A/N: Hey guys. I apologize for the excessively looong wait for the new chapter. The past month has been a wild one, but hopefully things will calm down for a while. After all the delay, I wish this chapter was better than it is, but I've cried "uncle" for now. Hopefully you guys will like it more than I do. As always, thanks for all of your support and reviews. It astounds me how many people have responded to this story. I don't know what I've done to deserve all of you, but I'm very grateful.
Chapter 17: "Donna Reed"
Elise sat at her desk and idly twirled her pen between her fingers as she stared off into space. Sydney had left hours ago and she'd been in deep thought ever since, still trying to digest everything Sydney had told her. The whole story was so incredible, however, that she still wasn't sure she fully believed it. How was it possible that the daughter of the woman who killed her husband had grown up to fall in love with her son? That was an even bigger twist of fate than the one that led her to see William again in that Parisian cafe, she mused.
She picked up the frame holding her wedding photograph and smiled at her husband's smiling face. She instantly remembered how incredibly nervous and excited she'd been that day. She and William hadn't even been together for six months at that point, yet she had been willing to pledge both her heart and her life to him. She had been a little afraid that they were rushing into marriage, but she was so in love with him that she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. In retrospect, she hadn't had any reason to worry. The only thing that had cast a shadow over her wedding day was her father's absence, though William was the only one who noticed how much it had upset her. While everyone else saw a beautiful bride brimming with happiness, he could see the hurt lurking behind her eyes and he had so sweetly tried to take it away.
The memory of how she felt that day was the primary reason she was determined not to let her feelings about Sydney's mother cloud her feelings about Sydney and Michael's relationship. She knew her son well enough to know that if he was truly in love with Sydney, he wouldn't let anything or anyone stand in the way of being with her. That was why he needed to know that she loved and supported him no matter what. She would never want his wedding day to be tinged with the same sadness that had marred her own.
She gently set the frame back down on her desk, next to the picture of her and Michael that had been taken when she visited him in Los Angeles last summer. She couldn't help but be struck by the contrast between father and son. Michael was handsome and sensitive like William, but Elise was well aware that he had inherited her stubbornness and tendency to wall off her emotions. He was a equal mix of their best and worst qualities wrapped into one perfect package. Well, maybe he wasn't perfect, but he was the most important person in her life and she wasn't ashamed to admit that she completely doted on him. She had been absolutely truthful when she told Sydney that his happiness was the only thing that mattered to her. After William died, raising their son had been the only thing that held her together and kept her from sinking into depression and despair. She had essentially lived her life for him and now he was her proudest accomplishment. She only wished that William was still alive to see what a wonderful man he had become, and that was what fueled the twisting emotions inside her now. She could perhaps forgive his killer for taking him away from her, but she knew she could never forgive her for depriving her son of his father.
She was roused from her thoughts when a knock on her door startled her.
"Come in," she called. She looked up to see Vaughn poking his head through the cracked door and smiled. "Michael, what are you doing here?"
He closed the door behind him and walked over to her, giving her a kiss on the cheek before taking a seat in front of her desk.
"Do I need an excuse to see my own mother?" She shot him a knowing look and he smiled in response. "Apparently, I do. I know that Sydney came to talk to you today, and I just wanted to come by and make sure that you were okay," he said earnestly. "I know it couldn't have been easy for you to hear all the things she must have told you."
"That was sweet of you, darling, but completely unnecessary. I'm fine."
"You're fine?" Vaughn said dubiously. "Mom, you just found out that dad's killer is alive and that her daughter is my girlfriend. You don't really expect me to believe that you're just fine with that, do you?"
"Maybe 'fine' wasn't the best choice of words," Elise acknowledged. "But I'm not exactly falling apart, either. Your father's been dead for twenty-six years. I've had more than enough time to heal," she gently reminded him.
"I know. I just wanted to make sure that today didn't open up any old wounds."
"Is that what it did to you?" She watched as his eyes widened in surprise. "Sweetheart, I know that ever since you joined the company, you wanted to know the details about your father's death."
"I still don't know all the details," Vaughn frowned.
"Maybe not, but you know that he was killed and you know who killed him. Learning those truths must have felt like losing him all over again, in a way," she said quietly.
Vaughn looked at his mother and saw the pain etched on her face. He swallowed and tried to fight the lump forming in his throat. She was usually so stoic that he could only count on two hands the number of times he had seen visual evidence of the grief she felt over his father's death.
"Mom," he began.
"I'm okay," she said with a reassuring smile. "It's just difficult knowing that that woman is still alive and that she's never had to pay for what she did. But I don't blame Sydney for her mother's actions and I told her that when she was here."
Vaughn slowly let out a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding. "Thank you for that," he said softly. Even though he'd reassured Sydney that his mother wouldn't hold the past against her, a tiny part of him had been afraid that she actually might. He certainly would have understood if she had.
Elise studied the relieved expression on her son's face. "You were afraid that I was going to be angry with her, weren't you?" she asked with astonishment
"I kept telling her that you wouldn't be, but I was a little concerned," he admitted.
"Well, that would have been ridiculous," Elise sniffed.
"Or maybe it just would have been human," Vaughn offered. "Neither of us would have blamed you if had been angry."
"No, I suppose not, but that just wouldn't be . . . it wouldn't be right to make Sydney suffer for something that she wasn't responsible for. It's obvious that she's carrying around enough guilt as it is. I wouldn't have wanted to contribute further to that. The only person who should be made to suffer is her mother," she said pointedly.
"Yeah, well she's not. Suffering, I mean. She's in custody, but she has a much cushier arrangement than most federal detainees have. You know what, though, I don't really want to talk about her right now."
Elise could see how uncomfortable he was and knew that neither of them was ready to discuss their feelings about Sydney's mother just yet.
"Do you and Sydney ever talk about her?" she gently asked.
"Not really. Actually, the other night was the first time that we really talked about the fact that we never talk about our parents," he said with a wry laugh. "We're both so busy trying to protect each other's feelings that it's hard for us to be honest about our own feelings sometimes."
"I completely understand, but the two of you are going to have to *start* being honest with each other, for the sake of your relationship."
"I know."
"I saw that look, Michael," Elise said knowingly. "The patented Michael Vaughn 'don't lecture me, mom' look, but I'm not lecturing you. I'm simply *advising* you not to hold things back from Sydney, because I don't want you to screw things up with her."
"I have no intention of screwing things up with Sydney," Vaughn said with amusement.
"You men usually don't intend to screw up, but you manage to find ways," Elise laughed. "It didn't use to be a concern for me because frankly, I never thought much of most of your girlfriends, anyway -- "
"That's an understatement," Vaughn interjected.
"Michael, please. You've had questionable taste and you know it. All I'm saying is that I don't know how you managed to snag Sydney, but I like her a lot. I'd like to see her stick around."
"I love how you said that in your best 'I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just telling what to do' voice," Vaughn laughed. "Trust me, if I have my way, Sydney will be around for a very long time. She and I have so many issues and obstacles standing in the path of happily ever after, but all that really matters is that I love her. I want to spend my life with her," he admitted.
Elise beamed at him for a few moments before her face took on a more sober expression. "Can I ask you something?" she asked cautiously.
"What?"
"If I hadn't been able to handle what Sydney told me . . . if I told you that there was no way that I would ever accept her as part of your life, what would you have done?"
Vaughn swallowed uneasily and tried to avoid her gaze. Even though it was a moot point, he didn't want to be discussing this subject with his mother. "I, uh, I would have tried to change your mind."
"And what if you couldn't?"
"Then I would have tried harder."
"And what if *that* didn't work?"
"Am I back in law school?" Vaughn nervously laughed. "What's with the Socratic method, Mom?"
"I'm not trying to badger you; I just want to know what you would have done. I'm curious," Elise shrugged.
"Well, I would've tried to change your mind, but if that didn't work, then I would have had to just let you work through those issues on your own."
"And you would have stayed with Sydney?"
"Yeah, I would have. I know that's a horrible thing to say to your mother -- "
"It's a horrible thing to say to your father, too, but sometimes the truth hurts. Don't apologize for that. I always knew that one day a woman would come along and take my place as the most important woman in your life and I've been dreading that day forever because you and I have always been so close. But the first time I saw the way that Sydney looked at you, I knew that day had come, and I'm actually glad that it has. Besides, Sydney might actually be the answer to all my prayers," she said, her eyes twinkling.
"Whoa, slow down, Mom. I can already see you mentally naming the grandchildren. That's still a long way off, so don't get your hopes up just yet."
"I'm not," she said innocently. Vaughn simply shook his head and laughed, knowing that she was lying. "Speaking of Sydney, I've greatly enjoyed your company, but you should be with her right now, so go home," she laughed.
"Okay, you don't have to tell me twice." Vaughn walked around behind Elise's chair and draped an arm around her shoulders. "Thank you for being so good to Sydney, Mom. I can't tell you how much that means to me," he murmured. "Just know that no matter what happens for the rest of my life, you will *always* be the best person I've ever known, and I love you."
"I love you too, Michael," she smiled as he left her office.
*****
Vaughn smiled as he turned the key in the lock of his front door. After the talk with his mom, he felt as if things were perfect -- except for the fact that Sydney was leaving in six days and they were soon going to be separated by a whole continent again, and SD-6 was still a threat to both of their lives. Yep, other than that, life was perfect, he mused as he opened the door to a darkened house. Donovan ran up to greet him and he looked around quizzically before reaching for a switch on the wall.
"Don't turn on the lights," Sydney admonished him as she walked into the foyer. "I'm trying to create an atmosphere here." She smiled at the way his eyes lit up when he saw her, and she gently tugged on his tie until he bent his head down and gave her a searing kiss.
"Hi honey, I'm glad you're home," she said sweetly when they broke apart. "How was your day?"
"It just got a lot better," he smiled as she took his suit jacket from him and grabbed his hand. She led him into the living room, draping his jacket across the back of a chair before sitting down next to him on the couch. She leaned in and raked her fingers through his hair as she kissed him again.
"I missed you," she smiled.
"Obviously," he cracked. "Are we going somewhere?"
"No," she said as she undid his tie and unbuttoned the first couple of buttons on his shirt. "Why do you ask?"
"Because that dress is begging to be shown off in public," he said, admiring her low cut, backless, black dress.
"Maybe, but I wore it just for you."
"Really? Did you wear it because you like me or because you're trying to make me have a heart attack?"
"Neither. Or maybe both," she grinned. "I'm glad you like it."
"I like it so much that I'm already looking forward to taking it off," he growled as he wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck.
"Behave, Vaughn," she giggled. "That comes later, okay?" She broke free from his grasp and picked up two glasses of wine from the coffee table and handed one to him. He wrapped his left arm around her shoulder and they sank back together on the couch. "I wore the dress because I planned a romantic dinner and I thought it called for something nicer than jeans. We're celebrating tonight," she said brightly.
"Celebrating what?"
"The fact that your mom doesn't hate me," she laughed. "The fact that if you and I ever have kids, they're going to have her wonderful genes."
"Lot of good that did me," Vaughn smirked. "Actually, I just came from my mom's office, and she told me that your talk went well. I couldn't be any happier about that, Syd."
"Me either. She's an amazing person."
"Yes, she is," Vaughn agreed. "So are you. You've proven that to me again and again, but I'm in awe of the courage it took for you to face her alone."
"It didn't take that much courage, Vaughn. Sometimes you give me too much credit," she protested.
"It did take courage, and don't pretend that it didn't, because I saw how afraid you were that it wouldn't go well. It was something that you needed to do for yourself, and you did it. That took courage."
"I didn't do it for me," Sydney said, placing her glass back on the table and turning to him. "I did it for us. I did it so there wouldn't be a black cloud hanging over our relationship."
"And now there's not," Vaughn smiled as he set down his own glass and pulled her into another kiss. He felt desire surge through his body as her tongue pressed into his mouth and his fingers caressed the bare skin just above the small of her back. "Syd," he rasped after a few minutes, "I *really* want to take you upstairs and take off that dress."
"No!" she laughed as she reached behind her and removed the offending hand from her back.
"Okay, we don't have to go upstairs," he offered. "We don't even have to take off the dress if you don't want to."
"Now you're just getting desperate, Vaughn. Seriously, we need to go eat dinner. Maybe food will take your mind off of your libido for a little while," she smirked as she stood up and pulled him up from the couch.
"Don't count on it," he said as he picked up the wine glasses and followed her into the dining room. The table was set with a white linen tablecloth and floating candles which gave the room a soft, romantic glow. "Syd, you didn't have to go to all this trouble," he said in a soft voice, filled with awe.
"I know, I just wanted to. I don't know if you realize it," she said shyly, "but this is the first time that you've ever come home to me at the end of the day -- even though it's not actually *our* home," she said with a breathless laugh.
"I did realize it. I was thinking about it on the drive home. Usually the only thing I have to look forward to when I come home is Donovan humping my leg. I like this a lot better," he smiled. "It would be so incredible to come home to you every day -- not that I'd want you to be sitting around waiting for me to come home, of course. Unless you wanted to, because there's nothing wrong with you not working if you don't want to," he sputtered.
"Vaughn, relax," she said with amusement. "I know what you meant, so don't worry, I'm not going to sic the president of NOW on you. I like the way this feels, too. It feels . . . normal and domestic, which appeals to me since nothing about our lives is normal *or* domestic. I guess you always want what you don't have."
"Like you, upstairs with that dress in a crumpled heap on the floor? Yeah, I want that a lot right now," he grinned. "So you cooked?" he asked, changing the subject when she shot him a dirty look.
"Yeah, I did. What? Don't look so shocked. I even have the dirty dishes in the sink to prove it. I can show them to you if you don't believe me."
"No, I take your word for it, but didn't you tell me in Santa Barbara that you were a horrible cook?"
"I may have overstated the case just a little. I'm not a *horrible* cook, I just don't do it very often. Jetting around the world doesn't leave much time for brushing up on my skills, but the Food Network is my favorite cable channel if that counts for anything," she laughed. "Anyway, sit down. I'll be right back."
Sydney left the room and returned a minute later with two plates of roasted chicken, rosemary potatoes, and asparagus. She set them down on the table and sank into her chair, beaming at Vaughn. She didn't want to scare him, but she was totally getting into the role of domestic goddess although Donna Reed would probably never wear a slinky dress like the one she was wearing right now. Then again, Donna Reed wasn't planning on seducing Vaughn after dinner, so what did she know?
"This looks and smells great, Syd."
"Thanks." She held her breath and watched as he took a bite, and was relived when he appeared to actually like it. "So how was work? I always wanted to ask you that," she said with a dimpled grin.
He smiled back at her, amused by the way that he and Sydney got so excited by the smallest moments of normalcy. So many people took those kinds of moments for granted, but their relationship was so unconventional that they reveled in each new one they experienced. "Actually, work was kind of boring. I spent most of the day in meetings with agents from the FBI's financial crimes division. They were briefing us on all the possible charges that might be filed against Sloane, which was, of course, fascinating -- except for the part where it wasn't. But their investigation turned up some interesting connections to some of the other Alliance cells, which may turn out to be useful to us. Exciting stuff, huh?"
Sydney shrugged. "It will be if it puts an end to the Alliance. That's all I care about. I'm so ready for this to be over. I have been since it started, but even more so now that I've met your mom, and seen where you grew up, and spent a day lazing around with you and Donovan. I always thought that I wanted to be rid of SD-6 so I could have my life back, but now I realize that I want to be rid of it so I can be a part of *your* life."
"You *are* a part of my life, Syd. You're the biggest part," Vaughn said, reaching across the table to take her hand.
"I know, but I'm a secret part. Other than Weiss, Will, my parents and your mom, no one even knows that we're together. You have friends at Langley that I can't meet this week, and even more friends back in L.A. that I don't know," she sighed. "As much as I like having you all to myself when we're together, I hate feeling like our relationship exists in a vacuum. That's why it felt so good to be around your mom and not have to hide. She's the first person -- the only person -- who's actually seen us together as a couple. I know that it shouldn't matter, but it does."
"I understand. Almost everyone that I'm working with right now has pictures on their desks of their loved ones -- wives, children, girlfriends. The only picture on my desk is one of Donovan curled up in my mom's lap."
"No," Sydney said, trying to stifle a laugh.
"Yes. How pathetic is that? A few weeks ago, I was wishing that I could put a picture of you on my desk until it occurred to me that I don't even *have* any pictures of you. That's crazy, but at least it won't be this way forever. Soon, you'll know more of my friends and family than you ever wanted to. God help you when you meet the Delormes. I told you they're kind of crazy, right?"
"Stop. I'm sure they're lovely; I can't wait to meet them *and* the Vaughns."
"Well, the Vaughns are actually normal, maybe because they're not French. That makes all the difference in the world," he grinned. "Actually, I should stop giving you the wrong impression about my mom's family. They're great people, they're just a little eccentric compared to my dad's family."
"Speaking of your dad's family," Sydney said uneasily as she put her fork down, "have you thought at all about how you're going to tell them about me?"
"Well, I was thinking something along the lines of, 'Hey everyone, this is my girlfriend, Sydney.' Unless you want a more formal introduction," he teased.
"That's not what I meant, Vaughn. I meant, have you figured out how you're going to tell them about my mom?"
"Actually, I've decided that I'm not going to."
"What? Why?" Sydney asked, her eyes growing wide.
"Because I've thought about it and I don't see the point of telling them. Why should I?"
"Because they deserve to know the truth, maybe?"
"Syd, it was one thing to tell my mom. She was the wife of a CIA agent, and the mother of another. She understands that there are certain things that I tell her that she shouldn't know, but I can trust her with those things because she has enough discretion to keep them to herself. But as far the agency's concerned, the story of your mother and those 12 agents is still classified, so I really shouldn't be sharing all the details with my family."
Sydney snatched her hand away from Vaughn's as her face flushed with anger. "I don't believe you, Vaughn. I can't believe believe you're hiding behind the agency's rules and regulations."
"*Hiding*? I'm not hiding behind anything, Sydney."
"Yes you are; don't think that I can't see that. The real reason you don't want to tell the rest of your family is because you don't think they'll be nearly as accepting as your mom was."
"What, you can read my mind now?" Vaughn asked facetiously. "Syd, this has nothing to do with their reaction. I just don't think there's anything to gain from telling them. It's not going to bring him back," he said softly, " and it's not going to make them feel any better about losing him. Besides, I don't think your desire to tell them has anything to do with them. This is all about *your* feelings."
Vaughn winced at the wounded expression on Sydney's face and he realized that his words hadn't come out sounding the way he meant them to.
"You think this is all about me?" Sydney choked out in a small, anguished voice. She couldn't believe he thought she was so self-centered. Their romantic dinner was going straight to hell, she thought as Vaughn slipped out of his chair and knelt down next to her, taking her hands in his and forcing her to look at him.
"Yeah, I do think it's all about you. You carry around so much guilt for what your mother did, and it's so unnecessary. You don't owe it to my family to tell them what she did and you don't owe them any apologies. Hell, Syd, you don't owe *me* any apologies. I just wish that you would stop beating yourself up over this. I admire you immensely for telling my mom, but she should be the last stop on the Sydney Bristow guilt tour. I think part of you is almost hoping that my family will hate you if they find out the truth, because you feel like you deserve that. But you don't Syd, because it's not your fault. It's not. I just want you to see that and believe it -- if not for yourself, then for me," he pleaded.
"Vaughn, that's not fair," she said with a reluctant smile as she looked into his imploring eyes. "You know that I can't refuse you anything."
"That's what I'm hoping," he smiled. "I just hate seeing you heap everything on yourself when there's no reason to."
"So, what? I should stop feeling guilty just because you want me to? Two years worth of guilt isn't going to go away overnight, Vaughn," she sighed.
"I know that," he smiled as he stroked the side of her face. "But it *will* go away eventually, and if I have to distract you from it in the meantime, I will."
"How are you gonna do that?" she asked with a small roll of her eyes.
"I have my ways," he said with a cocky grin.
She looked down at him and couldn't help but smile. Deep inside, she knew he was right. It was time for her to let go of her guilt, but first she needed to figure out why it was a constant presence in her life to begin with. There was only one person who could give her the answers she needed, so when she returned to L.A., she was going to have to finally confront her mother head on. She wasn't particularly looking forward to it, especially knowing that the one person she'd want to turn to for comfort afterwards wouldn't be there when she needed him most. But she would cross that bridge when she got to it. He was here now, and that was all that mattered. For the time being, she was going to push all further thoughts of her mother out of her mind and enjoy every minute she had left with Vaughn. Starting now.
She bent down and gave him a soft kiss, then stood up and walked towards the hallway. She felt Vaughn's eyes watching her, and she turned around and fixed him with a seductive stare. "Are you gonna stay there or are you going to follow me upstairs?"
"What about the table and the dishes?"
"They can wait until later, or you can stay down here and take care of them now if you want. But the dress is coming off . . . you wouldn't want to miss that, would you? I know you wanted to see what it would look like on the floor of your bedroom, she teased."
"So you're actually going to let me have what I want?"
"All night long. Just this once, though," she grinned.
She realized that sometimes it was a nice fantasy to want the things that you couldn't have. But other times, like now, it was much better to focus on the things -- and people -- that you did have, and having Vaughn made her feel like she had everything she could ever want.
TBC . . .
Chapter 17: "Donna Reed"
Elise sat at her desk and idly twirled her pen between her fingers as she stared off into space. Sydney had left hours ago and she'd been in deep thought ever since, still trying to digest everything Sydney had told her. The whole story was so incredible, however, that she still wasn't sure she fully believed it. How was it possible that the daughter of the woman who killed her husband had grown up to fall in love with her son? That was an even bigger twist of fate than the one that led her to see William again in that Parisian cafe, she mused.
She picked up the frame holding her wedding photograph and smiled at her husband's smiling face. She instantly remembered how incredibly nervous and excited she'd been that day. She and William hadn't even been together for six months at that point, yet she had been willing to pledge both her heart and her life to him. She had been a little afraid that they were rushing into marriage, but she was so in love with him that she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. In retrospect, she hadn't had any reason to worry. The only thing that had cast a shadow over her wedding day was her father's absence, though William was the only one who noticed how much it had upset her. While everyone else saw a beautiful bride brimming with happiness, he could see the hurt lurking behind her eyes and he had so sweetly tried to take it away.
The memory of how she felt that day was the primary reason she was determined not to let her feelings about Sydney's mother cloud her feelings about Sydney and Michael's relationship. She knew her son well enough to know that if he was truly in love with Sydney, he wouldn't let anything or anyone stand in the way of being with her. That was why he needed to know that she loved and supported him no matter what. She would never want his wedding day to be tinged with the same sadness that had marred her own.
She gently set the frame back down on her desk, next to the picture of her and Michael that had been taken when she visited him in Los Angeles last summer. She couldn't help but be struck by the contrast between father and son. Michael was handsome and sensitive like William, but Elise was well aware that he had inherited her stubbornness and tendency to wall off her emotions. He was a equal mix of their best and worst qualities wrapped into one perfect package. Well, maybe he wasn't perfect, but he was the most important person in her life and she wasn't ashamed to admit that she completely doted on him. She had been absolutely truthful when she told Sydney that his happiness was the only thing that mattered to her. After William died, raising their son had been the only thing that held her together and kept her from sinking into depression and despair. She had essentially lived her life for him and now he was her proudest accomplishment. She only wished that William was still alive to see what a wonderful man he had become, and that was what fueled the twisting emotions inside her now. She could perhaps forgive his killer for taking him away from her, but she knew she could never forgive her for depriving her son of his father.
She was roused from her thoughts when a knock on her door startled her.
"Come in," she called. She looked up to see Vaughn poking his head through the cracked door and smiled. "Michael, what are you doing here?"
He closed the door behind him and walked over to her, giving her a kiss on the cheek before taking a seat in front of her desk.
"Do I need an excuse to see my own mother?" She shot him a knowing look and he smiled in response. "Apparently, I do. I know that Sydney came to talk to you today, and I just wanted to come by and make sure that you were okay," he said earnestly. "I know it couldn't have been easy for you to hear all the things she must have told you."
"That was sweet of you, darling, but completely unnecessary. I'm fine."
"You're fine?" Vaughn said dubiously. "Mom, you just found out that dad's killer is alive and that her daughter is my girlfriend. You don't really expect me to believe that you're just fine with that, do you?"
"Maybe 'fine' wasn't the best choice of words," Elise acknowledged. "But I'm not exactly falling apart, either. Your father's been dead for twenty-six years. I've had more than enough time to heal," she gently reminded him.
"I know. I just wanted to make sure that today didn't open up any old wounds."
"Is that what it did to you?" She watched as his eyes widened in surprise. "Sweetheart, I know that ever since you joined the company, you wanted to know the details about your father's death."
"I still don't know all the details," Vaughn frowned.
"Maybe not, but you know that he was killed and you know who killed him. Learning those truths must have felt like losing him all over again, in a way," she said quietly.
Vaughn looked at his mother and saw the pain etched on her face. He swallowed and tried to fight the lump forming in his throat. She was usually so stoic that he could only count on two hands the number of times he had seen visual evidence of the grief she felt over his father's death.
"Mom," he began.
"I'm okay," she said with a reassuring smile. "It's just difficult knowing that that woman is still alive and that she's never had to pay for what she did. But I don't blame Sydney for her mother's actions and I told her that when she was here."
Vaughn slowly let out a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding. "Thank you for that," he said softly. Even though he'd reassured Sydney that his mother wouldn't hold the past against her, a tiny part of him had been afraid that she actually might. He certainly would have understood if she had.
Elise studied the relieved expression on her son's face. "You were afraid that I was going to be angry with her, weren't you?" she asked with astonishment
"I kept telling her that you wouldn't be, but I was a little concerned," he admitted.
"Well, that would have been ridiculous," Elise sniffed.
"Or maybe it just would have been human," Vaughn offered. "Neither of us would have blamed you if had been angry."
"No, I suppose not, but that just wouldn't be . . . it wouldn't be right to make Sydney suffer for something that she wasn't responsible for. It's obvious that she's carrying around enough guilt as it is. I wouldn't have wanted to contribute further to that. The only person who should be made to suffer is her mother," she said pointedly.
"Yeah, well she's not. Suffering, I mean. She's in custody, but she has a much cushier arrangement than most federal detainees have. You know what, though, I don't really want to talk about her right now."
Elise could see how uncomfortable he was and knew that neither of them was ready to discuss their feelings about Sydney's mother just yet.
"Do you and Sydney ever talk about her?" she gently asked.
"Not really. Actually, the other night was the first time that we really talked about the fact that we never talk about our parents," he said with a wry laugh. "We're both so busy trying to protect each other's feelings that it's hard for us to be honest about our own feelings sometimes."
"I completely understand, but the two of you are going to have to *start* being honest with each other, for the sake of your relationship."
"I know."
"I saw that look, Michael," Elise said knowingly. "The patented Michael Vaughn 'don't lecture me, mom' look, but I'm not lecturing you. I'm simply *advising* you not to hold things back from Sydney, because I don't want you to screw things up with her."
"I have no intention of screwing things up with Sydney," Vaughn said with amusement.
"You men usually don't intend to screw up, but you manage to find ways," Elise laughed. "It didn't use to be a concern for me because frankly, I never thought much of most of your girlfriends, anyway -- "
"That's an understatement," Vaughn interjected.
"Michael, please. You've had questionable taste and you know it. All I'm saying is that I don't know how you managed to snag Sydney, but I like her a lot. I'd like to see her stick around."
"I love how you said that in your best 'I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just telling what to do' voice," Vaughn laughed. "Trust me, if I have my way, Sydney will be around for a very long time. She and I have so many issues and obstacles standing in the path of happily ever after, but all that really matters is that I love her. I want to spend my life with her," he admitted.
Elise beamed at him for a few moments before her face took on a more sober expression. "Can I ask you something?" she asked cautiously.
"What?"
"If I hadn't been able to handle what Sydney told me . . . if I told you that there was no way that I would ever accept her as part of your life, what would you have done?"
Vaughn swallowed uneasily and tried to avoid her gaze. Even though it was a moot point, he didn't want to be discussing this subject with his mother. "I, uh, I would have tried to change your mind."
"And what if you couldn't?"
"Then I would have tried harder."
"And what if *that* didn't work?"
"Am I back in law school?" Vaughn nervously laughed. "What's with the Socratic method, Mom?"
"I'm not trying to badger you; I just want to know what you would have done. I'm curious," Elise shrugged.
"Well, I would've tried to change your mind, but if that didn't work, then I would have had to just let you work through those issues on your own."
"And you would have stayed with Sydney?"
"Yeah, I would have. I know that's a horrible thing to say to your mother -- "
"It's a horrible thing to say to your father, too, but sometimes the truth hurts. Don't apologize for that. I always knew that one day a woman would come along and take my place as the most important woman in your life and I've been dreading that day forever because you and I have always been so close. But the first time I saw the way that Sydney looked at you, I knew that day had come, and I'm actually glad that it has. Besides, Sydney might actually be the answer to all my prayers," she said, her eyes twinkling.
"Whoa, slow down, Mom. I can already see you mentally naming the grandchildren. That's still a long way off, so don't get your hopes up just yet."
"I'm not," she said innocently. Vaughn simply shook his head and laughed, knowing that she was lying. "Speaking of Sydney, I've greatly enjoyed your company, but you should be with her right now, so go home," she laughed.
"Okay, you don't have to tell me twice." Vaughn walked around behind Elise's chair and draped an arm around her shoulders. "Thank you for being so good to Sydney, Mom. I can't tell you how much that means to me," he murmured. "Just know that no matter what happens for the rest of my life, you will *always* be the best person I've ever known, and I love you."
"I love you too, Michael," she smiled as he left her office.
*****
Vaughn smiled as he turned the key in the lock of his front door. After the talk with his mom, he felt as if things were perfect -- except for the fact that Sydney was leaving in six days and they were soon going to be separated by a whole continent again, and SD-6 was still a threat to both of their lives. Yep, other than that, life was perfect, he mused as he opened the door to a darkened house. Donovan ran up to greet him and he looked around quizzically before reaching for a switch on the wall.
"Don't turn on the lights," Sydney admonished him as she walked into the foyer. "I'm trying to create an atmosphere here." She smiled at the way his eyes lit up when he saw her, and she gently tugged on his tie until he bent his head down and gave her a searing kiss.
"Hi honey, I'm glad you're home," she said sweetly when they broke apart. "How was your day?"
"It just got a lot better," he smiled as she took his suit jacket from him and grabbed his hand. She led him into the living room, draping his jacket across the back of a chair before sitting down next to him on the couch. She leaned in and raked her fingers through his hair as she kissed him again.
"I missed you," she smiled.
"Obviously," he cracked. "Are we going somewhere?"
"No," she said as she undid his tie and unbuttoned the first couple of buttons on his shirt. "Why do you ask?"
"Because that dress is begging to be shown off in public," he said, admiring her low cut, backless, black dress.
"Maybe, but I wore it just for you."
"Really? Did you wear it because you like me or because you're trying to make me have a heart attack?"
"Neither. Or maybe both," she grinned. "I'm glad you like it."
"I like it so much that I'm already looking forward to taking it off," he growled as he wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck.
"Behave, Vaughn," she giggled. "That comes later, okay?" She broke free from his grasp and picked up two glasses of wine from the coffee table and handed one to him. He wrapped his left arm around her shoulder and they sank back together on the couch. "I wore the dress because I planned a romantic dinner and I thought it called for something nicer than jeans. We're celebrating tonight," she said brightly.
"Celebrating what?"
"The fact that your mom doesn't hate me," she laughed. "The fact that if you and I ever have kids, they're going to have her wonderful genes."
"Lot of good that did me," Vaughn smirked. "Actually, I just came from my mom's office, and she told me that your talk went well. I couldn't be any happier about that, Syd."
"Me either. She's an amazing person."
"Yes, she is," Vaughn agreed. "So are you. You've proven that to me again and again, but I'm in awe of the courage it took for you to face her alone."
"It didn't take that much courage, Vaughn. Sometimes you give me too much credit," she protested.
"It did take courage, and don't pretend that it didn't, because I saw how afraid you were that it wouldn't go well. It was something that you needed to do for yourself, and you did it. That took courage."
"I didn't do it for me," Sydney said, placing her glass back on the table and turning to him. "I did it for us. I did it so there wouldn't be a black cloud hanging over our relationship."
"And now there's not," Vaughn smiled as he set down his own glass and pulled her into another kiss. He felt desire surge through his body as her tongue pressed into his mouth and his fingers caressed the bare skin just above the small of her back. "Syd," he rasped after a few minutes, "I *really* want to take you upstairs and take off that dress."
"No!" she laughed as she reached behind her and removed the offending hand from her back.
"Okay, we don't have to go upstairs," he offered. "We don't even have to take off the dress if you don't want to."
"Now you're just getting desperate, Vaughn. Seriously, we need to go eat dinner. Maybe food will take your mind off of your libido for a little while," she smirked as she stood up and pulled him up from the couch.
"Don't count on it," he said as he picked up the wine glasses and followed her into the dining room. The table was set with a white linen tablecloth and floating candles which gave the room a soft, romantic glow. "Syd, you didn't have to go to all this trouble," he said in a soft voice, filled with awe.
"I know, I just wanted to. I don't know if you realize it," she said shyly, "but this is the first time that you've ever come home to me at the end of the day -- even though it's not actually *our* home," she said with a breathless laugh.
"I did realize it. I was thinking about it on the drive home. Usually the only thing I have to look forward to when I come home is Donovan humping my leg. I like this a lot better," he smiled. "It would be so incredible to come home to you every day -- not that I'd want you to be sitting around waiting for me to come home, of course. Unless you wanted to, because there's nothing wrong with you not working if you don't want to," he sputtered.
"Vaughn, relax," she said with amusement. "I know what you meant, so don't worry, I'm not going to sic the president of NOW on you. I like the way this feels, too. It feels . . . normal and domestic, which appeals to me since nothing about our lives is normal *or* domestic. I guess you always want what you don't have."
"Like you, upstairs with that dress in a crumpled heap on the floor? Yeah, I want that a lot right now," he grinned. "So you cooked?" he asked, changing the subject when she shot him a dirty look.
"Yeah, I did. What? Don't look so shocked. I even have the dirty dishes in the sink to prove it. I can show them to you if you don't believe me."
"No, I take your word for it, but didn't you tell me in Santa Barbara that you were a horrible cook?"
"I may have overstated the case just a little. I'm not a *horrible* cook, I just don't do it very often. Jetting around the world doesn't leave much time for brushing up on my skills, but the Food Network is my favorite cable channel if that counts for anything," she laughed. "Anyway, sit down. I'll be right back."
Sydney left the room and returned a minute later with two plates of roasted chicken, rosemary potatoes, and asparagus. She set them down on the table and sank into her chair, beaming at Vaughn. She didn't want to scare him, but she was totally getting into the role of domestic goddess although Donna Reed would probably never wear a slinky dress like the one she was wearing right now. Then again, Donna Reed wasn't planning on seducing Vaughn after dinner, so what did she know?
"This looks and smells great, Syd."
"Thanks." She held her breath and watched as he took a bite, and was relived when he appeared to actually like it. "So how was work? I always wanted to ask you that," she said with a dimpled grin.
He smiled back at her, amused by the way that he and Sydney got so excited by the smallest moments of normalcy. So many people took those kinds of moments for granted, but their relationship was so unconventional that they reveled in each new one they experienced. "Actually, work was kind of boring. I spent most of the day in meetings with agents from the FBI's financial crimes division. They were briefing us on all the possible charges that might be filed against Sloane, which was, of course, fascinating -- except for the part where it wasn't. But their investigation turned up some interesting connections to some of the other Alliance cells, which may turn out to be useful to us. Exciting stuff, huh?"
Sydney shrugged. "It will be if it puts an end to the Alliance. That's all I care about. I'm so ready for this to be over. I have been since it started, but even more so now that I've met your mom, and seen where you grew up, and spent a day lazing around with you and Donovan. I always thought that I wanted to be rid of SD-6 so I could have my life back, but now I realize that I want to be rid of it so I can be a part of *your* life."
"You *are* a part of my life, Syd. You're the biggest part," Vaughn said, reaching across the table to take her hand.
"I know, but I'm a secret part. Other than Weiss, Will, my parents and your mom, no one even knows that we're together. You have friends at Langley that I can't meet this week, and even more friends back in L.A. that I don't know," she sighed. "As much as I like having you all to myself when we're together, I hate feeling like our relationship exists in a vacuum. That's why it felt so good to be around your mom and not have to hide. She's the first person -- the only person -- who's actually seen us together as a couple. I know that it shouldn't matter, but it does."
"I understand. Almost everyone that I'm working with right now has pictures on their desks of their loved ones -- wives, children, girlfriends. The only picture on my desk is one of Donovan curled up in my mom's lap."
"No," Sydney said, trying to stifle a laugh.
"Yes. How pathetic is that? A few weeks ago, I was wishing that I could put a picture of you on my desk until it occurred to me that I don't even *have* any pictures of you. That's crazy, but at least it won't be this way forever. Soon, you'll know more of my friends and family than you ever wanted to. God help you when you meet the Delormes. I told you they're kind of crazy, right?"
"Stop. I'm sure they're lovely; I can't wait to meet them *and* the Vaughns."
"Well, the Vaughns are actually normal, maybe because they're not French. That makes all the difference in the world," he grinned. "Actually, I should stop giving you the wrong impression about my mom's family. They're great people, they're just a little eccentric compared to my dad's family."
"Speaking of your dad's family," Sydney said uneasily as she put her fork down, "have you thought at all about how you're going to tell them about me?"
"Well, I was thinking something along the lines of, 'Hey everyone, this is my girlfriend, Sydney.' Unless you want a more formal introduction," he teased.
"That's not what I meant, Vaughn. I meant, have you figured out how you're going to tell them about my mom?"
"Actually, I've decided that I'm not going to."
"What? Why?" Sydney asked, her eyes growing wide.
"Because I've thought about it and I don't see the point of telling them. Why should I?"
"Because they deserve to know the truth, maybe?"
"Syd, it was one thing to tell my mom. She was the wife of a CIA agent, and the mother of another. She understands that there are certain things that I tell her that she shouldn't know, but I can trust her with those things because she has enough discretion to keep them to herself. But as far the agency's concerned, the story of your mother and those 12 agents is still classified, so I really shouldn't be sharing all the details with my family."
Sydney snatched her hand away from Vaughn's as her face flushed with anger. "I don't believe you, Vaughn. I can't believe believe you're hiding behind the agency's rules and regulations."
"*Hiding*? I'm not hiding behind anything, Sydney."
"Yes you are; don't think that I can't see that. The real reason you don't want to tell the rest of your family is because you don't think they'll be nearly as accepting as your mom was."
"What, you can read my mind now?" Vaughn asked facetiously. "Syd, this has nothing to do with their reaction. I just don't think there's anything to gain from telling them. It's not going to bring him back," he said softly, " and it's not going to make them feel any better about losing him. Besides, I don't think your desire to tell them has anything to do with them. This is all about *your* feelings."
Vaughn winced at the wounded expression on Sydney's face and he realized that his words hadn't come out sounding the way he meant them to.
"You think this is all about me?" Sydney choked out in a small, anguished voice. She couldn't believe he thought she was so self-centered. Their romantic dinner was going straight to hell, she thought as Vaughn slipped out of his chair and knelt down next to her, taking her hands in his and forcing her to look at him.
"Yeah, I do think it's all about you. You carry around so much guilt for what your mother did, and it's so unnecessary. You don't owe it to my family to tell them what she did and you don't owe them any apologies. Hell, Syd, you don't owe *me* any apologies. I just wish that you would stop beating yourself up over this. I admire you immensely for telling my mom, but she should be the last stop on the Sydney Bristow guilt tour. I think part of you is almost hoping that my family will hate you if they find out the truth, because you feel like you deserve that. But you don't Syd, because it's not your fault. It's not. I just want you to see that and believe it -- if not for yourself, then for me," he pleaded.
"Vaughn, that's not fair," she said with a reluctant smile as she looked into his imploring eyes. "You know that I can't refuse you anything."
"That's what I'm hoping," he smiled. "I just hate seeing you heap everything on yourself when there's no reason to."
"So, what? I should stop feeling guilty just because you want me to? Two years worth of guilt isn't going to go away overnight, Vaughn," she sighed.
"I know that," he smiled as he stroked the side of her face. "But it *will* go away eventually, and if I have to distract you from it in the meantime, I will."
"How are you gonna do that?" she asked with a small roll of her eyes.
"I have my ways," he said with a cocky grin.
She looked down at him and couldn't help but smile. Deep inside, she knew he was right. It was time for her to let go of her guilt, but first she needed to figure out why it was a constant presence in her life to begin with. There was only one person who could give her the answers she needed, so when she returned to L.A., she was going to have to finally confront her mother head on. She wasn't particularly looking forward to it, especially knowing that the one person she'd want to turn to for comfort afterwards wouldn't be there when she needed him most. But she would cross that bridge when she got to it. He was here now, and that was all that mattered. For the time being, she was going to push all further thoughts of her mother out of her mind and enjoy every minute she had left with Vaughn. Starting now.
She bent down and gave him a soft kiss, then stood up and walked towards the hallway. She felt Vaughn's eyes watching her, and she turned around and fixed him with a seductive stare. "Are you gonna stay there or are you going to follow me upstairs?"
"What about the table and the dishes?"
"They can wait until later, or you can stay down here and take care of them now if you want. But the dress is coming off . . . you wouldn't want to miss that, would you? I know you wanted to see what it would look like on the floor of your bedroom, she teased."
"So you're actually going to let me have what I want?"
"All night long. Just this once, though," she grinned.
She realized that sometimes it was a nice fantasy to want the things that you couldn't have. But other times, like now, it was much better to focus on the things -- and people -- that you did have, and having Vaughn made her feel like she had everything she could ever want.
TBC . . .