drop of blood in the cauldron]
#Now go! Go! Go!#
[runs over to the sink to wash the cut, looking over at Pansy]
#Stop staring like you expect something to happen!#
Just look at her, giggling and smiling! Hahaha she doesn't have a clue! I could have been in Slytherin I am so sneaky! And no one will suspect a thing! And Severus won't even have the time of day for some stupid little blonde ditz. [starts walking back to seat smirking evilly]
#We really need to get back to our seat before she adds the Boomslang and th- #
[BANG! The explosion rocks the room and the contents of Pansy's cauldron now have covered her entirely in green slime. Her and one Lavander Brown, who didn't get out of the way quick enough. A stunned silence fills the room. Draco is the first to break it, a snort coming through as he tries to stop the inevitable tide. Then come the giggles and suddenly every person in the whole room is in tears of laughter]
GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS! I'm covered in slime! Green icky slime! This is never going to come out of my hair!
#I told you to move faster you dumbass! Now look at us! Why couldn't I have manifested in a smart persons brain!#
"Miss Parkinson!" [The entire room falls silent at the sound of Severus's voice] "Are you trying to give Mr Longbottom some competition for the most incompetent in the class? Explain yourself!"
"Pr- Professor..."
She looks like she's going to cry! Oh joy! Oh crap! This stuff is seeping into my underwear.
"I don't understand what happened. I just added the Boomslang and then..."
[Snape's face is thunderous]
"Clean up this mess and then get out of my sight! I expected more from you Miss Parkinson; this accident was pure carelessness." [Pansy hangs her head in shame]
Kind of makes you feel all gooey inside, doesn't it?
#No, that would be the slime again#
[Smiles smugly at Pansy. Starts moving to the sink in order to wash off slime]
"Just where do you think you're going, Miss Brown?"
"To wash the slime off me, Professor."
"I don't think so. You can help Miss Parkinson clean her work area."
"But I was an innocent bystander!"
"5 points from Gryffindor for arguing."
"But! But she-"
"10 points from Gryffindor." [Snape's face brooked for no argument]
.
**************
.
12:30pm – Great Hall, Lunch
Status: Mixed Emotions
#I'm torn between laughing at Pansy's hair and being pissed off about ours#
I still can't believe Severus made me help clean up!
#Don't you find it the least bit amusing that Pansy's lovely peroxide blonde hair is now green?#
And he took points off me! Do you think that maybe it's a reaction to his feelings for me? Like, he thinks he can ignore them or something? Because that was totally uncalled for!
#I think you forget that we're a Gryffindor and he'll use a sneeze as an excuse to take points off us#
There has to be something more to it than that!
#Or maybe he's just an ARSE! Anyway, I think that the potions reaction to what used to be our copper highlights is a lot better than green, don't you?#
Oh sure metallic purple highlights are all the rage!! What is your problem? Have you forgotten the way Severus treated me back there?!
#I'm just saying that we succeeded. Pansy's humiliated with green hair, and we may have some losses but hey, no pain, no gain#
Losses! My hair has bright fucking purple streaks and Severus yelled at me. the stupid greasy git!
#Ah-ha! You just admitted he was greasy!#
I did not. I would never…Ok so maybe he is! It's nothing a good shampoo won't fix!
[left shoulder gets shaken]
"What!"
"Sorry Lavender, I've been trying to get your attention for the last ten minutes."
"Whatever, what do you want Seamus?"
#Still bitter about the teasing we endured this morning I see#
"Oh, um" [Seamus face is going red] "Nah don't worry about" [Seamus runs off to the other end of the table and sits down]
He's been acting very strangely lately.
#Don't worry about it. He's probably just accidentally burnt some hair off in a very private place and wants you to check it out [if voices could, this one would be wiggling it's eyebrows]#
Pervert.
#Juvenile#