Chapter 3- And so the world came crashing down

Disclaimer: I'm broke so please don't sue me. I don't own ANYTHING!

A/N: Ok, slightly depressed Lily in this one. Just warning you.

17th September, 1977- 2pm

Another busy week. I've discovered that the worst thing a friend can do when you have unlawful amounts of homework is be irrationally calm. In fact the only time Emmeline has not been calm is when she has to face boys. I think she had some really mean boy cousins when she was little or something. I did notice that she is not quite as petrified of Remus though. I must remember to encourage her to talk to him. It's fair enough if she doesn't want to have a boyfriend, but she really needs more courage around boys.

On the Potter frontier, the Charms essay was handed in on time with no dramas. It's over! I prefer to keep my distance from Mr Potter. People tend to get pranked if they stand too close to the Marauders. And it's bad enough that he smiles at me every time he sees me, it makes me nervous. I heard a Ravenclaw girl say that he has a major crush on me. But then again James had rejected her only a few days before, so hopefully she was just looking for justification.

25th September, 1977- 5:30 pm

Just thought I better write something. At last the flow of homework had become a little more reasonable. It's just as well. I had a dream last night about a giant foot squashing my teachers. Yep, I was heading for the loony bin. Perhaps it all means something. Maybe I have prophetic dreams. Does that mean my dream about me being a rabbit will come true? That's it, St Mungo's, here I come!

Wednesday 5th October, 1977- 5pm

Guess what! There's a Hogsmeade visit on Saturday! I will greatly appreciate it. All that homework has seriously depleted my supplies of quills and parchment.

Oh! I just had a brain wave! I can ask the Marauders if Emmeline and I can go with them as a group. Then Emmeline can spend some time with Remus. Maybe they could go check out the second hand bookshop together. They always seem to have their noses buried in one dusty volume or another. Am I a genius or what!

Saturday 8th October, 1977- 9pm

I have so much to explain. I think I'll be original and start from the start. Don't I have a wonderful sense of humour!

Emmeline and I met the Marauders in the Common Room a bit after 9 o'clock in the morning. We would have met sooner but Emmeline was making a last attempt at worming her way out of it. When we got to Hogsmeade, we split up. Peter and Remus went off to restock the Marauder's supplies of prank material at Zonko's Joke shop. The rest of us wandered up the main street, peering in the occasional shop window. Emmeline went into the second-hand bookshop and the rest of us just followed. I could tell James was bored out of his brains within five minutes. I myself was finding it hard to maintain interest in the dusty novels. I went to look for Emmeline and found her immersed in a huge volume of some history book.

"Hey Em. I think I'll go and buy my school supplies. I don't really feel like browsing." 

"Ok." She mumbled, without looking up.

"Maybe we could meet at the ice cream parlour in say… half an hour." I suggested.

"Sure." Em replied. "Could you get me some more parchment?" she asked, finally drawing her eyes away from her book.

"Sure. Tell Remus where to meet if you see him." She didn't even reply this time.

James saw me leaving and hurried after me. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"To buy school supplies. Then we're going to meet at the ice cream parlour in half an hour."

"Right." He said. Without a word of consent he followed me to the shop. At least he was in serious mood rather than a 'stare at Lily and make her feel uncomfortable' mood.

I walked around the shop, picking up supplies as I went. James followed casually behind me. Soon my arms were full of rolls of parchment, bottles of ink, quills and envelopes for my letters home.

"James, could you grab a stick of charcoal for me?" I asked.

"Sure." He said quickly, reaching for a piece. "What do you use it for?" he actually sounded interested.

"Drawing. Landscape mostly. The lake, the whomping willow, that sort of stuff." I replied as I dumped the supplies on the counter.

"What for?" he asked.

"Just for fun." The lady at the counter began to add up the prices.

"Can I have a look at them?" he asked, sounding casual.

"What? NO, of course not. They're personal. I mean, you might laugh or something." I said, trying to explain it to him.

"I promise I won't laugh. I think it would be interesting." He said very seriously.

I turned around to stare at him. "Did you breathe in too much dust in that bookshop or something? Why on earth would you care about my drawing, Potter."

He looked confused. "Well, it's like taking an interest in Quidditch, if your friend plays on a team. You be a good friend by caring about what your friends are interested in." He said, hesitantly, as if he wasn't sure what he was saying.

I was completely confused. James wasn't making any sense at all. I had a feeling he wasn't talking about friendship like he would put it to Remus or Sirius.

"I didn't know we were friends, Potter." I said a little coldly. What the hell did he think he was doing?

He looked taken back. "Well, we did work together. And you haven't yelled at me since the train incident." He reasoned.

My world was spinning. And the spinning seemed to be coming from James.

"Is that what you call it, an incident?" I said in a very tight voice. "It was stupid. How dare you assume that just because we worked on an essay in a civil manner that I am your friend. Or were you referring to something else? What do you think this is Potter, a date." I asked, getting slightly hysterical.

He looked hurt. "Well, sort of."

"I did this for Emmeline. She likes Remus and I thought that maybe they could get to know each other in a casual environment since she isn't that confident. But instead you and your big head have to assume that it was all about you!" In one quick movement I handed the lady my money, picked up the bag of supplies and marched over to the door.

"Actually I thought it was all about us." He said quietly as I stormed out of the shop.

Further down the street I could see Emmeline talking to Remus quietly.

"Hi Lily," She greeted. "Remus and I were just talking about…"

"I think I'll just walk back to the castle, Em. You stay and have fun." I walked off quickly before she had time to question me.

My head was swimming with thoughts. How could he think that we had gone from enemies to possible dating material in five weeks? I pushed through a crowd of students, not caring that I pushed one girl into the gutter. Did James really like me that much? He certainly wasn't known for pursuing girls, they usually did the persuing. Did that mean that he honestly liked me or that I was just some challenge? And even more serious, did I like him? No, how could I? We were enemies. He represented all the qualities I avoided in a boyfriend. Well, that wasn't quite true. Of course I wouldn't mind a boyfriend who was a fit, athletic Quidditch player. Of course I wanted a boyfriend with a great sense of humour and a charming smile. In fact minus the childish habit of pranking, I would have had no objections to James Potter.

By this time I had reached the gates of Hogwarts. I walked to the edge of the forbidden forest and sat down underneath one of the trees. All the confusion and frustration and mixed feelings came pouring out as hot tears. Why had life got so confusing so suddenly? It was so much easier last year. It was just me, Emmeline and Slinky. I knew who to hate and who to like. But then James Potter had come along and confused it all. With his staring and his consideration and his jokes. I didn't hate James any more, I was just confused. Whether he liked me or not, I didn't know.

So now I'm really confused. I think I'll just ignore Potter since I don't know what to make of him. I spent the rest of the afternoon sketching near the forest. I saw the others coming back from Hogsmeade.  They were all laughing and talking, all except James. I couldn't make out his expression from my spot under the trees, but I could tell from the way that he walked that he was less than happy. I hoped he was really hurt. None of them saw me, but I found myself wishing that James would notice me.

Monday 10th October, 1977- 5:30pm

The last couple of days have been really hard. Avoiding James Potter proved harder than I first thought. For one thing, I have most of my classes with him. And he keeps on trying to catch my eye.

At least Em enjoyed Hogsmeade. She now talks to Remus in class, even if her voice is almost inaudible over the usual chatter. She seems much brighter, which is kind of annoying when I was hoping she would be her usual wall flower self with me. Hey, at least I was extra focussed in my classes. I took almost twice as many notes as I usually would have. Hey, it was that or acknowledge that Potter had found something instead of the wall to stare at.

Next Saturday there is a Quidditch match, Ravenclaw verses Gryffindor. I only go to Quidditch matches if Gryffindor is playing, since I'm not really a big fan of Quidditch. At least then James won't be able to stare at me all of the time. I think he thinks if he looks at me long enough, I'll forgive him for being such a prick. As if. Whenever he does catch my eye, I feel myself blushing terribly. I'm just not use to being watched so much. I have been a wall flower all of my life, and I prefer it to stay that way.

Saturday 15th October, 1977- 9:10pm

The Quidditch match was nothing special. As usual the score was close between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. It took James a little longer than usual to get the Snitch though. Emmeline forced me to sit with Remus, Peter and Sirius so that she could talk to Remus. By the end of the year I'm sure she will be cheering along confidently with everyone else. At least someone's life is going right.

At least it wasn't a complete waste of time. I drew heaps of sketches of the Quidditch players. I had just finished a picture of the goal-keeper, paying a lot of attention to the intense look on his face when Remus noticed my work.

"I never knew you drew Evans. Can I have a look?" he asked leaning over.

"No, they're personal." I snapped back.

He sat back quickly. "Sorry Lily. I just thought it would be interesting."

His words reminded me of James. "Hey, I'm not bloody Leonardo De Vinci." I grumbled.

He held up his hands in submission. "Whatever, just don't bite my head off."

I glared at him and went back to my sketches.

I plan to maybe talk to James around Halloween. I was thinking I might tell him how rude it is to stare. Then I'll ignore him some more.

Must go now. Still have Herbology homework to do before I go to bed. At least the common room is quiet. The Marauders seem to have disappeared.

9:45pm

Problem. Big problem. Didn't the Big Guy hear me when I complained about my life being bad? Now it's worse.

I was sitting in an armchair by the fire, doing my homework when this piece of paper flutters down onto my work. I pick it up and this is what it said:

Dear Lily,

I'm sorry. I know I've been stupid and I hope you won't hold it against me forever. I truly didn't know what to think when you asked if you could come to Hogsmeade with us. You were so enthusiastic that I thought that maybe you liked me. I mean, you hadn't yelled at me in ages or anything. And you were pretty civil when we were doing that Charms essay together. But I realise I was wrong. Please don't go all angry on me again. I really want to be your friend.

James.

Geese. What is it with him and that Charms essay? We were forced to work together! I don't plan to reply. In fact I won't react at all, I'll let him stew. I can feel his eye on me. I think I'll go up to my dorm now. I'll walk right past him; I won't even glance at him. He gets plenty of attention as it is. Especially since it's just after a Quidditch match.     

Wednesday 20th October, 1977- 1:10pm

Damn that Potter! He must being bribing the teachers or something. Guess who I had to share a tray with when we were re-potting Squill seedlings in Herbology. James and Sirius! It was a nightmare. Black wouldn't stop grinning, obviously enjoying the tense silence. This only grated at my nerves further. This ignoring thing was meant to be to annoy Potter, not me. I tried to ignore him, but it got steadily harder as Sirius continued to snigger, dispite the death glares he was receiving from James.

Of course I was the first to leave at the end of the class. Thankfully it was lunchtime so I had time to myself. I grabbed some bread, cheese and ham from the Gryffindor table and went outside to eat. The weather was growing cold and gloomy, as was my mood. I miss the comforting silence that is Emmeline. I liked sitting with her whilst she read her books. She was always so calm and steady. Now, she's always bouncing around, chatting excitedly. She barely reads anymore and often does her homework with Remus, instead of with me. So now I'm sitting outside during lunch, feeling miserable and alone. I don't think I've felt this lonely since the summer holidays. I can't wait to go home at Christmas. I think I'll go and find Slinky. I need a friend of sorts and it's getting pretty cold out here.

Saturday 23rd October, 1977- 2pm

What a boring weekend. I've done nothing but read and do homework. Not because I have a lot to do, but there's nothing better to do. With James shooting me sympathetic looks across the Common Room, there's nothing better to do. I think he wants to come over and comfort me or something. Shudder. Being comforted by James Potter. He'd probably try to grope me or something. So whenever he glances my way, I glare at him. I won't become his girlfriend of the month. Please please let the holidays come soon.

A/N: Halloween is my Birthday! I think it's pretty cool. Then again, all Birthdays are cool! Presents, too much junk food… need I say more!

Sunday 31st October, 1977- 10pm

The Halloween feast was a nightmare. Everyone was so loud it made me want to scream. I almost didn't go, but Emmeline dragged me down to the Great Hall before I could protest. I thought of sneaking off whilst she talked to Remus, but if I didn't eat at the feast, I would have to go down to the kitchens. The chance of meeting James there alone was enough to keep me in my seat whilst everyone gossiped very loudly around me… just. There was one tiny little thing that I enjoyed. James looked like he wanted to escape as much as I did. At first I was glad that he was suffering too. But then I started to feel sorry for him. That was the last thing I needed. If I feel sorry for James, then I might start talking to him. If I started talking to him, he might think I want to go out with him. Well, tough. I don't want to go out with James Potter. For one thing, I'd spend the entire time listening to him talk about himself. You can tell from the smile on his face when a crowd of fans surrounds him that he loves the attention. He would probably expect me to tell him how wonderful he is every three seconds. As if I have time! It's Fifth Year. We should be thinking about our futures. I don't think James Potter thinks past the next Quidditch match. You can tell when he's thinking about Quidditch because his eyes go all glassy and he starts running his fingers through his hair, like he can feel the wind ruffling it. Not that it needs ruffling. Yes, I know what you're thinking. Is Lily nuts? How come she knows so much about the guy she's meant to be hating? Well, I never would have noticed if I hadn't overheard some of his fans talking about how 'cute' it was. Honestly, as far as they're concerned, anything James does is cute. I can't stand hearing them talk about James Potter like he's this perfect innocent little puppy. Huh! Innocent! What a laugh!

Well, I think that's enough ranting for tonight. If I keep going I might have to pull out a giant foot and squash myself. Wow, what a weird image. I really must be past my bedtime if I'm imagining squashing myself with a giant foot. Goodnight.  

Tuesday 2nd November, 1977- 8:30 am

I have news! Wonderful news. My aunt Harriet has invited me to spend Christmas with her! This is the best news I've had in ages. At last I can talk to someone magical, someone who isn't busy making plans to study with a certain boy. Aunt Harriet will know exactly how I feel. After all, she did go to Hogwarts when she was my age. I have to go to Charms now, but I will bounce all the way.

Wednesday 3rd November, 1977- 2am

And so the world came crashing down. Let me explain. I can't remember much, but I'll do my best. I was in Charms when I was called to Professor Dumbledore's office. I walked to his office in complete confusion. Why did Dumbledore need to see me? Was it good news or bad news? Was I in trouble?

I felt numb as the teacher (I can't remember who) lead me up the moving staircase to Dumbledore's office. He opened the door as soon as I knocked and motioned to the chair in front of his desk. He sat in his own chair and studied me for a while.

"Lily, I understand that most of your family are muggles." This was not a question. "You will be well aware of certain families' views on someone such as yourself being allowed to come here."

"Yes." I answered quietly. I had been bullied many times because of my family.

"You also understand that there are those who feel that muggles and those who associate themselves with them should not be… tolerated."

"Of course," I answered in an even quieter voice.

"I do not know whether you read our papers Lily. If you do, then you would be aware that there are rumours of a group being formed. Its members call themselves Death Eaters."

"N-no, I haven't heard." I could feel my body stiffen, bracing myself for what Dumbledore might say next.

"In the early hours of this morning, these Death Eaters attacked your aunt's house."

I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"It would appear that your aunt Harriet was asleep." He said softly. "She… she did not see them. They killed her."

They killed her… some strange people went to my aunt's house and killed her. The words echoed in my head. Dead, my aunt is dead.

"The funeral is on Friday. You will be transported back to London, on Thursday night. Your parents will take you from there." Dumbledore was still speaking, but his voice sounded muted to me.

I don't remember exactly what happened, but the next thing I knew, I was outside Dumbledore's office, letting the tears fall down my face. I needed to get away. Where could I go? Go to the library. Barely anyone goes there during the day, said the part of my mind that was still vaguely reasonable.

And so I ran through the silent halls, thinking only of getting to the library. Just get to the library. Get away from prying eyes. I almost changed my mind and went to my dorm, but there was a fair chance that one of the girls would go up there during break for a forgotten book or some such item. So I kept running to the library. When I got there I chose one of the less-popular sections and sank into the corner.

And I cried. I cried because I felt alone. I cried because the one faithful friend I had left had been killed. Killed for associating with muggles. I heard the bell go to signal the end of class and didn't care. I knew that I had left my books in Dumbledore's office and that I had class. But it didn't matter. What did school matter when there were people out there who had murdered my aunt?

"Lily?"

It was James. Of course. If anyone was going to catch me with my face red and blotchy from crying, it would be James. I waited for the snide remark, for the probing question, but it never came. He simply walked over to me, and after a moments hesitation, he sat down beside me.

"Piss off Potter. This isn't the best time to ask me out." I snapped, embarrassed that he had seen me cry.

"I wasn't going to." He replied calmly.

And then James did something very strange. He put his arms around me so that my head rested on his shoulder. I waited, expecting him to pinch me or something. But he just held me tighter.

"It's ok." Then he kissed my forehead lightly and handed me a handkerchief from his pocket.

And as if his words had triggered something inside me, I began to cry again.

So now it's 3 o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep. All I can do is think about how comfortable James' shoulder was, and how he carries clean hankies with him.

A/N: At last it is finished. Well, this chapter at least. Check out my cool herb, Squill. It's a real magical herb. Look it up if you don't believe me.

A/N: The ghost of Aunt Harriet compels you to review. If you don't want a ghost wearing a jacket made out of quilts haunting you, review! Now get to it! *glares*