DISCLAIMER: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT
I definitely do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding
This is based on the missing three years… OF COURSE… as usual… anyway. Hope you like it. READ AND REVIEW
Bulma Briefs's Diary
Chapter Two
January
How did I get here?
1 January
120 lbs. (post holiday). Alcohol units: still burning last night party's alcohol. Cigarettes: 21. Calories: don't even want to know.
Food consumed today:
4 large cups of coffee with sugar
11 crackers
1 lice of apple and cinnamon pie
2 large glasses of milk (to get rid of hangover)
2 peanut – butter and jam sandwiches
Morning. Capsule Corporation. Kitchen: Life can be really mean to me sometimes. The last thing I wanted to do that day was to find Vegeta in the kitchen, attacking the fridge, chewing, swallowing, breathing
Since my hangover begged me for water, I just ignored his guttural sounds and proceeded to get the bottle of still water and immediately left for my lab to catch up with work I had postponed for the holiday.
Before leaving the kitchen, I took a glance at Vegeta, who smirked in return. I couldn't help but wonder how this horrible man ended up sitting in my kitchen, eating my food and sleeping in my house.
Things had turned out quite badly during our trip to Namek. Fortunately, we were able to escape.
And it was on that day, on that very day we had returned, that it all begun. It all happened so fast, I didn't have time to think about it twice.
I just kept seeing myself as the most generous woman in the universe.
Now, inviting the Nameks to stay at home was a good thing to do. But then I asked "the little guy" to stay here as well. BIG MISTAKE… I wish I could travel through time, go back to that day, and kick my own ass.
- You can all stay at my house, it's HUGE!
All the "Woahs" and "greats" and "Thanks so much!" were blinding my perspectives and clouding my mind.
- And you can stay with us too, little one.
ARRRRGGGHHH! IDIOT!
Well, mum and dad couldn't have been happier.
For mum, the fact that I had lost a boyfriend and replaced him so soon, was a blessing.
- Oh dear! You got yourself a man! Fantastic! And handsome, too!
Unfortunately, she missed Vegeta pointing at her with a ball of energy shinning in the tip of his index finger.
For dad, the fact of having the only survivor of a lost race that had developed amazing technology had him walking in the clouds.
Well, Vegeta didn't stay long. He left without warning the day we wished back Kuririn and Yamucha.
He returned though, after failing in his attempt to find Goku in outer space.
Soon after he had returned, the kid from the future showed up and told us about the androids.
And then, again, as if I had not learnt yet, I decided to let Vegeta stay with us.
Of course, back then (three months ago), my relationship with Yamucha was going just fine and I could still handle my little arguments with Vegeta.
And then, mum had one of "her ideas".
She managed to tell me about it in a most unusual way.
It happened two months ago. It was 7 a.m. when she came into my bedroom.
- Darling, I've been thinking… What is it you want for Christmas?
- IT'S 7 A.M., FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
- Ah!… I'll make it a surprise then – she chirped while bouncing up and down.
- No… Mum… Cut it out… - I managed to say.
- Alright… What about a new car?
- I… uhm… have my own vehicles, mum
- But they are not suitable for a nice girl like you. You want it convertible, don't you? Red or black?
- Mum…
- Blue then, just like Yumi Katchan's
- Who?
- You know, the daughter of the owner of Katchan's sports supplies. The girl who married that cute tall blonde man 'bout five years ago…
- Mum…
- And she just cannot do without…
- …
- I'll tell your father about the car…
I covered my head with the pillow, hoping to stop listening to her annoying voice.
- I'll wrap it up in shiny paper, just like I'll do with Vegeta's newly improved Gravity Training Room. You know, I just bought some clothes for him. You will help me decorate his new room, will you not dear?
- Ah, uhm, actually – I said – His new what?
She giggled.
- His new room… Remember I told you? I thought that since he'll be staying with us for some time now, That I'd be reaccommodating him in one of the main bedrooms on this side of the building. It's unfair for the handsome boy to stay alone in the guests building. Now you will be right next door to him, in case he needs something.
I shot wide-awake.
- No mum, I refuse to…
- It's settled them. Well, get dressed! What are you waiting for? And come down for breakfast. And put something nice on, he's already in the kitchen and I'm sure you want to catch his attention.
Now I have a metallic blue convertible car I never use, and a next door neighbour who is constantly bothering me.
Jeez, mum, that was a great Christmas gift!
Luchtime, Capsule Corporation, Living – room: I couldn't eat, no matter how hard my mother tried to shove a whole piece of chicken into my mouth.
Prince Charming, of course, was there on the clock. He practically inhaled his food and left for his new GT room.
- I think he really likes my Christmas gift! – Mum chirped and resumed humming loudly.
My dad coughed, sitting next to me.
- How was the party?
I nearly choked.
- Uh… Fine. Full of snobs, as usual.
- And did that boyfriend of yours show up?
I frowned.
- Sure… - I said merrily.
The rat! He kept me waiting for him all night. And when I finally decided to stop expecting his great, romantic entrance, I chose just to swallow as much alcohol I could, and, eventually, ended up at home three hours later, with my head in the toilet.
Afternoon. Capsule Corporation. Backyard: I was sitting peacefully in the garden, giving my head a rest after a couple of hours in the lab, when Yamucha showed his scarred face.
I smiled, of course, and decided to ignore that his clothes were wrinkled and that he smelt of cheap perfume… Lady's cheap perfume.
Luckily, when he was about to start to apologise, Vegeta joint us for a snack. My mother had obviously sent him with us.
Soon after that, Yamucha left.
Vegeta and I remained silent for a while. He finished a glass of lemonade and stood up.
- That was not your perfume on him – He said, his back at me. – Did you enjoy having your head on the toilet all night?
And then he just left.
I could swear he was smirking.
Sometimes this man is so unpredictable.
5 January
115 lbs. Alcohol units: 5. Cigarettes: 22. Calories: Hmp!
Early afternoon, Capsule Corporation, my bedroom: Yamucha took me out for lunch to my favourite place in the city and behaved really nice to me. I guess he made some New Year's resolutions too.
We walked out of the restaurant hand in hand and I let him drive my new car. I just had a great time.
11.30 p.m.CC, my bedroom: The nerve on that guy!
After spending four hours fixing the GT room, all I wanted to do was taking a long bath. But HE… HE… THE PRINCE OF ALL PAINS IN THE ASS had already occupied the bathroom.
I waited half an hour for him to come out.
When he finally did it, he was BUTT – NAKED!
- You like what you see? – He said proudly as he walked pass me.
I just babbled like a jerk. He got in his room and closed the door. And I just stood there, blinking in confusion! His hard, naked body was still in my eyes.
- Well, darling. How do you like to share he bathroom with Vegeta? – My mother said, smiling widely as she came out from behind a plant.
I just grunted and locked myself in the bathroom, leaving my mother chirping and jumping rhythmically in the corridor.
8 January
116 lbs. Alcoholic units: none (v.g.). Cigarettes 15 (v.g.) Calories 720
Morning, CC, my lab: Yamucha phoned early this morning to tell me he was spending a couple of weeks with Master Roshi. I was really glad he told me where he was going to be. Can this be the mature relationship with him I have always wanted?
Late afternoon, CC, Large dinning room: I keep moving from room to room. No matter how big my house is, it seems as if every room has been taken.
My mother kept cleaning and redecorating every bedroom. Vegeta was watching T.V. and kept coming and going out of the kitchen in search of food.
Dad was in the lab, constantly cursing softly, and checking the destroyed robots Vegeta had left on a table.
I ended up here, the main dinning room, which is huge and cold.
I miss Yamucha.
22 January
116 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes 27 (Oh, Mine!). Calories: 850
10.45 p.m. CC. My bedroom: What a day! Yamucha phoned early and asked me to stay at my place for some time. He says it's because he trains better when he is at my house. I somehow think he wants to keep an eye on me. I wonder whatever happened at the Kame House.
My mother was really making a fuzz about it out of happiness and she made me help her redecorate (again!) a guest's bedroom.
We had just finished when Yamucha and his bags arrived. He went straight to bed. After checking he was comfortable in the guest's room I went to bed myself.
27 January
116 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 20. Calories: 509 and counting.
Noon. CC. Kitchen: Vegeta seems to be more moody than usual. I wonder the reason why.
Afternoon. CC. My lab: I'm sooooo bored. I have nothing to do. Nothing to work on.
Yamucha is training. Vegeta is locked in his GT room. Mum and dad have mysteriously disappeared.
29 January
116 lbs. Alcohol units: oh… thousands. Cigarettes: 36. Calories: 2451
11.30 p.m. CC. My bedroom: Man… I'm soooooo drunk I cannn hardly wrijdaj… wwri… write. I was soo bikgggggggggggg bored I attacked the drinks cabinet. Ugh…
30 January
118 lbs. Alcohol units: still burning last night's. Cigarettes: 14. Calories: 1021
Early morning. CC. My bedroom: I woke up half an hour ago, in my bed, in my pyjamas and covered with blankets, a bucket at my side and a HUGE hangover. Yamucha must have found me totally drunk – unconscious and put me to bed.
Uhm… Must drink water.
Late afternoon, CC, backyard: Yamucha left early this morning to train all day with Tien and Chaozu. I didn't have time to thank him for last night.
Vegeta has been training all day without stopping. He didn't even have a lunch – break.
31 January
116 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 7 (v.g.!). Calories: 1074
Late night. CC. My bedroom: Yamucha is just so kind. He came back from Tien's with a roses bouquet for me!
Sure, he is not very intelligent, but he sure can be a cutie.
Vegeta, on the other hand, is behaving in a very very weird manner. Even for him. I wonder what's wrong with him… Maybe he's realising he will never surpass Goku.
Even later. CC. My bedroom: Ooooohh… it's just spooky… It was not Yamucha the other night, but Vegeta! VEGETA HELPED ME! The sole idea of Vegeta undressing me and putting my pyjamas on me gives me goose - bumps. Yamucha said he hadn't helped me into bed. It doesn't take an intelligent woman like me to know the only person in the house that day, besides Yamucha and myself, was Vegeta.
Even much later. CC. My bedroom: FUCK THE MAN!
Why on Earth is he so unpredictable? Why hadn't he rubbed his favour in my face? In fact, he has hardly even spoke to me in the last days.
Had I shaved my legs that day? Oh, thanks Kami. I had.
A/N: Ok… That's all for January. Next chapter… Guess what? FEBRUARY!
Ahem… Next Chapter is February: Must have Happy Thoughts.
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