A/N: Hi everyone! As always, I wanted to say thanks for reading this. I'm having so much fun writing it. I didn't even realize until today that my profile had blocked anonymous reviews, so for anyone who wanted to review and couldn't, I apologize profusely. I fixed it, so if you're so inclined, please feel free to comment, critique, beg for Shirtless!Vaughn, whatever. I live for the feedback. (Thanks to donnatellaMarks for letting me know about that, BTW!)
This chapter is pretty much all about Sydney, but Vaughn makes a return in the next chapter.
Chapter 12: "Separation Anxiety"
Sydney closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the fence as she sat on a crate inside the warehouse. In the past three weeks, she had found herself going there almost daily, sometimes for a few minutes, other times for a few hours. It was a habit that had begun the night that she and Dixon returned from Madrid. From the moment she stepped off the plane, she had felt as if something was different. At first she hadn't been able to put her finger on what it was, but then it hit her -- it was the first time in almost a year and a half that she had come home from a mission knowing that she wouldn't see Vaughn the next day. She hadn't been at all prepared for how empty that knowledge would make her feel, even though she'd spent the entire flight brooding about Vaughn's temporary relocation to Virginia.
On the drive home from the airport, she found herself being inexplicably drawn to the warehouse. For some reason, she felt the need to be alone with her thoughts in the place where she and Vaughn had spent so many moments forging first their partnership, then a friendship, and finally, their relationship. She had been there for only a few minutes that first night before her sadness overwhelmed her and she drove home, struggling to see the road through her tears. Since then, she had found herself back at the warehouse night after night, thinking about Vaughn, remembering every conversation they had had with each other, every time that she had cried and he had consoled her, every time that he had congratulated or praised her for her success on a mission. She knew that she needed this place, now more than ever because it was seemingly the only connection to him that she had left.
The day after she returned from Madrid, Agent Miles had gone about establishing a new protocol for their meets. However, she was still receiving the Joey's Pizza calls because Agent Miles reasoned that if SD-6 was monitoring her phone calls, it might appear suspicious if the wrong number calls just stopped out of the blue. So for the past three weeks, Sydney had had to consciously remind herself not to get excited every time someone called wanting a pizza. The first few times, her heart had jumped as she briefly allowed herself to think that Vaughn had returned from Virginia. But now when she received the calls, instead of driving to the warehouse, she drove to the UCLA library. It had been hard to get used to not meeting at the warehouse. Another thing she hadn't been able to get used to was the fact that Agent Miles insisted that Sydney call her by her first name. It was a friendly gesture on her part and Sydney appreciated it, as it had made their working relationship seem less formal. But it felt weird because she had always called Vaughn by his last name. Even now she only called him "Michael" when it slipped out unconsciously.
Thinking about that actually brought a smile to her face, as she remembered all the times Vaughn had teased her for continuing to call him by his surname. Secretly, she knew he loved it and she loved the way that he had jokingly taken to calling her "Bristow." Her happy memory turned into a deep sigh as she thought about how much she missed him, missed everything about him. She knew that their separation would be difficult, but she had had no idea just *how* difficult it would be. She soon learned when it became apparent that they could have almost no contact with each other. They couldn't speak on their home phones for obvious reasons. Their CIA-issue cell phones were secure, but now that Vaughn was no longer her handler, there was no way to justify the calls to each other. Sending letters was out of the question, as there was no way to ensure that they wouldn't be intercepted. They had e-mailed each other a couple of times, but even that hadn't been a true means of communication. Too many e-mails sent between them would surely raise the suspicions of the CIA, and even worse, they weren't really able to discuss anything personal in their e-mails. So essentially, they hadn't exchanged more than a friendly "how are you doing?" in the past three weeks.
Those weeks had felt like something akin to torture for Sydney and she wondered if Vaughn was feeling the same way. She certainly hoped so. Actually, she mused with a smirk, she hoped that the past three weeks had been even harder on him, since all of this had been his doing anyway. She was in the middle of imagining all the suffering *he* was experiencing when she was startled by the sound of the gate opening. Her heart jumped and, for a second, she let herself imagine that Vaughn would be on the other side of the room, but when she opened her eyes she came face to face with her father.
"Oh, it's you," she said, barely able to conceal her disappointment.
"Don't sound so excited to see me," Jack said wryly.
"I'm sorry, Dad, " she smiled apologetically. "It's just that for a moment, I thought . . . nevermind."
Jack could tell by the look on his daughter's face that she had been wishing he were her smitten handler rather than her father.
"How did you find me here?" she asked, as he walked over to her.
"I had an instinct that you'd be here."
*I have an instinct about you.* She smiled to herself as her father's words triggered one of her first memories of Vaughn.
"Actually Sydney, that's not true. Last week, I was just about to pull up to your apartment when I saw you rush out of the house and get in your car. I could see that you were upset, so I followed you, wondering where you were going. I got my answer when you came here and stayed for two hours."
"You sat outside in your car for two hours? Why didn't you come in and say something to me?"
"I assumed you wanted to be alone and I didn't want you to know that I had followed you."
"Well now I know," she said with a mock roll of her eyes.
"Yes, and *I* know that you've been coming here quite a lot lately even though you and Vaughn are no longer meeting here. I don't suppose you'd want to tell me why?" he asked, studying her carefully.
"It's quiet here," she shrugged. "I can think and be alone here."
"Why do you need to be alone?"
"I don't *need* to be alone, I just want to. I *am* alone."
"I assume that this has something to do with you and Agent Vaughn not working together anymore? You never told me why he resigned as your handler, and Ben hasn't told me either. I've been trying not to pry, and technically I suppose it's none of my business, but the fact that you've been so withdrawn for the past few weeks has me concerned." He paused for a moment, his discomfort evident to both of them. "I'm. . . I'm willing to listen if you want to talk," he said stiffly.
Sydney couldn't help but smile at her father's awkward attempt to get her to open up to him. She knew he wasn't fully comfortable doing so, but she appreciated of the effort.
"Did Vaughn do something to upset you Sydney? Because if he did I promise you I'll -- "
"Dad!" Sydney exclaimed, cutting him off. "Mich -- *Vaughn* -- didn't do anything to upset me, not intentionally, anyway. He resigned as my handler because he wanted to protect me and keep me safe, and as much as I wish he hadn't, I understand why he felt like he had to. So for my sake, could you hold off on the bodily harm?"
"Hmph. Why did Vaughn feel as if he needed to remove himself as your handler in order to keep you safe?"
Sydney took a deep breath, debating whether -- and how much -- to tell her father about her relationship with Vaughn. Perhaps now was as good a time as any, considering that he was three thousand miles away and (relatively) safe from the wrath of Jack Bristow.
"He and I were just having some issues working together," she began.
"Such as your inability to take orders from him?" Jack asked as he sat on the crate next to hers. When he saw her surprised expression, he explained, "I've listened in on some of your missions, Sydney, and I've read Vaughn's mission debriefs. You're not the easiest agent to work with."
"Gee, thanks, Dad," she said sarcastically. "I appreciate the compliment, and if you must know, yes, that was part of the problem."
"Well, he simply should have done a better job of asserting his authority over you."
Once again, Sydney looked at her father incredulously. She couldn't believe that he was basically telling her that Vaughn's frustration with her was justified. Of course *she* knew that it was justified, but she hadn't expected her father to agree.
"Um, I think he felt like he couldn't really do that. He didn't think he could be objective about me," she admitted.
"Vaughn hasn't been objective about you since the day you walked into CIA headquarters," Jack scoffed, remembering the way the younger agent had wanted to extract her from the Romanian mental institution and Dinatti Park. "I don't see why things are any different now."
Sydney looked down at her hands in her lap and spoke quietly. "Things are a lot different now. Our relationship is different now."
Jack gave Sydney hard stare. "What do you mean things are *different*?"
"I'm sure you can guess what I mean, Dad," she said, looking back up at him.
"Sydney, I'm not blind. I've noticed the way that you and Vaughn interact with each other. The two of you have a certain . . . chemistry that would be obvious to anyone, but especially to people whose jobs depend on being observant. The attraction between the two of you certainly didn't gone unnoticed by your superiors at the agency, but they overlooked it because the two of you worked so well together and because there were no indications that your behavior had crossed the line into something inappropriate."
"Inappropriate? Do you have any idea how much I've grown to hate that word? My feelings for Vaughn have *never* been inappropriate, despite what the CIA's protocol handbook might say," she said defensively.
"What exactly are your feelings, Sydney? Because if you've been harboring a crush on Vaughn, I can assure you that those feelings are *highly* inappropriate."
"A crush? Dad, 'crush' is *so* not the word to describe my feelings for Vaughn. You don't spill out your guts to a crush. You don't share every thought and emotion that you have, and you certainly don't allow a crush to console you every time someone betrays or hurts you. You don't trust a crush with your life or with your heart. Vaughn isn't a crush, Dad. I'm . . . I'm *in love* with him, and I can't imagine that this comes as a shock to you. And please, spare me the lecture, because there's nothing that you can say that I don't already know. I know all of the reasons why it's foolish and dangerous and impossible for me to love Vaughn, and I just don't care because I do anyway. I love him, and there's nothing you can say or do to change that," she finished, wiping away the hot tears that had begun to fall from her eyes.
"Sydney -- "
"I *love* him, Dad. It's been killing me not to be with him or see him for the past three weeks. So what I really need right now is for you to be my dad, not one of my superior officers. Can you do that?" she sniffled, looking at him with the big brown eyes that had always been able to melt his heart, even if she hadn't always known it.
"Sweetheart," he said, reaching out to take her hand in his. "I knew that you cared a great deal for Vaughn, but I had no idea -- "
"You *had* to have known, Dad," she laughed through her tears. "For goodness sake, I was willing to kill Sloane for him!"
"Well that's not saying much, Sydney. Any reason would have been a good reason to kill Sloane."
"You have a point," she laughed again, wiping away the remainder of her tears with her free hand. "But seriously, there isn't anything in this world that I wouldn't do for Vaughn. I know that that makes him my biggest weakness, but he's also the most incredible source of strength I've ever had."
"Yes, I know what that's like," Jack said thoughtfully.
Sydney glanced at him. "Vaughn's not Mom, Dad. I know what you're probably thinking right now, but -- "
"Sydney, I would never compare your relationship with Vaughn to my relationship with your mother. I don't have any doubts about where Vaughn's loyalties lie, but that doesn't mean that I don't have other concerns. Does he . . .?"
"Yes," she said, anticipating his question. "My feelings are definitely reciprocated," she smiled. "And you'll be happy to know that Vaughn treats me like the sun rises and sets on me. I couldn't ask for anyone better to come into my life, Dad. He's wonderful."
"Glad to hear it," Jack said gruffly. "Because you know I'd kill him if he ever did anything to make you unhappy."
"I don't think he's capable of making me unhappy, at least not intentionally."
"I never said it had to be intentional."
"Daaaad," Sydney groaned. "Stop threatening him, you're making me nervous."
"So how long has this been going on?"
"Since November," she said sheepishly, noticing the way his eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Obviously, we've done a good job of keeping it a secret, which of course we've had to do. We know all the risks and how dangerous it would be if SD-6 discovered us, which isn't an issue anymore now that he's gone."
"Sydney, I understand your desire to be with Vaughn, but for the two of you to be seeing each other, almost daring security section to find you together, is foolish at best and reckless and suicidal at worst," Jack said sternly.
"No lectures, remember?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "You know, after Danny was murdered, I didn't think I would ever fall in love again. Even worse, I didn't think I would want to, because once I learned the truth about SD-6, I knew that I would never be able to tell a man the truth about my life, and the last thing I wanted was another relationship based on lies. Then I met Vaughn and he was the only person I could be completely honest with, and I fell in love. He put my heart back together, piece by piece, Dad, and no one's ever loved me they way he does. So all the risk and all the danger is worth it, as far as I'm concerned."
Jack sighed, knowing that nothing he said was going to change Sydney's mind. Besides, he figured, with Vaughn across the country, there was little to be concerned about for the moment.
"Who else knows about the two of you?"
"Well, Weiss knows, of course, since he's Michael's best friend."
"Michael?" Jack smirked.
"What? That's his name."
"I know, I've just never heard you use it."
"Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't," she shrugged. "Will also knows."
"Well, I'm sure Mr. Tippin will keep that knowledge to himself after what happened to him last year."
"Um, actually, I think he'll probably keep that knowledge to himself just because I asked him to," she smiled. "He's a good friend and he knows that no one can find out about me and Vaughn."
"So Weiss and Tippin are the only ones who know?"
"Not exactly . . . Mom knows too," she said biting her lip.
"You told your mother? Sydney are you -- "
"I didn't tell her anything. She guessed. She's really perceptive, I'm not sure if you've noticed that," she said facetiously. "It's weird. She's only ever seen Vaughn and I in the same room together once, but she's known about our feelings for each other seemingly since the moment she put herself in CIA custody. It would be unnerving if it weren't for the fact that she seems to actually want us to be together."
"Sydney, I don't think I need to make you aware of the danger of discussing your personal life with your mother."
"No, you don't, Dad. There are a lot of reasons to keep mom and my relationship with Vaughn completely separate from each other."
"Yes, there are. What she did to his family is hard to forgive."
"I know," she sighed. "Mom is the one subject I haven't had the courage to broach with him yet. I've been avoiding having that conversation, although I know it has to come up eventually. We can't go the rest of our lives dancing around it."
"The rest of your lives? Are you anticipating spending that long with him?"
A blush rose up Sydney's face and she looked back down into her lap. "Until the Alliance is destroyed, I'm not really anticipating anything," she said unconvincingly.
"Sydney, you were once ready to spend the rest of your life with Danny. Do you feel that way about Vaughn?" Jack asked, shocked to think that their relationship could have progressed that far already.
"Dad, you know that I've always wanted to get married and have a family," she said, fidgeting uncomfortably at his line of questioning.
"Yes, but now I'm asking you if you want those things with Vaughn."
"Yes." she said quietly.
They were both silent for a few moments, each thinking about her admission.
"Dad, I'm sure you must have something to say about what I just told you. I all but admitted that I want to marry Vaughn one day. Aren't you going to try to talk me out of it?" she smiled.
"Why would I do that?"
"Well, from what I recall, you didn't exactly welcome Danny into the family with open arms."
"Sydney, it was hard to be excited about the prospect of you marrying a man who knew nothing about your life, and knowing what I knew . . ."
"Knowing what you knew about what?"
Jack sighed, trying to find a sensitive way to say what he had to say. "Knowing what I knew about SD-6, knowing how much you *didn't* know, I didn't think that you and Danny had a long-term future. I'm sorry," he squeezed her hand when he saw the look on her face. "Even if Danny hadn't been . . . I didn't think that things would last between the two of you. I was afraid that the secrets and lies would eventually destroy your relationship."
"They would have," she said quietly. She hated to admit that to herself. She had loved Danny so much, but she knew that their relationship had been anything but honest.
"I don't have the same concerns about Vaughn. Obviously, he understands your life in ways that Danny never could. More importantly, I know that he would do anything for you -- sometimes foolishly -- but he'd do it nonetheless."
"Wow. In Jack Bristowese, that's almost a ringing endorsement," she grinned.
"I respect Agent Vaughn, Sydney" Jack said huffily. "You could certainly do worse."
"Well, I couldn't do any better, that's for sure," she smiled. "Dad?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you for letting me talk to you about this and thanks for not reacting the way I thought you would -- angrily," she added when she saw his questioning look. "I thought you'd be upset but instead, you let me talk to you and you listened. Ever since Vaughn left for Langley, I've been in a total funk, but having this conversation with you has made me feel so much better. I can't thank you enough for that."
"You don't have to thank me, Sydney. Actually, I should thank you for confiding in me. I haven't exactly earned the privilege, but I'm glad that you felt that you could tell me something about your life. Besides, you've given me something to hang over Agent Vaughn's head when he returns," he said with a conspiratorial smile.
"Dad!" Sydney laughed. She couldn't remember a time in the last few years when she had felt closer to him than she did at that moment, and she was grateful for it. One of the most important men in her life was thousands of miles away, but thankfully, the other one was there for her when she needed him most.
*****
"Sydney, may I speak with you for a moment?" Sloane asked just after he had wrapped up a briefing with her and Dixon.
"Sure," she replied quickly. Her stomach started to churn as she imagined the many reasons why he might want to talk to her. She followed him into his office and swallowed hard when he pressed a button to close the glass door behind her.
"Have a seat," he said as he sank into his own chair. He leaned back and fixed her with a stare. "I've been concerned about you for the past few weeks, Sydney."
"Concerned? Why have you been concerned about me?"
"You haven't seemed like yourself lately. You've been distracted and subdued. Your work has been superior, as always, but you don't seem to have the same energy that you normally do. I've asked your father about it, but he doesn't seem to think that anything is unusual, which frankly doesn't surprise me. I know the two of you have never been particularly close, and I doubt that you'd tell him if something were wrong. But I like to think that you would feel comfortable telling me," he finished with an indulgent smile.
Sydney almost wanted to throttle him and his assumptions about her relationship with Jack. Instead, she simply looked down at the floor and avoided eye contact with him as she formulated a plan. "Actually, sir, I've just been really tired and maybe a little depressed. Valentine's Day was a few weeks ago, and the holiday reminded me of Danny and . . ." she let her voice trail off and wiped a few tears that she had managed to force from her eyes. "I'm sorry, I just . . . it's been a rough few weeks."
"Sydney, I'm very sorry to hear that. I wish you would have come to me earlier and told me. You've been busy here lately, perhaps too busy." He put a finger to his chin and studied her closely. "I think you should take some time off. We can't have you burning out, can we?" he smiled. "Why don't you take the next week. Perhaps you'll feel better when you return."
"Are you sure?" she asked hesitantly even though she wanted to jump at his offer.
"Absolutely. You're very important to SD-6, Sydney. You're very important to me as well; your well-being is of the utmost importance to me. So take some time off and hopefully when you return, you'll be back to your old self."
"Thank you, sir. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."
"Well, you can tell me when you get back. Have a good week, Sydney," he said, pulling her up from her chair by her hands and hugging her.
Despite the distaste she felt from his hands being on her, she couldn't help but smile over his shoulder, thinking about the way she had manipulated him into giving her a week off. Now she simply had to decide what she was going to do with it.
*****
"Great job as usual, Sydney," Sylvia smiled as she held the mini-camera that Sydney had just handed her. On the camera were photographs of floorplans for a weapons factory.
"Thanks. I should tell you that Sloane gave me some time off, so I won't be getting any new missions for the next week."
"Really?" Sylvia asked with surprise. "How did that come about?"
"Just out of the blue," she shrugged. "He said that I hadn't seemed like myself for the past few weeks, so I kind of took advantage of his concern and he ended up giving me the week off," she smiled sheepishly.
"Well, if Sloane's giving you the week off, so is the CIA. So don't worry about getting any calls from us."
"Thanks," Sydney smiled. Over the last month, she had come to genuinely like and respect Sylvia. She was tough and no-nonsense when they were working together, but she was also friendly and almost maternal towards Sydney. It hadn't taken them long at all to establish a good working relationship with each other.
"So, Sloane first noticed a change in you a few weeks ago," Sylvia said slowly. "I don't suppose that would have been around the time that I took over as your handler?"
"Oh, it doesn't have anything to do with you," Sydney said quickly. "You've been great, really."
"Thanks for the kind words, but I didn't think it had anything to do with me. Actually, I was, uh, guessing that it had something to do with Agent Vaughn." She watched closely as Sydney started to blush. "I'm sure you must miss him."
"What makes you think that?"
"Well, I've read over the files he left for me. The two of you were an excellent team. You seemed to work really well together, and based on the things that he said about you, I could tell that he liked and respected you a great deal. It must have been hard to deal with the transition when he left for Langley."
"If you don't mind me asking, what kind of things did he say about me?" Sydney asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.
"Just that you were an excellent agent, one of the best he had ever worked with and that you were smart, brave and capable. To be honest, he was practically gushing about you. He had so many good things to say that I was a little confused about why he was resigning as your handler."
Sydney smiled, pleased to hear all of the things that Vaughn had said about her. "He and I had other issues," she said softly. "He thought I might be better off with another handler. I wasn't thrilled about his decision, but working with you has been great. He told me that it would be."
Sylvia smiled at her. "Well, it's obvious that he cares a great deal about you. He calls me every few days to ask me how you're doing and what kind of successes you've been having. Hearing the pride in his voice, you'd almost think that your successes were his too."
"They are," Sydney said softly. She had felt that way when they worked together and she still did, even with him in Virginia.
"Well listen, I'm going to wrap this up. I'm sure that you're eager to start enjoying your week off, so I guess I'll see you when you return. Do you have plans?"
"Nope. Most likely I'll spend the entire week in bed eating ice cream and watching old movies," she laughed. Actually, that sounded like a plan, seeing as how she couldn't think of a better one.
"Well, that sounds like a perfect way to spend a week to me. Take care, Sydney," Sylvia smiled before she walked away.
Sydney walked down a hallway and gasped when she ran into a familiar face. "Weiss!" she squealed. "Where have you been hiding? I haven't seen you in forever."
"I know," he said, giving her a hug. "I was busy for the last couple of weeks, putting together a presentation for a seminar at Langley. I just got back last night."
"You were in Virginia?" Sydney asked, wide-eyed. "Did you. . . ?"
"Yes, I hung out with Mike while I was there. Hey, walk with me back to my desk, for a minute?"
"Sure," she agreed as they walked back into the rotunda. "So how's he doing?"
"He's great, but missing you like crazy. All he did the whole time I was there was talk about you," he grinned.
"Good. He *should* miss me since it's his fault we're not together right now."
"You're a vindictive one, aren't you?" he teased as she playfully swatted him on the arm.
"Did he say anything about how his project is progressing?"
"Just that everything's on schedule and that it's going well. Speaking of which," he said, opening a drawer at his desk and pulling out a white envelope, "he asked me to give you this."
She took the envelope from his hand and looked at it quizzically. "What's this?"
"I don't know, he refused to tell me, but he told me to tell you to hang on to them. He said you'd understand," he shrugged.
Sydney carefully opened the envelope, too impatient to wait until she was alone. She was surprised to find that there was no note inside, just a blank sheet of paper. Folded inside the paper were two airline tickets, one in her name and one in his, dated July 2nd, a little more than three months away.
"Airline tickets?" Weiss asked, confused. "Where to?"
"A deserted island," she smiled, remembering his promise to her. "The Maldives." She didn't need a note because Vaughn's message to her was clear: by July, she was going to be a free woman.
TBC . . .
This chapter is pretty much all about Sydney, but Vaughn makes a return in the next chapter.
Chapter 12: "Separation Anxiety"
Sydney closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the fence as she sat on a crate inside the warehouse. In the past three weeks, she had found herself going there almost daily, sometimes for a few minutes, other times for a few hours. It was a habit that had begun the night that she and Dixon returned from Madrid. From the moment she stepped off the plane, she had felt as if something was different. At first she hadn't been able to put her finger on what it was, but then it hit her -- it was the first time in almost a year and a half that she had come home from a mission knowing that she wouldn't see Vaughn the next day. She hadn't been at all prepared for how empty that knowledge would make her feel, even though she'd spent the entire flight brooding about Vaughn's temporary relocation to Virginia.
On the drive home from the airport, she found herself being inexplicably drawn to the warehouse. For some reason, she felt the need to be alone with her thoughts in the place where she and Vaughn had spent so many moments forging first their partnership, then a friendship, and finally, their relationship. She had been there for only a few minutes that first night before her sadness overwhelmed her and she drove home, struggling to see the road through her tears. Since then, she had found herself back at the warehouse night after night, thinking about Vaughn, remembering every conversation they had had with each other, every time that she had cried and he had consoled her, every time that he had congratulated or praised her for her success on a mission. She knew that she needed this place, now more than ever because it was seemingly the only connection to him that she had left.
The day after she returned from Madrid, Agent Miles had gone about establishing a new protocol for their meets. However, she was still receiving the Joey's Pizza calls because Agent Miles reasoned that if SD-6 was monitoring her phone calls, it might appear suspicious if the wrong number calls just stopped out of the blue. So for the past three weeks, Sydney had had to consciously remind herself not to get excited every time someone called wanting a pizza. The first few times, her heart had jumped as she briefly allowed herself to think that Vaughn had returned from Virginia. But now when she received the calls, instead of driving to the warehouse, she drove to the UCLA library. It had been hard to get used to not meeting at the warehouse. Another thing she hadn't been able to get used to was the fact that Agent Miles insisted that Sydney call her by her first name. It was a friendly gesture on her part and Sydney appreciated it, as it had made their working relationship seem less formal. But it felt weird because she had always called Vaughn by his last name. Even now she only called him "Michael" when it slipped out unconsciously.
Thinking about that actually brought a smile to her face, as she remembered all the times Vaughn had teased her for continuing to call him by his surname. Secretly, she knew he loved it and she loved the way that he had jokingly taken to calling her "Bristow." Her happy memory turned into a deep sigh as she thought about how much she missed him, missed everything about him. She knew that their separation would be difficult, but she had had no idea just *how* difficult it would be. She soon learned when it became apparent that they could have almost no contact with each other. They couldn't speak on their home phones for obvious reasons. Their CIA-issue cell phones were secure, but now that Vaughn was no longer her handler, there was no way to justify the calls to each other. Sending letters was out of the question, as there was no way to ensure that they wouldn't be intercepted. They had e-mailed each other a couple of times, but even that hadn't been a true means of communication. Too many e-mails sent between them would surely raise the suspicions of the CIA, and even worse, they weren't really able to discuss anything personal in their e-mails. So essentially, they hadn't exchanged more than a friendly "how are you doing?" in the past three weeks.
Those weeks had felt like something akin to torture for Sydney and she wondered if Vaughn was feeling the same way. She certainly hoped so. Actually, she mused with a smirk, she hoped that the past three weeks had been even harder on him, since all of this had been his doing anyway. She was in the middle of imagining all the suffering *he* was experiencing when she was startled by the sound of the gate opening. Her heart jumped and, for a second, she let herself imagine that Vaughn would be on the other side of the room, but when she opened her eyes she came face to face with her father.
"Oh, it's you," she said, barely able to conceal her disappointment.
"Don't sound so excited to see me," Jack said wryly.
"I'm sorry, Dad, " she smiled apologetically. "It's just that for a moment, I thought . . . nevermind."
Jack could tell by the look on his daughter's face that she had been wishing he were her smitten handler rather than her father.
"How did you find me here?" she asked, as he walked over to her.
"I had an instinct that you'd be here."
*I have an instinct about you.* She smiled to herself as her father's words triggered one of her first memories of Vaughn.
"Actually Sydney, that's not true. Last week, I was just about to pull up to your apartment when I saw you rush out of the house and get in your car. I could see that you were upset, so I followed you, wondering where you were going. I got my answer when you came here and stayed for two hours."
"You sat outside in your car for two hours? Why didn't you come in and say something to me?"
"I assumed you wanted to be alone and I didn't want you to know that I had followed you."
"Well now I know," she said with a mock roll of her eyes.
"Yes, and *I* know that you've been coming here quite a lot lately even though you and Vaughn are no longer meeting here. I don't suppose you'd want to tell me why?" he asked, studying her carefully.
"It's quiet here," she shrugged. "I can think and be alone here."
"Why do you need to be alone?"
"I don't *need* to be alone, I just want to. I *am* alone."
"I assume that this has something to do with you and Agent Vaughn not working together anymore? You never told me why he resigned as your handler, and Ben hasn't told me either. I've been trying not to pry, and technically I suppose it's none of my business, but the fact that you've been so withdrawn for the past few weeks has me concerned." He paused for a moment, his discomfort evident to both of them. "I'm. . . I'm willing to listen if you want to talk," he said stiffly.
Sydney couldn't help but smile at her father's awkward attempt to get her to open up to him. She knew he wasn't fully comfortable doing so, but she appreciated of the effort.
"Did Vaughn do something to upset you Sydney? Because if he did I promise you I'll -- "
"Dad!" Sydney exclaimed, cutting him off. "Mich -- *Vaughn* -- didn't do anything to upset me, not intentionally, anyway. He resigned as my handler because he wanted to protect me and keep me safe, and as much as I wish he hadn't, I understand why he felt like he had to. So for my sake, could you hold off on the bodily harm?"
"Hmph. Why did Vaughn feel as if he needed to remove himself as your handler in order to keep you safe?"
Sydney took a deep breath, debating whether -- and how much -- to tell her father about her relationship with Vaughn. Perhaps now was as good a time as any, considering that he was three thousand miles away and (relatively) safe from the wrath of Jack Bristow.
"He and I were just having some issues working together," she began.
"Such as your inability to take orders from him?" Jack asked as he sat on the crate next to hers. When he saw her surprised expression, he explained, "I've listened in on some of your missions, Sydney, and I've read Vaughn's mission debriefs. You're not the easiest agent to work with."
"Gee, thanks, Dad," she said sarcastically. "I appreciate the compliment, and if you must know, yes, that was part of the problem."
"Well, he simply should have done a better job of asserting his authority over you."
Once again, Sydney looked at her father incredulously. She couldn't believe that he was basically telling her that Vaughn's frustration with her was justified. Of course *she* knew that it was justified, but she hadn't expected her father to agree.
"Um, I think he felt like he couldn't really do that. He didn't think he could be objective about me," she admitted.
"Vaughn hasn't been objective about you since the day you walked into CIA headquarters," Jack scoffed, remembering the way the younger agent had wanted to extract her from the Romanian mental institution and Dinatti Park. "I don't see why things are any different now."
Sydney looked down at her hands in her lap and spoke quietly. "Things are a lot different now. Our relationship is different now."
Jack gave Sydney hard stare. "What do you mean things are *different*?"
"I'm sure you can guess what I mean, Dad," she said, looking back up at him.
"Sydney, I'm not blind. I've noticed the way that you and Vaughn interact with each other. The two of you have a certain . . . chemistry that would be obvious to anyone, but especially to people whose jobs depend on being observant. The attraction between the two of you certainly didn't gone unnoticed by your superiors at the agency, but they overlooked it because the two of you worked so well together and because there were no indications that your behavior had crossed the line into something inappropriate."
"Inappropriate? Do you have any idea how much I've grown to hate that word? My feelings for Vaughn have *never* been inappropriate, despite what the CIA's protocol handbook might say," she said defensively.
"What exactly are your feelings, Sydney? Because if you've been harboring a crush on Vaughn, I can assure you that those feelings are *highly* inappropriate."
"A crush? Dad, 'crush' is *so* not the word to describe my feelings for Vaughn. You don't spill out your guts to a crush. You don't share every thought and emotion that you have, and you certainly don't allow a crush to console you every time someone betrays or hurts you. You don't trust a crush with your life or with your heart. Vaughn isn't a crush, Dad. I'm . . . I'm *in love* with him, and I can't imagine that this comes as a shock to you. And please, spare me the lecture, because there's nothing that you can say that I don't already know. I know all of the reasons why it's foolish and dangerous and impossible for me to love Vaughn, and I just don't care because I do anyway. I love him, and there's nothing you can say or do to change that," she finished, wiping away the hot tears that had begun to fall from her eyes.
"Sydney -- "
"I *love* him, Dad. It's been killing me not to be with him or see him for the past three weeks. So what I really need right now is for you to be my dad, not one of my superior officers. Can you do that?" she sniffled, looking at him with the big brown eyes that had always been able to melt his heart, even if she hadn't always known it.
"Sweetheart," he said, reaching out to take her hand in his. "I knew that you cared a great deal for Vaughn, but I had no idea -- "
"You *had* to have known, Dad," she laughed through her tears. "For goodness sake, I was willing to kill Sloane for him!"
"Well that's not saying much, Sydney. Any reason would have been a good reason to kill Sloane."
"You have a point," she laughed again, wiping away the remainder of her tears with her free hand. "But seriously, there isn't anything in this world that I wouldn't do for Vaughn. I know that that makes him my biggest weakness, but he's also the most incredible source of strength I've ever had."
"Yes, I know what that's like," Jack said thoughtfully.
Sydney glanced at him. "Vaughn's not Mom, Dad. I know what you're probably thinking right now, but -- "
"Sydney, I would never compare your relationship with Vaughn to my relationship with your mother. I don't have any doubts about where Vaughn's loyalties lie, but that doesn't mean that I don't have other concerns. Does he . . .?"
"Yes," she said, anticipating his question. "My feelings are definitely reciprocated," she smiled. "And you'll be happy to know that Vaughn treats me like the sun rises and sets on me. I couldn't ask for anyone better to come into my life, Dad. He's wonderful."
"Glad to hear it," Jack said gruffly. "Because you know I'd kill him if he ever did anything to make you unhappy."
"I don't think he's capable of making me unhappy, at least not intentionally."
"I never said it had to be intentional."
"Daaaad," Sydney groaned. "Stop threatening him, you're making me nervous."
"So how long has this been going on?"
"Since November," she said sheepishly, noticing the way his eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Obviously, we've done a good job of keeping it a secret, which of course we've had to do. We know all the risks and how dangerous it would be if SD-6 discovered us, which isn't an issue anymore now that he's gone."
"Sydney, I understand your desire to be with Vaughn, but for the two of you to be seeing each other, almost daring security section to find you together, is foolish at best and reckless and suicidal at worst," Jack said sternly.
"No lectures, remember?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "You know, after Danny was murdered, I didn't think I would ever fall in love again. Even worse, I didn't think I would want to, because once I learned the truth about SD-6, I knew that I would never be able to tell a man the truth about my life, and the last thing I wanted was another relationship based on lies. Then I met Vaughn and he was the only person I could be completely honest with, and I fell in love. He put my heart back together, piece by piece, Dad, and no one's ever loved me they way he does. So all the risk and all the danger is worth it, as far as I'm concerned."
Jack sighed, knowing that nothing he said was going to change Sydney's mind. Besides, he figured, with Vaughn across the country, there was little to be concerned about for the moment.
"Who else knows about the two of you?"
"Well, Weiss knows, of course, since he's Michael's best friend."
"Michael?" Jack smirked.
"What? That's his name."
"I know, I've just never heard you use it."
"Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't," she shrugged. "Will also knows."
"Well, I'm sure Mr. Tippin will keep that knowledge to himself after what happened to him last year."
"Um, actually, I think he'll probably keep that knowledge to himself just because I asked him to," she smiled. "He's a good friend and he knows that no one can find out about me and Vaughn."
"So Weiss and Tippin are the only ones who know?"
"Not exactly . . . Mom knows too," she said biting her lip.
"You told your mother? Sydney are you -- "
"I didn't tell her anything. She guessed. She's really perceptive, I'm not sure if you've noticed that," she said facetiously. "It's weird. She's only ever seen Vaughn and I in the same room together once, but she's known about our feelings for each other seemingly since the moment she put herself in CIA custody. It would be unnerving if it weren't for the fact that she seems to actually want us to be together."
"Sydney, I don't think I need to make you aware of the danger of discussing your personal life with your mother."
"No, you don't, Dad. There are a lot of reasons to keep mom and my relationship with Vaughn completely separate from each other."
"Yes, there are. What she did to his family is hard to forgive."
"I know," she sighed. "Mom is the one subject I haven't had the courage to broach with him yet. I've been avoiding having that conversation, although I know it has to come up eventually. We can't go the rest of our lives dancing around it."
"The rest of your lives? Are you anticipating spending that long with him?"
A blush rose up Sydney's face and she looked back down into her lap. "Until the Alliance is destroyed, I'm not really anticipating anything," she said unconvincingly.
"Sydney, you were once ready to spend the rest of your life with Danny. Do you feel that way about Vaughn?" Jack asked, shocked to think that their relationship could have progressed that far already.
"Dad, you know that I've always wanted to get married and have a family," she said, fidgeting uncomfortably at his line of questioning.
"Yes, but now I'm asking you if you want those things with Vaughn."
"Yes." she said quietly.
They were both silent for a few moments, each thinking about her admission.
"Dad, I'm sure you must have something to say about what I just told you. I all but admitted that I want to marry Vaughn one day. Aren't you going to try to talk me out of it?" she smiled.
"Why would I do that?"
"Well, from what I recall, you didn't exactly welcome Danny into the family with open arms."
"Sydney, it was hard to be excited about the prospect of you marrying a man who knew nothing about your life, and knowing what I knew . . ."
"Knowing what you knew about what?"
Jack sighed, trying to find a sensitive way to say what he had to say. "Knowing what I knew about SD-6, knowing how much you *didn't* know, I didn't think that you and Danny had a long-term future. I'm sorry," he squeezed her hand when he saw the look on her face. "Even if Danny hadn't been . . . I didn't think that things would last between the two of you. I was afraid that the secrets and lies would eventually destroy your relationship."
"They would have," she said quietly. She hated to admit that to herself. She had loved Danny so much, but she knew that their relationship had been anything but honest.
"I don't have the same concerns about Vaughn. Obviously, he understands your life in ways that Danny never could. More importantly, I know that he would do anything for you -- sometimes foolishly -- but he'd do it nonetheless."
"Wow. In Jack Bristowese, that's almost a ringing endorsement," she grinned.
"I respect Agent Vaughn, Sydney" Jack said huffily. "You could certainly do worse."
"Well, I couldn't do any better, that's for sure," she smiled. "Dad?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you for letting me talk to you about this and thanks for not reacting the way I thought you would -- angrily," she added when she saw his questioning look. "I thought you'd be upset but instead, you let me talk to you and you listened. Ever since Vaughn left for Langley, I've been in a total funk, but having this conversation with you has made me feel so much better. I can't thank you enough for that."
"You don't have to thank me, Sydney. Actually, I should thank you for confiding in me. I haven't exactly earned the privilege, but I'm glad that you felt that you could tell me something about your life. Besides, you've given me something to hang over Agent Vaughn's head when he returns," he said with a conspiratorial smile.
"Dad!" Sydney laughed. She couldn't remember a time in the last few years when she had felt closer to him than she did at that moment, and she was grateful for it. One of the most important men in her life was thousands of miles away, but thankfully, the other one was there for her when she needed him most.
*****
"Sydney, may I speak with you for a moment?" Sloane asked just after he had wrapped up a briefing with her and Dixon.
"Sure," she replied quickly. Her stomach started to churn as she imagined the many reasons why he might want to talk to her. She followed him into his office and swallowed hard when he pressed a button to close the glass door behind her.
"Have a seat," he said as he sank into his own chair. He leaned back and fixed her with a stare. "I've been concerned about you for the past few weeks, Sydney."
"Concerned? Why have you been concerned about me?"
"You haven't seemed like yourself lately. You've been distracted and subdued. Your work has been superior, as always, but you don't seem to have the same energy that you normally do. I've asked your father about it, but he doesn't seem to think that anything is unusual, which frankly doesn't surprise me. I know the two of you have never been particularly close, and I doubt that you'd tell him if something were wrong. But I like to think that you would feel comfortable telling me," he finished with an indulgent smile.
Sydney almost wanted to throttle him and his assumptions about her relationship with Jack. Instead, she simply looked down at the floor and avoided eye contact with him as she formulated a plan. "Actually, sir, I've just been really tired and maybe a little depressed. Valentine's Day was a few weeks ago, and the holiday reminded me of Danny and . . ." she let her voice trail off and wiped a few tears that she had managed to force from her eyes. "I'm sorry, I just . . . it's been a rough few weeks."
"Sydney, I'm very sorry to hear that. I wish you would have come to me earlier and told me. You've been busy here lately, perhaps too busy." He put a finger to his chin and studied her closely. "I think you should take some time off. We can't have you burning out, can we?" he smiled. "Why don't you take the next week. Perhaps you'll feel better when you return."
"Are you sure?" she asked hesitantly even though she wanted to jump at his offer.
"Absolutely. You're very important to SD-6, Sydney. You're very important to me as well; your well-being is of the utmost importance to me. So take some time off and hopefully when you return, you'll be back to your old self."
"Thank you, sir. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."
"Well, you can tell me when you get back. Have a good week, Sydney," he said, pulling her up from her chair by her hands and hugging her.
Despite the distaste she felt from his hands being on her, she couldn't help but smile over his shoulder, thinking about the way she had manipulated him into giving her a week off. Now she simply had to decide what she was going to do with it.
*****
"Great job as usual, Sydney," Sylvia smiled as she held the mini-camera that Sydney had just handed her. On the camera were photographs of floorplans for a weapons factory.
"Thanks. I should tell you that Sloane gave me some time off, so I won't be getting any new missions for the next week."
"Really?" Sylvia asked with surprise. "How did that come about?"
"Just out of the blue," she shrugged. "He said that I hadn't seemed like myself for the past few weeks, so I kind of took advantage of his concern and he ended up giving me the week off," she smiled sheepishly.
"Well, if Sloane's giving you the week off, so is the CIA. So don't worry about getting any calls from us."
"Thanks," Sydney smiled. Over the last month, she had come to genuinely like and respect Sylvia. She was tough and no-nonsense when they were working together, but she was also friendly and almost maternal towards Sydney. It hadn't taken them long at all to establish a good working relationship with each other.
"So, Sloane first noticed a change in you a few weeks ago," Sylvia said slowly. "I don't suppose that would have been around the time that I took over as your handler?"
"Oh, it doesn't have anything to do with you," Sydney said quickly. "You've been great, really."
"Thanks for the kind words, but I didn't think it had anything to do with me. Actually, I was, uh, guessing that it had something to do with Agent Vaughn." She watched closely as Sydney started to blush. "I'm sure you must miss him."
"What makes you think that?"
"Well, I've read over the files he left for me. The two of you were an excellent team. You seemed to work really well together, and based on the things that he said about you, I could tell that he liked and respected you a great deal. It must have been hard to deal with the transition when he left for Langley."
"If you don't mind me asking, what kind of things did he say about me?" Sydney asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.
"Just that you were an excellent agent, one of the best he had ever worked with and that you were smart, brave and capable. To be honest, he was practically gushing about you. He had so many good things to say that I was a little confused about why he was resigning as your handler."
Sydney smiled, pleased to hear all of the things that Vaughn had said about her. "He and I had other issues," she said softly. "He thought I might be better off with another handler. I wasn't thrilled about his decision, but working with you has been great. He told me that it would be."
Sylvia smiled at her. "Well, it's obvious that he cares a great deal about you. He calls me every few days to ask me how you're doing and what kind of successes you've been having. Hearing the pride in his voice, you'd almost think that your successes were his too."
"They are," Sydney said softly. She had felt that way when they worked together and she still did, even with him in Virginia.
"Well listen, I'm going to wrap this up. I'm sure that you're eager to start enjoying your week off, so I guess I'll see you when you return. Do you have plans?"
"Nope. Most likely I'll spend the entire week in bed eating ice cream and watching old movies," she laughed. Actually, that sounded like a plan, seeing as how she couldn't think of a better one.
"Well, that sounds like a perfect way to spend a week to me. Take care, Sydney," Sylvia smiled before she walked away.
Sydney walked down a hallway and gasped when she ran into a familiar face. "Weiss!" she squealed. "Where have you been hiding? I haven't seen you in forever."
"I know," he said, giving her a hug. "I was busy for the last couple of weeks, putting together a presentation for a seminar at Langley. I just got back last night."
"You were in Virginia?" Sydney asked, wide-eyed. "Did you. . . ?"
"Yes, I hung out with Mike while I was there. Hey, walk with me back to my desk, for a minute?"
"Sure," she agreed as they walked back into the rotunda. "So how's he doing?"
"He's great, but missing you like crazy. All he did the whole time I was there was talk about you," he grinned.
"Good. He *should* miss me since it's his fault we're not together right now."
"You're a vindictive one, aren't you?" he teased as she playfully swatted him on the arm.
"Did he say anything about how his project is progressing?"
"Just that everything's on schedule and that it's going well. Speaking of which," he said, opening a drawer at his desk and pulling out a white envelope, "he asked me to give you this."
She took the envelope from his hand and looked at it quizzically. "What's this?"
"I don't know, he refused to tell me, but he told me to tell you to hang on to them. He said you'd understand," he shrugged.
Sydney carefully opened the envelope, too impatient to wait until she was alone. She was surprised to find that there was no note inside, just a blank sheet of paper. Folded inside the paper were two airline tickets, one in her name and one in his, dated July 2nd, a little more than three months away.
"Airline tickets?" Weiss asked, confused. "Where to?"
"A deserted island," she smiled, remembering his promise to her. "The Maldives." She didn't need a note because Vaughn's message to her was clear: by July, she was going to be a free woman.
TBC . . .