"I bet you think this is pretty terrible and that you really messed up?"
"I DID mess up. My mom will never forgive me. She hates me." It was muffled and Jess could hear the tears through her words. It hurt him knowing she was crying and upset.
"She doesn't hate you. Your mother will forgive you." Jess' tone was awkward. He was trying to calm Rory down. Trying to get her to see that isn't so bad. But he knew it wasn't working.
"No she won't. The only reason why she went through with the classes and the graduation at all was because of me. And now I won't even be there." The tears were still flowing. Jess tried to think of a way to console her, and of what to say. He watched her back rise of and down. And thought of a story. So true and painful that it would bring Rory out of this.
"Listen, this is nothing." He paused to make sure she was listening then continued. "One time I was at this party uptown....." He almost said something else, something nicer and better but decided to go on. ".....and I got really drunk and wasted and at like 4 o'clock in the morning I broke every window on every car on the street the party was on."
"What?" Rory sniffled.
"It was at this rich boy's place. Ethan. It was like fifteen cars, all real nice and there were like 4 guys from the party, I didn't know them, just smoking cigarettes on the street watching me smash the windows with a crow bar. I am sure they were too scared or too messed up to try and stop me. They saw the cops coming before I did. Man, those guys were the only reason I didn't get busted." Silence. Jess waited for something then continued, "It was in the paper the next day and everything."
Rory turned to Jess so they were face to face, only inches apart and asked, "Why would you do something like that?" Rory thought about all those people's cars. About waking up the next day to go to work or take your kid to a soccer game and find all the windows of your car smashed in.
"I just did." Jess' voice changed. Distant. Rory knew she hit a nerve.
"Bullshit." Jess was surprised at Rory's vulgarity and decided to be honest.
"My mom forgot my birthday." Jess didn't want sympathy. He told that story to make her understand. That she wasn't bad, he was.
"Which birthday?" A wave of tenderness flooded through Rory at once. Rory stared at Jess' face. He looked so different now, soft.
"Sweet sixteen." For her 16th birthday her mom threw her a crazy party and the whole town came.
"I'm sorry." Rory didn't know what else to say.
"Don't be." Jess couldn't think of anything worse than Rory feeling sorry for him.
"I read in this book once, that-"
"Which book?"
"East of Eden." Jess nodded.
"Steinbeck, I've read it. It was pretty good." Jess noticed that she wasn't crying anymore........and he smiled. But Rory only saw the smile and not the reason behind it. She thought it was because the book or because of Steinbeck.
"I remember in this one scene that the girl telling the younger brother who was wild and considered the bad one, that people will go crazy and do almost anything when they think no one loves them."
"I remember that scene. It was a dark book.......very Steinbeck. He said it is one of his more autobiographical pieces of work." Jess paused thinking about what Rory said then continued, "I think the story is dead on about human nature. About how they keep repeating the same mistakes and struggling for love." Jess tried to move the discussion to a literary debate instead of his fucked-up childhood.
"Yeah it was dark." Rory thought about the mother who left her family to become a prostitute in the novel. It was hard to imagine a woman who would rather be a whore than a mother. She looked in Jess' eyes, he wasn't smiling and he was so hard to read. They were close and Rory could smell him.....and she liked it.......
"And I kinda always thought that the love-triangle between the two brothers and the girl is a little contrived. I mean how obvious could it be that good girl who should love the good brother really loves the non-conformist bad one?" If Jess couldn't ask her directly, he could ask her indirectly.
"Well the good brother treated her like she was a doll or his mother. The other one knew he loved her, but thought he didn't deserve her because he believed it when everyone tells him he is bad, which isn't true." Jess listened closely.
Rory wiped her face while she spoke, unconsciously, and it made Jess want to kiss her hands......tenderly................................
"Do you think she loved the good brother or the bad one?" Jess stared hard at Rory. And it wasn't until then that Rory realized what the real conversation had been about. Jess wasn't just asking about the book.
"I think she loved them both."
"Huh." Jess thought she was coping out of the question. Rory rolled over and looked at the sky.
"The older one and she had been together so long that of course she loved him, but she wasn't IN love with him. The younger one and her actually had more things in common even if it didn't seem like it to everyone else.....and he was the one she........well there was........passion."
"Passion?"
"Yeah."
Rory felt the familiar electricity pass through her while Jess stared at Rory's lips. He thought her mouth was perfect. He imagined kissing her, tasting her, feeling the softness of those lips on his. He looked at her long slender neck and thought about kissing her there too. On her jaw line. At the base of her neck. Where her pulse is......
Rory couldn't believe she was in Central Park. With Jess. It was like she was a completely different person. If she were to watch this in a show or read this scene in a book, Rory never would have sympathized for the character. Rory would have thought she brought this on herself. And to top it all off she was glad that Jess was there with her. His hand in her hair sent shivers up her spine. She liked it when he touched her. But Rory knew she shouldn't be thinking things like that when she was missing her mother's graduation........when she was betraying Dean.
Rory sat up feeling a wave of guilt sweep over her again.
"What?" Jess wondered why her mood shifted so fast. What had he done?
"I'm hungry." Rory really was hungry. She hadn't eaten since the hot-dog. Jess thought it was an excuse, but said nothing.
They were skating on thin ice - one moment flirting and the next closed off in their corners. Jess needed to keep things light, keep her distracted from feeling guilty. He wouldn't press her about why she came, why she wanted to see him so badly that she was willing to risk attending her mother's graduation. He would let things remain unsaid between them, like he always did.
"What are you in the mood for? This city has everything."
"I don't care." She honestly didn't. She turned to look at Jess and noticed his hair was ruffled more so than usual.
"I know a pizza place within walking distance."
"Sounds good." Rory suppressed the urge to run her hands through his hair.
They stood and gathered Rory's things and began walking out of the park to eat. Occasionally Jess would say something and Rory would add, but it was mostly just filler. Their minds were elsewhere.
Jess was thinking about his apartment and the state it was in. Not good and not suitable for Rory. This would be one of the few times in his life that Jess really wished he had money and a nice place...... but he didn't and there was nothing he could do about it.
Rory realized walking that she was going to be alone with Jess until the next morning. They had at most spent a few hours together, and now she would be sleeping over. Rory became suddenly aware of herself.
"What are you thinking?" Jess interrupted her thoughts.
"Wishing I was wearing something other than this stupid uniform. It feels weird to wear it outside school." Rory answered without missing a beat. Jess looked at her........suggestively and smirked.
"I like it." Rory blushed at the obvious innuendo which made Jess smirk again and they kept walking. Jess changed his mind about Rory again, just seeing her blush like that could do that to him, make him abandon whatever self control he had. - - - - - - - - - Author's Note: "East of Eden" by Steinbeck is wonderful. I know Oprah just put it on her booklist as a classic read and many consider it better than "Grapes of Wrath". There is a movie with James Dean in it that follows the novel somewhat. It is kinda like "Wuthering Heights," where it has two generations of characters in the novel, and the second generation resolves the conflicts of the first. The James Dean one is about the second generation. And that is the story line involving the brothers that Rory and Jess were talking about. Anyhoo, I really recommend it for anyone is an avid reader like me.
"I DID mess up. My mom will never forgive me. She hates me." It was muffled and Jess could hear the tears through her words. It hurt him knowing she was crying and upset.
"She doesn't hate you. Your mother will forgive you." Jess' tone was awkward. He was trying to calm Rory down. Trying to get her to see that isn't so bad. But he knew it wasn't working.
"No she won't. The only reason why she went through with the classes and the graduation at all was because of me. And now I won't even be there." The tears were still flowing. Jess tried to think of a way to console her, and of what to say. He watched her back rise of and down. And thought of a story. So true and painful that it would bring Rory out of this.
"Listen, this is nothing." He paused to make sure she was listening then continued. "One time I was at this party uptown....." He almost said something else, something nicer and better but decided to go on. ".....and I got really drunk and wasted and at like 4 o'clock in the morning I broke every window on every car on the street the party was on."
"What?" Rory sniffled.
"It was at this rich boy's place. Ethan. It was like fifteen cars, all real nice and there were like 4 guys from the party, I didn't know them, just smoking cigarettes on the street watching me smash the windows with a crow bar. I am sure they were too scared or too messed up to try and stop me. They saw the cops coming before I did. Man, those guys were the only reason I didn't get busted." Silence. Jess waited for something then continued, "It was in the paper the next day and everything."
Rory turned to Jess so they were face to face, only inches apart and asked, "Why would you do something like that?" Rory thought about all those people's cars. About waking up the next day to go to work or take your kid to a soccer game and find all the windows of your car smashed in.
"I just did." Jess' voice changed. Distant. Rory knew she hit a nerve.
"Bullshit." Jess was surprised at Rory's vulgarity and decided to be honest.
"My mom forgot my birthday." Jess didn't want sympathy. He told that story to make her understand. That she wasn't bad, he was.
"Which birthday?" A wave of tenderness flooded through Rory at once. Rory stared at Jess' face. He looked so different now, soft.
"Sweet sixteen." For her 16th birthday her mom threw her a crazy party and the whole town came.
"I'm sorry." Rory didn't know what else to say.
"Don't be." Jess couldn't think of anything worse than Rory feeling sorry for him.
"I read in this book once, that-"
"Which book?"
"East of Eden." Jess nodded.
"Steinbeck, I've read it. It was pretty good." Jess noticed that she wasn't crying anymore........and he smiled. But Rory only saw the smile and not the reason behind it. She thought it was because the book or because of Steinbeck.
"I remember in this one scene that the girl telling the younger brother who was wild and considered the bad one, that people will go crazy and do almost anything when they think no one loves them."
"I remember that scene. It was a dark book.......very Steinbeck. He said it is one of his more autobiographical pieces of work." Jess paused thinking about what Rory said then continued, "I think the story is dead on about human nature. About how they keep repeating the same mistakes and struggling for love." Jess tried to move the discussion to a literary debate instead of his fucked-up childhood.
"Yeah it was dark." Rory thought about the mother who left her family to become a prostitute in the novel. It was hard to imagine a woman who would rather be a whore than a mother. She looked in Jess' eyes, he wasn't smiling and he was so hard to read. They were close and Rory could smell him.....and she liked it.......
"And I kinda always thought that the love-triangle between the two brothers and the girl is a little contrived. I mean how obvious could it be that good girl who should love the good brother really loves the non-conformist bad one?" If Jess couldn't ask her directly, he could ask her indirectly.
"Well the good brother treated her like she was a doll or his mother. The other one knew he loved her, but thought he didn't deserve her because he believed it when everyone tells him he is bad, which isn't true." Jess listened closely.
Rory wiped her face while she spoke, unconsciously, and it made Jess want to kiss her hands......tenderly................................
"Do you think she loved the good brother or the bad one?" Jess stared hard at Rory. And it wasn't until then that Rory realized what the real conversation had been about. Jess wasn't just asking about the book.
"I think she loved them both."
"Huh." Jess thought she was coping out of the question. Rory rolled over and looked at the sky.
"The older one and she had been together so long that of course she loved him, but she wasn't IN love with him. The younger one and her actually had more things in common even if it didn't seem like it to everyone else.....and he was the one she........well there was........passion."
"Passion?"
"Yeah."
Rory felt the familiar electricity pass through her while Jess stared at Rory's lips. He thought her mouth was perfect. He imagined kissing her, tasting her, feeling the softness of those lips on his. He looked at her long slender neck and thought about kissing her there too. On her jaw line. At the base of her neck. Where her pulse is......
Rory couldn't believe she was in Central Park. With Jess. It was like she was a completely different person. If she were to watch this in a show or read this scene in a book, Rory never would have sympathized for the character. Rory would have thought she brought this on herself. And to top it all off she was glad that Jess was there with her. His hand in her hair sent shivers up her spine. She liked it when he touched her. But Rory knew she shouldn't be thinking things like that when she was missing her mother's graduation........when she was betraying Dean.
Rory sat up feeling a wave of guilt sweep over her again.
"What?" Jess wondered why her mood shifted so fast. What had he done?
"I'm hungry." Rory really was hungry. She hadn't eaten since the hot-dog. Jess thought it was an excuse, but said nothing.
They were skating on thin ice - one moment flirting and the next closed off in their corners. Jess needed to keep things light, keep her distracted from feeling guilty. He wouldn't press her about why she came, why she wanted to see him so badly that she was willing to risk attending her mother's graduation. He would let things remain unsaid between them, like he always did.
"What are you in the mood for? This city has everything."
"I don't care." She honestly didn't. She turned to look at Jess and noticed his hair was ruffled more so than usual.
"I know a pizza place within walking distance."
"Sounds good." Rory suppressed the urge to run her hands through his hair.
They stood and gathered Rory's things and began walking out of the park to eat. Occasionally Jess would say something and Rory would add, but it was mostly just filler. Their minds were elsewhere.
Jess was thinking about his apartment and the state it was in. Not good and not suitable for Rory. This would be one of the few times in his life that Jess really wished he had money and a nice place...... but he didn't and there was nothing he could do about it.
Rory realized walking that she was going to be alone with Jess until the next morning. They had at most spent a few hours together, and now she would be sleeping over. Rory became suddenly aware of herself.
"What are you thinking?" Jess interrupted her thoughts.
"Wishing I was wearing something other than this stupid uniform. It feels weird to wear it outside school." Rory answered without missing a beat. Jess looked at her........suggestively and smirked.
"I like it." Rory blushed at the obvious innuendo which made Jess smirk again and they kept walking. Jess changed his mind about Rory again, just seeing her blush like that could do that to him, make him abandon whatever self control he had. - - - - - - - - - Author's Note: "East of Eden" by Steinbeck is wonderful. I know Oprah just put it on her booklist as a classic read and many consider it better than "Grapes of Wrath". There is a movie with James Dean in it that follows the novel somewhat. It is kinda like "Wuthering Heights," where it has two generations of characters in the novel, and the second generation resolves the conflicts of the first. The James Dean one is about the second generation. And that is the story line involving the brothers that Rory and Jess were talking about. Anyhoo, I really recommend it for anyone is an avid reader like me.