Chapter 32: "Making Up"
A half hour after leaving the warehouse, Vaughn entered the busy rotunda of the joint task force center in a daze, barely noticing as other agents and analysts whizzed past him. Despite the flurry of activity surrounded him, he felt as if his world had been moving in slow motion ever since Sydney left the warehouse in tears, and he couldn't figure out what he hated more -- knowing that she was upset, knowing that she didn't want to tell him why, or knowing that whatever was wrong, it was all his fault. Once he finally reached his desk, he gracelessly plopped down into his chair and covered his face with his hands, hoping that if he closed his eyes long enough then opened them, he'd discover that the last three hours of his life had merely been a bad dream.
"Hey, you made it back in one piece," Weiss grinned from his desk a few feet away. "That's a good sign, right?"
"Not really," Vaughn dryly replied.
"Man, you look like hell. What's wrong?" Weiss asked, his voice full of concern. "Is Sydney still pissed at you?"
"Honestly? I couldn't even tell you. When she left, she was -- " He shook his head, at a loss to explain how she left the warehouse. "I don't know if she's still angry or not," he sighed
"Um, okay," Weiss shrugged. He was just as confused as Vaughn appeared to be, but it was clear to him that Vaughn was in no mood to discuss whatever had happened with Sydney, so he decided not to press. "If you change your mind, though, you know I'm here to talk . . . or to take you to a bar and get you hammered," he grinned.
"Thanks," Vaughn laughed, returning Weiss's smile with a genuine smile of his own. Despite Weiss's playful nature and frequent jokes, Vaughn knew that he was a really good sounding board whenever he needed one. But considering that *he* still didn't know what to make of Sydney's hasty exit from the warehouse, he knew that he wasn't ready to discuss their fight with Weiss.
"Hey, I need to talk to Jack. You haven't seen him around, have you?" he asked.
"I last saw him about 10 minutes ago, so he might still be somewhere around here."
"Okay, thanks."
Vaughn got up from his desk and set out to locate Jack, finding him a few minutes later just as he was finishing up a conversation with another agent. Vaughn patiently waited until the other agent left and Jack turned around to acknowledge him.
"Vaughn," he nodded as he began to stride down the hallway, "You did a good job with your presentation earlier."
"Thanks, but I think Sydney disagrees," he wryly remarked as he fell into step with Jack.
"Well, of course she does, but that was to be expected. You know better than anyone how stubborn she can be."
"Yeah, I do, but you have to admit that she has a point when she says that she should be a part of the op. We'd still be years away from taking down the Alliance if it weren't for her, and now we're basically telling her that she can't be there to see the fruits of her labor."
Jack stopped in the middle of the mostly empty hallway and sternly looked at Vaughn.
"You didn't seem to have a problem with that two weeks ago when we decided that she shouldn't participate in the raid. Vaughn, I realize that you're in love with Sydney, but don't let that cloud your judgment. In a couple of days, her anger will blow over and you'll realize that we've made the right decision."
"Jack, don't patronize me," Vaughn wearily sighed. "I'm not letting my feelings for Sydney cloud my judgment, but I think that I may have done exactly that when I agreed that we should keep her away from the raid. I'd be lying if I said that was a purely professional decision, and I think that you would be, too."
"Don't presume to tell me the basis upon which I reached my decision, Vaughn," Jack testily replied. "Yes, obviously the fact that Sydney is my daughter makes me more concerned about her safety than I would be if we were dealing with just another agent. And yes, that strongly influences my belief that she should be as far away from the raid as possible, but what you said in the briefing was absolutely true -- there is no way to ensure Sydney's safety, especially if Sloane realizes that something is amiss. And if anything were to happen to Sydney before or during the raid, it would deal a huge blow to both the CIA and the Justice Department, not to mention you and I, personally."
He placed an almost fatherly hand on Vaughn's shoulder and softened his voice. "Just because you let your personal feelings affect your professional decision this time doesn't mean that your decision was wrong. You've put the agency's concerns above Sydney's desire to participate in the raid, and that's what your job demands of you. If Sydney has a difficult time accepting that, it's not your problem, Vaughn."
Vaughn sighed, knowing that Jack was right. Whatever the reasons for his decision, he knew that the safest course of action from the agency's standpoint was to keep Sydney as far from the raid as possible. As usual, though, it was impossible for him to separate his job from his relationship with her, and knowing that his decision had upset her on more than a professional level was eating away at him.
"Jack, when we agreed that Sydney shouldn't participate in the op, I knew that she would be upset -- angry, even -- and I was willing to assume the risk. I figured that above all else, she's a professional and that if she considered the situation from the agency's standpoint, she would eventually realize that it was the right decision. But, after seeing her reaction once we were alone . . . Something's going on with her, and it doesn't have anything to do with her job. I don't even think it has anything to do with me, but it upset her on a personal level."
"So what do you suggest, Vaughn? That we allow her to participate in the op so her feelings won't be hurt? Listen, I'm not insensitive to Sydney's feelings, but her safety and well-being are of paramount importance to me. As long as I know that she'll be safe, I'm more than willing to risk angering her. Can you say the same?" he challenged.
Vaughn bent his head and pinched the bridge of his nose as he carefully chose his words. "Yes Jack, I'm willing to deal with her anger, but I'm also willing to consider the idea that maybe we're wrong. Maybe the only person who can and should decide whether Sydney participates in the raid is Sydney, and maybe it wasn't our place to take the decision out of her hands."
"Wasn't our place? Vaughn, we both outrank Sydney and you have operational control over the raid. It was most *definitely* our place. Listen," Jack sighed, realizing that the decision was out of his hands, "at the end of the day, it's your call whether Sydney is in on the op or not, and I can already gather from this conversation that she won't have a particularly difficult time convincing you to let her be in on it. You make whatever decision you feel is appropriate, Vaughn, but if anything happens to her, I'm going to hold you personally responsible. Keep that in mind."
With that, Jack walked away, leaving Vaughn staring after him in stunned silence. So far today, he'd collected two strikes against the Bristows, and as he considered the possibility of seeing Sydney again later, he prayed that he wouldn't pick up a third.
*****
A few hours later, Sydney zipped up her jacket and folded her arms across her chest as she distractedly walked along the pier back towards her car. Even though it was June, it was a relatively cool evening, and the gusts of wind from the ocean certainly weren't helping matters any. In fact, the weather appeared to be keeping people away from the pier this evening, as it was as empty and deserted as she'd ever seen it. Other than a handful of rollerbladers and couples with strollers, there weren't many other people around, and she was grateful for the solitude.
After being at home earlier in the evening, she had escaped to the pier to be alone and think. Francie and Will's relentless cheerfulness had been in direct contrast to her foul mood, and she quickly realized that she didn't have the desire or the energy to fake a happy mood for their benefit. So she got into her car without a firm idea of where she was headed and eventually ended up here.
As soon as she stepped onto the pier's wooden planks, her mind was flooded with memories of another night a year and a half ago when she had felt herself drawn to the pier. She couldn't help but be struck by how different her life was now compared to then, and she realized that almost all of the differences could be directly attributed to her father and Vaughn. Two years ago, her father couldn't even bring himself to have dinner with her, and now they had improved their relationship to the point where he placed her safety above all other considerations and was willing to go to any lengths to protect her.
As for Vaughn, she knew that most of the changes in her life -- most of the positive ones, anyway -- were because of him, and she began to consider that maybe she'd been too hard on him earlier. As much as she resented the way that he'd made the decision about her participation in the raid without discussing it with her, she knew that he hadn't done it to patronize her or upset her. He just wanted to be sure that nothing would happen to her, and it was simply because he loved her so much. Even though she completely disagreed with his decision, it was hard to fault him for being so concerned about her. She knew that if the situation were reversed, she'd be the one begging him not to risk his life.
She also knew that she hadn't been completely honest with him about why the op was so important to her and, therefore, she couldn't really blame him for assuming that she was putting her need for revenge ahead of both her safety and their relationship. That was why she needed to talk to him now, needed to explain to him exactly what was at stake and why she needed to be present when SD-6 finally met its demise.
As she headed back to her car, she resolved to call him on her way home until she spotted a familiar figure standing at the railing about 20 feet ahead of her. She took in his brooding and forlorn profile and melted when she realized that he must have come here for the same reason she did.
She walked the short distance over to where he stood and silently slipped her right arm through his left, leaning close to him as she softly kissed his stubbled cheek.
"Hi," she whispered. He looked stunned for a minute and stared at her before glancing around to make sure that no one was watching them. "Geez, don't look so happy to see me, Vaughn," she sarcastically laughed.
"Sorry," he smiled. "Of course, I'm happy to see you. I'm just surprised -- not just that you're here right now, but that you're still talking to me."
"Vaughn," she gently chided. "I was *angry* at you. I didn't suddenly stop loving you."
"I know," he nodded. "I just -- I thought you'd be mad for a lot longer."
"Well, I didn't say that I wasn't mad anymore," she smiled. "Actually, I still think that you were a huge ass for not discussing your decision with me, but you're cute, so I think I'm gonna keep you around anyway."
"My Aunt Catherine always said that I'd use my looks to hook the ladies," he grinned.
"Yeah? Well, you've gotta go with what works," she laughed. She took a long look at him and realized that it was utterly impossible for her to stay mad at him for very long. She smiled, knowing that at some point during their marriage, that was going to work to her disadvantage.
"Hey, Syd?" he asked as he tilted his head and rested it against hers.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry about earlier. Not just for the fight, but for not telling you before the briefing that your dad and I didn't want you to participate in the raid. Don't get me wrong, I still stand by my belief that it's safer and smarter for you not to be there, but I should have told you how I felt and at least asked you how *you* felt."
She drew her head back and looked closely at him. "Would you feel that way if I were any other agent?"
"No," he admitted. "If you were anyone else, I wouldn't be feeling guilty right now for making the decision without your input."
"I know," she sighed. "Vaughn, I know that you were just doing your job. It took me most of the day to realize that, but I know it now." She shook her head and smiled ruefully. "You know, sometimes I want you to treat me like I'm just any other agent, but then when you actually do treat me that way, that's when I want you to give me special consideration because of our relationship. You can't win with me, huh?"
"Nope. You're impossible," he teased before he grew serious. "You know how we agreed that it was time to stop ignoring your mother's influence on our relationship and start accepting the reality of it? I think we also need to accept that as long as we both work for the CIA, it's going to be impossible to keep our personal relationship from encroaching on our professional relationship and vice versa."
"So how do we make that work?" she anxiously asked.
"I don't know, but I'll start by being completely honest and telling you things even when I know you won't want to hear them. Fair enough?"
"Fair," she nodded. "And maybe I'll try to step back from things every now and then and realize that sometimes your job's going to require you to do things that I may not like."
He gave her a skeptical look and she laughed. "Okay, I didn't say that I *would,* Vaughn, I said that I'd *try.* That being said," she took a deep breath, "I really need you to change your mind about the raid."
"Then I really need you to tell me whatever it was that you couldn't tell me this afternoon. I know that you weren't upset just because I left you off of the team. There's more to this, isn't there?" he asked, leaning his hip against the railing as he turned to face her.
"Yeah, there is," she admitted, "but are you sure that you want to know what it is?"
"Well, as your superior officer, I'm not going to change my mind unless you give me a good reason to. And as the man who's going to marry you one day," he said, lowering his voice and taking her hands in his, "I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me whatever you're thinking, and I don't want us to have any more secrets from each other."
"Okay," she nodded. "Well, first of all, what I told you before about wanting to see the culmination of everything that I've been working towards for the last two years is true. I need to be able to finish this and walk away from it once it's done, and it won't ever truly feel done if I'm not a part of the op."
"But you're right, there's a more personal reason behind my need to be there, and that reason is Danny." She closely watched Vaughn's face, trying to gauge his reaction and to her great relief, he nodded encouragingly, silently telling her to go on.
"I wasn't going to tell you this, but the day that you left to go back to Virginia after you surprised me for my birthday, I went to his grave. I hadn't been there in a really long time, and I felt like I needed to go and talk to him. I needed to tell him that you asked me to marry you and that I said yes. At first, I felt really guilty about the fact that I was able to move on with my life so quickly after he died. I mean, two years ago, I had just accepted his proposal, and now I'm engaged to you, and I thought that I needed to explain to him how everything could have happened so soon.
"But as I was sitting there thinking about him and about you and my feelings for both of you, I realized that Danny wouldn't have wanted me to mourn him forever. I knew that he would have wanted me to be happy, so by the time I left that day, I felt like I had finally come to terms with his death and the way that it brought you into my life, and I realized that I didn't have to feel guilty for loving you and wanting to spend my life with you."
"Wait a second, you're telling me that you actually passed up the opportunity to feel guilty about something? I don't believe you," Vaughn teased.
"Shut up!" Sydney smiled as she playfully hit him in the chest. "*Yes,* I realized that it was stupid for me to feel guilty, because all he ever wanted was for me to be happy."
"I know the feeling. He sounds like a great guy," Vaughn said seriously.
"He was, and I was really lucky to know him and have him in my life for as long as I did. And that's why I feel like I owe it to him to make sure that Arvin Sloane pays for what he did. Sloane took his life for no reason at all. He was just an innocent bystander who got caught in the crossfire, and I owe it to him to make sure that neither Sloane nor the Alliance ever have the chance to do that to someone again. And I feel like Danny will never truly rest in peace until Sloane is behind bars and SD-6 is nothing more than a pile of rubble."
"So isn't it enough that we're going to destroy it? I mean, do you really have to be there to see it happen? Because Syd, even if you're not there, you're going to have the chance to testify against Sloane and watch him be sentenced to life in prison. Why can't that be enough?"
"Because, it's just -- it's just not. I wish I had a better explanation than that for you, but I don't. It's just that when I started this, it was all about Danny. That obviously stopped being true a long time ago, but I still feel like I owe him this. It's the last thing I'll ever really be able to do for him.
"Vaughn, think about it -- what would you do if something happened to me?" she softly asked. "If Sloane found out that I was a double and had me killed, you'd want to go after him, right? And we both know that you wouldn't stop pursuing him until you either caught him or killed him. Am I right?"
"Yes," he reluctantly admitted.
"So think about how you'd feel if Kendall or Devlin or my dad told you that you couldn't, that they would take care of Sloane themselves and that you couldn't be involved. Could you live with that, knowing that *someone* might eventually get him, but that it wouldn't be you?"
"No, I would hate that."
"And it would eat away at you forever, right? So can't you must understand why I *have* to do this?" She imploringly looked into his eyes as she softly caressed his face. "I'm not choosing revenge against Sloane over you, I promise, but this is really important to me. I wouldn't ask you to change your mind if it wasn't."
"I know, Syd, but what you're asking me to let you do . . . " he shook his head. "If something happens to you, I'm never going to forgive myself. Your dad is never going to forgive me, and he's never going to forgive himself for leaving the decision in my hands."
"Vaughn, nothing's going to happen to me."
"You don't know that," he argued.
"Yeah, I do, because I have a guardian angel who won't *let* anything happen to me," she smiled.
"Syd, there won't be any way for me to ensure that nothing happens to you, because I'm not going to be there."
"What?" she blinked in surprise. "Seriously, you're not going to be there? Where are you going to be?"
"At the ops center monitoring what's going on at SD-6 and reporting back to Langley. It was never part of the plan for me to go into the building. What, did you think that I would keep you out of there and go in myself? That would kind of defeat the purpose of keeping you away from there, wouldn't it?" he gently asked.
"Yeah, but I -- I just assumed that you were going to be a part of the team."
"No. Justice decided that since I've been working on the SD-6 investigation for almost five years now, my testimony is almost as important as yours and your father's, so they didn't want to take any chances with me being in there, either."
"Oh," she said quietly.
"Yeah, oh," he smiled. "So as much as my decision may have upset you, at least I wasn't being a hypocrite when I made it."
"No, I guess not." She smiled back at him for a moment before she began to look at him expectantly, wondering if she'd succeeded in changing his mind.
"Please don't look at me that way," he groaned, knowing that he was fighting a losing battle to keep himself from giving into her. "Sydney, I'm going to spend the next three weeks torturing myself over this decision, you know that, right?"
"Vaughn, you don't have to -- "
"I'm going to," he flatly stated. "But I can see how important this is to you, and I know that there's nothing I can say to change your mind -- or is there?" he hopefully asked.
She shook her head and smiled apologetically.
"I figured," he sighed. "Fine, I'll talk to Kendall and Devlin on Monday morning before I leave for Langley," he said, his voice heavy with resignation.
She bowed her head and rested it against his chest. "Thank you, Vaughn," she said sincerely. "I promise, I'll be careful, because this means everything to me. The fact that you're letting me do this simply because you know that I need to means everything to me."
"Sydney, *you* mean everything to me," he stressed, raising her head until she was looking at him again. "So you'd damn sure better be careful. Don't make me regret this," he pleaded.
"I won't," she solemnly promised. "And when it's finally over, it's all about you and me."
"I'm holding you to that. One of these days, I'm going to have to learn how to say no to you," he sighed.
She grinned back at him. "Not any time soon, I hope."
"obviously," he laughed as he glanced down at his watch. "Hey, it's late and we should probably go before we either get caught together or turn into popsicles. Where's your car?"
"Over there," Sydney pointed.
"Alright, come on." He took her hand and began to walk her to her car, and she stole a sidelong glance at him, in awe at the realization that he really would do anything for her, even at the expense of his own feelings. She felt slightly guilty about asking him to change his mind, knowing how much he hated the idea of her participating in the raid, but she reminded herself that this wasn't just for her, it was for him, too. She desperately needed to put Sloane and SD-6 behind her so she could live her life with Vaughn in the absence of fear or regret, and she was extremely grateful that he was giving her the opportunity to do that.
When they reached her car, she leaned back against it and pulled him close to her. "You're the most amazing person I know, and I'm so lucky to have you in my life," she said softly. "I love you so much. You have no idea."
"I have a tiny idea," he smiled. "I love you, too, and you know that I would do anything for you."
He leaned in to kiss her and sparks of electricity shot through both of them as he covered her body with his. She pulled him even closer to her and kissed him more deeply, moaning as his hands restlessly slid over her body. She could feel desire coursing through her and it was more than obvious to her that Vaughn felt the same way. When he pulled back from her a few minutes later, he stared at her so intensely that it made her knees feel weak.
She held her breath for a few moments, waiting for him to speak, but nothing could have prepared her for what he finally said.
"Come home with me."
TBC . . .
A half hour after leaving the warehouse, Vaughn entered the busy rotunda of the joint task force center in a daze, barely noticing as other agents and analysts whizzed past him. Despite the flurry of activity surrounded him, he felt as if his world had been moving in slow motion ever since Sydney left the warehouse in tears, and he couldn't figure out what he hated more -- knowing that she was upset, knowing that she didn't want to tell him why, or knowing that whatever was wrong, it was all his fault. Once he finally reached his desk, he gracelessly plopped down into his chair and covered his face with his hands, hoping that if he closed his eyes long enough then opened them, he'd discover that the last three hours of his life had merely been a bad dream.
"Hey, you made it back in one piece," Weiss grinned from his desk a few feet away. "That's a good sign, right?"
"Not really," Vaughn dryly replied.
"Man, you look like hell. What's wrong?" Weiss asked, his voice full of concern. "Is Sydney still pissed at you?"
"Honestly? I couldn't even tell you. When she left, she was -- " He shook his head, at a loss to explain how she left the warehouse. "I don't know if she's still angry or not," he sighed
"Um, okay," Weiss shrugged. He was just as confused as Vaughn appeared to be, but it was clear to him that Vaughn was in no mood to discuss whatever had happened with Sydney, so he decided not to press. "If you change your mind, though, you know I'm here to talk . . . or to take you to a bar and get you hammered," he grinned.
"Thanks," Vaughn laughed, returning Weiss's smile with a genuine smile of his own. Despite Weiss's playful nature and frequent jokes, Vaughn knew that he was a really good sounding board whenever he needed one. But considering that *he* still didn't know what to make of Sydney's hasty exit from the warehouse, he knew that he wasn't ready to discuss their fight with Weiss.
"Hey, I need to talk to Jack. You haven't seen him around, have you?" he asked.
"I last saw him about 10 minutes ago, so he might still be somewhere around here."
"Okay, thanks."
Vaughn got up from his desk and set out to locate Jack, finding him a few minutes later just as he was finishing up a conversation with another agent. Vaughn patiently waited until the other agent left and Jack turned around to acknowledge him.
"Vaughn," he nodded as he began to stride down the hallway, "You did a good job with your presentation earlier."
"Thanks, but I think Sydney disagrees," he wryly remarked as he fell into step with Jack.
"Well, of course she does, but that was to be expected. You know better than anyone how stubborn she can be."
"Yeah, I do, but you have to admit that she has a point when she says that she should be a part of the op. We'd still be years away from taking down the Alliance if it weren't for her, and now we're basically telling her that she can't be there to see the fruits of her labor."
Jack stopped in the middle of the mostly empty hallway and sternly looked at Vaughn.
"You didn't seem to have a problem with that two weeks ago when we decided that she shouldn't participate in the raid. Vaughn, I realize that you're in love with Sydney, but don't let that cloud your judgment. In a couple of days, her anger will blow over and you'll realize that we've made the right decision."
"Jack, don't patronize me," Vaughn wearily sighed. "I'm not letting my feelings for Sydney cloud my judgment, but I think that I may have done exactly that when I agreed that we should keep her away from the raid. I'd be lying if I said that was a purely professional decision, and I think that you would be, too."
"Don't presume to tell me the basis upon which I reached my decision, Vaughn," Jack testily replied. "Yes, obviously the fact that Sydney is my daughter makes me more concerned about her safety than I would be if we were dealing with just another agent. And yes, that strongly influences my belief that she should be as far away from the raid as possible, but what you said in the briefing was absolutely true -- there is no way to ensure Sydney's safety, especially if Sloane realizes that something is amiss. And if anything were to happen to Sydney before or during the raid, it would deal a huge blow to both the CIA and the Justice Department, not to mention you and I, personally."
He placed an almost fatherly hand on Vaughn's shoulder and softened his voice. "Just because you let your personal feelings affect your professional decision this time doesn't mean that your decision was wrong. You've put the agency's concerns above Sydney's desire to participate in the raid, and that's what your job demands of you. If Sydney has a difficult time accepting that, it's not your problem, Vaughn."
Vaughn sighed, knowing that Jack was right. Whatever the reasons for his decision, he knew that the safest course of action from the agency's standpoint was to keep Sydney as far from the raid as possible. As usual, though, it was impossible for him to separate his job from his relationship with her, and knowing that his decision had upset her on more than a professional level was eating away at him.
"Jack, when we agreed that Sydney shouldn't participate in the op, I knew that she would be upset -- angry, even -- and I was willing to assume the risk. I figured that above all else, she's a professional and that if she considered the situation from the agency's standpoint, she would eventually realize that it was the right decision. But, after seeing her reaction once we were alone . . . Something's going on with her, and it doesn't have anything to do with her job. I don't even think it has anything to do with me, but it upset her on a personal level."
"So what do you suggest, Vaughn? That we allow her to participate in the op so her feelings won't be hurt? Listen, I'm not insensitive to Sydney's feelings, but her safety and well-being are of paramount importance to me. As long as I know that she'll be safe, I'm more than willing to risk angering her. Can you say the same?" he challenged.
Vaughn bent his head and pinched the bridge of his nose as he carefully chose his words. "Yes Jack, I'm willing to deal with her anger, but I'm also willing to consider the idea that maybe we're wrong. Maybe the only person who can and should decide whether Sydney participates in the raid is Sydney, and maybe it wasn't our place to take the decision out of her hands."
"Wasn't our place? Vaughn, we both outrank Sydney and you have operational control over the raid. It was most *definitely* our place. Listen," Jack sighed, realizing that the decision was out of his hands, "at the end of the day, it's your call whether Sydney is in on the op or not, and I can already gather from this conversation that she won't have a particularly difficult time convincing you to let her be in on it. You make whatever decision you feel is appropriate, Vaughn, but if anything happens to her, I'm going to hold you personally responsible. Keep that in mind."
With that, Jack walked away, leaving Vaughn staring after him in stunned silence. So far today, he'd collected two strikes against the Bristows, and as he considered the possibility of seeing Sydney again later, he prayed that he wouldn't pick up a third.
*****
A few hours later, Sydney zipped up her jacket and folded her arms across her chest as she distractedly walked along the pier back towards her car. Even though it was June, it was a relatively cool evening, and the gusts of wind from the ocean certainly weren't helping matters any. In fact, the weather appeared to be keeping people away from the pier this evening, as it was as empty and deserted as she'd ever seen it. Other than a handful of rollerbladers and couples with strollers, there weren't many other people around, and she was grateful for the solitude.
After being at home earlier in the evening, she had escaped to the pier to be alone and think. Francie and Will's relentless cheerfulness had been in direct contrast to her foul mood, and she quickly realized that she didn't have the desire or the energy to fake a happy mood for their benefit. So she got into her car without a firm idea of where she was headed and eventually ended up here.
As soon as she stepped onto the pier's wooden planks, her mind was flooded with memories of another night a year and a half ago when she had felt herself drawn to the pier. She couldn't help but be struck by how different her life was now compared to then, and she realized that almost all of the differences could be directly attributed to her father and Vaughn. Two years ago, her father couldn't even bring himself to have dinner with her, and now they had improved their relationship to the point where he placed her safety above all other considerations and was willing to go to any lengths to protect her.
As for Vaughn, she knew that most of the changes in her life -- most of the positive ones, anyway -- were because of him, and she began to consider that maybe she'd been too hard on him earlier. As much as she resented the way that he'd made the decision about her participation in the raid without discussing it with her, she knew that he hadn't done it to patronize her or upset her. He just wanted to be sure that nothing would happen to her, and it was simply because he loved her so much. Even though she completely disagreed with his decision, it was hard to fault him for being so concerned about her. She knew that if the situation were reversed, she'd be the one begging him not to risk his life.
She also knew that she hadn't been completely honest with him about why the op was so important to her and, therefore, she couldn't really blame him for assuming that she was putting her need for revenge ahead of both her safety and their relationship. That was why she needed to talk to him now, needed to explain to him exactly what was at stake and why she needed to be present when SD-6 finally met its demise.
As she headed back to her car, she resolved to call him on her way home until she spotted a familiar figure standing at the railing about 20 feet ahead of her. She took in his brooding and forlorn profile and melted when she realized that he must have come here for the same reason she did.
She walked the short distance over to where he stood and silently slipped her right arm through his left, leaning close to him as she softly kissed his stubbled cheek.
"Hi," she whispered. He looked stunned for a minute and stared at her before glancing around to make sure that no one was watching them. "Geez, don't look so happy to see me, Vaughn," she sarcastically laughed.
"Sorry," he smiled. "Of course, I'm happy to see you. I'm just surprised -- not just that you're here right now, but that you're still talking to me."
"Vaughn," she gently chided. "I was *angry* at you. I didn't suddenly stop loving you."
"I know," he nodded. "I just -- I thought you'd be mad for a lot longer."
"Well, I didn't say that I wasn't mad anymore," she smiled. "Actually, I still think that you were a huge ass for not discussing your decision with me, but you're cute, so I think I'm gonna keep you around anyway."
"My Aunt Catherine always said that I'd use my looks to hook the ladies," he grinned.
"Yeah? Well, you've gotta go with what works," she laughed. She took a long look at him and realized that it was utterly impossible for her to stay mad at him for very long. She smiled, knowing that at some point during their marriage, that was going to work to her disadvantage.
"Hey, Syd?" he asked as he tilted his head and rested it against hers.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry about earlier. Not just for the fight, but for not telling you before the briefing that your dad and I didn't want you to participate in the raid. Don't get me wrong, I still stand by my belief that it's safer and smarter for you not to be there, but I should have told you how I felt and at least asked you how *you* felt."
She drew her head back and looked closely at him. "Would you feel that way if I were any other agent?"
"No," he admitted. "If you were anyone else, I wouldn't be feeling guilty right now for making the decision without your input."
"I know," she sighed. "Vaughn, I know that you were just doing your job. It took me most of the day to realize that, but I know it now." She shook her head and smiled ruefully. "You know, sometimes I want you to treat me like I'm just any other agent, but then when you actually do treat me that way, that's when I want you to give me special consideration because of our relationship. You can't win with me, huh?"
"Nope. You're impossible," he teased before he grew serious. "You know how we agreed that it was time to stop ignoring your mother's influence on our relationship and start accepting the reality of it? I think we also need to accept that as long as we both work for the CIA, it's going to be impossible to keep our personal relationship from encroaching on our professional relationship and vice versa."
"So how do we make that work?" she anxiously asked.
"I don't know, but I'll start by being completely honest and telling you things even when I know you won't want to hear them. Fair enough?"
"Fair," she nodded. "And maybe I'll try to step back from things every now and then and realize that sometimes your job's going to require you to do things that I may not like."
He gave her a skeptical look and she laughed. "Okay, I didn't say that I *would,* Vaughn, I said that I'd *try.* That being said," she took a deep breath, "I really need you to change your mind about the raid."
"Then I really need you to tell me whatever it was that you couldn't tell me this afternoon. I know that you weren't upset just because I left you off of the team. There's more to this, isn't there?" he asked, leaning his hip against the railing as he turned to face her.
"Yeah, there is," she admitted, "but are you sure that you want to know what it is?"
"Well, as your superior officer, I'm not going to change my mind unless you give me a good reason to. And as the man who's going to marry you one day," he said, lowering his voice and taking her hands in his, "I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me whatever you're thinking, and I don't want us to have any more secrets from each other."
"Okay," she nodded. "Well, first of all, what I told you before about wanting to see the culmination of everything that I've been working towards for the last two years is true. I need to be able to finish this and walk away from it once it's done, and it won't ever truly feel done if I'm not a part of the op."
"But you're right, there's a more personal reason behind my need to be there, and that reason is Danny." She closely watched Vaughn's face, trying to gauge his reaction and to her great relief, he nodded encouragingly, silently telling her to go on.
"I wasn't going to tell you this, but the day that you left to go back to Virginia after you surprised me for my birthday, I went to his grave. I hadn't been there in a really long time, and I felt like I needed to go and talk to him. I needed to tell him that you asked me to marry you and that I said yes. At first, I felt really guilty about the fact that I was able to move on with my life so quickly after he died. I mean, two years ago, I had just accepted his proposal, and now I'm engaged to you, and I thought that I needed to explain to him how everything could have happened so soon.
"But as I was sitting there thinking about him and about you and my feelings for both of you, I realized that Danny wouldn't have wanted me to mourn him forever. I knew that he would have wanted me to be happy, so by the time I left that day, I felt like I had finally come to terms with his death and the way that it brought you into my life, and I realized that I didn't have to feel guilty for loving you and wanting to spend my life with you."
"Wait a second, you're telling me that you actually passed up the opportunity to feel guilty about something? I don't believe you," Vaughn teased.
"Shut up!" Sydney smiled as she playfully hit him in the chest. "*Yes,* I realized that it was stupid for me to feel guilty, because all he ever wanted was for me to be happy."
"I know the feeling. He sounds like a great guy," Vaughn said seriously.
"He was, and I was really lucky to know him and have him in my life for as long as I did. And that's why I feel like I owe it to him to make sure that Arvin Sloane pays for what he did. Sloane took his life for no reason at all. He was just an innocent bystander who got caught in the crossfire, and I owe it to him to make sure that neither Sloane nor the Alliance ever have the chance to do that to someone again. And I feel like Danny will never truly rest in peace until Sloane is behind bars and SD-6 is nothing more than a pile of rubble."
"So isn't it enough that we're going to destroy it? I mean, do you really have to be there to see it happen? Because Syd, even if you're not there, you're going to have the chance to testify against Sloane and watch him be sentenced to life in prison. Why can't that be enough?"
"Because, it's just -- it's just not. I wish I had a better explanation than that for you, but I don't. It's just that when I started this, it was all about Danny. That obviously stopped being true a long time ago, but I still feel like I owe him this. It's the last thing I'll ever really be able to do for him.
"Vaughn, think about it -- what would you do if something happened to me?" she softly asked. "If Sloane found out that I was a double and had me killed, you'd want to go after him, right? And we both know that you wouldn't stop pursuing him until you either caught him or killed him. Am I right?"
"Yes," he reluctantly admitted.
"So think about how you'd feel if Kendall or Devlin or my dad told you that you couldn't, that they would take care of Sloane themselves and that you couldn't be involved. Could you live with that, knowing that *someone* might eventually get him, but that it wouldn't be you?"
"No, I would hate that."
"And it would eat away at you forever, right? So can't you must understand why I *have* to do this?" She imploringly looked into his eyes as she softly caressed his face. "I'm not choosing revenge against Sloane over you, I promise, but this is really important to me. I wouldn't ask you to change your mind if it wasn't."
"I know, Syd, but what you're asking me to let you do . . . " he shook his head. "If something happens to you, I'm never going to forgive myself. Your dad is never going to forgive me, and he's never going to forgive himself for leaving the decision in my hands."
"Vaughn, nothing's going to happen to me."
"You don't know that," he argued.
"Yeah, I do, because I have a guardian angel who won't *let* anything happen to me," she smiled.
"Syd, there won't be any way for me to ensure that nothing happens to you, because I'm not going to be there."
"What?" she blinked in surprise. "Seriously, you're not going to be there? Where are you going to be?"
"At the ops center monitoring what's going on at SD-6 and reporting back to Langley. It was never part of the plan for me to go into the building. What, did you think that I would keep you out of there and go in myself? That would kind of defeat the purpose of keeping you away from there, wouldn't it?" he gently asked.
"Yeah, but I -- I just assumed that you were going to be a part of the team."
"No. Justice decided that since I've been working on the SD-6 investigation for almost five years now, my testimony is almost as important as yours and your father's, so they didn't want to take any chances with me being in there, either."
"Oh," she said quietly.
"Yeah, oh," he smiled. "So as much as my decision may have upset you, at least I wasn't being a hypocrite when I made it."
"No, I guess not." She smiled back at him for a moment before she began to look at him expectantly, wondering if she'd succeeded in changing his mind.
"Please don't look at me that way," he groaned, knowing that he was fighting a losing battle to keep himself from giving into her. "Sydney, I'm going to spend the next three weeks torturing myself over this decision, you know that, right?"
"Vaughn, you don't have to -- "
"I'm going to," he flatly stated. "But I can see how important this is to you, and I know that there's nothing I can say to change your mind -- or is there?" he hopefully asked.
She shook her head and smiled apologetically.
"I figured," he sighed. "Fine, I'll talk to Kendall and Devlin on Monday morning before I leave for Langley," he said, his voice heavy with resignation.
She bowed her head and rested it against his chest. "Thank you, Vaughn," she said sincerely. "I promise, I'll be careful, because this means everything to me. The fact that you're letting me do this simply because you know that I need to means everything to me."
"Sydney, *you* mean everything to me," he stressed, raising her head until she was looking at him again. "So you'd damn sure better be careful. Don't make me regret this," he pleaded.
"I won't," she solemnly promised. "And when it's finally over, it's all about you and me."
"I'm holding you to that. One of these days, I'm going to have to learn how to say no to you," he sighed.
She grinned back at him. "Not any time soon, I hope."
"obviously," he laughed as he glanced down at his watch. "Hey, it's late and we should probably go before we either get caught together or turn into popsicles. Where's your car?"
"Over there," Sydney pointed.
"Alright, come on." He took her hand and began to walk her to her car, and she stole a sidelong glance at him, in awe at the realization that he really would do anything for her, even at the expense of his own feelings. She felt slightly guilty about asking him to change his mind, knowing how much he hated the idea of her participating in the raid, but she reminded herself that this wasn't just for her, it was for him, too. She desperately needed to put Sloane and SD-6 behind her so she could live her life with Vaughn in the absence of fear or regret, and she was extremely grateful that he was giving her the opportunity to do that.
When they reached her car, she leaned back against it and pulled him close to her. "You're the most amazing person I know, and I'm so lucky to have you in my life," she said softly. "I love you so much. You have no idea."
"I have a tiny idea," he smiled. "I love you, too, and you know that I would do anything for you."
He leaned in to kiss her and sparks of electricity shot through both of them as he covered her body with his. She pulled him even closer to her and kissed him more deeply, moaning as his hands restlessly slid over her body. She could feel desire coursing through her and it was more than obvious to her that Vaughn felt the same way. When he pulled back from her a few minutes later, he stared at her so intensely that it made her knees feel weak.
She held her breath for a few moments, waiting for him to speak, but nothing could have prepared her for what he finally said.
"Come home with me."
TBC . . .