Chapter Six – The Galactic Bus Company
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of the Galactic Bus Company:
The Galaxy's first and biggest interstellar passenger liner service boasts, and with good reason. No other service can match the splendour of the Galactic Bus Company's fleet. The company's ships pick up at more destinations than any other. None are quicker and none more prestigious. And none so mind-bogglingly massive. In addition, no other can match the special package deals offered to the tourist class passengers - it would put them out of business if they did, and so their tend to ply their trade along the less popular local routes, which not surprisingly are also less lucrative, but profitable enough nonetheless to keep their craft aloft.
It is generally held to be true that in order to enjoy the luxuries of first-class accommodation with the Galactic Bus Co, the premium rates suffered by the more affluent entities help to subsidise the relatively underprivileged entities, or at least those who might otherwise afford it but are prepared to put up with the stigma of travelling tourist-class through meanness. This allows those occupying the higher income brackets to assuage any guilt they might feel concerning their undeserved good fortune with at least a modicum of altruism for all the good they are doing below decks. Conspicuous consumption is the name of the game and consumption does not come any more conspicuous than a first class berth on one of the luxury liners of the Galactic Bus Company.
There is a way around this, however, for any social aspirants aboard. For a comparatively small supplement, tours of the first class accommodation suites are offered (as one of the many in-bus 'excursions') to those with more sense than money, but without sufficient sense to be honest, and without the necessarily deep pockets to do it properly. Extras include reproduction first-class tickets which can be bought by anyone wanting to boast to their friends back home that they were billeted with the filthy rich.
Those passengers taking the tour are also given the option of undergoing a selective memory enhancement, which will enable them to better 'remember' the details of the plush surroundings to be found in the posh bit of the bus. Nonetheless, this technique has still to be perfected, and one way of spotting the snobs who avail themselves of this opportunity is to question them on the tiniest details a propos first-class accommodation. If they can remember, to give but one example, what they were served at each meal, and on what day, the chances are that their trip has been cerebrally augmented. This, of course, makes the whole exercise pointless – and many an excursionist would have done much better to have undergone a complete personality makeover (also available for a fee) whereupon they can stick out their once proud chests and declare that they couldn't a bugblatter's fart one way or the other. Pragmatically speaking, it's either that or stump up the difference. Others prefer to simply brag that they wanted to see what life was like in the plebs quarters and so opted for the package deal 'this time'. This approach is the cheaper option, particularly for those who have been found out on previous occasions.
Naturally, enhanced social status on one's return is just one of the advantages of travelling by bus.
The main benefit however derives from the effects of travelling at such colossal speeds across the fantastic distances between the stars. When the buses aren't taking shortcuts through wormholes (unreliable at the best of times), or taking advantage of naturally occurring folds in the fabric of space-time (something of a movable feast in that they tend to migrate back and forth across the Galaxy), or bobbing in and out of hyperspace (prohibitively expensive for extensive periods), they are zipping across the cosmos at velocities approaching that of the speed of light (reliable but relatively slow when compared to the other options). It is for this last method that many passengers make the trip.
They are, however, and for the most part, not the least bit concerned with the business of getting from point A to point B. Why should they? What could there possibly be at point B that couldn't be imported from point B to point A, thus saving everybody the bother of travelling to point B from point A simply to bring back whatever it was at point B that they wanted to be available at point A in the first place? Let someone else do it. No, the simple fact is that few if any individuals at point A (or point B for that matter) need to travel between point A and B (or point C, but let's not go there!) save for one simple fact. In a word, rejuvenation.
It is not possible for carbon-based lifeforms to travel at such speeds and not end the trip younger than when they began it. Indeed, most passengers simply get off the bus at the very point that they boarded it. The only real disadvantage is that the dilution of time during the round trip means that they spend less time on the bus than has elapsed at the local bus depot, and they may not recognise their home-world on alighting, but given the nature of interplanetary diplomacy, or more seriously the lack of diplomacy, they may find that their home-world isn't still there when they get back.
Broadly speaking, the rejuvenation of the Galactic Bus Company's customers goes a long way to explaining the Company's laid back attitude towards the Infinite Improbability Drive and all who sail in her. It may be a zark sight quicker at getting you somewhere other than where you are, but without the benefit of making the shareholders of the GBC any more affluent than they already are. In fact, the Company doesn't do that either for many of its shareholders as they have fallen prey to local windfall taxation law, and have had limitations placed on their income after it became apparent that the Galaxy itself was liable to fall into the hands of an extremely wealthy but youthful oligarchy. Neither were they allowed to leave the planet for tax havens in neighbouring systems for fear of a collapse in the local economy.
It seems you can have too much of a good thing.
Many believe the real winners are the crew members who periodically retire on fat pensions when they reach the age of puberty, so as not to contravene the pan-Galactic Child Employment Legislation, only to rejoin the ships again as soon as they are old enough to offer a few more years service before retiring again.
It would be a shame to let all that experience go to waste.