Author's Note: You'll notice I've changed the title of Chapter 2, and given the old title to this chapter. I figured it fit these scenes better. Sorry if I've confused anyone!
"Arwen, Arwen!" exclaimed Aragorn joyfully, entering her guest quarters with a quick step. "I am king! I have just been coronated! They gave me this very interesting hat with wings on it! Where were you, by the way?"
Arwen was, strangely, flushed and agitated, wringing her hands while clutching a letter tightly.
"Never mind that now. My father is coming!" she announced wretchedly.
Aragorn immediately went pale. "Oh…dear."
"Yes, 'oh dear,' what a fat lot of help you are. What are we going to do?"
"Pray to Elbereth?" he suggested.
"I wish I had not asked for your ideas," she pronounced cuttingly. "There is no choice, then--we must be married at once."
As Aragorn had been trying to convince her to marry him for the last seventy-some years, he latched onto this idea readily. "Then I will ask the cooks to prepare a feast in two days time, shall I?" he said enthusiastically.
"No, I said we must be married at once."
Grabbing his hand with a surprisingly strong grip, Arwen dragged him out of the White Tower, through the city, and onto the field just beyond the gates where Aragorn had been crowned king. A large quantity people were still milling about, including a handful of trumpeters, a goodly number of guards, and Faramir.
"Faramir!" Arwen called out fretfully.
Surprised, the steward turned to Arwen with her baggage of Aragorn and said, "Milady, what is it that you wish?"
"You must marry us at once!" she cried.
"Er, I do not believe that would be proper," the steward answered, bewildered. "I admit my knowledge of Elves is lacking, but I understood that no more than two people may be joined in marriage--"
"Not marry with us!" she yelled in exasperation. "I want you to perform the ceremony to pronounce Aragorn and myself to be married!"
"Oh. That is highly preferable over the former, no offence."
"Quickly, we must do it now!"
A knowing gleam entered Faramir's eyes. "Ah, so you are that eager to do 'it,' milady."
Arwen made a strangled noise that spoke of intense rage. Mercifully, Aragorn intervened before she went for the steward's throat.
"Faramir, you shall marry us this instant. It is imperative that we are joined before the end of this day!"
"As you wish, my king," said Faramir more somberly.
After calling back most of the people who had been involved in the coronation, including the Fellowship, Faramir set up a passable wedding service with himself heading the ceremony. Unfortunately, he insisted on reading a full Numenorean lay before he would even begin the main ceremony. With every unnecessary Andunaic word that passed his lips, Arwen's grip on Aragorn's hand became more painful.
Not to mention the fact that the lay was an extraordinarily bad one.
Meanwhile, Aragorn's knees, no longer those of a young man, were pained from kneeling for so long. He had a niggling suspicion that Faramir enjoyed seeing his king kneel before him, for the first and last time, and was purposely drawing out this torture of waiting.
Fortunately, Faramir sped through the end of the lay once he realized the odd reddish glint in Arwen's eyes was not a reflection of the setting sun. Then he read out the vows that Arwen had scribbled on a dinner napkin two minutes before the beginning of the ceremony.
"King Elessar, will you do whatever is needed in all matters of personal and legislative significance in order to please your wife?"
"I will."
"Lady Arwen, will you remain beautiful and perfect forever?"
"I will it so."
"Er...and thus the twain are joined in marriage most sacred; moreover, they are bound to serve Gondor and all her people for all their lives, and Gondor's people are in turn bound to serve them. Now, bring forth the symbol of vows unbreakable!"
At this point three things happened in quick succession. One, Bergil began to walk down the aisle bearing a glass case with a pair of gold rings inside it. Two, Elrond and his entourage appeared in the arched doorway, silhouetted dramatically against the setting sun in the west. Three, Frodo, who was standing amidst the crowd, went completely ballistic and jumped Bergil, screaming something about his Precious and frothing in a most disturbing fashion.
"No, master! Bad master!" yelled Sam.
"Oh, I feel a headache approaching," muttered Arwen.
"What is going on?" demanded Elrond.
"Granddaughter, is this what I think it is?" asked Galadriel sternly.
"Get it off! Get it off!" bawled Bergil.
"That is a very nice hat, Aragorn," commented Celeborn with remarkable aplomb.
"Thank you," the king replied. "I like it too."
Once Frodo had been placated with a pyrite ring to gnaw on, and a blubbering Bergil had been sent to the Houses of Healing for a long stay, Aragorn and Arwen were able to speak in private with Elrond and Galadriel (Celeborn was off eating hors d'oeuvres).
"You are late, father," said Arwen smugly. "We are already married!"
"And I am king of Gondor, so all goes well according to our agreement," said Aragorn in a more conciliatory tone.
Elrond was wroth, however, and no mere words could appease him. "You should have waited for our arrival! I dread to think what hasty and foolish vows you might have made in this human city!"
"I think," said Galadriel coolly, "that you must appease us before we approve this union. Otherwise…we will visit you at all inconvenient times throughout your married lives!"
Aragorn and Arwen gasped in synchronicity. The Lady of the Golden Wood certainly did not make idle threats! Not for naught did Arwen fear her relatives; the curse of the frequently-visiting in-laws was a terrible fate for any married couple.
"However, there may be a way to avoid an outcome that, I think, would be mutually unpleasant for both parties. If you were to offer us recompense…" Galadriel suggested.
"Ah yes, recompense. That would be satisfactory," said Elrond.
Aragorn was puzzled. What could he give that would compensate for the loss of Arwen, the child of the highest-born Elves left on Arda, the most beauteous Elf-maiden to grace Middle Earth since Luthien?
Arwen, on the other hand, understood her father and grandmother perfectly. She had had to live with these people for centuries, after all.
"I think two chests, one filled with pure gold and the other with gemstones, would be enough?" she offered.
"Methinks that is a rather miserly gift from the queen of the most prosperous kingdom in Middle Earth," countered Galadriel deftly. "I believe your coffers can stand to do without…two caravans worth of platinum and white jewels."
Arwen's face betrayed no shock, whereas Aragorn's body began to show traces of an apoplectic fit coming on.
"That is rather a lot," he said quietly, but all the Elves ignored him.
"One caravan, filled with gold and diamonds," said Arwen in a steely voice.
"One and a half!" answered Galadriel.
"One and a quarter!"
"One and a third!"
"Done!" said Arwen, and the two women suddenly laughed while the males stood by, bewildered.
"This is why I made Celebrian come to Rivendell," muttered Elrond. Then he turned to Aragorn, patted him on the shoulder, and said, "Well, my son, you have won Arwen Evenstar, for good or for ill. Be glad you only have to live with her for another hundred years of so."
"I heard that, father!" laughed Arwen gaily. "Now, shall we attend the wedding feast?"
"What wedding feast?" wondered Aragorn, still dazed.
"Why, the one I asked Faramir to prepare for us! I also had him hire the finest musicians in the city and arrange gifts for all the guests. I am afraid I forgot to inform you, your Highness," she teased lightly, taking hold of his arm.
"Oh. You did all that by yourself?"
"Of course. Am I not queen?"
"Yes, you are," said Aragorn, exchanging a look with Elrond, who was patiently listening to Galadriel prattle on about arriving in the Undying Lands with more wealth than any other Elf. "Yes, you are."
Author's Notes: Married, finally! Regarding Galadriel and Elrond's mercenary nature--well, Arwen, had to get it from somewhere, yes? Next episode will guest-star the Fellowship, minus Gandalf. They'll help Aragorn find the bachelor within--at least for a little while.
Addendum! I forgot to thank Lady MR () for her suggestions about showing the wedding and having Elrond be all belligerent and overprotective. Thank you muchly!